-1A/N: As is everything I write, it either started as a product of boredom, or a random idea created when friends were around and corrupting my fragile mind.
The views expressed in this fanfiction are not necessarily the views and opinions of great story writers, nor did I even take a survey. This is my own opinion, and much of it is sarcasm, not to be taken seriously. Though the important parts are.
I own nothing.
Did You know that this is an actual fanfiction now? Not just a stupid 'How To' Manual? Read it and find out!
"Welcome! Welcome!"
There was a large group of people starting to gather around Dumbledore. Harry poked his head into the Great Hall, shortly followed by Ron's and Hermione's, all wanting to know why there were so many people gathered around Dumbledore, and right before bedtime, too.
"I have gathered everyone here today, or tonight, to witness our very first annual Hogwarts Bedtime Story Read Aloud!" Dumbledore spoke to the crowd, sweeping his arms grandly around the hall. Harry, Ron, and Hermione were intrigued, so they came in and sat at the Gryffindor table, listening to the utter rapture of silence around them as Dumbledore flicked his wand and a sort of holographic mist popped into the air.
"This was a rather clever one I read this Holiday Break, on the.. What's it called? Computer? Anyways, I thought that you should hear it. I liked it." Without further wait, Dumbledore flicked his wand, and the hologram began scrolling, slowly, in time with Dumbledore's voice.
"I know that, as an avid Harry Potter reader myself, that when you read, everyone has at least once thought about themselves if Harry Potter were real. Everyone has thought about themselves as a character on Harry Potter, so don't lie. I can see, with my psychic abilities, that you have. If you lie, I tell Santa.
"All this aside, I would like to take this time to point out that, when we have ideas like this, us writers begin a plot in which someone like ourselves would go to Hogwarts. We create an Original Character in the ideal image of what we want ourselves to be like. As fun as this is, many people do it wrong.
"Mary Sue: A female character with absolutely now flaws in personality, looks, charm, beauty, or anything of the like. The living equivalent of a Barbie.
"Gary Stu: A male character with absolutely no flaws in personality, looks, charm, handsomeness, or anything of the like. The living equivalent of Ken.
"This is the amazing fic in which I teach you how to AVOID creating the ultimate snoozefest OC story! Because really, who wants to read about how little miss perfect saves the world without breaking a nail… again?
"#1: The Character
"Now, we've got the idea in our mind of our wonderful hero or heroine that is all our own. But we do not want the typical Mary Sue/Gary Stu. Here's what NOT to do.
"A normal girl does NOT have flowing blonde wisps of liquid sunlight, sitting atop a stunningly beautiful heart-shaped face, completed by the lips as red as roses and rubies and eyes as blue as the summer sky on a clear day above a field of daisies. The look is NOT continued downward to the perfect, hourglass body, with a slim waist and large honkin' hooters that are mysteriously not too big or small. They do not have wonderful tanned skin and straight white teeth that sparkle like the mysterious diamond necklace she wears, which is the only clue to her forgotten past.
"Guys do NOT have muscular bodies that are not to either extreme, flabby or bodybuilder. The do not have the face of a movie star, and they are not Daddy's Little Athlete. Who is good at every little sport the come up against. They are not always at the perfect height for the female they are paired with, which is short enough so the girl can rest her head on his shoulder when she falls into a drowsy state of being (asleep) or when they dance together, yet tall enough so that he is that desired height of a few inches above her so she does not feel short in comparison. The guy does not have that chiseled look to his face that suggests replica of a Greek Statue.
"If your character is beautiful or handsome in every aspect of their figure, you might want to change a few things. A mild disfigurement would be a nice idea. Who DOESN'T enjoy a nice two-headed person, or one with a dead fetus attached to her head?
"#2: The Originality
"Now, we don't want the character to be too plain, so why not mix it up a bit?
"NOT COOL!
"This is Harry Potter, and in being so, There are no blue-haired people. This is a school for humans, and not elves or human/cat/dog/ANY ANIMAL hybrids. The people have NORMAL hair colors, and Normal eye colors. NOT purple or blue with red flecks in them, with gold outlining them. They are not a vampire, and they are NOT going to be the prophecy the world needs to survive a nuclear war with Giant Badger-Shaped Waffles.
"The hair and eye colors are only exceptions to CERTAIN shows, like anime. Just make sure that you fit it with the right one, because some anime is meant to be normal-like and not have green hair with a bright orange bow.
"Also, think of a decent name for your character. I once wasted my life reading an OC fic where the girl had blue hair, violet eyes, elf ears, gargantuan boobs, wore a pink robe, and was named Amethyst Star Dolphin Mystic Rainbow Sparkle. I was in a coma for a few days, and I wish to save the world of fanfiction from stories such as these and change the fate of the poor kids who read them. Let's pick a nice, NORMAL name, shan't we?
"#3: OC's are NOT Superheroes
"As if being magic isn't enough already, your character should NOT be an elemental, your character can NOT see dead people. They are not psychic, a metamorphous (Like Tonks) or an animagus that is not registered, and if they are registered, they are NOT a dragon or a unicorn or some form of creepy animal/animal hybrid like in Avatar: The Last Airbender shows. (Assuming you've seen the shows.) And if you cross it over with Pokemon, I think I might go find you and whack you in the face with a really hard object, like a cookie sheet or a frying pan.
