Stranger Allies

Luka, POV.

I awake in an endless sea of gold-tinted clouds with rays of light piercing between them. It's a realm of unnatural beauty and serenity I have seen many times before in my dreams.

Luka: "Wha…? This is…?"

No doubt about it, this is the (former) Goddess's home, Heaven.

Luka: "Impossible."

A true statement. Micaela, who was Ilias's firstborn daughter and my aunt, told Alice and I it was destroyed when Ilias fell.

?: "ZZZZZ…."

Luka: "Is someone there?"

After hearing the sound of soft snoring I turn around to see…

Luka: "Ilias?!"

Ilias: "Hmmmm….Huh?!"

Before me is the Goddess Ilias, freshly awoken from my call. She blinks repeatedly in confusion, looking just as puzzled as I was to be here.

Ilias: "This is...not what I was expecting. Why am I here?"

Luka: "I was about to ask you the same thing. Aren't you dead? Is this all just a dream?"

Ilias: " Question is, whose?"

Luka: "Well I do remember…passing out…"

Ilias: "Really? Hit the bottle a little too hard at whatever celebration they threw you for killing me?"

Luka: "First off, you had that coming-"

Ilias: "Fair enough"

Luka: "-Second, Me and Alice just finished our honeymoon so… I may... kinda…-"

Ilias: "Be on the edge of death?"

Luka: "Yeah…"

Ilias: "I may be out of the Goddess-ing business, but if you need a holy figure to speak at your funeral I'm available."

Luka: "I'll keep that in mind…"

Ilias: "Here lies Luka, he died the way he came,-far too soon."

Luka: "...Hilarious…"

It appeared being killed didn't damper Ilias's sense of humor at all.

Ilias: "What's the damage?"

Luka: "Don't know, I was having a hard time breathing by the third day. I hope my lungs are ok."

Ilias. "You're lucky to have any bones left after mating with the Monster Lord that long. I'm surprised they didn't liquify and fly out your penis when you ran out of semen."

I don't know what should worry me more. The fact that I may be talking to the spirit of Ilias in my coma dreams, or that she's far more surprised to see me alive after having my honeymoon than I am to see her after being hit by the Quadruple Giga.

Luka: "So..., are you alive? Are you just some figment of my imagination? Are you a ghost of some kind? What's going on?"

Ilias doesn't look like she knows either, a rare sight to see her stumped.

Ilias: "Let's see...I remember feeling like I was being dragged into the darkest bowels of Hell before-...dammit…"

Luka: "What? Did you remember something?"

Ilias has a finger to her temple, a headache clearly plaguing her.

Ilias: "I remembered what I was doing. (Sigh) Sadly I must return to hell; or something so like it I can longer tell the difference."

Luka: "Ok…? Bye then...I guess?"

Ilias: "Orange Juice."

The Goddess's posture softens and she speaks up before things start to fade.

Luka: "Excuse me?"

Ilias: "Orange juice can help recover the body's natural fluids, including semen and blood. Give it a try to help you recover a bit quicker after you wake up."

Is Ilias offering me advice?

Luka: "Why help me?"

Ilias: "I will always watch over you, Hero Luka."

Ilias falls back into her full Goddess Mode as she says it. I think she's doing it to be ironic.

Luka: "That act again?"

Quickly she returns to her coarser, truer self.

Ilias: "Thought I'd give it a try, for old times sake. It just felt natural."

Before more words can be exchanged the world around us collapses.

Normal, POV.

Ilias awoke in the same position she had fallen asleep in; stuck sitting in a little metal chair in front of screen along with all the other winged half-wits Stella had gathered up. She didn't know exactly when it was she had dozed off but at least no one around her seemed to notice enough to give her flak for it. In the darkened room she could faintly make out the dancing rays of light from the projector above as they cascaded down onto the screen; forming this crime against entertainment.

Yes, Ilias and all the rest of the angels were now watching a movie at Stella's behest. How did this help Kimihito and his neighbors fix the half-flooded wrecks their homes and businesses had become? Simple: it fucking didn't.

When the Goddess had requested help she had forgotten the old standby excuse when it came time for pious people to actually make a personal sacrifice in order to make a difference. "Oh, I'll pray for you!" Such a simple phrase that allowed them to shoulder all the heavy lifting on God while they went off brag about how good of a person they were.

Stella had suggested a, what she called "faith building exercise." Which, according to the highest authority in spiritual matters around here, meant that watching a religious movie and lightly praying afterward was just as helpful to others as picking up a hammer and performing physical labor….

'If this keeps up, my record as the least helpful Heavenly Being might actually be in jeopardy' Ilias bitterly joked to herself as she leaned back in her chair and gazed up towards the rotting rafters of the home-brewed theater.

Apparently the head priest of this Shrine was a young man with a love of old, Sci-fi movies. Real classic black and whites with googly-eyed monsters and princes from space riding to the rescue in their wire suspended rocketships. When he could, he rigged up a basic theater to show off some of his old films (well...digital copies of old movies) to anyone in the community who wanted to see them. He had taken an underused wooden building on the shrine grounds (old stable probably, Ilias knew the smell never quite left these places), and converted it into a makeshift movie theater. All it had taken was a few blankets on the windows, a second hand projector bolted to a support beam above, one white sheet, and couple of folding chairs. On the weekends he'd invite youngsters over and play a movie for them for free while their parents probably wallowed in the joy of being free of the little demons for a little while. In all, it was a nice gesture to draw people to the Shrine and get them more involved with it.

