authors notes/disclaimers/ etc. : READ & REVIEW... i don't own any CSI characters but the others are mine, i improvised a lot for the Hayman Island bit, there are two chappys here... but the second one was so short i just threw it in with this one. more to come soon... please folks... review!

Beholden to the Past & Devoted to the Future

Gil knocked apprehensively on the red oak door and heard Kathleen's voice usher him in. He poked his head around the door giving a little wave before entering properly. Kathleen lifted her arms up and let them fall to her sides with an amused look. Gil had on his contemplating trademark Gil Grissom look and he knew Kathleen was studying him trying to figure out what he was thinking. It sometimes scared him how easily she could figure him out and he wondered if Nick ever wondered how she did that. He knew. He knew her past better than Nick did. He knew she wanted to bury it in a sepulcher to be seen by none and for it to become a part of the distant past so she could focus on her future without fearing for the lives of those whom she held dear.

Today however, his look was purely to take in her elegant cream colored wedding dress. The sleeves were a light chiffon with a slight sparkle to tiny glistening threads woven in and the sleeves led down to her hands both completely bare except for her sparkling amethyst and diamond engagement ring. The neck was V-cut stopping at the perfect spot revealing nothing and being the epitome of elegance. The dress hugged to her torso flowing outward as it descended it went down to her feet ending just above the ground so as not to trip up her bare feet. Her hair draped over her shoulders and laced throughout her hair was a smattering of teardrop shaped pearls shimmering and looking as if they were always there, like beads sown into a tapestry. He suspected Catherine had helped with it and as Catherine snuck up behind him and asked his opinion this was confirmed. He must have jumped a mile into the air.

"Didn't have to give me a heart attack did you?" He asked trying to calm his startled heart.

"Didn't have to but it is really funny to see you jump like that." She informed him smugly. Gil gave her his stern Grissom's pissed look, which she simply smiled at knowing he didn't mean it. Kathleen watched the two holding a conversation with only looks and wondered what the looks meant. She wasn't aware that she and Nick did the same thing. Gil cleared his throat.

"The ceremony is due to start in fifteen minutes, everybody is here." Kathleen looked nervous and Catherine gave Gil a look that said "go check on Nick". He excused himself and waltzed off towards Nick's dressing room. Catherine smirked at Gil's retreating form. One strange thing about Gil that most people didn't know was that Gil loved weddings. He liked watching people in the happiest moments of their life. It made him feel that there was some good left in the world.

Catherine was just glad that Nick had finally asked Kathleen to marry him, even though he'd done it in a roundabout way. He'd been to scared to ask her to her face so he left little notes laying a trail from her office at UNLV to their apartment and their dining room where he'd been, as Kathleen described it later, standing in a dark blue silk dress, black dress pants, and lime green socks holding a sign that read "Will you marry me?". She had said that Nick looked about as white as the table cloth that covered their dinner table and that he looked as scared as she felt at the prospect of eating the mystery dinner he'd prepared. She had said that when she'd said yes Nick had almost collapsed from relief. Catherine had laughed at this remembering how Gil had asked her.

It had been a dinner with a double meaning. He'd wanted to apologize and fix the rift their fight had caused but he also wanted to ask her to marry him. They'd eaten, they'd danced, then when she had broken down and he'd asked her. She remembered feeling the shock of it. She had never expected Gil to trust or love anybody enough to commit to them like that even though she knew he'd almost asked a woman to marry him years prior. She remembered nodding dumbly and the huge smile that broke out on his face as he had let out a huge breath he'd been holding and slipped the gorgeous ring onto her delicate finger. She remembered their lips merging in shared love, joy, and borderline astonishment. The argument that had consumed them both had seemed so trivial and all they wanted was to forget it. It had been a magical night. Catherine remembered the nervousness before her wedding and the wonderful giddiness she'd felt during and after it. She knew Kathleen was going through the same things and was so terribly excited for her. She smiled at the younger woman who looked nervously at her reflection and began fiddling with her hair. Kathleen noticed Catherine watching her and immediately became self conscious and began fidgeting with her dress.

"You nervous?" asked Catherine already knowing the answer. Kathleen gave a nervous smile and nodded.

