Please...Understand
-000-
"Welcome back my pretties~ our victims have been chosen and are ready to face utter hell" Suicune said cheerfully "I am your new host Suicune."
"And I am your new co-host Zygarde!" the snake legendary said appearing next to Suicune "Today, we are here in this abandoned film lot-"
"Which Mew and Victini sold to us….assholes…" Suicune added
"Don't worry about him, he's already locked away for the next couple of years after he...videotaped the other legendaries, including the other contestants when they're not competing." Zygarde tells her friend while blushing like crazy from the incident.
"You know you got the timeline screwed up again right?" a Hypno intern spoke as Zygarde used Dragon Tail, sending the psychic type through a wall
"Tell that to Hoopa, there is an alternate universe where everything happens a lot quicker than our time!" Zygarde responded
"Anyways... just one year after our last competition, we are bringing 20 contestants for our many challenges, both old and new competitors alike!" Suicune announced. "Now, let's go see our returning veterans."
The two made it toward which looks to be an old, desolate street. Suicune and Zygarde stood on a red carpet as an old, run down, limousine slowly pulled up. The door opened revealing Froslass who looked around and cursed under her breath as
"And let's welcome our first returning contestant, Kimmy!" Suicune announced with a smile on her face. "Comment allez vous?"
"Watashi o kamu…" the Froslass muttered, clearly not wanting to be here
"Aww don't be that way, you're still mad that I tried to melt you?" Zygarde asked getting a face full of ice beam
"Yep, she is, just go over there while the other contestants get here." Suicune said pointing to a walkway that's similar to the walk of fame, however, the stars are completely blank.
Another limo pulled up as two pokemon were kicked out of the limo. One is a Weavile, and the other is a Sceptile. Both were bloodied and bruised as the two tried to kill each other causing Kimmy to facepalm while two Machoke interns rushed in and separated the two.
"Hey, I couldn't ride with Kimmy because her driver is a feminazi!" Bane shouted struggling in the Machoke's grasp "Just because I hugged my girlfriend that does not make me a rapist!"
"I wouldn't be surprised if you are one!" Grant yelled reaching out to claw his eyes out.
"Don't make me kick you're overgrown lizard ass!" Bane yelled trying to do the same thing.
"Want another ass beating like last year!?"
"Silence!" Suicune shouted making everyone quiet and the two rivals stop their fighting.
"Alright, let's bring the next contestants. They were some of our fan favorites in the home life so please welcome back Sweet mother Adelina and the Cutie with the monstrous strength Rin!" Zygarde announced.
"Why nobody cares about the father?" Zygarde asked
"Probably because the audience sympathizes with the mother more? Plus, some of the "fathers" that competed on our island and the other islands still get fan mail from a bunch of female...and guy fans wanting to be with them." Suicune explained.
-000-
"OH COME ON! THAT'S MY THING!" a Sylveon shouted while watching the TV screen picking up the phone to call in some complaints.
"Sylveon, we can still do the sho-" Froakie was about to say until Sylveon glared at him, silencing him in the process.
-000-
"Hello everyone. It's been awhile since we all seen each other", Adelina said smiling at the three campers and two host.
"Hi guys! I back too!" Rin said waving to them sitting on her mother's back.
"Welcome back you too. You were considered to be on top tier for recall so how do you think you'll do this season?" Suicune asked.
"Really? Those two are top tier? Hahaha! In what universe!" Bane mocked laughing at them.
"Rin honey, can you use Hyper Voice on him for me?" Adelina said as the Jigglypuff jumped off her back and expanded nearly fifty times her own size. She then let out a large shockwave of energy blasting not only Bane, but several other interns and a nearby building
"Holy….shit." Suicune and Zygarde said simultaneously who nearly avoided the attack
"Did I do well mommy?" Rin asked sweetly.
"Marvelously dear! Daddy would be so very proud of you" Adelina said moving them over to the other two. "Hello Kimmy, Grant" she said.
