And again, just for you:
Warning: Not entirely serious, Alien-Child, Shenanigans, Stuff
Disclaimer: Naruto and all it's characters and what is attached to it belong to Kishimoto. Except the Alien-Child. I made that up.
December 21, 6:00am - Hokage Office
POV: Third Person: Hiruzen Sarutobi
Hiruzen signed a document. And another. And another. And another. And another...
He just had to give it a quick look and sign it. Everything else was done by itself. The taking and depositing that is.
In front of his desk, a replica of the Shinigami, completely consisting out of unsigned documents, hovered above the ground, emitting an aura of pure despair all the while. It would shift the signed documents to a neat pile with a mere gesture of his tainted claw while simultaneously replacing the paper with an unsigned one.
The professor glared at the culprit for this phenomenon.
Circling him like the moon does the earth, the small intruder from earlier that morning just looked at him, mischief clearly visible in his/her/its lavender, almost white eyes. And even though the little one was defying gravity like he/she/it didn't even knew it existed, no one would even barely consider the option that that little bundle of cloth and meat had something to do with the now literal bane of all Kage.
Hiruzen actually considered to take a picture of the paperwork-Shinigami and send copies of it to all the other major village's Kage. The message would be clear: 'We share an enemy.'
The Sandaime had to chuckle and mustered the little intruder once more. The aged man wasn't quite sure if the kid was an he, she or an it, but he favored the second option. The small, heart shaped face, the tiny nose and, well, simply the delicate appearance of the young one were good indicators. Not to mention the ethereal, almost glowing, icy-blue-white skin, the shoulder length, ethereal, crystal like, bright purple hair and the absolutely angelic giggles that periodically escaped the young one's small, slightly pale-greenish lips.
The kid would look like a normal child, if one would overlook the faint sky blue skin color and the fact that her eyebrows were not eyebrows. Other than that... That child would have no problem in finding a partner when he/she/it grew up.
The paperwork-Shinigami handed him another document to sign.
The aged man gave the young one another glance. "You know, this joke is good and all, but if you could actually help me defeating the paperwork-Shinigami in a reliable way, I would be very pleased."
The child just halted his/hers/its movement and gave him a look.
A second later, the paperwork-Shinigami dissolved and reshaped into a paper-clone of the old Kage... followed by another... and another... and another...
It took seven sculptures of paper until the God of Shinobi began to understand.
Years later, the Raikage, Tsuchikage, Kazekage and Mizukage would receive a picture of the demonic personification of the Bane of all Kage as it was being assaulted by an army of Hokage, created through a forbidden technique, which, at some point, should be known as the signature-move of a certain, whisker-marked blonde.
Sarutobi Hiruzen was free. He would thank the heavens for months afterwards.
POV: The soon-to-be Ninja-Zombie from Space
So THAT are the handsigns for shadow clones. Perfect! Can't do anything with that yet, but still good to know.
And on a side note: Telekinesis is awe-some!
7:30am - Council of Konoha
The aged Hokage had left an army of himself behind before scooping me out of the air and held me in a grandfather-like embrace. I must've made myself really, really popular in his eyes.
Be as it may, I am fairly sure that he isn't allowed to keep me. That random Hyuuga that showed up with the mini-Kakashi would have made sure of it. I am rather sure that they will demand me to be incorporated to the clan, Dojutsu and all. I don't know if I will be a long-time-guest or part of the branch- or main family... I might as well end up as a pet. I am not human (anymore) after all.
Well, considering that I have the full attention of EVERY single person in this room (even the representatives of the Nara-clan seem to be interested, with them not sleeping and all...) and a certain crippled war-hawk in the far corner of the meeting room seems to be very put on edge simply by looking at me (xenophobia?)...
Well, I might as well sort some more of my implanted knowledge out. It's not like I can do anything in my current form... except assaulting Hiashi's well kempt... soft... hair... I wonder if it tastes like strawberries...
... Apparently I get more distracted than before. Anyways, let's open the encyclopedia inside my head.
...
Damn it, something must've gone wrong during the upload: I can't find The Talk. Not that I want to reproduce myself in my current... condition.
