The Death of Restraint

Chapter 3

How to deal with self-hate? Everyone has their own methods. But some good advice is to seek help. Dealing with this without help can lead to further emotional, and physical, damage.

Nagisa's screams died out into pathetic whimpers.

Why did he have to die?

He laid still on the floor, curled in upon himself, clutching his churning stomach. The urge to vomit had returned, and Nagisa didn't feel like getting up.

What was the matter with him? Was it because he killed that man? He and his class were already plotting the demise of their teacher. Their target. His death was inevitable should they want to save the planet. Why was this man's death different? It was the same thing- he had to save Karma.

But saving Karma, and seeing his friend alive, was not enough for Nagisa to forget the feeling of raking that knife against another human being's throat. Or the lack of hesitation it took to get there.

Karma was at his house, wondering what he should do about Nagisa. Something was wrong with him, that was undeniable, but what?

He had gotten homework from Koro-sensei, but he didn't feel like doing it, rather he decided to zone off and turn on the television. What came on was a news channel. It was reporting the stabbing of a middle schooler. Karma recognized the story.

"We have no witness statements, nor have we heard from the victim, whose name shall not be released. We do know, however, that the man who stabbed the middle schooler is reportedly deceased. He was killed by another unreleased name who seems to be a friend of the victim. The criminal's name was Inoue Akihiro, who had a wife and two children whose first names aren't being released to the public either.

The reason for the stabbing is unknown, but leads have been discovered by officials. Those leads are not going public until proven. Our next story is about…"

Inoue Akihiro. The name on his tongue, Karma ran to his room which had a computer in it. He researched the name. The latest news story came up, along with theories. One website contained a mini-biography.

Inoue Akihiro, recently deceased and previously a grocery shop employee, was guilty of assaulting a middle schooler for unknown reasons. His elder brother, Inoue Atsuya, is the successor to their father Inoue Hisashi's grocery chain business. While having no other criminal actions on his record, Inoue does have a history of mental illness. His wife reported that he was having a hard time coping with his father's death.

Inoue Akihiro. Karma rolled the name on his tongue. That was the man that stabbed him. A small chill ran through him. Mental illness. Karma wasn't one to judge, but that fact about his assailant surprised him. The man had seemed perfectly fine when he was holding that knife.

Karma took a sharp intake of breath. He was remembering. He clutched his head, trying to erase his newly regained memories. He was Akabane Karma. He was a fearless psycho with an idea always up his sleeve. But for some reason, the fear that had settled in his chest remained.

Koro-sensei was concerned about his students. Karma was attacked and, while appearing brave and unaffected in class, that was an ordeal that could be hard to handle. Karma's parents had called Karasuma and informed him of the incident, who in turn filled in Koro-sensei. They had also said that Nagisa was with Karma when he was taken to the hospital and the two had been found with the deceased attacker. It didn't take a genius to guess what had happened.

Nagisa had killed the man. Koro-sensei, as a former assassin, knew that taking one's life was no small incident. He pondered about how Nagisa was doing. He hadn't come to school in the past few days. Koro-sensei had heard a few of his students conversing over visiting their blue-haired friend. He decided that checking up on the boy was a good idea.

Using his mach-20 speed, he flew to Nagisa's dwelling in seconds. Then he remembered what he looked like and zipped back for his disguise and was right back at the doorstep. He knocked on the door, waiting for Nagisa's mother or Nagisa himself, which was preferable to his mother, who was quite an interesting character.

He waited for someone to come to the door, but his patience seemed to be in vain. The door remained unopen and Koro-sensei's questions remained unanswered. He knocked again, and this time, Nagisa opened the door.

"Koro-sensei! What are you doing here?" He looked surprised, his blue eyes widening.

"I just wanted to make sure you were okay, Nagisa. You are my student." Koro-sensei's face remained passive, not that it would make a difference if he wasn't good at suppressing his outward emotions.

"I'm fine, there's no need to worry about me." Nagisa kept his voice even and a smile looked genuinely positioned on his face. But Koro-sensei was good at sensing things people were hiding.

"Are you okay?" Nagisa's façade slipped the tiniest bit before it was put back up again, but it was enough to ensure Koro-sensei that his pupil was not alright.

"Of course." He was lying through his teeth.

"Then why have you not been at school, your peers are beginning to worry." He felt the need to press for information. Unfortunately, his clever student had an excuse at the ready.

"My mother wanted me to stay home; she was worried about the incident. I'll be coming to school soon, once she's reassured." That practiced grin was convincing, but not convincing enough.

"Alright, then. I will see you in class soon, Nagisa." He turned to leave.

"Thank you for checking on me, Koro-sensei." Nagisa said before closing the door.

When Nagisa had heard the bell ring, he panicked. He was in no state to receive visitors. He rushed to his room and peeked out the window. It was Koro-sensei in his poor Karasuma disguise. Nagisa checked his image in the mirror; the skin under his eyes was red and puffy. He grabbed a washcloth and wetted it, then pressed it against his skin. He then searched for his mother's concealer and applied some to the area. He checked himself. He looked normal. He fixed his hair and headed to open the door.

He feigned surprise when the door revealed Koro-sensei. Throughout his questioning, Nagisa kept a smile plastered on his face. He was fine, there was nothing wrong. When Koro-sensei finally left, he couldn't help but thank his teacher for being concerned with him, so unlike his mother. He needed help, he knew it, but he could not seek it. For he did not believe anyone would be able to do so for him.

Nagisa let the smile crumble easily. He was not okay.

Later that evening, Nagisa's phone buzzed with a text from Karma. He read the message. It chilled him.

Karma: Help me

Nothing followed that for several minutes. Those turned into several more. Nagisa started to worry. What had happened now? Had he been attacked? Nagisa didn't think he could- could do it again. But despite his lack of want to go to help his friend, he knew he must.

His mother still wasn't home. He snuck out his door, but it wasn't really sneaking as much as plainly walking through the door. He made his way the train station that would take him to Karma's neighborhood. This gave him some bad memories, so he simply closed his eyes until it was announced that the train had reached his stop.

Once at the Akabane residence, Nagisa tentatively tried the door handle first. It was locked. Nagisa took this as a good sign. He rang the bell.

A few quick seconds went by before the sound of a lock being unlatched was heard and Karma was in the doorway. He looked normal. He stepped aside and ushered for Nagisa to enter.

Nagisa was never fond of Karma's house, but now more than ever he was at the brink of not being able to tolerate it.

"Are you okay, Karma-kun?" There was no response from the recipient of the question.

"Why do I keep carrying a knife around?" He started quiet, near a whisper, "Why do I keep sleeping downstairs rather than in my own room?" His voice grew desperate, fearful.

"Why am I still so afraid?" And then something Nagisa didn't expect to happen… happened. Akabane Karma began to cry. It was ugly, and pitiful and Nagisa just stared in shock. But then he snapped out of his stupor and wrapped his short arms around his tall redheaded friend and tried to soothe him best he could.

Even the strong could look weak.

A/N: Thank you so much to all my readers! I know that they are out of character, but they have been through a bad situation so I would think it makes sense. If you have liked this story or followed it, I am eternally in your debt ~thank you! I'll probably post some happier story sometime soon, a one-shot, probably. Anyways, thanks again for reading this much of my awful writing. (Suggestions are appreciated). – Your Satanic butterfly