"Where's Mizu and Hikari?" Rin asked looking for her two best friends. Even though she was time skipped up in age she's technically only older than them by three months.
"Dew said that he isn't allowing them to compete if they are old enough to enter the competition. If they do, he's giving them a severe punishment once they get back." Kimmy explained
"Talk about strict... Isn't that borderline abusive too?" Zygarde muttered
"No worries in that department. Dew practically babies Hikari in some degree and Mizu is like his loyal shadow besides if that did happen Ally would have no trouble or problem kicking his ass and that's without her using her mega form" Kimmy tells them.
"And if they do enter and win?" Suicune asked
"He said nothing else after that." Kimmy stated.
"Awww so unfair I'm going to be the only kid competing again this season" Rin pouted.
"What are they like 18 or something, they are kids themselves." Zygarde stated
"And what are you like, a million? Hello I'm 10! None of them are going to want to hang out with me!" Rin shouted puffing her cheeks up.
"Hey, legendary pokemon are basically immortal, sure some "die" but Arceus just creates us in a new body...or Celebi", Zygarde said. "Okay fine, if you're looking for a playmate, you can-"
"On to the next contestant was the Island's typical romancer, lover of ladies and the male Gardevoirs, and the most pain induced comic relief any host has had the enjoyment of welcoming on their show. Give a warm welcome back to Brody!" Suicune announced as the male Lucario walked out of the limo grinning brightly.
"Hello everyone, especially to all of you lovely ladies. I hope everyone's year has been an enjoyable one" he said sweetly still grinning happily.
"Aren't you with Camille?" Adelina asked.
"Why yes I am. We've been going strong for the last six months and I couldn't be happier" Brody tells her.
"How the hell you managed to keep a girl for six months when you flirt with every girl you meet?!" Bane yelled limping back over to them all pulling himself from the wreckage with multiple scrapes and bruises.
"It doesn't hurt for the 'love master' to swallow his pride and ask the help of a wingman. The advice I got helped win me the sweetest girl in the world and helped me realize I can appreciate a woman's beauty for what it truly is" Brody tells them making all the girls coo at him for his sweet words actually seeing the change in him.
Bane on the other hand was staring at him in disbelief not understanding how the loveless loser from his guild days got turned into an actual ladies man in the span of a year.
-0000-
"There are a lot of f*cked up things in this world and what I saw out there is one of them! I mean the guy was completely hopeless last season and now he comes in this season with the words that women like to hear and bam instant chick magnet! Like really what the ***** is going on here!" Bane demanded.
-0000-
"Well then, someone has made a major league change. Onto the next contestant. He was the biggest oxymoron in last season. He's known for being called Hell's dog or devil dog, but turns out he's just big old sweetheart with the name to match. Welcome back Angel!" Suicune cooed.
The Houndoom stepped out of the limousine looking a little ticked about his intro. "Hey I'm not that soft!" he barked.
"Oh sweetie we know you're not soft. You take a shot to the pokeballs better than the iceweasel over there who gets his ass handed to him by someone who's 4x weak against him" Zygarde said making Bane growl at her.
"Oi why don't go get buried in an avalanche Sori meinu!" Bane yelled at her flipping her off. "How's that for 4x weaknesses!"
"Oh you've been practicing I see" Kimmy said impressed on well he was learning her second language.
"I know almost every ground type move, your argument is invalid runt…" Zygarde responded
"Anyways...onto the next contestant." Suicune said as the next limo pulled up.
Artemis!" Zygarde announced as the Lunatone levitated out of the limousine.
"Hey there, how is your brother Apollo?" Suicune asked
"Um, he's fine." spoke the Lunatone, "we just moved in to our new home and all…"
"Aw, I that's nice. Too bad we didn't invite him, simply because he's the least popular between the two of you."
"Wait, I'm popular?" Artemis asked.