Ah, that looks interesting: Space-Time-Manipulation and you: How to avoid the destruction of the Universe. I don't know why that guide was uploaded into my brain (didn't knew I had one), but I'm not complaining. It's the opposite, actually: It's written by Kaguya Ootsutsuki! How awesome is that?
Before we begin, here is your first task: Destroy the Universe and guess why it is a bad thing to do. The answer is 42, by the way.
Wow. Just Wow.
The basic trick for Space-Time-Manipulation is a simple one: Make it clear to everyone that the laws of physics are your bitches. Proceed from there.
Well, I already gave gravity the finger.
Most of the laws in the multiverses can be summed up into the following: And action causes a reaction. For example: If you invert ALL the attracting forces between atoms inside a sun of your choosing, the sun will explode, the planets within its reach will lose their anchor and burn... and the occasional civilization might have to deal with extinction.
Okay.
If you want to practice teleporting, there is a very simple trick to it: Try to imagine yourself mating with-
I'm stopping now. GODS!
Have to distract myself...
Wait, how did I got on top of Hiashi's head?
Hmm... must've drifted over to him when the aged man hadn't paid attention... Or he did it on purpose. Anyways, I'm currently facing him upside down. And his hair... so close... Looks so confy...
...
It really taste like strawberries! Best nap-place ever!
Hiashi seems to think otherwise, if his twitching eye is anything to go by. Well, too bad for him.
So... What should I do now? I don't really want to think about this whole 'Reincarnation-thingy' since I am not in the mood for any kind of PTSD... I am traumatized, I am quite sure of it, but that doesn't mean I want to deal with it. Now.
Have to distract myself with something that is NOT Kaguya's X-rated guide... Gods, why? Why does she have THAT fetish? Alone thinking about-
...
Err... I think I puked on top of Hiashi's head... He takes it fairly well, though. Only both of his eyes twitch erratically.
Well, serves him right for abandoning his daughter in the canon-timeline. Yes, I like Hinata. A lot. Deal with it, nonexistent audience.
How do you unlock the Tenseigan again? Implant a Hyuuga's Byakugan into an descendant of Hamura? Or can you alternatively pump chakra of an Ootsutsuki into a Hyuuga and get the same results... Huh... Maybe I can get my own one without that whole implanting-thingy. Hamura got it on his own, after all.
Besides: Hinata with complete control over gravity would definitely be able to kick Neji's butt during the chunin exams. Oh, I have to make sure she gets a pair... And then let her fight against duck-butt.
Oh, I can't wait until she is born! I just know that she will be a potentially awesome sister... If Hiashi lets me near her. Which is doubtful.
How do I know she is not born yet? I have heard the aged man talking to himself. I arrived a few months after the Kyuubi-attack had taken place and it is the twenty-first of December... The day with the year's longest night.
Perfect birthday.
That leaves a few questions though... How am I able to understand Japanese? Is that some alien-thing? A major convenience-thingy all the good and lovely alien-parents hammer into their children's brain before they are even born? I can't make sense out of the Kanji though...
...
Damn, I have to learn them, don't I?
Joy...
"This... thing is a threat to the entirety of Konoha and far too powerful to be owned by a single clan, shared Dojutsu or not!" Huh? Is there some old crippled war-hawk not deceived by my outrageously cute looks? I have to unleash my puppy-dog-eyes onto the public then.
What? If your are being (rightly) accused of being dangerous, make yourself as cute as possible. After all, no one without gaming-background would even entertain the idea that a tiny little fuzz-ball with a gummy hammer would be the character with the highest health pool. And who would come to the conclusion that that thirteen year old girl over there pilots a giant MECH - equipped with rocket launchers, nukes, mini guns, laser swords and whatnot?
No one with intact common sense.
So by making myself cute and cuddly I have a significantly higher chance of survival. It also helps that I am awesome.
... I am so dead.
I am bored again... Should I hum the Attack-on-Titan-theme? Guren No Yumiya? Or Lost in thoughts all alone? I tend more to the second option... After all, I had made an attempt to fully memorize the lyrics... But AoT...
Both options would be creepy, don't get me wrong, but... This is an important choice in my new life!
Screw it, LiTaa it is. I never had the chance to see AoT during my old life... Don't get me wrong, invisible audience, Hiroyuki Sawano is awesome.
It would be pretty troll-ish to sing LiTaa in front of Neji during his 'I-am-fated-to-go-to-the-toilet'-phase.
