A/N: I am so excited to be back with a new post-ep for 15x10. At first I wanted to keep it under 1500 words, but it seemed to take on a life of its own. So here I am with about 3000 words, and I sincerely hope you all will enjoy this.
And a huge thanks to all those who read, favorited, followed and reviewed the first chapter!
Episode: Psycho/Therapist
''Psycho/Therapist''
As soon as the verdict had been read, the emotions came crashing down on her. The intensity of the trial mixed with the sickness that Lewis made her feel, caused her to flee from the courtroom within seconds. With one last nod at her squad and Barba, she was gone.
Fleeing to find air to breath. To escape the suffocating atmosphere that enveloped her. She rushed past dozens of people, her eyes searching desperately for a place to be alone. To be in silence, to just be without anyone looking only at her.
Quickly, she found the door to the stairwell, pushing it open an descending down the stairs. Her hands grasped the railing tightly as she came crashing down onto the stairs. Her first instinct was to stay strong and push it all back where it had been. Hidden behind the walls she had so carefully crafted. The one place where her pain and truth was allowed to roam freely, away from the people in her life. But the enormity of the emotions she carried, she could no longer run from.
Her hand brushed her hair back briefly, as the tears stung in her eyes. With the first drop slipping down her cheek, the floodgates were opened. Her hands came up to cover her eyes as the tears came rolling down. Her body trembled heavily as she got lost in the profound hurt, she could no longer deny.
It truly had been done to her. She had been torn to pieces, emotionally, and physically as she bared the scars that Lewis inflicted upon her. No longer could she stand to face the consequences of what it all meant. Denial had been her friend since she returned to work and had been her only way of coping.
Her body suddenly froze, as the sound of a door opening behind her reached her ears. On instinct she wiped the tears from her eyes, and was about to rise to her feet when the familiar voice echoed in the stairwell.
''Liv.'' Barba breathed out, his voice soft and pained all at once.
All he wanted was to sweep her into his arms, and take away all the pain. He'd move heaven and earth to do so. But instead, he resigned to slowly walking down the steps and sitting down next to her, giving her space just in case. As he sat down in silence, he didn't think once about keeping his suit clean. His intention were only centered around Olivia.
He knew her refusal to make eye contact stemmed solely from her need to protect herself. Since her first day back at SVU, she had taken cases by storm, never letting anyone down. She'd been fighting for everyone, except herself. He knew that much. And after the trial, she had to feel destroyed. Lewis had tested her resolve, her strength, everything she possessed. And there had been nothing he could do to keep the monster at bay while he questioned her.
It had thoroughly sickened him. But it was over. He was going to prison for life where he could never hurt her again. And that notion brought some relief to him, but it didn't to her, and that caused him to feel grave concern for her well-being.
A sob broke the silence in the stairwell, and Barba lifted his hand and let it rest on Olivia's shoulder. He moved his body closers to hers, his arm pulling her closer gently. It was a new intimacy for them, and he felt himself testing his own limits, knowing his feelings for her ran much deeper than their friendship.
The strong arm around her shoulder came as a surprise, but she accepted his warm embrace, and let her head fall against his shoulder. A deep breath passed her lips, and for the first time, she found herself focusing on something other than her sorrows.
She found herself relishing in the feel of his strong arm wrapped around her, the smell of his cologne, and the immense comfort he already brought to her life without speaking a word to her. Just his presence began to break her tears.
Barba had lost complete track of time, but wanted to get her out of the courthouse. She needed to be somewhere more comfortable.
''Let me get you away from here.'' he whispered gently, not moving an inch.
''Yeah,'' she said in an almost inaudible whisper as she slowly pulled back from his embrace.
She pushed herself up, feeling her legs weakly supporting her. She held onto the railing and felt his hand coming to rest on the small of her back, and guiding her out of the stairwell, away to a safer and better place for her.
Twenty minutes later, they stumbled into Barba's apartment after encountering a rather large rainstorm when going in and out of the cab. They had quickly agreed to dry off and order dinner at his place as it was closest to the courthouse, and neither of them seemed to be willing to spent fifteen more minutes in the back of a cab in wet clothing.
They had barely exchanged words during the drive over, and as they stood opposite of each other in the confines of his apartment, it wasn't any different. The air was heavy, and the tension palpable. It was difficult to determine what to say, or even how to act.
So Barba signaled into the direction of his bedroom, and quickly retrieved his oversized Harvard sweatshirt and a pair of sweatpants. He laid them down on the bed and turned to find Olivia hovering in his doorway, obviously contemplating what to do.
''Clean clothes are on the bed.'' he told her. ''If you need you can take a shower. You can find clean towels in the bathroom.'' he added quickly, wanting to give her a moment to herself.