"Kinda, nobody cares much, onto the next contestant!" Suicune replied as a Chameleon was sent face first flying through the limousine window as he landed before Suicune and Zygarde. A familiar Hydreigon flew out of the damaged vehicle
"Ugh...even my douchebag of a cousin can't have it worse than me" groaned the fire type as Grant and Brody rushed to lift him up on his feet.
"Alistar, Hydra. I've heard you two got lucky."
"You mean would be lucky if she stop obsessing over a married mon!" Alistair raged frowning at the three headed dragon.
"I gave you a chance but you failed, Dew is still better. Married or not I can still get him." Hydra said nonchalantly.
"Only because I didn't let you tie me up and put on a Samurott costume! There's a restraining order out on you for that!" Alistar yelled. "You almost put Ally in a coma with that last stunt you pulled!"
"Wow...talk about issues. You two can save that drama for later" Zygarde said looking pleased with how the show is starting so far.
"Vets are always the most fun to mess with...Now that we have the members of our old cast back let me take the time to introduce some new faces!" Suicune cheered.
"Oh this is going to be fun, bring on the fresh meat!" Bane shouted earning a smack to the back of the head from Kimmy.
"You're so stupid sometimes" Kimmy tells him.
"Don't you mean to say all the time?" Grant said before Bane tackled him and they started up another fight between them.
A white limo pulled up and out came a Vulpix who is rather timid looking as he stepped out before giving everyone a nervous grin.
"Ummm hi everyone...My name's Scott" the young Vulpix said introducing himself.
"Well welcome Scott to Total Pokemon Insane Action." Zygarde cheered startling the timid Vulpix who hid behind Rin.
"Hey, you're scaring him. Don't do that until later." Rin said patting the startled vulpix on the head.
"Fine." Zygarde relented. "Killjoys... I miss my Ray-Ray at least he knew how to show me a good time."
"No one needs that scaring thank you very much" Bane said making gagging noises before getting tail slapped by Zygarde.
Another limo pulled up in front of the group as a Cacnea, Quilava, and Vivillon came out of the limo
"Donnel, Nyla, and Lyla! Welcome to the studio!" Suicune greeted smiling at the new trio
"Studio? I thought this was a vacant lot" Donnell asked. "Awwww I was hopin to see a little piece of the farm here."
"That's what it is basically. We may have a farm set...somewhere…"
"Oh boy home!" Donnell cheered.
"Welp I know who takes the prize of homeschooled in this season" Bane whispered to kimmy getting a small giggle out of her.
"Hello everyone. I'm Nyla and I heard from my friend Swift these games can be quite the challenge so let's have some fun with them" she said.
"Ohhhh I like fun. Fun is great hehehe" Lyla said giddily. "Oh I'm Lyla and I rhyme with Nyla! Let's be the best of friends Nyla!"
"Yeah...since your names are too similar, we are just going to call Nyla Nellie, and Lyla we'll call you devil bug." Suicune replied
"Well, that's not bad…" Nellie said
"Speak for yourself, why do we Vivillons always be considered evil!?" Lyla shouted
"Because you're movesets cheat! Quiver dancing all the damn time dodging attacks with freaking substitutions and taking plus 4 maxed out special attack fire blasts!" yelled a voice from the distance. "Oh and don't get me started on your damn compound eye ability!"
"What was that?" Nellie asked.
"Don't know, don't care. Bring in the next victims!" Zygarde yelled.
Another limo pulled up where a Nuzleaf got thrown out as an Ambipom jumped out as well landing on the Nuzleaf raising his arms high into the air.
"I'M GONNA BE KING OF THE PIRATES!" the Ambipom exclaimed as everyone gave him a look like he was crazy. "Shishi lets have a ball guys! Ohhh where the cafe I'm starving hope it has a lot of meat in there?"
"You can get off me now" grumbled the Nuzleaf under the straw hat wearing monkey.
"ShiShiShi sorry bout that. Hey wanna join my pirate crew and be my first mate?" Luffy asked hopping off the grass Pokémon.
