Chapter 2

Why do you have to make this harder?

Almost four years ago...

Today Elizabeth Keen could not find him again in the Post Office. No one knows where he was. Something about his two-days-straight absent was enough to bother her. Donald Ressler presence was almost steady except when he got assignments across city or country. It's like he integrated himself within the Task Force.

At first, she had texted him, it had never been replied. Then she called him, only to have it ended at voicebox. At the end of the day, anxiety got the best of her. She asked her boss, Harold Cooper. His answer made her worried more. He said Ressler would present tomorrow to give some explanations. She went home with so much thoughts and told Tom, but he said she's overreacted because he believed Ressler was one man army and capable to take care himself more than anything. So, at midnight, when everyone (Tom and Agnes) had slept, she called Reddington.

"Donald needs some time, Lizzie." That's all the point she got. Ressler needs time. Why? Time for what? She got more confused. After the case with her fake death and during the whole carry-over consequences with Alexander Kirk, Ressler seemed to be the only person in the Task Force, beside Cooper -of course, who managed to keep proffesional and get the job done. She expected him to be furious at her, to reject helping her and Tom in searching for Agnes, but what had happened was the other way around. For her, it's too good to be true. Now, that Kirk arc was over, everything was back to the normal blacklisters, he's suddenly wasn't around? Maybe he needs some time to rest. Her own answer didn't give a needed satisfaction. Why didn't he just say if he took a day off then?

Reddington didn't want to explain it further. Said Ressler would explain it himself when he was ready. And Ressler's explanation would be more accurate than him. Sometimes Liz felt Reddington knew more about Ressler than her. She couldn't sleep that night.

The next morning she found Ressler came later than usual. Then Cooper called them – she, Samar, and Aram – to gather around the work area in the middle of the war room. She tried to catch his eyes, but he looked so absorbed in thought and didn't seem to notice her. She didn't really pay attention to what Cooper had said as a brief introduction because there was something in his gesture that disturbed her. Ressler seemed off.

"... which bring us here." She heard the last sentence from Cooper before giving a nod to Ressler.

She observed his hesitant first. Then Ressler dropped that bomb. He'll leave the Task Force and Post Office. Tonight. New assignment. Confidential. For indefinite time. That's why he didn't show up lately. He said he had to think and prepare everything.

She barely listened after that. Her heart sank. His words "I'm leaving tonight" were echoing in her ears – made her head slightly dizzy. She felt the need to hold on to something.

"... And Miss. I'm-nobody-special..." she heard him saying, made her head snapped to look back at him. She held her breath. Their eyes briefly locked. She found him frowned a little. Concern filled his eyes, but slowly dissapeared when she forced her lips to form a weak smile. "You're so much more than that." He completed his sentence with an earnest look. She could feel her fake smile was widening a little bit. But damn, her heart is hurt so much. She pressed her lips tightly, fighting back the tears. "It's a pleasure that I've ever had you as my partner back then." He continued. No, the pleasure is all mine, her heart cried out. But, nothing came out from her lips. She could only nod weakly. Ressler closed the seemed to be a small farewell meeting and went back into his – used-to-be-their office. Liz stood there for a moment. Frozen.

"Agent Keen, are you all right?"

"Sure, Aram. Fine." She finally found her tongue again while keep looking Ressler clearing his stuff from his desk.

"It's shocking, right?" Aram said. "I also can't believe it. I've never thought this will happen. Not in a million years. I can't believe he requested this himself."

Liz spunned to Aram. "What did you say?"

Aram looked at her, confused. "Oh, I said I've never imagined seeing he'll leave this place someday. I mean - now you're back –"

"No, Aram. You said Ressler himself asked for this?"

"Oh, that. Uh..."

"I thought Cooper said he got a confidential assignment."

"Well, it's true. It's confidential. I mean only Mr. Cooper and Agent Ressler know about it. I don't think Mr. Cooper also know the detail of this assignment. Look, forget what I'd said. I –"

"Aram.." Liz gave him a look that made Aram changed his mind.

Xxxxx

Liz calmed down herself before entering the office where he seemed to almost finish filling the box with his stuff. He looked up.

"Why?" she slightly demanded.

He frowned. "Why what?"

Liz approached him. Hands folded in front of her chest.

"Don't lie to me. It's not an assignment. It's your choice."

His eyes grew wider. Then he looked back to the box, filled it with more stuff. The way he handled the stuff showed he's upset.