Sadly, this same setup was now being defiled by what Stella insisted counted as "entertainment".

What Ilias was being treated to was a movie that presented a group small-town folk of deep faith being constantly under siege by the forces of atheists who seemed to control every level of government, the media, law enforcement, education, and business. Sure, watching a movie about non-believers being cast down would normally seem to be right up Ilias's alley. The problem was that it was just really her-damn boring!

They were now on court scene five and nobody had been struck by a lightning bolt, thrown into a pool of lava, or been decapitated by an angel. They just kept quoting scripture and protesting!

'Don't put the words of God into their ears! Ram the swords of God into their chests! C'mon! Start dropping fireballs already! Bring on the Rapture! Throw a plague around! Something!' Ilias mentally screamed at the screen.

With their rejection of violence and utter revulsion of all things lewd, these new world angels were really starting to get on Ilias's nerves. It was honestly quite sickening. By pure chance one angel was looking at Ilias as that thought passed.

"You look ill, do you need to go lay down?" she asked tenderly.

Ilias saw her chance when the young angel spoke up. "Me...? Oh? Yes! I would like to go lay down! I'm feeling quite faint!"

"Ah, I understand. I will tell our leader you were not feeling well and pray for a quick recovery. May the Gods watch over you."

"Enjoy the rest of your moral masturbation fantasies" sneered Ilias.

The angel next to her was totally clueless. "What was that?" she asked, quite puzzled.

"Nothing...I'll be going now" excused the Goddess with a smile of pure innocence to mask her inner satisfaction.

Jackpot! The classic tactic of schoolchildren everywhere: faking being sick to get out crap you didn't want to do. Why hadn't Ilias thought of that sooner?!

After moving her way out of the row of chairs she had been in (making sure to annoy everyone she passed by blocking their view of the movie with her large wings), Ilias was quick to head to door located on the far side of the viewing room. She had her hand on the handle when a noise rang out above her.

*Crack!*Thud!*

For but a heartbeat Ilias wondered if karma was going to be unduly kind to her again and bring the whole building down on the heads of the annoying angels gathered therein. Sadly, there was to be no such thing. Instead of the rain of splintered wooden beams the Goddess wished with all her might to see come crashing down, (shattering the spine of Stella and her cohorts beneath their weight), all that came was a small smattering of dust knocked loose from the unclean corners. As the particles floated through the air Ilias noticed that she was the only one to detect that something had happened on the roof. All behind her the angels sat, still mesmerized by the fake exploits of the atheist-fighting priest in their film. 'I'm pretty sure the actual Rapture wouldn't get their attention right now. Regardless, what's going on up there?' she wondered.

The disturbance the Goddess below had detected ironically came from, perhaps the most stealthy monster in all of Japan; the shapeshifter known as Doppel. Inch by inch, the M.O.N member with the visage of a young naked girl with dark skin and other-worldly yellow eyes, crept across the rooftop. In her arms were a laptop and some cables, not even five kilograms in weight. Still, the roof below was in horrific disrepair and those few kilograms were making the trek even more perilous, Doppel nearly punching clean through the shingles at one point.

After putting a foot-sized hole in one section of the roof Doppel dainty continued on for a few more meters before finally reaching her goal. Her target? A set of four evenly spaced screws that held up the mounting of the movie projector on the ceiling below her. Naturally, no one had ever intended for anyone to access the projector from the outside so there was no hatch or anything of the sort. All this meant was that Doppel had to get creative. With ease, her white hair formed a metal spike that punctured the roof and retracted with the speed of a sewing machine's needle.

Most assumed Doppel's powers ended with simple disguises. Truth be told, she could actually pull off some very handy tricks like that when she had the right reason to.

Swiftly, a cord was guided through by her enchanted locks and connection between projector and laptop was established. 'Now for the fun part!' she thought.

It was no big secret that Doppel disliked the overly uptight, High-Breed Angels and their incessant judging of others. That's why, when she learned a full-fledged Seraphim was heading to Japan, she decided to try and loosen them up a touch…

"Hehehehe" came an evil laugh as the laptop's screen flickered to life.

Bizarre eyes reflected a torrent of the obscene. A veritable flood of depravity that no normal human would ever dare to describe out loud. You see, this wasn't Doppel's computer. No. When she had sought such filth she had turned to experts for help.

This computer came out of the M.O.N evidence locker and belonged to one of the many Orcs that had been deported after their armed incursion. It was seized along with many personal items and given a thorough sterilization before being searched for evidence of how the normally brain dead Orcs had managed to move so much firepower into the country. Sadly it was "personal use only" and therefore contained much in the way of porn, but no real evidence.

"So, planning on switching out their little movie for pornography? Can't say they'll like that..." The agent of M.O.N didn't even need to turn around to know that voice belonged to an Angel. Only something that could fly could reach her silently on the creaky roof. Still, she did not panic. 'Tch! Caught! Ok. Time for escape plan J!'.

Within moments; a muscular figure, aged in appearance and clad in garb right out of a safari adventure novel; lept from the roof with great strength.

"HOLY SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITT!" the bespectacled man cursed in broken English.

Doppel could only hope her transformation into this new form had been fast enough. If she was lucky whoever this angel was would doubt their own vision and just convince themselves they had seen nothing after this display. A mass of purple torns (really, Doppel's hair in disguise) formed a swinging escape rope that should've allowed the shifter to reach a good hiding spot by the time her ambusher overcame their shock.