"Are you high or just mentally retarded?" Vic asked staring at the grinning monkey.
"Neither Shishishi! I'm just an adventurer looking for awesome friends to come along for the ride! I also need strong crew mates to help me fight! You're strong right?" Luffy asked
"Ohhhhh can we join your crew? Can we can we!" Lyla begged spinning around Nellie. "We're strong and I love love love adventure!"
"OF COURSE! Welcome to the Strawhat crew!" Luffy cheered hugging Vic close before he jumped off his head and began dancing around with Lyla.
"Please welcome Vic and….Luffy." Suicune said reading the card wondering what just happened as well. "Did you just pick random people without reading their bios?" she hissed to her co-host.
"Pretty much", Zygarde said looking like she was trying to hide her laughter. "This is going to be a good season."
"Says the snake bitch from hell" Bane grumbled only to get sent flying with a dragon pulse courtesy of said snake bitch from hell.
Kimmy smacked her head in embarrassment at how stupid Bane could be while Grant was laughing in his expense getting an icy glare from the ice ghost.
"Not my fault your boyfriend's a dumbass" Grant said grinning at her.
"And it won't be my fault when I turn you into an oversized green popsicle" Kimmy hissed glaring at him.
Grant smirked as he bent down to her eye level. "I love to see you try it princess..."
Bane had just came limping back up to the others to catch the last bit of the encounter between Grant and Kimmy and was more than pissed seeing how close they looked together.
-00000-
"Okay I don't know what the hell that was, but I sure as hell didn't like it! That oversized gecko better not be making the moves on my lady or there is going to be hell to pay!" Bane yelled slashing the table up due to his anger. "Also no one calls her princess except me!"
*Zygrde's knocking on the door* Why are you even in here!? The confessionals aren't introduced yet and you're making this episode OUT OF ORDER!
"You're out of order!" Bane shouted back until a large black figure barged in making the camera cut to static
-00000-
"Alright screw this! Let's bring in the last few contestants! This is going on way too long!" Suicune yelled losing her patience.
"You said that alr-"
"DO IT NOW!" Suicune shouted at the intern, eyes glowing a demonic red as a limo quickly sped up. A Machamp driving the vehicle quickly threw out
the last few pokemon. A Noctowl, a Mienshao, an Altaria, and a Gardevoir were all kicked out before the limo sped off, before crashing into a building.
"Um…..is he dead?" Angel asked, as everyone is shocked at what happened.
"If a Pachirisu can take a Draco Meteor to the face and survive, I wouldn't be too worried about a Machamp living that…" Suicune replied while a Blastoise intern went to put out the fire. "Alright now let's head over to the mess hall so we can start the first challenge!"
"Um...aren't you forgetting to introduce us?" the Gardevoir asked
"Oh right, please welcome Grace, Adrian, Elizabeth-"
"Please just call me Liz." the Gardevoir asked sweetly.
"Don't care, and finally, Puar." Suicune said pointing to the Altaria.
"I thought Puar was a floating cat from an old anime…"
"FOR-"
"NO! We are not doing this again!" Suicune yelled going demon mode and began to torturously attack Egridos in a very R rated manner.
-000000-
"We here at Total pokemon Insane Action do not condone the use of excessive physical harm to the competitors and special guest on our show..." Zygarde said reading the cue card the cameraman was holding up.
"Of course we don't condone it we thrive from it! How else do those bozos in the higher ups think we get ratings?" Zygarde said thinking the camera was off.
"Ummmm...Ms. Zygarde...the cameras are still on..." An intern said shakily knowing hell was coming his way.
"Sorry...I get a bit...unstable when I go in my second form."
"You have a secon-"
"Oh look Suicune is done we can head back now!" Zygarde said.
-00000-
"Um…thank you for having me, it's nice to meet you guys. Also yes I know my name is very ironic considering I'm a bird named after a cat, but my parents had already named my brother Nimbus so they named me Puar instead" Puar tells them.