"A good, excited, happy kind of nervous though." Kathleen informed her. The minutes seemed to take an eternity until Gil poked his head in and said everything was ready and everyone was seated. Gil looked as anxious as Kathleen did and he had a reason for it. Nick and Kathleen had charged him with the job of giving away the bride. This annoyed and flattered Gil. Catherine had had to deal with Gil's constant mumbling about how he wasn't old and how now he felt old and to be honest it had gotten almost as funny as Gil singing in the shower. Whenever Catherine wanted to embarrass or annoy Gil she would start humming "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" and Gil would go beat red because this was one of his favorite songs to sing in the shower along with "Tainted Love" and anything Frank Sinatra or Green Day. Gil had very strange taste in music to sing in the shower. Catherine also thought that Gil feeling old was ridiculous because it had only been two months since he turned forty-two (told ya I messed with the ages). Gil had endured the jabs aimed at him for the last seven months as the arrangements for Nick and Kathleen's wedding were made.

Gil received a quick kiss from Catherine as she hurried to take her place and he proffered an arm to Kathleen leading her out into the orchard to where the guests, priest, and Nick were waiting. Kathleen took a deep breath inhaling the scent of apples and cherry blossoms as she walked slowly listening to the birds singing the crickets chirping and Lindsey and Miles being scolded by Greg for talking. There was no music and it really wasn't a formal wedding. The ground was soft and covered in a light rose colored carpet covering the moist dirt path. The black fold out chairs lined the makeshift aisle and the few people who had been invited sat awkwardly in them craning their necks to watch Kathleen who wasn't used to being the focus of attention having spent most of her life under the radar of society. She felt tempted to run from the faces of her friends, too many people she thought, but she caught sight of Nick's handsome beaming face under the arched trellis laced with white roses and purple irises. Her heart calmed as her eyes met his and all other things left her senses. He smiled, dark eyes lipid pools of joyful emotions and she returned his beaming smile with a shy but telling smile of her own. Anybody who saw them look at each other like that knew that the wedding was truly a formality and that the two needed nothing more to bind them then what they already had. As the vows were exchanged and priest declared the marriage ceremony over as they signed the certificate the guests grinned and the couple smiled nobody noticing the interloper standing by an old withered apple tree staring at the bride with a look of murderous intent. As she hugged Nick before they went to change for the reception she glimpsed a face that filled her with such fear as she had not known in two years. Nick sensed her tense and pulled his head back to study her face his own contorted with concern.

"You okay?" He whispered worriedly. She thought about telling him but decided against it.

"I thought I saw somebody." She glanced back to the desolate tree, now standing sentry alone in the evening. She pondered what to do next knowing she hadn't imagined it and knowing he would be back. Her happiness was broken by a creeping fear in her stomach.

