Lying alone that night, I thought about Edward. I thought about all those nights when I had slept by myself, awoken by dreams of his gorgeous face, his haunting memory. Now he was here, willing to lay with me, but I pushed him away, I told him to leave. I was getting more and more confused over this matter, and I realized I had to decide whether or not I wanted him to stay with me or not. If I waited too long, he may just think I didn't want him around at all, and would leave yet again, but not return.

I felt betrayed and unloved, yet I wasn't willing to let the one who made me feel that way go; what was wrong with me? It was like I had been cheated on, and then he had come back and told me it meant nothing, that it was all a lie. How was I supposed to know what was the truth and what was the lie, though? I felt like his 'lie' of not loving me was more truthful then his 'honesty' about loving me with all of his being. He had done nothing to prove to me he really did love me, other than returning; but how did I know he chose to return? What if Alice had told him I was as close to a zombie as a living human could get and he returned out of guilt?

I was getting more and more confused with my lack of answers and plethora of questions, and in the end I gave up on deciding this for myself. I would have to confront Edward, or if not him, Alice. I needed closure, I suppose you could call it. I needed to know for certain, what was happening, and why it was happening. I couldn't simply question myself about this until I came to a conclusion, because that would get me nowhere.

I finally closed my eyes after a quick glance at the window, and felt sleep settle over me.

The ring of my alarm clock woke me in the morning, the dim light coming in from the window lighting up my room enough to see there was no one else there. I slammed my hand down on my clock a bit harder than needed and sat up slowly, still feeling groggy.

My plan slowly filtered into my mind and I felt firm determination stream through me as I went about my normal daily routine. Charlie was already gone by the time I got downstairs to make breakfast for myself, and I thought more in my time alone. My mind kept asking me questions, questions that I couldn't answer. How would he react? What would he say? Would he leave again? The last question sent shivers down my spine and sent a familiar pain shoot through my chest. The fact I didn't have a definitive answer didn't help much either.

Stepping outside, I saw he was already there, shiny Volvo and all, waiting for me, as always. I felt a small smile play on my lips as I moved towards him, minding my feet so I wouldn't trip over anything.

"You don't mind?" he asked, his voice sounding slightly pained and oddly nervous. I shook my head, giving him my best reassuring smile, and opened the passenger door.

"I want to talk to you," I said, once I was comfortably in my seat. He gave me a curious and apprehensive look, so I looked out my window. No way was I going to let his 'vulnerability' make me lose my nerve. I would ask him and I would get answers.

"Go ahead."

I took a deep breath, though I still didn't bring myself to look at him, I knew I would get weaker if I even glanced at him. The thought fueled my desire to have this conversation, made me stronger and also made me less likely to back down.

"Do you love me?" He gave me a baffled expression, which quickly morphed into one of confusion and then finally sheer outrage.

"That is what's been bothering you?" he exclaimed, his hands now clenching the wheel so tightly I could have sworn I heard a snap or a crack. "I can't believe it, after-"

I cut him off, tired of his antics already. It wasn't an answer.

"Answer the question." I ground my teeth together, a determined sneer set on my face as I looked at him, unwavering.

"Of course I love you," he snapped, almost bitterly. How convincing, I thought sarcastically. "How could you ever doubt my love for you?"

"I wonder," I spat, turning away from him again to stare out at the trees that were zooming by much too quickly. "Maybe it's the fact you left me, after telling me you don't love me. Then you come back, but apologize a million times over, but never show me you love me. Don't try and act like you do, because you don't. What do you do, Edward? You say things to make me happy. You say you love me, you don't show me you love me. If you loved me, you wouldn't second guess changing me."

"Bella, my changing you has nothing to do-"

"Don't lie to me!" He jolted slightly, obviously not expecting my sudden screech. "Don't lie to me and tell me it's about my soul, Edward. What soul? You killed my soul when you first left me! Don't lie to me and tell me you can't damn me for eternity, because if you, it wouldn't be damnation. It would be better than any heaven that didn't have you in it. Anything without you is a hell. Why don't you realize that, Edward? You say you'd be selfish, changing me, but did you ever think about what I actually wanted?"

"Of course I did…" his voice trailed off, and I realized then he didn't know what to say. The look on his face was agonizingly sad and pained, but I barely registered it. I was waiting for something to slip past those lips of his, something that would make me feel like I was making this all up, and I was just being paranoid. Something to show me he truly did love me. "Bella…I don't know what to say."

I closed my eyes and worked on steadying my breathing, ignoring the presence next to me as my mind reeled at this revelation, of sorts.

He didn't really want me.