Moving Up to Higher Ground
NOTE: My entry for this year's Pic'n'Fic. This is my interpretation of Nehasy's gorgeous artwork featuring Celena and Dilandau and I only hope I have done it some justice.
It is a truly magnificent piece and though I had to go to a bit of a dark place to write for it, it was well worth the journey. I also had a little playlist to inspire me while writing and the title comes from "Leave My Body" by Florence and the Machine because that song really captured the essence of the art and the fic.
Hope you like it!
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"I need to do this alone."
Celena had declared this with such conviction that Allen made no attempt to protest. His sister had decided to return to Zaibach, to face the wreckage of her past and to figure out how to move forward.
Her memories had been returning gradually and in irregular bursts. Some days she would have brief visions of her life as Dilandau Albatou and many nights, her dreams would be vivid events from the last ten years. She had been a hidden witness to all of Dilandau's experiences and even now, when she was supposed to be free of him, his presence continued to plague her.
Allen would catch his sister's expression turn momentarily to something sinisterly familiar. There would be subtle changes, like an innocent smile briefly turning into a smirk, and a hint of bitterness in an otherwise gentle tone. And even her laugh would have an unexpected edge to it at times.
Celena was never aware of these changes when she did them but she could not
ignore other people's reactions to her. And soon, the burden of two persons existing in one body took a physical toll on her. She would get frequent headaches, searing pain that would sometimes cause her to faint. Those closest to her knew that these were no manifestations of female frailty but proof of her strength as she struggled to keep her balance.
She lost her appetite and barely slept properly, each night filled with nightmares and memories. She remembered all the faces of the Dragonslayers and she would recite their names in her sleep. She cried out to them, acutely aware that Dilandau mourned them still, and she tried her best to comfort him since that was all she could do.
But this was not enough. She wanted a life of her own. The life she was denied.
"If this continues, I am going to drown in painful memories and blood," she thought one night after a particularly horrific recurring nightmare.
It was then that she decided that she needed to go to Zaibach. She wasn't sure what she would find there but she somehow knew that that was the only place where she could get the answers she needed.
.
.
.
.
The former Zaibach Empire was nothing but a wasteland now, the vast structures that had showed its prosperity and power now turned to ruins. Its population had been spread out across smaller territories, each controlled and monitored by the allied countries. Some of those who sought asylum in other countries were granted this, only after undergoing extreme scrutiny.
While the people of Zaibach were not reduced to the same poverty and misery that they experienced before Dornkirk, their lives were far from the luxurious ones they led before the war. That was the price of peace.
Celena wandered around the ruins of the capital, the remnants of the metallic halls where Dilandau had grown up and trained to be the formidable fighter that he was. So much was painfully familiar and though others had advised against her returning to where she had endured such trauma, she found this experience cathartic.
She needed to exorcise her demons and this was the only way to do it.
Eventually, she wandered into the room where Dilandau and the Dragonslayers had spent so much time. She saw Dilandau's old throne and somehow, the statue of the lion behind it remained intact. A bit dented, perhaps, but leaving no doubt as to the creature's menace and majesty.
Celena could not help but smile. Her years in Zaibach were not her happiest but every now and then there were moments she had enjoyed. And though for the most part she had felt trapped and helpless, she had at least also shared in Dilandau's triumphs and achievements. Just as he was a passive observer of her life now, she had caught some glimpses of his. She could never explain it to her brother but her life had not been all bad.
She walked towards the throne and sat down, finding it strangely comfortable. She leaned back and sighed, relishing the rare moment of peace. At length, she stood and left the room, telling herself it would not do to linger too long there.
Soon she found herself in the guymelef hangar, or whatever was left of it. There were no more Alseides units of course, only bits and pieces from guymelefs that had been destroyed in battle or from those that Dilandau himself had damaged when conducting risky experiments. She placed her hand on one of the parts that had been left lying around and this triggered an inexplicable force. A pillar of light had pierced through the sky and into the hangar, striking Celena and causing a sharp pain to rip through her entire body. She closed her eyes and felt as if something was being torn from her. For a few moments she lost consciousness, and when she came to, she found herself living one of her worst nightmares.
But this time, it was more than a vision. Celena felt herself physically drenched in a pool of blood, the metallic smell of it filling the air and the viscous liquid gathering around her, staining her dress. And to her horror, there were bodies floating in the blood, the familiar figures of the fallen Dragonslayers. The corpses would bump against her and she could not find her way out. Their lifeless eyes stared back at her and she struggled to maintain her sanity in the face of such abomination.
Everything was a torment and her mind was filled all at once with grief, fear, anger, and confusion. She could no longer see any solid structure surrounding her, only a swiftly filling pool of blood. She screamed for help but no one came and she was not sure anyone could hear her. She had chosen this, and she would find a way to save herself.
Celena tried to walk, but the weight of her blood-soaked dress was keeping her from making much progress. She looked around frantically, forcing herself to breathe in and out, and to try and find some escape. In her struggle, she tripped and found herself sitting on the ground, one white-gloved hand stained in crimson.
A shadow fell over her and when she looked up, she gasped as a familiar figure appeared above her, standing on some elevated platform . He was dressed in his armor and he looked gaunt and exhausted. But he was real and alive and there.ˆ
"Dilandau," Celena whispered.
He stared back at her, some confusion in his expression. He look at his hands and moved his fingers incredulously. He seemed as surprised as Celena to be standing there but they both realized why the pillar of light had caused them such pain.
Dilandau's gaze turned from her to the floating corpses and he gasped with horror. The expression of grief and despair on his face moved Celena. He was on the verge of a breakdown and she could not allow that. Not right now.
"We can't go on like this," Celena told the shadowy figure, "You and I need to find a way to co-exist. We can only survive if we work together."
Her voice seemed to break him out of his trance. He turned his crimson eyes to hers and said nothing. But she knew that he was thinking about what she said.
"We have been interlopers in each other's lives for years," Celena continued, "But now it looks like we finally have the chance to be free."
"They'll want me dead," Dilandau muttered, though the prospect seemed to excite him slightly.
"I'll protect you," Celena assured him, conscious of this heavy responsibility.
And yet she was relieved to be finally standing on her own two feet, and she would fight for the life that she had been so cruelly denied. He would have a chance to live his life too. Fate had dealt them some kind of justice, after all.
But they both needed to move past their dark history. They had faced their demons today, so now it was time to exorcise them.
Without a word, Celena reached out the gloved hand that had somehow remained untainted. She looked up at Dilandau expectantly.
After a moment's hesitation, he came to a decision and extended his hand towards her. He pulled her up to higher ground and the nightmare ended.