It was Doppel who was in for the shock, however, as she felt herself pulled back forcefully mid-swing by the neck of her/his shirt. It turned out that Ilias was a bit too quick-witted to be thrown off long by such a ploy.

"Your next line is "Don't do this!" stated the angel before giving a haughty chuckle as she cast the fleeing agent down upon the roof with enough force to make Doppel worried about breaking clean-through into the converted stable below.

By the time she landed, Doppel was back to her normal form."H-How in the-?"

Ilias bent low to stare her capture in the face. "Men don't have a good history of escaping my grasp" she explained. Sure, Ilias might of preferred if she had changed into a Shota instead but-never-mind...

Doppel was fearful, she hadn't ever expected to get caught. "I can-I can explain…" she whimpered.

"Don't"

"Huh...?"

"You're the missing member of M.O.N. Doppel, a shapeshifter. You wanted to show everyone down below some dirty and perverted things, right?" guessed the angel before her.

"That's-"

"-Instead of doing your job; which is to guard them?"

"Smith is going to kill me…"Just when it seemed she had finally hit the limit of what she could get away with before her career was ruined, a ray of sunshine appeared to the Doppelganger. This angel, she didn't seem mad at her for what she was planning, but was rather...amused?

"I'm disappointed you have failed to take notice of what's in front of you." Ilias said with a light laugh after noticing Doppel's panic.

The agent peered at her with caution. "Is this some church teaching? Are you just going to give me a lecture (and hopefully not turn me in?)"

Ilias lifted herself with grace and rotated once in mid-air, giving Doppel a 360 degree view of her body and magnificent wings. "Look at me, notice anything strange? Anything out of the ordinary?" She implored the Doppelganger to drink in her details slowly. "You are a infiltrator and spy, are you not? If you look hard enough, eventually little details can show someone's true nature" the shrewd Goddess hinted.

It took but mere moments of calm analysis for Doppel to realize this was no ordinary angel she was speaking to, much less one who might turn her over to the Seraphim. Her dress? Too much skin exposed. Her jewelry? Free of any religious symbols and drawing attention to her womanly curves. Her chest? Large and displayed with pride! Her eyes? Doppel had never seen an angel with such a look of sheer hubris.

Even her pose, one leg slightly bent and raised, one arm resting on her shapely hip, the other held loosely at her side; it all gave off an air of truly dominating confidence.

"You are-you're not like them...are you?" Doppel asked, cautious hope in her voice.

Ilias's response was somewhat vulgar but still spoken in her refined tones. "I'm showing cleavage, what do you think?" she challenged.

This got Doppel to smile more than it should have. "Who are you?" she asked while suppressing a gentle laugh.

One hand reached to the angel's lips. Doppel could only guess she was contemplating her answer. "I was once just know as Ilias (Goddess of creation, best titfuck in all reality, ect, ect…)" she replied, throwing out a few words under her breath that Doppel could not catch. "Thanks to government paperwork however, I suppose my current name would be Ilias, Mother of Dawn" Ilias revealed with a light sigh.

Even if the way she said it suggested Ilias still wasn't a fan of change, Doppel knew it could be far worse. That last name clause had caused no shortage of problems on their paperwork, and resulted in some rather hilarious legal names for those monsters from tribes and cultures who simply didn't believe in last names.

Both "The Happy Harpy" and "The Slime" where actually Papi and Suu's respective last names on all official documents, a fact that might of made them laugh if either was smart enough to care. In addition, a 5000 yen bribe from a certain Arachne ensured that Miia's legal last name had been changed from what she had selected to something more colorful without her knowledge. It was a means to ensure the Lamia didn't attempt to sneak off and acquire a marriage license for herself and Kimihito while the rest of the girl's weren't looking.

Regardless, Doppel cursed herself. How could she have forgotten that a new angel had arrived recently, and with no small amount of trouble in tow? This angel was the unknown who had fallen from the sky, half-dead and muttering madness. It was her who had sent M.O.N' s higher-ups on some wild goose chase, looking for an Extraspecies sex slave ring that may or may not have existed.

"Huh, I didn't even notice. I suppose I was too caught up on being found out by those holy half-wits below." Doppel caught herself after insulting the angels that still lurked beneath them. "You aren't with them now...are you?" she asked, still mildly concerned over Ilias's possible allegiance to her kin. "I heard you were strange for an angel but…"

"I'm just here to play nice for Smith's sake. She got me a rather nice vintage before and I'm hoping that there's more in store if I just put up with Stella's little games."

With that weight off her shoulders Doppel breathed a sigh of relief. "Not a fan of the movie then I take it?" the rogue agent asked before returning to her work, content with the knowledge Ilias wasn't on Stella's side.

"It's like an exploding dildo; someone took a normal form of entertainment and twisted it into something no one can enjoy" Ilias colorfully summarized before expressing some confusion. "I'm surprised Stella had such a freakish desire to watch this one. I thought holy books and scripture were still the main forms of partaking in gospel?"

Doppel's answer was swift and made things instantly clear. "I suppose it wouldn't surprise you to learn that Stella owns the majority stake in the company that made that movie?" she explained while sitting back down with her computer now that she knew she was in the clear.

"Ahh...I see...That explains it. Our little Seraphim wants to show off the fruits of her investment?" Ilias replied knowingly.