Liz stepped closer, put her hand on top of his, efficiently stopped him from working. He looked at their joined hands, then glanced at her at last.

She felt he slowly pulled his hand away from under hers, then seemed to be careful when he said,

"It's the best. Now, will you excuse me? Have to get rid of this before 12."

He turned away. She faced his back. He opened the large drawer in front of him, started to sort some files. After that he pulled a new box. Looked at the box and stopped for a moment, seemed loss in thoughts. Liz continued to stay there, watching, wondering what words she could say more, while he's staring at that stupid box. But when he lifted the small paper glass, meal boxes and an empty wine bottle from inside the box and put it into the nearest bin, she caught her breath. She acknowledged the stuff. It was from her birthday dinner –the last one they shared together. Ressler was already filling the now empty box with the useless files he just sorted.

Suddenly those moments were back into her mind. Her birthday, shooting Connoly, Ressler hunted her down... his determination to do everything in his own method to exonerate her..., his opinion about her and Tom..., he violated federal law to help her, and after he found her still alive, after he knew what she had done, he just hugged her without saying anything. She still couldn't forget the hurt and relieved at the same time plastered on his face at the Summer Palace.

He never voiced his anger or hurt. They barely talked after that because they're busy searching Agnes. She didn't know how he actually felt. But judging from his reaction, she could now feel she understood. She felt the lump sitting inside her throat and swallowed hard, but the lump was still there and it was pain.

"You know..." She said softly, "You can unleash your anger, your hurt, your emotion, anything inside there to me, but just ..." Don't act like this. Don't go. Don't run. "... just not like this."

He stopped again. Then put down the box slowly before facing her.

"Ok. Let me clarify this. I think I've been all over that. Why should I be angry or hurt? Kirk is gone, you're breathing, alive, and Agnes is safe. Job is done. This is only an acceptance."

Liz felt she just loss something precious.

"Acceptance for what?" her voice cracked.

"That I have to move on." He paused, then said again, "For a better future."

"Move on, huh? You mean –forget everything here, Reddington, the Task Force..." Me... which I can understand perfectly...

Ressler inhaled deeply.

"I don't think I can forget all of this, especially a certain woman who came back from the death." He said as a matter a fact.

Liz ignored the hurt in her chest. "I'm sorry."

Ressler stepped closer and said calmly, reassuring, "Liz, we can't change the past. I said I'm over it now. You should too."

She could not find any words to say back. Ressler lifted the box up and looked at her.

"Uh, I should go now."

"So, that's it, huh? We're partners, but no handshakes, hug, whatsoever..." She said finally.

Ressler looked at her for a moment, considering. Then he put the box on the table. He opened his arms. "Well...?" His face cracked into a small smile, a little sad.

Liz started to smile too, then hugged him.

"Good luck." She whispered.

"You too." Ressler whispered into her ear.

She felt his strong arms held her tight like when he found her at the Summer Palace. Deep down inside, Liz couldn't accept this. She felt angry. He would go to somewhere she didn't know for who knew how long and they would never meet again.

"You'll be okay." Ressler whispered again and rubbed her back.

She felt he slowly stepped back, but she wasn't ready to let him go yet. He separated himself slowly, and Liz found his face was so close. She could notice for a split second his misty blue eyes. And before he stepped further away her lips had captured his.

Liz felt his jolt of surprise, but she didn't care. She needed him. And she felt slowly he gave in before kissing her desperately. His kiss almost blew her away – but then he stopped himself abruptly. Liz could feel he tried to catch his breath. So did she.

What just had happened?

She looked up to him. Confusion filled his eyes.

What did you just do, Keen? She asked herself.

Someone opened the door. But she didn't care.

"Liz, I heard –"

Ressler broke himself from her and looked at the door. Liz followed his glance and found her "husband" standing there. His eyes were speculative.

"What happened?" Tom entered the room.

"Nothing." Ressler answered. His voice was bold, but couldn't hide a little shakiness there. Then quickly he lifted the box from the table. "We're just saying goodbye. I got a new job. Confidential. So, this will be the last time we meet."

"So I heard. Congratulation, Man!" Liz watched Tom said to Ressler. "Look, I know that we're not always in good terms –" Tom started.

"Just don't mess up your second chance." Ressler cut him. They shared a look. Tom nodded, seemed to understand the meaning behind his words.

He didn't look at her again when he said. "Goodbye, Liz."

Liz watched him walking out of the door while Tom stepped closer to her.

She felt her tears beginning to flow.