"Your parents must be some really die hard anime fans?" Grace said.
"Not as big as the monkey boy's parents" Puar said casually glancing at Luffy who was bouncing around happily.
"Good point" Liz said who took a step back, but tripped over the curve and was falling back, but got caught before she hit the ground. Looking up Liz saw she was caught by Adrien "Oh...ah sorry about that... and thanks for the save" she said shyly smiling at him.
"No problem. Just be a little more careful next time. Don't need you getting hurt before the game starts" the Mienshao said in a baritone and charming stoic voice.
-000-
Suicune: *inside of a room here a large mirror and dozens of makeup items are arranged in a orderly fashion* This is the new and improved confessional. As you can see, it's in much better condition than….wait….why is the camera cracked and why are there claw marks on the table?!"
"Don't worry about it!" Zygarde shouted
-000-
"Well…this is new…" Adelina said staring around the makeup room. "I think Cloud would have liked this season better."
-000-
AWESOME! I can't believe I am here! I'm going to have the best adventure ever and become King of the Pirates!" Luffy cheered jumping in his chair. "Um...is there any meat in here?"
-000-
"Now, for the teams." Suicune spoke as a giant wheel with all of the contestant's pictures was pushed next to her by a couple of Haunter interns.
"Oh finally, I was wondering when you can get to this." Nick interrupted
"Quiet you!" Suicune shouted "Anyways...this wheel will allow us to pick 2 leaders for each team. Now... lets begin.
Suicune used one of her tails to spin the large wheel began to spin at a high rate of speed as it slowed down. Eventually, it seemed to slow on Brody's picture, only to stop on Kimmy's picture.
"Alright Kimmy congratulations! You are the new leader of the Screaming Samurotts!" Zygarde cheered posting
"Well, it's only natural that a born leader such as myself would be picked. I did make it to the final two last season after all" Kimmy said smugly.
"Only because Deus ex-Palkia" Vic muttered
"Quiet leafer!" Kimmy shouted
"Not cool!" the grass types shouted
"Who cares?" Zygarde said as she used one of her arms to spin the wheel and it landed on Bane
-000-
"What the actual fuck!?" Bane shouted
-000-
"Oh, great, have the couple be the leaders of different teams. Really original….bakas" Kimmy muttered from under her breath
-000-
"Bullshit this thing is rigged! Vic shouted
"Meh…." Donnel said not really caring
"Nice to see that nobody has any problems with this." Suicune
Scott stuttered "B-but…."
"No buts!" Suicune shouted causing the Vulpix to hide behind Nellie who glared at the water legendary.
Suicune cleared her throat before she continued. "Seeing as Kimmy and Bane are the team captains and were chosen completely randomly..."
"Bullshit!" Bane growled before getting a scald to the face and bitched slapped out the room by a pissed off Suicune.
"And seeing as the stupid weasel was just slapped out of the room. Stupid Ice-ghost over here gets to pick the first member of her team. When the teams are chosen will explain the first challenge." Zygarde explained.
"Alright then, let's see….
"Wait, what's the other team name?" Puar asked causing Kimmy to glare at her for being interrupted
"Bane's in charge of the Graceful Greninja's" Suicine muttered
"Wait, so Samurott's vs Greninjas but neither of them are present here."
"Can I pick now?" asked an impatient Kimmy
"Go ahead." Zygarde said as some interns went to check on Bane. Grant however is poking the Weavile's body with a stick he found "Actually, since he's unconscious right now, how about you pick your nine members and the other nine will go to Bane. That will make the teams even and in order..."
"Alright, then….I'll pick stalker dragon, scary balloon, leaf fox thing, flame tail, hellhound, farm boy, eye candy, Christmas tree ass, and hooters.
-000-
"Oh great put me on the same team as my crazy ex who I still like, but is obsessed with a married man. Classy real classy!" Alistar yelled banging his head against the make-up table.