Yellow eyes never looked away from the computer screen. It was taking more than she thought to brute force her way past the Head Priest's password. "What you just saw was an advanced screening, it's not supposed to be out for weeks."

"I thought getting involved in businesses would be considered "impure" for a holy being? Sin of greed and all that. Seems strange to be involved in a movie studio."

A soft clacking could be heard as Doppel's fingers continued to rain down upon the computer's keys as she explained to Ilias what the angels had been up to for the last few years, ever since they had officially come out of hiding with the rest of monster-kind. "The angels have been on a warpath lately when it comes to turning back what they see as the moral decay of mankind. They've been throwing around a sizable chunk of money and influence to try and produce family friendly media. All in the hopes of setting popular culture a decade or two."

"I see" Ilias recalled Smith had mentioned the higher tier angels had gathered in Japan on such a mission.

"Stella has been the Seraphim council's go-to when it comes to such matters. Although, from what rumors say, she's not entirely happy about it."

"Ohhhhh! Discontent? Go on!" urged a intrigue hungry Ilias.

With the joy of a social noblewoman spreading unflattering gossip about their rival at a castle party, Doppel spoke. "Apparently Stella has more than her fair share of confidence issues. I don't know if there's any truth to it, but rumor has it that she thinks the council doesn't take her seriously. That she keeps getting short end of the stick when it comes to Seraph's work. Or at least, that's what she seems to think... " she explained.

Ilias sighed. "As I thought. She's driven to succeed, ruthless when it comes to getting her way (at least as much as her type of angel can be), somewhat paranoid, but ultimately not quite competent enough to pull anything off. I knew a Seraphim like that once."

More soft keystrokes showed the password still held, despite Doppel's efforts. "I thought you had memory problems?" she asked while trying to hide a growing frustration.

"I don't. That's just what everyone around here assumes. I can't be blamed that no one is willing to believe I'm a billion year old goddess from another reality."

"..." Doppel stopped working at her computer and just stared up at Ilias silently.

"What?"

Doppel continued to eye Ilias was a cautious stare "Nothing…Nothing at all..." .

It didn't take long for Ilias to catch onto what her uneasy companion was suggesting "Oh don't look at me like that. I'm not crazy. I'm completely and totally sane… ."

"I'm sure you-"

"I used to be violently psychotic, past tense. I've gotten much better as of late." The blank stare Doppel gave her told Ilias this did not help her argument. "Oh come on, how crazy do you think I am!?" the Goddess questioned.

"Let's just say I expect you to start hanging Christmas lights from the ceiling and painting the alphabet on the wall by episode three..." replied Doppel.

"What the hell does that mean?" puzzled Ilias.

"That you might be right in the end, but that won't change the fact you're a little unhinged from the start."

Ilias just sighed again in frustration before making her case. "Relax. I'm not Don Quixote with hooves, I don't have the memory of a fish, I haven't declared myself the Prophet of all-that-is-not-yet-dead-upon-this-Earth, I don't run a small sex dungeon in the attic (yet), I don't get wet at the idea of watching my lover brutally killed in front of me, and I don't subscribe to the utter madness that would make someone believe a snake girl is fuckable. In all? I'm FAR more sane than the rest of that house!" argued the Goddess, calling out all the flaws of her housemates.

"Hmmm...I suppose you have a point" Doppel conceded.

This brought up another issue. "Smith didn't just drop me in with the rest of the crazies on purpose, did she?" Ilias asked her, sounding slightly perturbed by the idea of being dumped in the monster equivalent of mental ward.

"Don't worry, she just likes dumping new arrivals off with Bae-" in the background Ilias could be seen taking a small notebook out and scribbling inside it's pages, even as Doppel continued. "-Starting a new case file for a host requires almost three hundred forms and eighteen background checks. Adding exchange races to a currently established host takes twenty five forms and two hours. That's the reason all our hosts tend to have multiple house guests" she explained, revealing the truth of why Kimihito had ended up with so many.

"So it's a case of working for two weeks or two hours? Clever." admired the Goddess.

"What's that?" the shifter asked, referring to the Goddess's little, blue notebook.

"Oh this is just a little way to write down anything important that pops up. Smith gave it to me, so I figured I'd try to get some use out of it" The Goddess replied.

Smith's underling gave a nod of understanding, being familiar with the practice. "Oh, those things. Yeah, the boss gives those notebooks out to new arrivals. It's supposed to be submitted to their coordinator from time to time as a form of feedback for the program. Although, 90% of the time, the exchange races throw the thing away, or just use it for doodling. What have you written down so far? Anything interesting?"

Ilias still had a pen in her hands as she looked over what she had written. "Well-"

People not to kill if I get my powers back:

Ms. Smith

Rachnera

Kimihito

Tio?*

*(Note: It just seems like such a shame to waste breasts that big, reevaluate later.)

Host Names:

Miia: Darling

Papi: Husband

Centorea: Master

Suu: Master

Meroune: Beloved

Rachnera: Honey

Ms. Smith: Darling (mockingly)

Me: Luka 2*

Doppel: Bae

*(Note: Consider alternatives. He's proving to be slightly too intelligent to be worthy of that title**)

**(Note: Baby dick is still totally on the table)

Long Term goals:

Study effects of severe loss of holy energy on bodily functions and physical state.

Investigate cross dimensional physics and magical manipulation of the fabric of reality.

Annoy Lamia roommate.

Explore possible societal roles worthy of my massive talents.

