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"I flirted with the darkness inside me.
So deep and as vast as the eye can see. It's arms reached out implicitly. And yanked me in so quietly." Allison read my short poem reverently. When she finished, her eyes were wider as she appraised me with a new understanding. I felt like I cured cancer.
"This poem is really good. I doubt anyone has put this much effort into their poem. We'll definitely get a good grade," she said, smiling. My lips stretched of their own accord. I had begun to get dangerously comfortable with her. "I want to know how you came up with it, though. To me, it's very depressing."
I sighed lightly and leaned back onto my elbows. She had been asking about me frequently tonight, but they were all superficial question. This question dug into a past that I didn't want to think about. A depression so deep and evil that I barely managed to sneak out enough to live. Even now I'm still in it.
She looks at me patiently and I give in. I've never met someone as good at listening as she is. "Back in Nashville, I had a hard life. My living situation was shaky at best and my childhood had been riddled with...pain. Not to mention my relationships. I draw from the memory of that pain because the feelings are still fresh in my mind."
Allison looks to be completely empathetic. It seems like she feels my pain. I still feel instant regret after letting her in further. It's like I can't stop telling her things. Each time she asks something I feel compelled to answer. When her hand finds my own, I can't find it in me to care about vulnerability. Shocks race up my arm.
"I'm sorry that you had to go through such hard times. Just know that I'm here for you and that I already consider you a friend. I'm sure my friends will like you too."
Her skin is as soft as velvet. She looks me in the eye, a soft smile on her face, as her thumb runs over the back of my hand. I tense up discreetly and curse my body for its reaction. Goosebumps erupt over my skin and I feel the stirrings of arousal below my waist. I've become a huge bundle of exposed nerves in her presence.
Friends, she said. I can't be friends with someone that I'm pining for. I can't watch her with that manboy that she calls her boyfriend. I can't go through this same situation for the umpteenth time. It's all happened before.
"Friends," I said, smiling. I bit my cheek hard as I conceded despite myself. I have no control over myself at all. She smiled at me brightly. Those white teeth almost blinding. "I can't promise that I won't disappoint you in some way."
She laughed a bit and squeezed my hand. I smiled a little too happily and looked away from her. I already wanted to keep making her laugh forever. "Believe me, you can't disappoint me. After seeing you create a completely amazing poem from scratch, I'm already a fan girl. I'm sure you didn't even need me for this project. I just wielded the glue."
A genuine laugh burst forth abruptly. I let it come out reluctantly and felt shocked at the rare moment. I feel lighter than I have in a while. What she said wasn't that funny but for some reason my first reaction to a compliment is always to laugh. A foolproof coping mechanism. This time however, it felt genuine.
The sound of the garage opening startled me and Allison looked annoyed. I wondered what that meant. "Well, I guess it's time for me to go now. Do I have to sneak out the window or hide in your closet?"
She rolled her eyes and hit me with a pillow as she got off the bed. I laughed again and leaned back on my elbows to look at her. Allison looked like she was thinking about something. I like the way she bites her lip when she contemplates things. My body reacts against my will and I pull the pillow into my lap casually.
She doesn't notice my movement and smiles. "You said that you live with your sister, right? Would she care if you spent the night? I really want to keep talking," she said, smiling brightly. I look at her like she's gone mad. "I might also want to read some of your poems with you."
I blinked heavily and felt a blush rise up my cheeks for the first time in years. She wanted me to stay. She wanted to read my deepest thoughts and longings. That in itself was enough to arouse me. The imposter beneath my waist twitched in its confines and I grimaced.
"I would love to but I can't. Not tonight. Maybe Friday. We'll have more time to hang out together," I said. I didn't dare look at her but in my peripheral I could see her face fall.
My heart dropped into my stomach. I just can't risk her knowing. I felt happy that she would cancel on her plans with the boy though. What am I doing?
"Alright, it's a date. Let me drive you home at least?" I deliberately ignored the usage of the word date to keep my sanity. Although my body tensed up immediately. I tried to keep my expression normal.
I wouldn't complain about letting her drive me however. My sister would kill me if she had to get out of her bed to come get me. I nodded without hesitation. The soft smile I received lit me aflame again.
I've gotten myself into a whole mess of problems but I can't seem to care. I felt like I could jump over the fucking moon.
-o0o-