Once a month, so far so good. Now, well enjoy. Little bit longer.

And once again, thank you for following the story, and posting reviews. I appreciate more than you could imagine.

Love and pixie dust.

Anna didn't know how to feel at this instant. She was conflicted. She wanted to embrace her friends and share laughs with them. She really wanted to. But at the same time, she felt out of space. It was like she was watching herself from above, like a ghost. If her friends noticed something was odd, they didn't tell. She watched the day passing by and before she realized it, she was back home. Alone. Usually, she would come home with her sister. Then she would eat something before watching something on Netflix. And Elsa would be in her room, listening to music, doing her homework. But right now, she was alone. The silent was heavy. Anna didn't feel like eating and went straight to her room. She fell on her bed and stood there, for a while.

If she had to describe what her life was like now, the first word to come would be "Silent". At dinner, in the car, in front of the T.V. Silent followed her everywhere. Like a parasite. She was unusual for her. She was used to be joyful and noisy. She could be heard from afar. She danced and singed. She didn't like that parasite. But at the same time, it didn't right to be noisy. Not right now. It seems… inappropriate. She could see her mother cry, when she thought no one was watching. Anna wanted to hug her, to comfort her and tell her that everything was going to be alright. But it felt inappropriate as well. Her mother never cried, at least not in front of others. It was her private time, to be intimate with her own feelings. Anna didn't want to take that time away from her mom. It wasn't fair. Her father was rarely home. He buried himself with work. He stopped him from feeling. Everything was so messed up. The world wasn't working anymore. Something had broken it. Nothing would ever be the same.

...

White. Everything was so damn white. No colors. Just white. And it wasn't a pretty white. It wasn't a clean and soft white no. It was a dirty and bright white, a blinding white. The walls were white, the floor was white, the clothes were white, the furniture was white. Too much white. So much, it kept Elsa awake at night. Not that she wanted to sleep but still. Too much white. She wasn't asking for pure black, just little touch of colors. Was it too much to ask ? She guessed so, because when she talked about it with her therapist, he didn't say a word and kept writing on his white notebook. She was surprised the ink wasn't white as well. White. It was supposed to be the color of hope. Maybe the overload of white was some kind of message. To have hope, that, maybe, if you're lucky, you'll be okay, perhaps. She never complained about colors before. She wasn't so much of a complainer. But damn, there was so much white. Even the garden seemed white. The only thing that wasn't white was her reflection in the mirror. When she looked at it, all she could see was black and red. Not a vivid red, a dark one. She preferred to avoid her reflection. She couldn't stand to watch herself. There was this huge mirror in a room, for group meeting. She had to go to the group meeting. It was part of her therapy. But she couldn't care less about the others. She didn't listen. She just sat there. She didn't think of anything, thinking was painful and useless. She just stared at a point from the beginning to the end. Not listening, and not sharing. No, that, she wouldn't. What was the point ? To have people saying that their understand, that she was going to be okay at some point ? No, sharing wasn't possible. One day though, a girl from her group just shared her story. Elsa noticed the silent and felt looked at. Everybody was looking at her, waiting. Waiting for what ? thought Elsa. There was no sound for a couple of minutes. Until that girl exploded.

"You know this isn't fair at all. We're all sharing personal thing. Not easy stuff. It's not easy for any of us. 'Cause, you know, we have to share our deepest thoughts and all. But you… you just sit here waiting for the time to pass. You have to hear our stories, judge us and all but you don't share at all. That isn't fair at all. You're not fair."

Elsa looked at her, but she didn't really see anything. All she could see was white. This damn white. It was really starting to get on her nerves. The girl waved at her, infuriated at her absence of response. Elsa just stood up and started walking, wanting to leave this place and put, as much as possible, distant between her and this girl. But the girl grabbed her arm, wanting an answer. Elsa felt powerless, unable to free herself from the grip and felt attacked. She panicked and her breath became shorter and shorter until she wasn't able to breath anymore. The girl released her. But it was too late. Elsa was in a middle of a panic attack. She wasn't able to see anything but white. Always that freaking white. She heard footsteps coming towards her and a vague voice telling her to calm down. As if it was this easy. There was too much white around her. She couldn't stand it anymore. But then, she noticed. A small spot of dark. Surrounded by white. She couldn't stand the white, but she had an aversion for the black. It had to go away. She grabbed the closest thing to her and went to smash it against the black. But before the impact, she was stopped. She dropped what she had grabbed and started crying. By the time the crying stopped, she was alone in the room, with only the therapist. He didn't seem mad or anything. He just smiled at her and told her that dinner was ready. She was dead tired. She couldn't move anymore. She wanted to just lay here and sleep. For the first time, she wanted to sleep. To welcome the night and abandon herself in dreams. But, slowly, she got up and walked towards the dinner room. She sat, with her plate and gazed at it. She knew that eating that meant that she would throw up. She couldn't eat anything. She pushed the plate away and ran back in her room, where, for the first time in forever, she slept.

