AN - Hello! Thanks for all the reviews, I really didn't expect that many responses! I feel like I've set a high standard with the first chapter, so please, I'm doing my best. You can't have it all at once, but I'll do my best to update regularly. For your information, I have no connections to/or know anyone with soldiers in the family, cancer in the family, PTSD, law enforcement... everything, really. All the stuff I get is from the internet, so don't blame me, if something is different. I guess, I'm kind of lucky like that, having a boring family? Really, I've never even been to an ER! If you have any inputs on any of the subject, I would love the inside help! I will make sure to cover everything in every single review, one way or another. Not to mention Joe and Mary – geez, that's difficult... Well, I hope you'll enjoy this chapter, and please, I really think I need the constructive criticism on this one! /K.
Bay Ridge, New York, December 2004
As the whole family, except Joe and Jamie who was doing the pizza run, tumbled out the cars and hurried towards the backdoor in the kitchen, Henry opened it for them, with a big smile on his face.
"Danny! Come inside, you must be freezing out there," he called when Nicky and Jack ran inside, closely followed by Erin and Linda, in front of Danny with little Sean on his arm. Frank followed them all inside and took Sean off Danny when Henry moved in for a proper hug. Danny quickly shredded off his white cap and the navy blue jacket, the worry lines edged in his face again.
"Nice to see you, Gramps, I'm sorry I missed the anniversary," Danny said, referring to his grandmother Betty's death, three years and five days ago.
"Oh, that's all right, she'll still be there next year, son," Henry replied, brushing the sadness away with a smile. Seeing Danny's face, he put a hand on his arm and nodded towards the living room. "In there, she's resting," he mumbled and pushed Danny off. Danny hesitated for a moment but walked through the kitchen and the hallway. When he walked in to the living room he stopped for a moment and looked at his fragile mother on the couch. Mary was lying with her eyes closed and a blanket draped over her body. She opened her eyes when a sound woke her up and a smiled spread across her slender face.
"Danny," she said, almost tearing up, her voice croaked. She threw the blanket off and swung her legs out, almost jumping to her feet.
"Take it easy, mom, I heard you were having a bad day," Danny said and walked over with a cautious smile. He was surprised when Mary pulled him in for a hug, and even more surprised by the strength of it.
"Not anymore," she whispered into his shoulder. "Oh, I've missed you so much, I can't believe what happened. I was so nervous when your dad told me," she rambled on, laughter and tears in her voice. Danny hugged her tighter, happy, relieved and sad at the same time. "Are you sure, you're okay?" she asked and pulled away for a second, letting her eyes wander over her son's face.
"I'm fine, mom, just a few bumps and bruises, nothing to worry about," he replied, feeling the tightness in his throat and the hot, stinging tears behind his eyes again. Mary pulled him into the hug again, and even tighter this time, if that was even possible.
"Promise me, you'll never do anything like that again, Daniel Fitzgerald Reagan," she whispered into his shoulder and Danny nodded, closing his eyes tight.
"I promise," he said and enjoyed the hug for several more seconds before Erin popped her head in.
"Pizza is here," she called out and disappeared again. When Mary pulled away, the tears had given her some color in the head and she smiled, gratefully.
"Are you up for something to eat?" Danny asked and Mary nodded before Danny offered her his arm. Back at the dining table, Mary took a seat between Frank and Erin. Nicky was seated between her mother and Joe. Henry was sitting on his normal seat at the end of the table, flanked by Jamie, next to Joe, and Linda on the other side. Jack and Sean wad been placed in between their parent and Danny was sitting on the corner, next to Frank. Pizza boxes were stacked in the middle of the table and everybody but Sean went quiet. "Jack's working?" Danny asked Erin who nodded silently.
"Yeah, it's hard work when you're straight out of law school and already being headhunted for a firm," Erin replied and Danny shrugged, he didn't really care much for the guy his sister had married.
"Agreed," Joe said from the other end of the table. "Being the new guy is always tough, no matter what business it is," he explained with a smile. The defense attorney had a regular appearance at the Sunday dinner, but Jack Boyle was rarely seen on the other days, unless he was representing scumbags in any of the precincts the Reagan's were working in.