Compile report detailing the physical, magical, and mental traits of monsters of this realm in contrast with those created by Alice the First.

Short Term Goals:

Work on decorating bedchambers.

Acquire alcohol.

Annoy Lamia roommate.

Investigate this "Yandere" phrase that keeps being used to describe me.

Acquire more alcohol.

Set Lamia's room on fire.

Inquire with Rachnera about local tastes in sexual domination and Japanese rope bondage techniques.

Acquire more alcohol.

"-Not much, just a few priorities." There was a soft *thwap* as the Goddess closed her notebook and put it away before bending over to look more closely at what Doppel was working at. "Still can't get the password?" she asked.

Her accomplice snarled in disgust. "Tck! I thought this would be easy. Half the time idiots make this something stupidly easy to guess." Doppel hissed.

"Like 1,2,3,4?" Even if Ilias meant as a joke, Doppel had a look of serious contemplation on her face before she hesitantly entered the suggested code. There was no way it could of-

"I will not be denied my faith! I will not let the words of man overwrite the words of God! I will-"

"And of course it is…" Doppel sighed as she was greeted by the sight of the movie playing below on her screen.

Pushing the incident behind her, she began to work her way through the Orc's porn stash in the hopes of finding something to realllyyyy disgust Stella and her entourage.

Thankfully (and horrifyingly) the collection was comically large enough to warrant being clearly organized and marked. Turned out Orcs were actually very careful when it came to their fap material. Seemingly hundreds upon hundreds of folders dropped down with a single click.

Magical GirlXOrc, High Priestess XOrc, Female KnightXOrc, AngelXOrc, PrincessXOrc, Little SisterXOrc, ect, ect…

When Ilias pointed out that she was seeing a pattern to the Orc's sexual tastes Doppel explained that "To the Orcs, the more pure and innocent something is, the more fun it is to corrupt."

"Completely true" stated Ilias as a matter of fact. "Regardless, what shall we treat our sexually repressed angels to?"

With all the pomp and pretentiousness of two wine sommeliers discussing whether a 1378 or a 1379 was a better vintage, the angel and doppelganger looked over their options.

"I say anal, we can horrify their sensibilities and gross them out at the same time. Oh, and lookie here, a lovely little folder marked "Ass Bandits 3" suggested Doppel.

"Ah, but you forget their abhorrence of large breasts and cleavage (possibly born from a deep-seated jealousy of their low average cup size, but I digress.) We should exploit this and prey upon their hidden jealousy by going with Paizuri. And If my eyes don't deceive me, I see one folder named "A Trip Down Mammary Lane."" Ilias argued playfully.

"But wait a moment" interrupted Doppel airily. "Perhaps we should set a good example for our angelic friends and show them one of their own engaging some harmless fun? I hear, this "Angels with Dirty Faces" is quite good from the online community."

"That has to be the most porn name in the history of anything...ever. Are the stars actual angels?" Ilias asked, temporarily dropping her puffed up tones.

Doppel also dropped her grandiloquent way of speaking for a moment. "No, they're just actors with fake wings and halos. The real angels have been trying to stop this kind of stuff from being made, but good luck trying to stop porn."

Returning to their overblown tones, the two continued to speak for some time before Ilias came up with a truly inspired idea.

"I've got it!" she declared.

"I think beastality might be going a bit too far" spoke Doppel, worried that was what Ilias was about to suggest.

"No, that's not it. We must exploit their insecurities and offend BOTH their sensibilities and their faith at the same time!"replied the Goddess.

A hand rubbed Doppel's chin "What do you propose?" she questioned inquisitively.

"What we need is lesbians, at least one of which must have large breasts" claimed Ilias, certain this was the right path. "Their predominant faith is repulsed by the idea of two woman laying together. I learned as much when that lovely little film spent a good fifteen minutes painting homosexuals as beings that eat aborted babies and crap pure evil."

"Hmmm…That's still a sore point for Stella since she was in the states when that ruling passed…" spoke Doppel with deep contemplation.

"Yes, and I'm willing to bet they won't realize what it is at first. Furious humping will send them all running for the hills too quickly, I want them to have a few seconds of innocent confusion before their world is brought down around them" If there was one thing Ilias could understand, it was how to maximize the suffering of others. Why make something quick and painless when it could be dragged out for greater effect?

Scarily, this also described how she preferred her sex as well...

It was obvious Doppel really liked where this was heading. "You're brilliant!" she told the smirking Goddess.

Of course, Ilias already knew that. Still, she enjoyed the compliment. With a grin on her face she pointed out "As an added bonus, it's nothing but women down there right now. That should make watching a little girl on girl action just a little more awkward for all involved." The Goddess looked down upon Doppel to see that she was furiously scanning through the files.

"Hold on...Hold on…Hold on...Here!" shouted the shifter. "Diva Breaker 2. Top rated Yuri anime on Hentai Hub a record sixteen straight months."

"Make it so!"

"Don't worry, already set up. Just waiting to-hehe!-ruin the climax." Doppel assured Ilias with a snicker.

She was correct, the timing was perfect and the movie was just about to reach its high point. Characters on the screen were all gathered in a courtroom and heavenly hymns blared as the camera panned to focus on the main antagonist of the film. Clearly, he was about to say something important.

Together, both Goddess and Doppelganger counted. "1...2...3...Now."

"What happened?"

"Why did the screen get so dark?"

"They were just about to get the judge to praise the lord. *Sigh* Why'd this happen now...?"