The path you walk on belongs to destiny, just let it flow~
All of your joy and your hate will fall like the tide, let it flow~
Even thinking about messing around with characters is awesome.
Anyways, back to the real world... I think I have antagonized the Uchiha-clan... Even though I am still tugged into my pale-lime-green towel, I somehow managed to fly over to their booth and... well, I THINK I had soiled on top of Fugaku's head. His hair stinks.
That being said, I am slowly drifting into Danzo's direction, like the little biohazard I am supposed to be.
At least I am adorable. Probably. Maybe.
Yes, I am in the middle of a tiny identical crisis.
"Care to repeat that? The pup's chakra reserves are HOW high?" GODS, that woman with the eye-patch-dog over there is loud... Inuzuka Tsume, wasn't it?
"Low Jonin-level, not counting environmental and natural chakra... it seems to consume." Hmm, that was Hiashi's voice.
"That... thing is a sage?" Wow, the old war-hawk really doesn't seem to like me. Don't worry, old man, I'll share my adorableness with you... Once I reach you.
"My allies successfully identified the life-form's gender and confirm her status as a female." Was that Shibi? I guess so... Nooo, insects drag me away from the cripple! I can't share my awesomeness with him!
"I don't care if it is a female or the destroyer of worlds: That thing emptied it's bowel on top of my head!" Guess who that was.
The insects lead me back to the aged Kage, who gently takes a (firm) hold on me. "The little girl is also intelligent, or capable, enough to understand our language and has a weird sense of humor, but, other than that, seems to be what she looks like to be: A little, prodigious infant with the ability to defy gravity." What? Me? A prodigy? Thanks, but no thanks.
"My question is now," the Kage continued, "What do we do with her?"
"Execute." Aww, love you too, Danzo.
"T&I." That was... Inoichi, right?
"Breeding stock." What the- Where did the civilians come from?
"Assimilate everything we can get from her." I knew it! I am sooo dead.
"School her in manners." Wow. Hiashi is surprisingly... Never mind, his eyes are still twitching.
"Let her grow up and make her into a Kunoichi. Her ability to fly is a rare tactical advantage." Hmm, that must've been Shikaku.
"I still can't believe that THAT simply fell into your office, Hokage-sama." Hello faceless minor clan head number seven!
"Neither do I, but I already like her." Hiruzen Sarutobi smiled his grandfatherly smile that promised nothing but agony and despair for everyone who opposed him. Perfect grandpa.
"So, what are we now supposed to do with her?" Hiashi had spoken up again. Irritation was clearly noticeable in his voice this time.
Hiruzen's grandfatherly smile became more grandfatherly.
Hyuuga-compound
So, this is the clan with the stuck-up-nobles. Ya know, the clan filled with people who could use the sticks up their ass for construction work? These people.
The initial meeting with the expecting Hinoka Hyuuga couldn't have been better: She adores me! And she had hit Hiashi multiple times over the head when he called me a demonic child. So, like every child that loved to see his-her father make an ass out of himself and being (verbally) punished for it, I giggled uncontrollably.
I love my new mother.
Anyways, Hiashi holds me now in the traditional 'television-stance': One arm (his left one) stabilizes me in a comfortable position while simultaneously being able to give me the bottle... Not that he has one on his person. At least none intended for me. (Ha! Knew he had a secret daughter complex!) His other arm would be free to do other stuff, like handling the remote for the television.
The 'remote' in this case is an ink brush while the 'television' gets represented by the clan head's own private paperwork-Shinigami.
Am I not just the dream of a daughter for every father out there?
Author Notes
Hi there.
As one might guess, I might've overdone it a bit with this chapter... regarding silliness.
I am debating with myself if I should make a tiny time-skip in order to introduce little one year old Hinata or doing something else entirely.
Hiruzen will definitely have a better time now. Definitely enough time to schedule a few training exercises for himself and make a few more visits to our favorite blonde.
How do you like the characterization so far? Did I make it obvious that the little bundle of impending doom does everything she does as a way to distract herself from unwanted thoughts? Did I destroy everyone's initial view of Kaguya?
write what your heart desires! I love criticism. And cocoa milk. And pretending to be insane.
Thank you for reading my ramble.