-0000-
"So the ice weasel woke up and threw a hissy fit about me being on the ice princess's team. Don't know what his problem is but I decided to kick back this season and just go with the flow and mess the hell out of the douchebag for shits and giggles" Grant said leaning back in the makeup chair.
-000-
"Eye candy? EYE CANDY!?" screamed Liz. "How dare her! I'm a respectable mother not a damn piece of eye candy!"
"Look up Gardevoir on Sliggoogle and you'll see why!" an intern shouted from the outside
"I'm afraid to do that..." Liv said looking scared.
-000-
"Alright, that means Brody, Scott, Nellie, Vic, Artemis, Lyla, Luffy-"
"I'M GONNA BE KING OF THE PIRATES!" the Ambipom exclaimed causing everyone to flinch
"Anyways….."Suicune continued before finishing "Puar and Grace are now on Bane's team the Graceful Greninjas as well"
"Any questions?" Zygarde asked
"Yeah woman, where's the food at? I'm starving here!" Vic spoke causing everyone around him to slowly move away from him.
"No way to talk to a female…." Brody said to the Nuzleaf, but before Vic can respond, Zygarde fired a Dragon Pulse at Vic, knocking him out in the process.
"Alright, let's go to the cafe before we start our first challenge.
"Finally…" Alistar muttered
-000-
"And this here is Cafe le Puni." Suicine said opening the doors to a medium sized building. Inside, the color scheme is primarily green and black, some areas are a hint of red on one half and another end blue.
The chairs are black with green cushions, two of six sets sat across from each other. A black and green table with napkins, coffee mugs, and utensils also stood between the chairs. There are green and black pillars which has an arrangement of red and blue flowers wrapped around them in a certain order, along the windows where the entire set can be seen outside are black and green benches that stretched around the corner to the doors. There are also a buffet table with pre-prepared food.
"This is actually great…." Adelena said surprised and impressed
"Thanks, it took me months for me to get this right." Zygarde said proudly
"Um...one question, why Puni?" Rin asked
"Yeah, doesn't that mean squishy?" Kimmy asked before snickering a bit
"Wait, Zygarde is squishy?" questioned Bane, "I highly doubt that." he scoffed.
"It's a nickname by Rayquaza, he suggested the name." Suicune said as Zygarde blushed and glared at Suicune
"Alright, now that's done, we can now get this challenge started." Zygarde said
"But we haven't eaten." complained Hydra
"Not my problem, besides, it's probably better if you don't eat at this point…"
"If only Laxish and MPS were here…" Angel said to himself
-000-
Everyone made it to a set which appears to be modeled after a city. Saffron city in particular.
"What is this?" Nellie asked"
"Everyone, this here is the set for our first challenge! Godzilla!" Suicune cheered as everyone had a bored and expressionless look on their faces.
"That's been done already!" Adrien shouted causing Suicune to give an annoyed look
"Look, we had to cancel a very awesome challenge because Mewtwo couldn't make it so this will have to do for now ok?" Suicune said angrily
"Well, who's our monster?" Grant asked "Is it Groudon."
Zygarde gave off a small laugh which increased by the second before bursting into full on laughter. "You wish...it's actually me."
"Wait what? What are you going to do?" Angel scoffed
Zygarde's body began glowing a bright green while several small green lights began to come to her body. A few seconds later, a large black shadow was seen as a massive figure towered over the contestants and Suicune.
"Oh….fuck….."
-000-
Finally a chapter is done! I'm not dead yet! I do apologize for not getting this out sooner, but there were many things that I was dealing with
*a video shows SD playing smash bros U*
Besides that! Anyways, I decided to make this a two parter and all. Oh, whoever sent me the OC Skylar, I had lost the info for her so she was replaced with Nyla, for that I am sorry. How's this for the first chater? Any predictions on who would win, who would get together? Hell, even return? Find out next time on Total Pokemon INSANE Action!
Also, big thanks to Lazyfoxlover for helping me with this, until next time people!