"#4: Connections
"Something lots of people like to do when creating an original character is make them have connections to important people, power, or a bad guy. This has it's downsides, because these are usually ingredients that twist into the plot somehow. But it gets annoying after some time, listening to how you are related to the Minister of Magic, how people idolize you for being the best Quidditch player this hemisphere of the world, or listen to your unhappiness of your Death Eater parents that you want nothing to do with.
' "Oh, woe is me! My father is a Death Eater, but I want nothing to do with this atrocity!" cried Starfire Ruby Princess Tiger Lilly. "He is evil, and he is the head assistant to Lord Voldemort! Feel sorry for me and watch my emo tears fall!" '
"If their connections to the important people have major involvement with the character's popularity or story plot, it will come out a bit cheesy. And come up with something original for the plot, too! Though, I'm not here to rant about mangled plots, so I won't.
"#5: Character Personality Dynamics
"A round character is a character with multiple personality traits that coexist peacefully together. If someone wanted to argue with me, the would tell me that a Mary Sue or Gary Stu DOES have multiple personality traits, dangit! They are smart and funny and loveable and nice and all the good traits that life has to offer!
"And they would be right. That IS a round character.
"But I would argue back that, when the character has NO personality flaws, they would be perfect. And perfect is ONLY ONE PERSONALITY TRAIT!!!
"Thereby making them flat and not round.
"Even good characters have flaws in them! Hermione has almost no social life because of her annoyingly accurate knowledge, Sirius is now dead, Tonks is lovesick for Remus, who will not return her love, Ron is just not the smartest person in the world, and neither are the Twins. Harry has lots of flaws, mainly because I don't like him, so I'm not going to list any.
"When you make a character, and they get along with both sides of the party (Harry's group and also Malfoy's) It is not right and also not plausible. Pick a side and stay with it.
"Also, when creating a pairing like OCxSirius or something along the lines, don't ever make them have the exact same personality. That is copyright infringement.
"Every good character has at least ONE flaw that is prominent. If they didn't have one, what would the bad guys use to manipulate them with when they are in the Pit of Disaster?
"#6: Keep to the Dress Code
"Your character should NOT walk into Hogwarts wearing a Led Zepplin t-shirt, or some sort of electronic device (like an Ipod) that somehow CAN work in the magical environment.
"Hopefully, this little 'tutorial' of sorts was enough to open your eyes to how bad many OC's are in actuality, or maybe it just provided you with some amusement in your world of boredom. Either way, I trust that it was helpful and informative. Enjoy the rest of your day, and please keep this in mind the next time you try to write your own OC."
There was dead silence all around as Dumbledore finished. This would have been the perfect time to cue those crickets that always chirp after awkward silences.
"That was bloody Terrible! How could anyone call that a story? It had no plot, and all it was a stupid 'How To' Manual that was so poorly written, it couldn't even be called that!"
"Malfoy, you should shut up now." The Twins said in unison Monotone.
A/N: Flames accepted, and I know I'm probably going to get some.
I am getting sick and tired of all the freakish OC stories that I don't even bother clicking when I see a pairing with an OC anymore.
And you know what? I have read through the Story Guidelines, and I cannot be reported. Do you know why?
And I quote:
Here is a list of conducts that should always be observed:
1) Spell check all stories and poems. There is no excuse for not doing this. If you do not have a word processor that has the spell checking feature, use a search engine such as to find one. I have done that.
2) Proofread all entries for grammar and other aspects of writing before submission. 'Hot off the press' content is often riddled with errors. No one is perfect but it is the duty of the writer to perform to the best of his/her ability. All stories have little mistakes, so nobody can get me there. And I DID go and read through again, anyways.
3) Respect the reviewers. Not all reviews will strictly praise the work. If someone rightfully criticizes a portion of the writing, take it as a compliment that the reviewer has opted to spend his/her valuable time to help improve your writing. If anything, SOMEONE cough cough should get reported for bashing ME in a review!
4) Everyone here is an aspiring writer. Respect your fellow members and lend a helping a hand when they need it. Like many things, the path to becoming a better writer is often a two way street. Nobody can get me here because I am helping out writers on what NOT to do. Didn't I already say that in the story?
4) Use proper textual formatting. For example: using only capital letters in the story title, summary, or content is not only incorrect but also a disregard for the language itself. Like I did any of that. Seriously people.
Entries not allowed:
1) Non-stories: lists, bloopers, polls, previews, challenges, author notes, and etc.
One or two liners. This is none of those. I even have dialogue in here! (See #4)
2) MST: comments inserted in between the flow of a copied story. Nope I haven't done that.
3) Stories with non-historical and non-fictional characters: actors, musicians, and etc. I mentioned Led Zepplin, but this story is not about them, so it's all cool
4) Any form of interactive entry: choose your adventure, second person/you based, Q&As, and etc. Nope
5)Chat/script format and keyboard dialogue based entries. Not here either
So you see, I can't get reported for not following the rules, because I did.
Plotline enough for you?
And if I'm your 'friend,' how come you are so intent on flaming me? Did you also know that we had a good laugh at your reviews? I'm keeping them as a trophy. 'My First Flamer' will be written on a plaque.