Jessica Just Doesn't Care Anymore

Roger Rabbit came home from a hard day of…whatever the heck it is he does. Throwing his Fendi briefcase on a chair near the door, and hanging up his overcoat and fedora, he loudly and lisp-ily pronounced "Honey, I'm hoo-ooome!"

"Okay," came a dull voice back.

Roger sighed. It had been like this for years now. Ever since the eighties, Jessica had started to let herself go. And Roger still loved her, sure…but he was becoming less attracted to her physically.

He came into the living room to see his wife watching "All My Children," wearing sweat pants and a giant sweater that said "Michael Bolton Christmas Tour '97" on it.

"So!" Roger said, attempting conversation, "How was your day?"

"Miserable," Jessica whined, "That frickin' Pirates of the Caribbean bust has been voted as the number one hottest redhead of all time in Forbes magazine, and I'm down to number six!"

"Well," Roger said, choosing his words carefully, "Maybe you should work out a little! You know, I remember that sexy girl I fell in love with back in the 30's…"

Jessica glared at him.

"So you hate the way I look? I'm sorry that I've realized my life has passed its prime! I'm sorry that I've realized that men get turned on by princesses and mermaids and historically inaccurate figures instead of my type now!"

"Stupid Pocahontas," she added under her breath.

"But Jessica darling, I was just-"

"Yes, back in the '40s, everything was just all pretty and fine, wasn't it! Well do you realize how much back pain I have now because of my ample chest? At least they MATCH now!"

Roger ignored the subtle sexual comments (and added this sentence so you would realize they were there), and tried to cheer up his wife.

"Maybe we could go out to eat at the Ink & Paint Club! I hear that Daffy Duck is-"

All of a sudden, there was a loud bang, and roger fell to the floor with a bullet through his leg. In stepped Michael Eisner, carrying a rifle.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Rabbit, but that movie was a one-time exception. We're no longer aloud to mention any non-Disney Characters, including Warner Brothers, Hanna-Barbera Productions, Metro-Goldwyn-Meyer, DreamWorks, Sony Pictures, Nickelodeon, and a bunch of other obscure companies that don't matter."

"Metro-Godlwyn-Meyer?" gasped Roger, "But isn't there a park in Walt Disney Wo-"

"Yes, we're working on eliminating that, too," Eisner replied. And with that, he kicked the rabbit out of the house.

Turning, he saw Jessica sitting on the couch.

"Hey, good lookin'!" Mikey said, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"Go away!" Jessica screamed, and threw a bucket of chicken that happened to be in the sofa cushion at the former CEO.

"Ooo, feisty!" he said, ducking and running outside. Jessica groaned.

Changing the channel, she found the shopping network.

"Ooo, an automatic bunion remover…"