She decided to ignore for now. His intention was to scare her. It had worked horrifyingly well but he wasn't to know that. She pushed this all back in her mind and snuggled her head into Nick's arm as he drove to their apartment so they could change. As she pulled the long sleeved mauve button up shirt on she remembered the fears and apprehensions that almost kept her from getting into a serious relationship and the all of two seconds it had taken her to banish them from her mind. Now over twelve years had passed since she had felt the intense stare of the man who had darkened the happiest moment of her life and dragged her down into the despairing pit she'd lived in before she'd met Nick. Now he was back and he wanted something from her and she was terrified of losing everybody she held dear. This had never been a fear with her before but to this man she doubted she would be able to stand against him. She had one advantage she'd never had before, she had friends who could help her deal with him legally, not that she thought it would do much good. She kissed Nick on the cheek as they waded through the boxes of stuff they had spent the last week packing. They would be moving into their house soon after their honeymoon. Kathleen had instantly fallen in love with the house as soon as she saw it she had actually started crying and had explained to a very worried and confused Nick that the house was much like the one she'd grown up in. Nick had inquired whether or not that was bad and she'd wiped away her tears smiling and shaking her head. They'd both known then that they had to have the house. It wasn't too big but it wasn't small either and there was room if they had kids. The house was a warm blue grey color with two stories and an attic in which you could see the specks of dust dancing to a languid beat of their own. The master bedroom was well lit by a bay window facing the east letting in brilliant sunlight in the morning. The floors were made of a rich cherry stained cedar and blended beautifully with the walls of a deep burgundy hue. The adjoining bathroom had navy blue walls and a pearly white Victorian claw-footed bathtub with a frosted shower curtain dangling from the brass shower pole. The kitchen was large and perfectly set up. The granite counters were polished smoother and shinier than the finest gold necklace and the stainless steel fridge was complemented by the contrast with the rich dark colored cabinets and floor was made of a tough treated smoky grey shale. The living room came pre-furnished with a beautiful dark brown leather couch and glass fronted cedar china cabinets. The walls were moss green and against the back wall an old wood stove sat on a brick base and the chimney pipe was concealed behind a brick façade. The fire poker and accessories sat gleaming by it. The floor length windows faced the road and were concealed behind cream colored lace curtains. There was a huge backyard with many silver maple trees scattered about and a massive oak tree for a dog that both of them wanted and Nick had made a concession to get a greyhound instead of a black lab. They had already bought the dog, who had a scarlet red collar, a white face, sensitive hazel eyes, and a shining nature. Kathleen had named him Duffy after a dog she'd had when she was a child. Duffy would be spending the honeymoon at Gil and Catherine's house which made Gil nervous and Lindsey ecstatic. Gil liked dogs but he worried about his bugs. Catherine and Kathleen had assured Gil that Duffy would only sniff at them at most. Under her breath Kathleen had muttered "I hope", unfortunately Gil had heard her and his eyes had gotten saucer big as he got incredibly nervous again.

As they got into the Tahoe and meandered through the streets of Vegas on their way to the wedding reception Nick observed his wife keenly. Nick knew something was wrong but was smart enough not to press the issue, knowing his wife would tell him in her own time. Kathleen stared out the window at the people rushing about their business and pleasure and knew that somebody among them wanted to destroy everything she had. She focused on what she would say to Gil and Jim knowing that the two of them would give her sound advice and not ask whether or not she would follow it or do anything illegal. The two were still the only ones who knew of Kathleen's dark past, she had put it all behind her and focused on her future. Catherine hugged her as she got out of the Tahoe and as soon as Catherine released her, she was bombarded by the majority of her other friends and after ten minutes of being hugged into borderline insanity Gil gave her an uncharacteristic bear hug and she whispered in his ear that she needed to talk to him and Jim. He nodded and whispered "later" into her ear and let her go so that Miles could tackle her. She fell back and right into Nick who caught her with Miles still hugging her.

"You're getting to tall to tackle me like that Miles." She scolded with a smile on her face. Miles grinned at her. He really was getting too tall for this at eleven years old he was already nearing five and half feet in height in height having grown a ridiculous foot in the last two years. He would be well over six feet by the time he quite growing. Kathleen expected him to be at least six foot six like his father. Only a few of his characteristics reminded her of David Velcher and his quick growing was one of them. She had known Velcher since he was seventeen and he had reached his full height before then. Miles also had his father's need for glasses, and sharp nose. However most of his features came from his mother, his warm smile that was never far from his lips, his love of bad jokes, and his fair complexion. He rolled his eyes at her and let go in order to tackle Nick who barely budged. Nick hugged the boy back and as soon as he let him go he was attacked by Lindsey and Greg in turn. They eventually made their way to the reception room and mingled and munched. The reception room had stucco styled wall and diamond shaped marbled tiling on the floors. The tables had a French welding style to them as did the chairs and the buffet table was laden with various hors d'oeuvres. People milled about and chatted amicably. The room wasn't terribly large and there really weren't too many people. Nick and Kathleen had wanted a small wedding and had only invited twenty people. Being that there were so few people it was very hard to slip off and have a discussion unnoticed, especially if you were the bride.

Finally after an hour of futile attempts she managed to get away from the well wishers and talk with Jim and Gil. Jim was munching on a slice of cake and Gil was looking a little toasted, she had no clue how much he'd been drinking. They all sat at a corner table away from the throng of guests and Gil was looking distinctly unfocused.