"Who'll say grace before the pizza goes cold?" Frank asked the people around the table and Mary spoke up.
"I'll do it, honey," she said clearly and with a big smile and her eyes plastered on Danny. They all folded their hands and bowed their heads, listening to Mary's out-of-the-ordinary prayer.
"Amen," they all chorused before Danny reached out for one for the boxes. It didn't take long, before he had inhaled half a pizza and Nicky stared at him in amazement.
"Be careful, Danny, you'll get the hiccups if you eat that fast," Mary said and Danny smiled at her. That sentence seemed to have followed him all the way through his childhood. He nodded with his mouth full of food and washed it down a mouthful of beer.
Staten Island, New York, December 2004
When returning home Danny walked through the door as the first of them, Jack sleeping in his arms. It was late and already dark and even colder outside. One thing he hadn't missed in the desert was the cold he had returned to. The faces of his brothers flashed before him and he shook his head when a lump formed in his throat. Linda followed him inside, with Sean wrapped in blankets, fast asleep like his older brother. It didn't take long to get them tugged into bed with both of them sleeping heavily, and Danny could soon after collapse on the couch and rest his sore and tired body.
"Go to bed, Danny, you look exhausted," Linda smiled before she slumped down next to him, cuddling up close. Danny put his arm around his wife and placed a kiss on her lips.
"I've missed you," he moaned into the crook of her neck when he tipped her over and got to his feet. "Give me ten minutes," he called over her shoulder before jogging up the stairs. He steered to the bathroom and pulled the white shirt of, revealing a white dressing around his upper left arm. He rolled it off and inspected the wound, which had healed up nicely in just twelve days. It had been reduced to an angry pink spot, starring at him with the memories that followed. Once again, he pushed them away and jumped in the hot shower. When he finished, he toweled off and dressed in sweatpants before collapsing on the bed. He instantly fell asleep, too tired to even turn the lights off.
Fallujah District, Al Anbar, Iraq, November 2004
The dust descended around him, fell on his hurting body. The air had been thrust out of him when he had landed on the ground after being propelled through the air. He coughed and found some excess strength to roll around onto his side and then his stomach. His eyes burned, they stung because of the dust and he could hardly see anything. Muffled pops and cries reached him from far away, and when he scrambled to his knees and elbows his arms were grabbed and a voice yelled, close to his ringing ears. Still muffled, but he recognized the accent and the words to be American, although he couldn't remember them. His feet were dragged across the dirt as two men carried him by the arms towards a vehicle. They all but threw him inside and he managed to crumple up on the floor, with only one though in his head. His family. He had to get home to his family. Linda and his baby boys. He felt their presence and heard their voices, when he passed out and he fell into the surrounding darkness.
Staten Island, New York, December 2004
Danny jolted and opened his eyes, not seeing anything but the dark he automatically sat up. He felt the sheets on his legs and the bed beneath him. He looked around in the familiar dark bedroom and looked to his side at Linda's sleeping form under the sheets. He felt himself relax and his shoulders slumped down. He remembered what had happened and where he was. A downhearted feeling settled on him as a chill ran over his bare, sweaty chest and he tossed the covers of him and swung the feet to the floor. He rubbed his face and sighed when he pushed off the bed and headed for the dresser in the corner. Pulled out a t-shirt in the dark and returned to bed when putting it on. Linda turned around and lifted her head.
"Hey… you're awake," she stated sleepily when Danny pulled her closer, under the covers.
"Yeah, I was cold," he replied fleetingly, avoiding the real topic. Linda mumbled something inexplicable and snuggled in closer, falling back to sleep. Danny succeeded in relaxing but he could fall back into sleep right away. But the closeness of his wife, the comfort helped. He had gotten used to the 'what ifs' roaming his mind, haunting him into his sleep. He knew what it was, and he had pushed it away in the beginning but that had made him worse. When not forcing it away he was more relaxed and he could handle them as long as they stayed that way. He began concentrating on his breathing, a slow inhale, hold the breath and breathe out even slower. The closer he got to falling asleep, the more images wandered aimlessly across his mind and when he finally fell asleep, it was light and uneasy.