Olivia nodded at him, not speaking a word. ''Thank you.'' she said as he passed her in the doorway. His shoulder touched hers briefly, sending an unfamiliar spark through her.
She stretched out her hand, pulling him back by his arm. She turned slightly to face him, seeing nothing but sincerity in his features. There was an unlimited amount of compassion radiating in his deep green eyes, and she felt so grateful for him. Not just Rafael Barba the ADA, but the man before her. It was a side he didn't show in court. A more caring, way more compassionate man, whom he buried beneath fashionable three piece suits. Not that she hated his suits. He looked undeniably good in them, but she loved witnessing him as the compassionate person he could be.
''Thank you for everything, Barba. All of this.'' she said, noticing the glimmer in his eyes at her words.
He genuinely blushed at her. ''I'm here for you, Liv. Always.'' he expressed with deep emotion. ''Go get comfortable, and I'll order us some food.'' he insisted sincerely, and watched her nod in return.
She disappeared into the bathroom, finding it in perfect condition, as expected. With Barba, she didn't expect anything but perfection. She laid down the sweats on the sink and gazed at her own reflection in the mirror, which caused the emotions to rush back to her.
After her horrifying ordeal with Lewis, she had changed. At work she became more passionate, even more efficient. But in her personal life, the cracks began to form as she began to become a shell of person she once was. Wine had become her comfort to forget her desperate struggles, and even her relationship with Brian, couldn't survive the changes in her life. The break-up months earlier was amicable, but it left her alone. And for some reason, she felt even more alone as she stared back at her own reflection. A haunting look in her eyes suggested she was consumed in nothing but darkness.
She finally turned away, stripping herself of her clothes, and stepping into the shower to welcome to warm water to wash away her troubles for as long as humanly possible.
While Olivia was taking her shower, Barba allowed himself a moment to breath as he downed a glass of scotch in his kitchen. The trial had taken every ounce of strength from him. Trying to stay strong for Olivia had been his main focus. If he lost himself in her pain as well, all hope would be lost, and Lewis would've walked freely. So he allowed himself a moment to come up for air, and gather his emotions.
He grabbed the bottle of scotch along with two glasses, and Olivia's favorite wine just to be sure, and set them down on a side table in the spacious living room. Then he walked over to his favorite chair and dropped down with a deep sigh to wait for the food to arrive and Olivia to finish up in the bathroom.
Minutes passed by, and Barba was suddenly aware he'd fallen asleep when the sounds of feet treading into his direction awoke him. He pushed himself up from the chair to find Olivia standing close to his kitchen. As he first caught a glance of her, he needed to swallow back the lump that was forming in his throat. Her hair was up in a messy ponytail, and the Harvard sweatshirt looked incredibly good on her.
But it was something else that caused the heat in his body to rise and the words to fail him completely. Perhaps it was the determination in her eyes and the way they connected with his own.
''Chinese should be here any moment.'' he said to break the tension. ''I ordered your favorite.''
Before there was a chance for her to respond, there was an insistent knock on his front door. He immediately turned away and rushed to the door, picking up his wallet and opening it. He politely greeted the delivery boy, handing him the money with a tip.
He closed the door, ready to head back into the living room. But as he turned and was about to move forward, he nearly collided with Olivia. ''Liv…'' he whispered unknowingly, wondering what had suddenly possessed her because she was crossing all the lines that existed between them. He was nearly pressed up against the door, their bodies almost touching.
As she stared back at him, all she felt was the urgent need to find solace, redemption even. And she knew she could only find it with him. Her support system, her best friend, and perhaps he was something more.
Her eyes were stinging with tears and she was unable to tear herself away from him. ''I need…'' she whispered but her voice faltered.
He put the bag with food down, feeling that the conversation was about to take a very different turn then their usual ones, and he needed to prepare himself. ''What do you need, Liv?'' he asked her gently, his voice soft and understanding.
''I want to forget, Barba. All of it.'' she whispered through the falling tears. ''I need you.''
Her confession caused his heart to swell and break all at once. The emotions tore right through him as it was accompanied by a mix of relief and sadness. He wanted her, always had since first laying eyes on her. But he didn't want to take advantage of her. She'd been through too much and he refused to add any pain to her life.
''Liv, I would do anything for you, you know that. But I won't take advantage of you, ever.'' he expressed kindly.
For a moment, there was only silence between them. An exchange of knowing and longing looks, which only increased the intensity between them. It seemed clear that neither of them could deny the connection between them, and Olivia was unwilling to give up.
Instead of listening to his voiced concerns, she took one small step forward, easing herself against his body and letting her lips connect with his.
For Barba, the sensation was all too overpowering to stop her. Her lips were soft and pliant against his own, and as she pressed her body up against his, he had lost the power to stop. With a renewed determination, he responded to her, his arms pulling her close. His hands slowly traced along the sweater he'd worn too many time to count as his hands slowly pushed up her sides.