"Hey...it's back! But...why is it still so dark?

"Is the projector broken?"

"Why is it two girls now?"

"Hey! This a cartoon!"

"I think someone left a local movie in the projector..."

"But it's digital. How's that make any sense?"

"Why are they in their undergarments?"

"Wow! Look at the size of that bed!"

"It's shaped like a heart!"

"What are these noises they are making?"

"I don't understand. Are they exercising?"

"They keep moving in the same pattern."

"Where is she putting her tongue?"

"This is...This is...AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Impure! Impure!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"My eyes! I see it even when they're closed!"

"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

"It feels like my soul is bleeding!"

"MOOMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYY!"

"Someone cover Aurelia's eyes!"

"Ooof! On-On it most resplendent one! Ooof! Please stop running! Please! I can't-Ooof!- I can't get to her!"

"...I don't...get it...Are they...friends…?"

The cries of havok down below could not overcome the cries of joyus laughter above. Doppel was on her side, kicking the air as she struggled to even breathe between laughs. Ilias had fallen to her knees and, in the first time she could ever remember, it wasn't to give oral. Instead she was overcome by the deepest belly laughs she had ever experienced, being forced to clutch her arms to her stomach and hold on with all her might. Tears invaded her eyesight, another first.

This was...she was laughing. Not mocking laughs, not those crazed laughs she uttered while Remia burned or when the Dark Goddess sealed herself, not even the mild chuckles she gave when she did find something slightly funny. Ilias was just dying with laughter. Sure it was still in response to someone else's misery, but Ilias couldn't say she had ever felt like this before; done this before. She was just laughing with all her heart. Someone else was even laughing with her!

Was this…? Was this what actual happiness felt like?

For the briefest of moments Ilias actually feared this alien sensation, this great unknown she had been missing, only for Stella's screams of panic from below to send her right off the edge again.

"Ok...I think they stoppe-AGHHHHHH! How can one nether region produce so much fluid!?"

"Oh me!-HaHaHa!-I can't breathe! I can't!-I can't-HaHaHaHa!-breathe!" Ilias struggled, her wings forcefully wrapping around herself as she flailed.

Despite still barely keeping it together herself; Doppel quipped "Officially, Stella came here for the same reason all those others came; to partake in Japanese Culture. This was lesson 1; Anime: The only legal way to masturbate to twelve-year olds."

Even as her voice threatened to give out from laughter, Ilias promised her new-found friend a glowing review with Smith when it came to going above and beyond in her duties.

Bang!

"The Dark Ones must be behind this! I swear it! I heard their dark laughter coming from above!"

Both Ilias and Doppel went silent as Stella came barging out of the building below with a flood of angels in tow, barking orders for her entourage to search the roof above. There was no time, Ilias knew that in their haste to antagonize the holy escort the two had forgotten to plan out their escape, leaving Doppel in real danger of actual repercussions if Stella reported her to her overseers.

"Dart. Now." ordered the Goddess in the few seconds they had before both were discovered on the decrepit roof.

There was no hesitation. Doppel understood that Ilias was an angel; therefore she was mostly beyond suspicion to Stella and her fellow angels, so the transforming girl compressed herself in a simple red and white dart. Ilias took the projectile and chucked it away with great strength, sending it far out of eyesight of the angels who had just crested the roof's rusted gutters in a cloud of flapping, white wings.

There was at least thirty in all, Stella and her Valkyrie guard included, and all had their eyes locked on Ilias.

'I've been caught completely alone and right next to the proverbial murder weapon. I couldn't look more guilty if I tired. Hell, I might as well have "I did it" written in blood across my face. It couldn't be any clearer that I did it….Thankfully I'm the fucking Goddess, so..., no problem.'

It was true. Ilias was a Goddess of many talents. So many that if she attempted to write them down she'd have to store them all in a book bigger than the encyclopedia with the words "I'm just better that you" written in solid gold on the cover. Chief among these was her canny ability to get idiots to believe totally made-up bullshit that made her out to be the victim.

As she glided over, looking huffy and perturbed, the Seraphim Stella had no idea Ilias had already conjured up, a lie, a backup lie, a backup for that lie, and (just for the sheer hell of of it) a naughty pun she intended to slip into the conversation.

Truly, Ilias was the epitome of clueless as the, not really, "higher ranked" angel, barreled down on top of her demanding answers.

"Ilias?! What's the meaning of this!?" Stella questioned, clearly in a rage from the prank but also appearing to want to hold her anger back in the face of a fellow angel.

"I thought you went home while feeling sick?" came a random angel's voice from the back.

Ilias just kept right on smiling with a big, stupid grin; like this was the most natural situation in the world to her. If she was going to make this work, she had play dumb, real dumb; Luka with brain damage levels dumb.

"I started feeling much better, so I decided to come back to the movie" she innocently said before looking slightly thoughtful. "But on my way back, I ran into a strange man outside the building."

Stella was at least following along. "Strange? How?"

"They wore this big, heavy, red cloak. I couldn't see their face. Anyway, they asked for my help." As Ilias continued she could see the gears slowly start to turn inside the minds of the angels gathered.

Drawing upon so much time watching over Luka, Ilias was able to perfectly replicate Luka's idiotic pride, the same kind he always displayed before his repugnant traveling companion had pointed out he had been fooled/used on so many occasions.

"I know that helping others is the holy thing to do so I, of course, told him I'd be happy too. All he wanted was for me to bring this strange device up here and do some weird things with it and the projector. He said he couldn't reach it without a ladder."

