A/N: I realized while writing this that the beginning kinda seems like a bad yaoi fanfic. So, if you're into that, uhhh... Enjoy it while it lasts? I guess?

The (Insert adjective here) Smash Mansion

Chapter 3

Delfino beach, at least for Cloud, was peaceful.

Of course, that's not to say it was quiet; far from it. Other than the obvious racket of Dark Pit and the HTK's latest hit single, Screw you mom (not la chancla!), through Cloud's earbuds, the sunny cityside area was graced by the usual sounds of the beach. Laughter, Marth screaming "Watashi wa watashi no fukakai attō anime no sukiru de anata o korosu tsumoridesu!" At Roy, the sound of volley balls being spiked, fangirls 'gasming at Link's scarred torso... Normal.

Cloud himself was lying on an inflatable floating pad, only a dozen or two feet from the shore. Link, shirtless, was seemingly fast asleep and floating on his back a few feet along the shore from Cloud. On said shore, Ike was flexing to a few uninterested female smashers, Roy was shooting up sand, ungracefully running from Marth, the former brandishing the latters tiara victoriously, while Pit was... Sitting on the edge of the stone pier. Huh.

Quite a few fangirls were trying in vain to swim to Link and Cloud's location but would always end up at the shore again anytime they got close because of PLOT CONVIENENCE.

Cloud turned to Link, finally ending the atrocious segment of telling, in stead of showing. "I've been meaning to ask you," he began. "Why do you never get interested in romance? I mean, Ike has an on - again off - again thing with Micaiah, Marth has a power - couple marriage with Caeda, Roy has a thing with Lilina, I think, and Bahamut, even Pit has his... Weird thing with Palutena. But you? And, I guess, me? Why do we never get into romance?"

"You phrased that really weirdly, mate," yawned Link. "Don't encourage the fangirls."

Cloud scrolled up the metaphorical fanfiction page, reread his latest line of dialogue, and facepalmed.

"But honestly though," Link said, taking on a serious tone, it's cause we're the straight men. Every comedy on the telly needs at least one. We have to deal with the antics of the rest of the chaps; the mature, but arrogance - blinded, Marth; the black stereotype, Ik -"

"Damn right, foo'!" Ike called from the shore.

"-e; and the two sides of childishness, mischief in Roy and innocence in Pit. Any relationship we gave has to be meaningful and completely seperate from the mindless drama the rest of the cast's relationships go through."

There was a silence.

"Did you actually just make an entire expository speech completely free of the whole 'lazy and carefree' gag?"

Link yawned and went back to aimlessly floating. "Who knows? Maybe that was just some bullshit I thought up in my sleep."

"Aaaaand there he is again." Cloud was in the process of putting his earbuds back into his ears when Pit, with a flap of pearly white wings (and a facefull of feathers on Cloud's part), landed on a nearby log. The log in question wasn't there before. PLOT CONVENIENCE

"Hi, friends," Pit said in an ever-so-little less cheerful tone than usual.

Seeing as the other blonde was in no position to answer, Cloud sighed and took out the single earbud. "Hey, what's up?"

"It's about my love cuddles. With mom," replied Pit somberly.

Cloud visibly recoiled. "Uhh, you sure you wanna talk about this? I mean, I don't wanna be smited (smote?) by a vengeful goddess, or whatever."

"Huh? Oh no, she's busy with Reflet right now, in the..." Here his face scrunched up in an effort to pronounce the as-of-yet unfamiliar word. "Yuhr - eeey room."

An intelligent female voice cried out from afar. "The scales! Too much tippage! Aaahhhhhh!" Nobody cared

Cloud did the generic anime sweatdrop thing BECAUSE I GOTTA APPEASE THE WEEBS MAN

Anyway, that seemed to satisfy Cloud. "So, uh... What about your..." He hesitated, "Love cuddles?"

Pit broke down into tears, his calm facade shattering before Cloud's eyes. "They hurt, buddy! They keep getting worse, an' they might actually do real damage if the keep happening!"

The revelation sent Cloud's mind reeling. We thought that Pit was objectively the most childish person in our group - and he basically still is - but he's probably in the most adult situation out of all of us.

It took copious amounts of sheer willpower for Cloud to overcome his social anxiety and awkwardly pat Pit on the head.

Link muttered something in his sleep that sounded suspiciously like 'dank character progression, m8.' Cloud let it slide.

"If it happens again, all I can say is stay strong."

Pit nodded and began to wipe tears from his eyes.

Cloud began to withdraw his hand, saying "Unfortunately, against a goddess like Palutena, there isn't much we can -"

Here Pit interrupted the edgelord. "She also told me to tell you that Black Veil Brides is overrated, you know, last night."

Cloud slowly withdrew his outstretched arm, and allowed a steely look to cross his face. "Forget what I just said. C'mon, Link. Let's rally the troops. It's time for war."

Pit's eyes widened, but he made no attempt to stop Cloud as he grabbed Link by the ankle and started awkwardly one - hand paddling towards the shore.

-–-

A/N: And, another chapter up, courtesy of a little downtime.

Still working on chapter lengths. I have a habit of writing cliffhangers a lot, which makes it difficult to string together multiple writing sessions into single chapters, so I'm working on 'stretching out' events or dialogue in hopes of making a longer/more satisfying chapter.

Question of the day: What characters (of the six main cast) do you want to see focused on more, if any? All of them have had screen time, but we've had a good dose of Link and Cloud, and Pit's received some (hopefully) good character development this chapter. So, that leaves Marth, Ike, and Roy (assuming you don't want more of Cloud, Link and/or Pit). Tell me through the reviews (though I wouldn't mind actual reviews either).

Anyway, this was SubparHoot, over and out.

bad robot impersonation: EXCESSIVE NERDINESS DETECTED