Ch 2- No Ghosts

*Author's Note: Thanks for all the great reviews. I'm glad you guys like it so far; I'm also really excited about this story. I wanted to also take a moment to address the guest reviewer who was upset about my starting something new without finishing old things. I appreciate the comment. First, I've never been one to start something and finish it…without working on four or five other things at the same time. I'm just not orderly in that very traditional way. Rest assured though that I plan on finishing the older stories.

"Come along Elspeth, we can't be late today." Carson reminded, taking his daughter's hand as they walked.

They'd gone into town early that morning before going to the abbey. He'd needed to run a few errands and had decided to get them out of the way expediently. He didn't notice that his little girl stared back at the churchyard as they walked, her teddy bear dangling from her hand. Elspeth could feel her father quickly drag her along. She didn't know what it was exactly, but felt this amazing pull within her, urging her to stay behind and enter the cemetery.

"Daddy…"

"I know you're hungry Elspeth how about a cookie or two when we get to the kitchen?"

Originally, Carson had been far more stern of a father. At first he'd been strict with his daughter and with rules regarding her care. When she was a baby, for example, he never would've found cookies to be a proper breakfast. Now he realized that life was short, so it might as well be happy. As her sole parent he also realized it was his responsibility, more so than most fathers, to try to find a fine balance between order and affection. This was something he had a difficult time doing even today.

"Daddy I wanna… eeek!" Elspeth was just about to ask her father if he'd take her into the churchyard when she felt herself being lifted off the ground.

Sometimes she hated it when her father lifted her this high. It was such a long way to travel and she found that her stomach did flips until she was firmly on top of his strong shoulders. Truthfully, Carson didn't really have the strength to carry her all that way but he couldn't resist the opportunity to carry the child. Her birthday was coming soon and it was a stark reminder that she wouldn't be little forever. He wanted to hold his piece of Elsie close while he still could and moreover, spoil her.

"It's wanted not, 'wanna.' And you wanted to what, my lovely girl?" He asked, taking her feet in his hands to ensure she wouldn't fall off his shoulders.

"N-nothing." Her breath caught in her throat, she didn't feel she could explain.

"Is this about your birthday?"

"No Daddy." She sighed, resting her chin atop his head.

Carson had planned on doing something special for the girl's fifth birthday in a few days. He was nervous about it and hoped she wasn't too young to appreciate what he was going to do. It was very special and he didn't want it to be lost on her. She was still so very little. But Mrs. Patmore and Lady Grantham both found it a good idea but despite the advice of the women in his life who helped him raise his daughter he still wasn't sure.

"Daddy?" She asked, thoughts of the cemetery still lingering in the back of her little mind as she watched a group of older children skip off to school.

In truth Elspeth was confused by so many things by the absence of her mother (which had never been fully explained to her), by her draw to the churchyard and finally why she didn't go to school.

"Daddy."

"Yes."

"Daddy why don't I go to school?"

Carson paused, swallowing a lump in his throat when she asked this. He took a moment to collect himself before answering. He and Mrs. Patmore had fought about this earlier in the year. She thought she was ready to go and he found her too young. In the end, he'd won the argument simply by nature of the fact that he was the child's father and refused to enroll her. After that, he'd admitted quietly to himself that perhaps she was almost old enough but that he was not yet ready to let her go. He'd promised Mrs. Patmore that he would send her next year and he completely dreaded it.

"You're much too young." He told her.

Mrs. Patmore had warned, even nagged him about the fact that Elspeth could be fourteen and thinking about boys, and he'd still say she was too young for most everything. He'd replied of course, by shouting that she was just a little girl.

"When will I be old enough?"

"Next year." He sighed. "Is this because of Lady Sybil?"

"Lonely Daddy." She confided, wrapping her arms around his neck.

Carson felt bad. Lady Sybil had been his daughter's only real playmate from the time she was very small and she'd run off to marry a man he did not approve of: this too confused Elspeth very much. How was it bad for her to marry Branson if he was a servant and so were they? The whole thing was intriguing to the young girl and made her feel more accepted upstairs in a way she didn't understand. It would be many years before she would make sense of the fact that that was her mother's more liberal side shining through.

"I'm sorry for that, my Elspeth." He said, putting her back on her feet and taking her hand as they approached the house.

The child gave a sad sigh and gazed down at her feet as they made their way up the gravel path. He stopped her and got on his knees to face her.

"Daddy is busy, but he promises that he'll make more time just to play with you, would you like that?" She nodded quickly. "That's my girl." He smiled, quickly lifting her off her feet again, causing the child to giggle wildly. He laughed, kissing her cheek, her happiness the only thing that ever truly comforted him.

Elspeth loved the moments when her father loved her like this. He didn't realize they were precious to her and a relief. She was so confused about the world, and about her place in things and he didn't even realize it. She knew her mother was dead and burried in the churchyard, and she understood that somehow that had occurred as a result of her birth. Having not had any of this fully explained to her, the little girl assumed that she had been the one to cause her mother's death. And sometimes, even though she knew that it wasn't true, she assumed her father disliked her for it.

'Oh Daddy you do love me.' She wanted to say as he carried her inside the house, she was still giggling a mile a minute. She often mistook his sternness in his job as displeasure with her.

Mrs. Patmore smiled, watching the scene before her as Carson put Elspeth down and began to remove her little coat. He was such a good Daddy; more so than he knew, and she wished her friend were around to see it.

"Elspeth, come here my love." Mrs. Patmore smiled, opening her arms to the little girl. She giggled and ran from her father's arms to Beryl's. "It's breakfast isn't it love? Would you like some muffins, Daisy just took them out of the oven."

Carson sighed, watching as Beryl took his child off his hands and led her into the kitchen. He was free to work now but felt he was never really free; thoughts of Elspeth and especially his Elsie were never far from his mind. This is why he called the child Elspeth but never Elsie: to honor her mother's memory.

He hung up his own coat and began the short walk to his pantry, passing his love's empty and long abandoned sitting room in the process. He stopped dead when her soft humming floated to his ears and saw his love out of the corner of his eye, sitting at her desk overlooking some ledgers. He froze, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, trying to gather every single sound she made as she hummed, and inhale as much of the scent of her lingering perfume as possible. In those moments he could lie to himself and pretend she was there, working as she always had, thinking of him and that maybe she even held their child in her arms. He'd only had a chance to witness that the one time

Carson felt himself break after a few seconds, a tear sliding down his cheek when reality hit and he knew she wasn't really there with him. He turned to see a dark, empty office. There was no life there and by the same token there were certainly no ghosts.