"How much has he been drinking?" She asked Jim still staring at Gil who seemed to be contemplating his half empty bottle of champagne. Jim glanced over at Gil.

"He's had at least two and a half bottles of that stuff. I dunno though. I've only been chatting with him for about forty minutes." Gil seemed to blink himself into sobriety and he looked around him as his surroundings as if seeing them for the first time. He cleared his throat and blinked at Kathleen.

"Erm… sorry… I guess I was spacing out." He muttered abashedly. Kathleen resisted laughing as Jim asked what she'd needed to talk to them about. Her laughter at Gil died in her throat and came out as a sort of strangled squeak. She took a deep shuddering breath.

"At the ceremony I saw, or at least I think I saw, somebody who…" Her voice trailed off as she began to shake slightly. Gil's eyebrows knitted and Jim asked her gently if it was somebody to do with her past.

"Yes, he… he is the father of somebody I killed." A sort of shocked silence fell over her two listeners and Kathleen had become very absorbed in her hands. Catherine dropped into a chair by Gil and as Gil reached for the champagne bottle she snatched ignoring his hurt look.

"You've had more than enough." She informed him ignoring his pouting look. After hearing what Kathleen had said he felt he had every right in the world to down the rest of that bottle before Kathleen continued. Catherine caught the dour mood around the table. She raised an eyebrow at Gil who chose to repeat what Kathleen had told him and Jim moments before much to the shock of Jim and Kathleen. Jim sat looking disbelieving. Kathleen looked like she was about to demonstrate how to kill somebody by glaring at them until they jumped off a building. Gil noticed the stares.

"I told Catherine about a year and a half ago." He explained sheepishly. Jim continued to look like a shocked fish and Kathleen raised an eyebrow in such a way that it made her look even more dangerous. Gil squirmed uncomfortably. Catherine diffused the tense atmosphere by asking a question.

"Who is the guy?" Everyone gazed at Catherine for a second.

"His name is Calvin Velcher." Kathleen appeared to be terrified to even say his name. The silence that fell after her statement was so thick you could have been suffocated by it. Jim said what they were all thinking.

"Miles' grandfather?" He asked in a hushed voice. Kathleen nodded darkly.

"And Miles will be better off if he never meets him."

"Ummm… This may be a stupid question, but why?" Asked Jim nervously. Kathleen suddenly looked terribly tired.

"Does everybody have an idea of David Velcher's crimes?" Dark nods and sad stares were exchanged at this statement. None of them would forget the loss of one of their own to Velcher. They all looked at their hands or feet for a minute while Kathleen collected herself enough to continue.

"David is small potatoes compared to his father." That scared Gil who remembered how bad Nick and Greg had been hurt because of Velcher. Greg had been witness to Sara's murder and had met Miles there and they had escaped but Greg had been thrown into such a horrid depression he'd tried to off himself and almost succeeded. He'd blamed himself for Sara's death. When Velcher had realized Kathleen hadn't killed her assignment but had actually developed feelings for him, he had had Nick beaten within an inch of his life. For these things Kathleen had killed him. Gil wouldn't ever forget the scene. He knew anything or anybody that could scare Kathleen like this was something or somebody to fear. Kathleen's eyes darted around anxiously.

"To be honest, the only reason David's father would want to kill me is because I dared to kill David. He hated David; always said David was too soft for his own damn good." All the eyes of the listeners were wide with disbelief. The idea that somebody could say David Velcher hadn't been a horrible monster was mind boggling. Over that last two years the FBI department that was working on the Velcher case had uncovered well over fifteen hundred murders either commissioned or committed by David Velcher.

"So why would Velcher's father be upset that Velcher is dead?" Asked Jim completely bewildered. Kathleen shook her head sadly.

"It's not that he's mad David is dead. It's that he's furious I would dare to spill the blood of a member of his family." She explained in a tired tone as if this had been playing in her head for a while.

The four sat contemplating what to do. Nothing had been figured out except that Jim would put out an APB on a man of the same description as Velcher's father. Gil caught Kathleen's arm as everybody started leaving.

