Thanks to jenl25 and warinbabylon for beta-reading
Ch 2. Meltdown
"She could do nothing. No Earthling could possibly have the capacity." — the Monarch, on seeing Tegan enter the TARDIS
"Then our only hope is to get to the TARDIS and warn Earth." — the Doctor to Bigon (didn't someone already say that this episode? Would that someone be Tegan? Why, yes, now that you mention it)
- o - O - o -
The room, shown them with the stated purpose that it was a place of rest, was like an industrial plant. Rest would be calibrated, measured, and inspected on those stark pallets. Everything was grey metal or grey plastic substance. Tegan threw herself about the area like a tiger pacing the limits of a Victorian era zoo's iron cage.
The Doctor had left her there and taken the helmet breathing gear with him.
You are trapped, mocked a little voice in the back of her head. See her now, the strong, independent woman.
In a hideous abuse of metaphor, the glacier of her heart began to calve icebergs of panic. Crack!
Crack! (Adric's head hit the floor)
The stewardess training manual did not cover alien invasions of the Earth. Tegan had to wing it. It was her world, her responsibility, and her job. What was the Doctor going to do, when Monarch lost his patience? Whack him with a cricket bat? (Crack!)
How could she stand idle when her world was going to be invaded? She was mad now, too; maybe it took a madman to fly this mad machine called a TARDIS.
No way back
Tegan's fingers, ignorant but determined, moved over the array of controls on the console. She couldn't let Earth be invaded and the human race be reduced to computer chips. Someone had to do something, and the only someone to do it was her. Even if the controls of the TARDIS were exponentially more complex than those of a small plane; even though she knew this was madness.
Long ago, her father had guided her little hands away from the instrument panel of his plane. "You don't know how, yet. It's not safe. Don't touch, Tegan."
Salt thaws ice; tears pooled in her eyes and dripped mascara-tinged from the corners. Everything she'd ever known and loved would be destroyed, because Tegan Jovanka was an ignorant savage. She'd be like Nyssa: another orphan to cling to the Doctor's coattails, dependent on his limited patience and unbounded whimsy.
walk in the stars and always to roam
The rotor started moving, and Tegan's heart leapt, its icy sheath smashing into tiny grey chunks.
She activated the monitor and saw… that the TARDIS was just outside of Monarch's spaceship. Inside Tegan was a soggy, salty mess.
"Cripes. No. No, leave well alone." Panic in a crisis, Tegan, so mature. What did that training manual say–Oh. Manual.
There was indeed a TARDIS Type 40 manual, but it was a lot of mumbo-jumbo as far as Tegan was concerned. It was hard evidence in writing that she was a fool.
Naturally, she threw it on the floor, stamped on it, and kicked it for good measure. Even fools need stress relief. But afterwards, there still she stood in the bright, exposing light of the control room. Alone, charged with saving the world, and not an ice-cube's chance in Hell of doing something about it.
caught in the Dreamtime always the first step
"What have I got to lose?" Tegan muttered darkly. Around the console again, try that control again. Maybe the impossible would happen. And maybe an angel would come down from Heaven and fix everything. Yeah, right.
(Farewell, said the Monarch. In space forever, going nowhere.)
- o - O - o -
When the Doctor stumbled in from the void, spacesuit optional, she was too relieved to ask how he did the impossible.
No way
The Doctor's hands moved over the same controls hers had, but the TARDIS, his old girl, now responded sweetly. To Tegan he said, "Just do what I say and do it quickly."
The Doctor's will carried Tegan in his wake. With only token protests, she followed him; she ran when he said, "Run!" He was the only power that mattered. He was the someone who did something about the crisis. Tegan? She was the helmet carrier. The problem was, they were one helmet short.
"Doctor, what about you?" He was risking his life instead of theirs; remorse was in her voice.
The Doctor spun some story about being able to hold his breath a really long time. Even now, the little mocking voice in the back of her head couldn't resist a jab about his being able to shut up that long. Only the Doctor's hoarse gasping drowned it out. Tegan stood by and watching him die breath by breath. It seemed like forever until the spare helmet was assembled for him. Tegan could do nothing. She hated it.
The Doctor completed his hero act by cutting Monarch down to size. She just wanted to go. The Doctor had promised. If he could do all this, surely he could get her home. No matter what Kurkutji said. She wasn't an Aborigine. Tegan Jovanka was a European tourist to someone else's reality. She should never have drunk the water, and the jet lag was killing her. Home: shrunken aunts and flat tires and drinks trolleys. Home: high heels, short skirts, and lipstick. Leave star walking to adolescent geniuses and tetchy angels.
- o - O - o -
Nyssa fainted of some alien ailment, and with the last dregs of her ability to give a damn, Tegan helped get her into bed. Then Tegan ducked into the anonymous room she'd used before. She curled up on the anonymous bed and suffered the frost heaves of trauma. Or maybe it was the bends from too rapid decompression of terror? She hurt. Every cell of her body, every corner of her mind.
She worried about Nyssa. Oh, that helped Nyssa so very much. Nyssa would be fine now that Tegan was worrying about her.
You whinger.
Tegan had failed before, many times. She'd got up and tried again. Quitting and failure were one in her mind. Now she drove herself to her feet with the whip of anger. What good was having a bad temper if it couldn't get you moving?
When she opened the door, she found the Doctor on the other side. He did have a way of turning up unexpectedly. "Just the person I wanted to see. We need to have a talk, young lady."
Guilt was flammable, and knowing she was in the wrong didn't stop guilt from fueling her anger.
"You're right about that. What's the ETA for our arrival at Heathrow?" Tegan's bullheaded way of attacking from a weak position had been surprisingly effective in the past.
"The TARDIS is not on a schedule." The Doctor took a step closer. His new face was mild by default, but hard lines of anger were undermining a naturally pleasant physiognomy. In short, he was pissed off. "You do understand that you endangered us all by your reckless behavior?"
"I'm sorry! But I had to do something!" Her back was against the wall. She was conscious of his height like this, though he didn't loom as effectively as had his former incarnation. That one had been more frightening. His voice had conveyed boundless authority. This one was wearing celery. No one was afraid of celery. Tegan Jovanka certainly wasn't afraid of celery. Not even a little bit.
The Doctor took her by the arms and leaned down to stare her directly in the face. "You could have done as you were told and not charged off in a panic."
The words hit home. Tegan's eyes stung. No, she wouldn't give him the satisfaction of tears. She thrust her chin out, relying on the stubbornness bred in her bones, and held his gaze. "I'm not going to stand around and wait for the world to end!"
She saw his jaw tighten. He didn't shout, but his temper was roused enough to let him give her a little shake. "It will end faster if you let panic guide your actions. You need to. Listen. To. Me." His grip tightened to the point of pain. They were both breathing faster. She could feel his breath on her face. His eyes flickered.
He's going to--
And then he wasn't going to; further more he was never going to; he dropped his grip so fast Tegan's knees sagged in reaction. The Doctor walked away, quick strides floating his coattails.
Every nerve ending in Tegan's body was tingling with fear and anger and other things she was not going to admit to. Anything more than anger in his eyes had been her imagination.
Anyway, he'd hijacked her in the first place, no matter how inadvertently. One hijack deserved another, right? Right. She'd go sit with Nyssa. That was doing something. Being there for a friend was something worth doing, even if that was all she could do. Nyssa? Friend.
The Doctor? Impossible.
"Opposition brings concord. Out of
discord comes the fairest harmony.'
- Heraclitus of
Ephesus
The End