She didn't want to go back to that room. It terrified her. Even though what happened allowed her to have a proper sleep, it proved her something. She didn't belong here. She didn't belong in a word so white. Her entire being was inked with black. She didn't belong here, or anywhere. The world would be better without her. She was a waste of time and space. She wasn't worth it.

...

If you asked Mr. and Mrs. Winter how was their daughters, they were fine, thank you very much. Anna was back at school and Elsa went overseas to study. Everything was fine. So it seemed. Mr Winter didn't want people to know the truth. It was shameful and embarrassing. No because of what Elsa did. But because of what it meant. It meant that he had failed as a father. He was supposed to look after his family, to protect his children. He failed to see that he's oldest was vulnerable and needed help. He blamed himself for what happened and would do everything in his power in order to make things right. Even if it meant sending Elsa away, in an institute. It was for the best. It was for the best. Mrs. Winter was devastated. She felt like she had let Elsa down, that she had abandoned her daughter. She didn't know if the institute was the best option. She couldn't help but think she had given up on her daughter.

It had been three weeks since Elsa was send in the institute. Anna couldn't wait until next week. Because next week, she would see Elsa. She wanted to hug her and make her laugh. She wanted her sister. Since she heard that the Winters would visit Elsa, she was in high spirit. She couldn't wait to see her. She even shared an honest laugh with her friends. For the first time in forever, she was happy.

...

There was one room that wasn't all white. At least, she assumed so. Because everything she entered in this room, she could paint. And paint meant colors. But everything was so insipid. The color, the food, the light. She stayed in that room quite a lot. Hoping that the smell could make her see the colors again. But the more she spent time in the room, the more it became frustrating. Because the white was becoming more vivid and more annoying.

After taking her medicines, to calm her anxiety, she sat on a chair in the painting room. She closed her eyes. She couldn't see with all the white surrounding her. Her head was becoming to hurt a bit. But she didn't want to leave. She wanted to grab the hope. The colors will come back. She had to be patient.

"Thank you."

Elsa didn't want to open her eyes, afraid that the white would hurt her. The voice was feminine. She didn't respond. Not sure if the spoken words were for her.

"Thank you."

They were for her. She slowly opened her eyes. She saw a white figure. Very close to her. Too close to her.

"For what ?" asked Elsa.

"For sharing."

"I didn't share anything."

"I mean, yes you did. Actions count more than words."

"I'm sorry I don't…"

"I'm talking about you going all berserk to destroy a mirror."

Elsa didn't know what to say. She wasn't sharing. She was desperate to destroy the black. That all she wanted, to destroy her reflection.

"I wasn't sharing."

"Mmmh… yes you were. I mean, that girl kinda forced you but, yeah. You were."

This was becoming infuriating. This girl didn't understand.

"Could you please just listen for one second here ? I wasn't sharing I was…"

No. She couldn't tell that unknown girl what she was trying to do.

"Trying to destroy the mirror."

"Yes."

"And by doing so, you shared something."

"Oh yeah, and what on earth did I share ?"

"That you hate yourself."

Elsa was dismayed. She didn't know what to respond. Because going against that would prove that the girl is right. But remaining silent also was proving to the girl that she was right. What was she supposed to do ? She opened and closed her mouth. Not knowing what to do. She usually knew what to do. She was the one to come up with solutions. She always had solutions. For everything.

"That's okay. Everyone here kind of hate himself. I know I do."

The girl's eyes were facing the floor. Not as she was ashamed of that statement. Rather sad.

"You know, there's no shame of hating yourself. That's okay. You may not love yourself, but someone do. And that's all that matter."

"How so ?"

"Because that means that someone care about you. And that you're not alone. You do have someone like that, right ?"

Elsa paused. She didn't have to think to answer. Anna's face popped in her head. She smiled thinking of her sister. But the smile faded and tears replaced it. Elsa would never forgive herself for what she put Anna through. Little Anna, who discovered her dying body. Little Anna, who did everything to save her big sister. Little Anna, to whom she was resentful for saving her life. Anna. She had shut her sister down. She had been harsh on her. So maybe not. Maybe Anna didn't care for Elsa. How could she ? Elsa had been awful to her baby sister for some times now. And she couldn't blame her. No, she couldn't blame Anna for hating her. The girl didn't spoke, but could see that something broke inside Elsa. She sighed.

"Let's make a deal."

"A deal ?"

"Until you find that person, that someone who loves and cares about you, I'll be that person. Like a friend. Yeah, exactly like a friend. I will show you that you're wanted. Until you find that person."

With that, she left, before Elsa could respond. She watched the girl – she didn't even her name ! – leave the room. And somehow, suddenly, Elsa was able to see yellow.

I'm trying to do something with colors here. As each colors has its own signification. Hope you like it !

Thank you for reading me !

Until a next time,

Bisous