The kiss intensified as Olivia felt herself being spun around by Barba, and being pressed up against the door gently. The feeling of their bodies pressed together and their lips meeting was sending her into a different world. A place where she could forget her pain.
When their tongues intertwined and he felt his body responding to her ministrations, he slowly broke away by taking a step back. Distance ensured that he wouldn't lose his control any further. He'd already crossed a line, he swore to never blur. And yet it had felt so right. But she was vulnerable, and that he couldn't take advantage of.
He saw the doubt seep into her after he had pulled away, making him step forward once more. His hand came to rest against her cheek. ''Liv, I want this. I do, believe me.'' he began, hoping he was making the right choice. ''But I could never hurt you.''
She leaned into his hand, closing her eyes at his touch. ''You won't hurt me.'' she promised as she registered the immense love in his eyes. ''I've wanted you for a long time, Rafael.''
His doubts began to fade by the determination in her voice. Perhaps this was a chance for them. He had stood by as her relationship with Brian blossomed, and in private moments he allowed himself to admit he couldn't stand seeing her with anyone else. From the small amounts of information he'd heard about her past relationships it seemed, she'd always been hurt. And he'd never want to be another man passing through her life. He wanted to stay and make it work. He'd fight for her no matter what.
''Are you sure, Liv?'' he asked, needing to hear it one last time before there was no going back.
The air between was tense and he was blatantly aware of her proximity. With one step, the distance would be diminished and she'd be able to kiss him once more. ''More than I've ever been before.'' she whispered.
This time, Barba leaned in to kiss her, savoring the touch of her fingers pressed against his chest. As she responded, he realized this kiss was very different. It was ravishing, and making him feel alive, unlike anything he'd ever felt before. They matched each other in passion as their tongues danced together, and their hands began the explorations of each other's bodies.
She had pushed the suit jacket off his shoulders as her fingers began working on the buttons of his dress shirt. Her hands worked in an expertly fashion in ridding him off his clothes in a moment's notice.
Next thing he knew, his belt had been unbuckled and she had opened the snap on his pants. He groaned in awe when she pulled away, stepping back and slowly lifting the Harvard sweater over her head. His breaths quickened at the revelation she was naked beneath the sweater. He reclaimed her lips and pulled her body incredibly close, their chests pressed together, sending a wave of arousal through him.
They stumbled through the apartment with their lips sealed together, and their bodies pressed up against the occasional wall to find support while stripping their clothing. It didn't take long for Olivia's back to collide with the soft mattress of his bed, and Barba coming to rest on top of her.
She laid back as he proceeded to kiss his way down her body, the touch of his skin setting her own skin on fire. She recorded every sensation, every small moment, as he brought her to the edge with ease. It was if he'd known her body for years on end and knew exactly how to please her.
When he finally pushed into her, their bodies joining together as one, they were both gone. The motions were slow, filled with pure love. They moved together breathlessly with their lips connecting as they hummed their own song, in their own world.
It was more than either could've imagined or even hoped for. When they finished, Barba let himself fall down next to her on the bed and wrapped his arms around her as he laid next to her. He kissed her shoulders and gently pulled the brown strands of hair from her face.
He watched in reverence as she quickly slipped into a serene slumber. Her features were peaceful as the occasional small breath passed her lips. He felt like pinching himself just to make sure the moment was real. But the woman lying in his arms was enough proof, and he fell asleep just moments later, never letting her go.
Hours later, Barba turned on his side to find the bed and empty and cold beside him. Out of sheer fear of Olivia having disappeared, he flew straight up in the bed. He quickly noticed her silhouette in front of his windows, the moonlight falling perfectly upon her.
He sat on the edge of his bed, his feet coming to rest on the ground. He got up and quickly put on his boxers before he made his way towards her.
She heard him move in behind her, his arms coming to rest around her naked body wrapped in the blanket. She leaned back against him, breathing in deeply and enjoying the stillness she felt. ''Tonight was perfect, Rafael.'' she mumbled softly.
He kissed her neck, pulling her even closer than before, his head resting on her shoulder. ''It certainly was, mi amor.'' he agreed with satisfaction.
She slowly turned around in his arms and leaned for a lingering kiss. ''I…I…'' she stopped when she found herself unable to voice her feelings in fear of it being too soon.
He saw the struggle in her eyes, but knew exactly what she attempted to say. ''I love you.'' he told her, seeing something in her eyes spark.
Any fear she held, faded into thin air, and she found herself smiling at him. ''I love you, too.'' she said happily.
Although she had yet to overcome her internal struggles and fight her demons, she felt stronger than ever before. With him by her side, she'd be able to withstand her struggles and fight back. She'd finally be able to look forward to something more.