A/N Written yet again, entirely for humor value, I'd like to once again thank Genevive, Witch of Darkness, for helping me come up with the plot for this, and allowing me to have the great honor of typing it. Five reviews as always is my minimum, lets see how this new chapter goes!
Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist. The world is cruel.
Riza strode down the street, balancing groceries in her arms and humming to herself. This was all turning out really quite funny, Havoc, the last guy to ever get a girl, had gotten her from Roy. Or more precisely, she'd gotten him. Either way.
She wasn't quite sure whether she'd done it because of her blossoming relationship with Havoc, her feminine desire to explore new things, or the simple instinctive need to piss Roy off as much as she could. Whichever it was, she was long overdue in the need of a vacation, and being away from Roy in general was indescribable. It was a bit like when it's winter so you always turn on the heater, but it's one of the metal heaters that's really old so it's all crusty and creaky and makes that shrieking whistling noise every single time you even press the 'on' switch, until, after many months of horrible, grating tolerance, you finally lose it and just put a bullet through the damn thing and buy a new one. After a few moments thought, Riza decided that that described how she felt right then pretty well. She did not at all miss the grating, shrill whistling noise of Roy complaining and bitching about how his papers were stapled, or how she never wore miniskirts, or how Ed was so God damn short. All in all, he was very much like the heater she'd thrown away last winter.
Her relationship with Havoc was lacking, but it was a nice change. He was kind, and agreed to do what she wanted, and no longer whined about anything, considering that all that he'd ever had to whine about before was how Roy always took and slept with all of the girls that were in his life, or he even faintly recognized from seeing in the store or at the flower shop or had told him the time of day at some point or another in life. Mustang had even tracked down his old crush from 11th grade that he'd never had the guts to ask out all 4 years of going to school with. Riza had the sinking suspicion that it hadn't been coincidence, considering it had been a week before Havoc's High School Reunion, which he'd decided not to go to in the end. All in all, it was a hilarious turn of events, and Riza had decided that Havoc deserved it.
Feeling a slight, but unmistakable pang of homesickness, Riza stopped at a payphone, feeding in several coins and dialing a number. "The code is 1-9-5, I need to speak to Roy Mustang's office," Riza said, waiting as the military officials on the other end of the line, a particularly annoying brunette secretary, checked the databases.
"You got the clear, I'll patch you through," she finally said; Riza cringed as she listened to the girl noisily chewing gum, horrified to find another person to compare to her old heater. Would it never end?
"Hello?" Came an all too familiar voice. Riza clicked her tongue, her cheeks rounding as she grinned.
"Hughes? It's Riza, how's it going?" she asked, laughing at his gasp of surprise.
"Riza! Is that really you?"
"I just said that it was. How's Roy and Ed and everyone else?"
"Roy's taking out his anger on Ed by doubling the load of short jokes, he must be paying someone to make them up for him considering how many he uses a day. So Ed is looking forward to your return, and Roy's in horrible, unbelievably funny denial over it all. You're really going out with Havoc?"
"Yes, I am," Riza laughed, "But I think it's really just going to be a temporary thing, it's not really going anywhere."
"Too bad, you know- hey! It's my conversation, you can talk next! Ed-" the phone was silent except for a few muffled sounds of conflict of some sort.
"Riza?" Came Ed's desperate voice, "Riza get back here before I kill Roy and get accused of treason for God's sake! The entire office is one mass of paper airplanes, without you the only thing we can rely on is anarchy! Hey!" More muffled noises.
"Riza! Why Havoc, why?" Roy yelled. Riza could hear the other two yelling in the background.
"Oh, he's just so much more of a man, you wouldn't believe how much he knows about sex-" Roy slammed the phone down on the other end, and Riza hung up her phone once she noticed, falling down in the phone booth laughing helplessly, her ribs hurting it was so funny. "Oh god I'm going to die, that was too great!" Riza giggled hysterically, pulling herself back up and walking back out, seeking the path she'd taken earlier.
Riza wandered for a while, dread growing in her as she realized how lost she was. "Give me your cash," came a hoarse voice behind her, as Riza spun around, reaching for the pistol's that weren't there.
"Crap," she said through clenched teeth, realizing they were back at the hotel. "Look, I don't have any money, I spent it all shopping."
"Oh really?" The man asked unbelievingly, holding up a knife and stepping forward ominously. Riza stepped back into a fighting stance, she preferred guns, but if this is what it took…
"You know that's certainly a lot of groceries," Came another voice from behind Riza as she felt a large, strong hand fall on her shoulder. "I wouldn't be surprised if she really had spent all of her money on them. So why don't you just let her go?" Riza looked up to see a very tall man standing behind her, looking on in a very relaxed air. The man with the knife, having to look almost strait up to see the other man's face, turned and ran. Riza relaxed, letting out an elongated sigh as she turned to see the man. He really was quite handsome, and he seemed to remind her of someone.
"Thank you so much, I'm really sorry, I was just lost," she said, smiling at him. "Here, let me take you back to my place and make dinner for you as a thank you!" He smiled, adjusting his glasses and rubbing the back of his neck.
"Well, I haven't eaten yet, alright then. It really was no problem at all, you really look quite a bit like my late wife so I couldn't help but notice you there." Riza smiled, taking his hand and shaking it.
"I'm Riza Hawkeye, I work in the military, but I'm on vacation right now. You?"
"Oh, I'm Hohenheim Elric, I guess you could say I'm on vacation too. Pleasure to meet you."