"How bad is this guy exactly?" He saw the answer in her eyes. She looked petrified like a deer in the headlights. She trusted Gil to know because she knew there were things in his past he didn't tell people about. She doubted he'd ever even told Catherine. She didn't know what these things were and she was respectful enough to ask.

Gil saw in her eyes tortures that she had long tried to bury.

"Did you ever wonder why I didn't kill Velcher earlier?" She whispered. Gil nodded.

"It was because he rescued me and for the longest time I felt I owed him my life. I probably did and I more than paid for it by working for him ten years." Kathleen noticed Gil's brows furrow. He had thought she'd worked for Velcher for thirteen years.

"When David first recruited me, when I was eleven, his father decided he had to test me. David worked for his father and couldn't defy him. After three years though, David's conscience preformed its last act by making him rescue me and run off. David's father threatened to kill David for the disobedience. Well you can imagine how well that went over, I helped David start a new mob of his own because I owed him my life and he never let me forget it. But when he went after Nick and tried to take him from me; I decided debts had been paid and I went after David. Now his father is out to collect on what he considers a blood debt."

Gil felt the blood drain out of his face.

"Does that mean…" His voice trailed away abruptly. Kathleen nodded.

"He will try to kill me. I'm actually not sure he'll fail."

The last part of that statement scared Gil more than anything else he'd heard that night.

The Roads We Follow

The waves roared gently as they teased the pure white sandy shores of Hayman Island and Kathleen enjoyed the gentle breeze as it played with her hair almost not noticing as her husband slinked up behind her slipping his hands around her waist and resting his chin gently on her bare shoulder pressing a gentle kiss to her neck. She smiled in a relaxed manner and put her hands over his. It was the beginning of their second day on the beautiful Australian island. The prior day they'd gotten off the seaplane, checked into the scenic hotel, and gone snorkeling at the Great Barrier Reef. They had enjoyed a wonderful dinner at the hotel restaurant before retiring to their room and luxuriating in the bath. The light, highly polished granite floors were smooth and cool under their bare feet as they danced their ways around the room before settling into the steamy water.

Now they sat feeling the cool breeze and feeling completely content. Nick was wearing dark blue jeans and a white button up shirt only ¾ buttoned and his feet were bare for all the world to see. Kathleen wore a simple dark purple tank top and a navy blue pareo skirt that went down to her ankles which were bare so to allow her toes to envelope themselves in the soft white sands. The early morning light was obscured slightly by gentle rolling clouds that drifted overhead carrying no threat of deluge but carrying a promise of shielding them from the brilliant sun. The light tune drifted towards them begging their attention and a smile crossed Nick's face as he realized it was their wedding song playing. They began swaying as the music played.

Two hearts fading, like a flower.

And all this waiting, for the power.

For some answer, to this fire.

Sinking slowly. The water's higher.

Desire

With no secrets. No obsession.

This time I'm speeding with no direction.

Without a reason. What is this fire?

Burning slowly. My one and only.

Desire

You know me. You don't mind waiting.

You just can't show me, but God I'm praying,

That you'll find me, and that you'll see me,

That you run and never tire.

Desire

Kathleen listened to his breathing and for a wonderful moment it seemed that all would always be perfect and then the song faded away and was replaced by something that felt almost like a kick in the teeth.

I saw her today at a reception
A glass of wine in her hand

I knew she would meet her connection
At her feet was her footloose man

No, you can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
And if you try sometime you find
You get what you need

Vague memories rushed to the surface and Kathleen struggled with them struggling to stuff the stopper in this horrible torrent. Nick was saying something and she couldn't hear him. She fell to the sands and Nick fell with her then the world went black.

When she'd woken Nick had practically been having a fit with worry. She lied and told him she was fine. "Just dehydrated." She busied herself with brushing her hair out of her face and he knew she was lying. He frowned but let it drop for the moment. That night Kathleen had the nightmares again. The same ones that had plagued her since she was ten and as she shook with fear and moaned in protest against the demons who tormented her. Nick held her and she unconsciously clung to him, her anchor in a turbulent sea of her past demons forcing themselves into the present. Nick was determined to know what was torturing the woman he loved. The next day they didn't leave the room and Kathleen told her story.

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