Title: Belief
Raiting: K+
Pairing: J/K
Summary: Jack, Kate & Sawyer are back on the beach. Sawyer & Kate have sex, but Kate can't still make up her mind. Jate don't talk to each other.
Warnings: "I do" spoilers.
Status: One-shot
Disclaimer: I do not own LOST and any of it's characters. They all belong to JJ Abrams, Touchstone and ABC.
Author notes: And again. Just I had to write something about those new dammit spoilers. Hope you'll like it and please R&R
Belief.
Trust. Trus is the basic thing. You cannot love without trust. You'd be sick of jealousy, lies and misunderstandings. Oh, that's what people say.
He was sitting on the beach, trying to clear his minds. But he simply couldn't. He was broken in and out. He promised himself he'd forget about her, but he couldn't. He knew, he wouldn't trust her, but he couldn't forget about her. No matter how hard it was. He just badly...
"Jack" that was her. Her voice, he couldn't hate. Although, he decided not to answer. It was just too hard for him. It was too unbelievable.
"Jack" she repeated. She sat down. He gelt her warmth and her breath. He knew she had cried. And he knew she didn't want him to know she cried. But he knew her too well. He didn't want to feel sympathy, but he did. Despite of everything. "I didn't--"
"What you didn't...?" He didn't even try to be nice. Even if he knew he was hurting her. She hurt him too. "You didn't want to feel love or... you didn't want to hurt me?" His voice was perfectly calm. He didn't want to let her know he was broken.
"Jack, dammit, I didn't sleep with him!" She shouted weakly. He gave her a shocked look. Believe her or not? Maybe it was just her next lie?
"Give me one reason to believe you, Kate" He asked simply. "I can't trust you, not now, I would like to, but I can't" She just make too much things, that weren't worth his trust. Even if he loves her. Even.
"I... I..." Her voice was breaking "You're my everything, you're my world, my heart, my air and my breathe" she cried while she was saying slowly, weakly, but she was sure what she's talking about. He could feel it. "Because I miss you, Jack, I miss you loving me".
He missed her too.
He knew it was true. Or, he wanted it to be true. There's one thing left she didn't say.
"I felt nothing" It was hard for her to say that. He still didn't want her to suffer, but there was no other way. "We didn't make love. It was only..."
Yeah, it was sex. He knew. More perfect than she could ever imagine.
"It was a mistake. But it makes me realize, that I..." She was saying quitely, just like she was afraid of what she will be saying now.
"I know" his voice wasn't as perfect now as it was minutes earlier. "I know what you want to say. But, Kate... What will be after you'll say those words? What will be with us, Kate?" He knew it has no sense. He knew that she could not understand, that maybe...
"I don't know, Jack, you have to decide. But I know, I know... I love you, not him." She cried more. Those damn words. Those words he always wanted to hear. Wanted. He was wondering how it sounds in her lips, with her voice. And now he knows. It was calm, but full of feelings. Just... perfect.
He knew almost perfectly she's not lying. It was too true. "And if you don't... I can understand. I've hurted you. I just want to let you know I'll be waiting, Jack. Even if I know, I'll wait for no one. Even if I know, I don't deserve you."
Yeah, she was saying the truth. Her eyes were pure, pain in her eyes was pure too. He held her gaze for a long while. He saw her tears as pearls and he felt he couldn't stand her pain in her green eyes.
She wasn't his weakness. Not anymore. She was too beautiful, her eyes were too hopeful, her smile was to charming to say she was anyone's weakness.
He loves her.
But it's all about trust.
"Kate..." He said painfuly, sadly, but hopefully, "I want you to know..." He sighed. "I want you to know, that I love you" she nods.
"But...?" He shook his head slowly. It was hard for him to say. Harder than hell. He wanted to embrace her, to kiss her, to smile at her, to make love to her. She was his everything. And he missed her as nobody.
"But I just have to make things up in my mind" He heard she sobbed. Her heart splitted in pieces. He couldn't watch her like this.
And then he heard her whispering.
"One... Two... Three..." Couting. Their way to banish the fear. "Five" They said it together. Quietly, hopefully and without fear. He slid his hand into hers and smiled softly to her.
It's gonna be alright.