So sorry it took me so long to get this chapter up! I've been busy with exams and I was in New York for a week (and American Starbucks is WAY better than English Starbucks!) Also, sorry Connor was a bit of an asshole in the previous chapter. Thanks for all your reviews so far and I really hope you leave some telling me what you think about this chapter! Thank you so much for reading!
"Well, looks like we made it, huh?"
Elder Cunningham pulled a camera out of his rucksack and shoved it in Kevin' face.
"So what do you think of Uganda Elder?"
Kevin stepped back. Elder Cunningham really needed to learn what a 'personal bubble' was. In all honesty, Kevin hated Uganda from what he had seen so far. It was dusty, everything was orange and brown (his least favourite colours, I mean, who likes brown?) If sweat and depression was a place, this was it. It was so gosh darn hot, Kevin was worried it might actually melt his hair gel and ruin his perfection. He needed to look great, he was being filmed! He beamed at the camera and forced positivity into his voice:
"Well it's certainly different!"
The Elder turned the camera to his own face. Slightly peed off, Kevin ran his hand through his hair and crouched down to retrieve his emergency bottle of travel hair gel from his bag. But someone got there first. His bag was snatched from him and the contents was thrown rapidly onto the floor and at Kevin. A man was holding a gun to him and another man was rooting frantically through his bag. Was this some kind of security check? Elder Cunningham was panicking. The man holding a gun to Kevin turned on the screaming Elder who instantly shut up. Kevin reached for his clothes which were previously neatly folded, but they were snatched from him. The man zipped the bag up and started to drag it away. The other lowered his gun as he took Elder Cunningham's bag but pointed it at Kevin as he tried to reason with them.
"This is your tarrif to the General!" the man barked as they retreated with the bags.
Kevin had barely had time to process what had just happened before another man grabbed his arm. He jumped, thinking it was the same men come back to hurt them.
"Hello! My name is Mafala Hatimbi and I will show you to your building."
Oh, so this was their guide who they had been told to find. Thank Heavenly Father. Maybe he could help them.
"Excuse me Sir, those men just took our bags."
"Yes! You must be very careful around here. Come on!"
Heavenly Father. Mafala lead the two Elders to the village…centre? Could you even call it that? The village inhabitants were solemnly dragging their feet around the place, carrying bundles of sticks and various other materials. There was a dead donkey lying in the middle of the path, caked in mud and rotting. Nobody seemed to care. Kevin still couldn't believe that in the first minute of their mission, they'd already had their bags stolen.
"Don't you think we should call the police or something about our bags?"
"The police!"
Mafala seemed to find this hilarious. Kevin was slightly offended.
"The police are in Kampala. A two day drive from here."
Kevin couldn't believe this. "But there was a lot of important stuff in those bags!"
"Oh well, Hasa Diga Ebowai." There was a murmur of agreement from the villagers.
"You're in Northern Uganda now. And in this part of Africa, we all have a saying- whenver something bad happens, we simply throw our hands to the sky and say Hasa Diga Ebowai!"
Apparently this saying made everything seem better. Kevin felt a pang of guilt when he realised he was complaining about having his suitcase stolen when the village was suffering from things like war and famine and aids. The young girls of the village get their… parts cut off?! People are dying in the streets? Kevin's problems were nothing compared to this. His bus was late? His hair was ruined? The plane was slightly crowded? However, Elder Cunningham seemed to be enjoying himself. He was joining in with the villagers chanting. The villagers began to dance and a baby was thrown at Kevin. He gasped and caught it in his arms, immediately checking to see if it was okay. He rocked it and patted its back. The villagers were right. This saying did cheer things up. He bounced and moved his head to the chanting of the villagers. Suddenly it dawned on him to ask what Hasa Diga Ebowai actually meant.
"Hmm. Well, Ebowai means God."
Maybe the villagers were asking God for help and guidance? Maybe converting these people wouldn't be so hard after all. They already looked to God to help them.
""Hasa Diga means 'fuck you!' So I guess in a way, it means fuck you, God!"
Kevin froze and stopped patting the baby.
"Wait, WHAT?!"
Elder Cunningham danced his way over to Kevin.
"Hasa Diga Ebowai! Come on partner, join in!"
Kevin frantically searched for the baby's mother to hand it back.
"Hasa Diga Ebowai! Hasa Diga Ebowai!"
Kevin carefully but quickly handed the baby back and rushed over to his companion, who was now doing his own dance solo. Kevin clapped his hands over his ears and gasped at some of the things the Ugandans were saying. "Elder, Elder no no no nononononono stop stop!" he waved his hands to get the Elders attention. He grabbed his arms and pulled Elder Cunningham to the side.
"Elder, you have to stop saying that! They- they're saying… they're saying 'eff you' to Heavenly Father!"
Oh no. How many times had he said it? 12, 13?! Arnold grabbed onto Elder Price's arm as he tried to get Mafala to stop saying it. Apparently, people have turned to ra- doing things… to babies?! 80% of the villagers have aids? Suddenly Mafala introduced his daughter. She was aids-free apparently. She was also very, very pretty. She seemed so happy. She waved at Arnold and his companion but before he could wave back, he was taken by Mafala and swung around. He saw Elder Price go to her and try and get her to be quite but she took his hands and started dancing with him. Elder Cunningham didn't have time to be jealous as him and the other Elder were swung into each other and fell onto the floor. Elder Price was still in a state of shock. Mafala's daughter reached out a hand to Arnold to help him up but before he took it, she was called away by her father.