"So someone asked you to do what you did? Of course. But who was it? Did they give you a name?" Stella questioned.

The Seraphim was so busy drawing her conclusions she never noticed the hint of malice to Ilias's smile. Like the coo of a dove, Ilias softly replied "They called themselves Bates."

"Bates?"

The Goddess told them "Yes, they said they were a traveling martial arts master who had confused this place for a dojo."

"Wait...That would make them Master-ba-GAHHHHHHH!" Stella's entourage covered their ears as their leader recoiled in disgust. "Those fiends! Only the Dark One's could conceive of such a lecherous alias! Only they could trick one of our kind into such a perverted plan!"

Stella's dutiful guardian, the Valkyrie Valencia, bowed her large armored form before her master. "It appears the Dark Ones wish to skirmish with us. How shall we respond, my master?"

"Are you going to retaliate with lighting and fury!?" Ilias asked, sounded a touch too eager for her presented personality.

"No! I am going to write a letter of complaint to their Japanese Ambassador!" Stella declared, causing her winged peons to gasp behind her.

"Wait...Really? That's it?" Ilias was clearly not as impressed by the level of retaliation and her incredulous reply nearly blew her cover.

"Yes. It's going to be a VERY sternly worded letter!"

Yet more gasps suggested her followers were in awe of Stella's wrath...and had very, very, very, very low standards when it came to revenge.

"My master, shall I fetch the sacred ink and parchment?" questioned the bodyguard.

"Yes! If we are be taken seriously we must use the good paper!" Stella ordered before turning her focus on Ilias once more. "Do not worry, my child. The Dark Ones shall know our displeasure at their abuse of your helpful nature!"

"Everyone, let us return to our temporary lodgings! I have a letter to compose!" With the command, Seraphim and escort departed. Like a flock of Seagulls, their white wings filled the sky until disappearing beyond the horizon.

"Wow...She bought that lie hook, line, sinker, and about half the rod…"

That voice belonged to a recently returned Doppel, who came skittering up disguised as Rachnera.

"It was easy. When someone doesn't want to believe the truth, they'll listen to any comfortable lie they can get. It's less that I tricked her, and more like she tricked herself."

It would be hard for the agent of M.O.N. to deny she was impressed with Ilias. Never had she ever believed she would meet with an angel so scheming, so bold, so willing to defy the conventions of her race.

"Perfect...You're perfect…" uttered Doppel.

"No shit."

A whirlwind of white hair revealed a dark skinned girl with a fanatic smile. Doppel couldn't believe this.

An angel was the perfect partner in crime. No one suspected them, they never misbehaved, and (as Stella had just shown) even their most unpleasant behavior was never governed by malice. Ilias, as long was she could keep up her charade, could lie her was out of basically anything. If she was willing to go along with Doppel, there was no end to what the two of them could achieve!

"Have fun, your holiness?"

"More than you could imagine. I haven't laughed like that…ever. I've literally never laughed like that" Ilias's face soured, and she seemed more than a touch worried about that realization.

"That's actually somewhat concerning."

"Tell me about it…."

Doppel pirouetted towards Ilias and whimsically dismissed the topic. "Anyway. I had fun too. Friends?" An outstretched hand reached for the Goddess at the end of the Shapeshifter's turn, it's digits held open. Ilias stayed her hand as she contemplated something, but, in the end, she accepted the gesture with a restrained enthusiasm.

"You just want me to deflect suspicion while you do what you want, don't you?"

Doppel never dropped her smile "Of course, you have a problem with that?"

"Considering I've worked with people I've disliked far more that you? No. No, I think this going to be the start of something great" replied the blonde-haired schemer, a memory of her past "allies" running through her head.

"Of course, I do actually like you as well." Doppel said in an attempt to not come off totally heartless.

Ilias returned the sentiment. "You're not so bad either." From out of her cleavage, yet again, came her notebook and pen. "You're going on the safe list!"

"The what?"

Realizing it was better left alone, Ilias told her new acquaintance it was nothing to worry about.

"WHHHHAAAAA! Darling! Hold me!"

"M-M-Miia?! The monster hasn't even been on screen yet!"

Once the matter of the angels had been taken care of, Ilias and Doppel had returned to where Ms. Smith and the rest of M.O.N. had been waiting in the shrine, Stella completely forgetting to even consult with them on her way out.

Noting that the trip had taken far longer than planned, Smith pointed out that it was getting late and that most of the work within the neighborhood would be wrapping up by the time Ilias got back with her housemates. Not wishing to get an earful from a certain Lamia who was all but certain to bring up her getting out of helping, Ilias wondered aloud about how to correct this.

"Oh! I have an idea!" said Tio, who had been quick to chime in.

The Ogre's plan was a simple variation of Stella's less than helpful idea. With permission from the Head Priest, the neighbors and monsters who had labored all day were gathered in the same makeshift theater and treated to some light refreshments and a little entertainment.

It was probably for the best. While some looked fine, others had clearly not gotten off so lucky and could use some R&R.

Kimihito was in pain, and not just from the 22 meter long Lamia attempting to crush his body. His hands were riddled with bloody bandages and splinters. Next to him a unharmed Rachnera lectured "I told you Honey, just because you can lift some broken furniture, it doesn't make it a good idea" with her arms folded across her chest.

Papi and Suu appeared fine, the duo greedily chomping down on snacks and guzzling soda after working all day. Suu was busy replacing all the fluid she lost after the rest of the house had purged her system once she was done collecting all the muck. The unknown slurry of chemicals had affected her personality, causing her to become very, very "toxic" to others. Thankfully they had also managed to delete the 300 word racist tirade Suu wrote before she managed to copy-post it to as many cat videos as she could find online.

Mero was bemoaning the grime on her newest outfit, but was otherwise unharmed, and Centorea was similarly sporting a light coat of sweat but suffered nothing else.

As for Lala…

"Dogs...So many…So many Dogs..."

Like a veteran of the trenches of WW1 the Dullahan sat, her clothes torn to shreds, her eyes a shell-shock stare, her body covered in bite marks and utterly reeking of some unpleasantness. Between bouts of shaking and random muttering, Ilias could see her eyes frantically dart around whenever something sounded vaguely animal-like.

"So then, Ms. Goddess-"

"Call me Ilias if you want."

Doppel smiled and handed Ilias her bag of popcorn so she could sip her lap filling extra-large drink. The pair had chosen to be seated together in front of Doppel's co-workers. "Ilias. Enjoying the show?"

"Better than the last one" the Goddess replied, helping herself to the Doppelganger's snacks. "Oh, by the way, I wanted to ask you something."

"Shoot." said Doppel as the screen before them showed some random scientist running for his life before being eaten in an elevator.

"Who are these "Dark Ones" Stella kept going on about? I don't suppose it's your race?"

There was the sound of Doppel laughing almost hard enough mid-sip to make her drink come out her nose. "I forgot you wouldn't know about that. And no, I don't like the angels, but I'm not one of their feared "Dark Ones" she said with a grin, casually rubbing her finger beneath her nose to see if anything came out.

"Then who are they? It a big deal?"

"Used to be. Ages ago the angels and the "Dark Ones" were in conflict all the time. The angels accused them of anything and everything, said they were the source of all evil and sin, saw them as their great and timeless enemy. They clashed in battles, schemes, basically being a giant pain in the ass to the other side in anyway they could." Doppel recalled.

"I know that feeling."

Doppel shrugged, still not believing Ilias's insane claims of her epic war between dark and light. "As time went on though, the "Dark Ones" kinda forgot about the whole rivalry and moved on."

"So they gave up?" Ilias asked.

"Basically. They don't really care at all about the angels anymore. Their race went a little nuts about half a century ago. Nowadays they're a little crazy, mildly annoying, but, ultimately, harmless."

It was true. The same Dark One Stella had been convinced attacked Ilias had been found kilometers away at the time, dumpster diving and shouting at random, passing animals. Doppel hadn't met many others recently, but from all accounts their entire race was stuck in a similar state.

"Let me guess, the angels didn't get the memo?"

"While their rivals completely forgot about their conflict the angels-*SLLLLLUUUUUUUURRRRRRRPPPPPPPPP!* (Ahhh...)-refused to ever believe them. They think it's all an act, even their recent race-wide brush with madness." spoke the shapeshifter between long draughts of her soda.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

"Gah! My ribs!"

"S-Sorry Darling…"

After watching Miia nearly crush Kurusu, Ilias commented on Doppel's story "When their real enemy gave up, they invented a fake enemy to keep busy."

"Correct." Doppel confirmed. "Stella and the council have been waging planet-wide war against nothing for years. Every time something happens that they don't like? It was the Dark Ones. Every time their quest to spread faith is setback or rejected by the locals? The Dark Ones again. Every time a Seraphim stubs their toe on table leg? The Dark Ones were behind it all."

"I know I'm not one to speak when it comes to grudges, but that's just sad." spoke the Goddess

Sure, Ilias had been in conflict with the monsters for eons, but she had been the aggressor! The angels of this world were fighting ghosts and jumping at shadows. It was a pathetic display.

"Their enjoyment of that movie makes much more sense now. They suffer from crippling paranoia so, of course, a film about a vast conspiracy out to get the heroes would do well with them" surmised the Goddess.

Her friend just gave another sigh and gestured to swap her soda for the bag of popcorn again. "Enough about them. While we're on the topic of entertainment; I ever tell you about my cousin who actually got a home-stay in America and became a big star?"

Tio overheard this from behind the two and asked "Really?! Are they in any famous movies? Can you get me an autograph!?"

Doppel laughed "No, they got a starring role in a TV series. It's really gone to their head. They won't even talk to the rest of us."

"Anything we'd know?" Zombina leaned in as well, followed by a silent but curious Manako.

"We're watching the first episode." Doppel laughed again just as the screen showed the monster picking off victim #2, a small boy futilely attempting to hold it at bay with a hunting rifle after trapping himself inside a shed.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

CRACK!

"GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Even if it was never on screen for a single frame, the shock of the monster's ambush was enough to make the easily scared Miia constrict fully around her Darling, sending the poor fool into a world of hurt as letters of red and black slowly spelled something out while a synthesized theme song played.

After they were finished, everyone unanimously agreed to return for the next episode the following week.

This was also roughly how long it was going to take for Kurusu's spine to stop being in the shape of a uppercase P...

Author's Note: Here we are. The next chapter, finally. Let's see how many people can spot the references in this one. I'll also say, I wanted to experiment with the first person POV for the Luka linked dream. It was just my attempt to try and replicate the writing style of the game. Such hard POV changes won't be standard and will be limited to "Heaven" scenes only.