Disclaimer: Don't own. Don't sue, please.
A/N: Credit has to go to ajesusl31907, for reading and reviewing each individual chapter of this story.
A/N 2: I have stolen a line from Prisoner of Azkaban. See if you can spot it. And this chapter uses some song lyrics.
A/N 3: Stuff in italics is Lupin's thoughts.
Discovery, Secrets and A Bit of Magic
Chapter 7 – Love, Pain and Remembrance
Months passed, and still Lupin grieved. He continued to receive comforting words and pats on the shoulder from the rest of the Order.
All except for one. Having children hadn't mellowed Severus Snape one little bit. Still the same sarcastic git, Lupin thought. The man is a hard nut.
"For Merlin's sake, Lupin, haven't you got over him yet?" Snape asked after one Order meeting, staring at Lupin disbelievingly, eyebrows raised.
SMACK!
Lupin had slapped Snape around the face with all the strength he could muster. Snape staggered, the place where Lupin had hit him turning an angry red. He glowered at Lupin, who had drawn himself up to his full height, and was slightly breathless.
"Don't you dare-don't you ever say that, Severus Snape! Do you have any idea-any at all-of how much I loved him?" he cried angrily, hands on hips, glaring at Snape.
"Obviously not enough to save his life," Snape said, smirking and sitting down, rocking the pram where two of his children, Sarah and Julian, now lay. (A/N: the other four kids were put up for adoption, because Snape couldn't cope with six of them.)
"Watch it, Snape, or I'll biff you again," growled Lupin. Snape could almost picture his hackles rising. However, he didn't bat an eyelid, just cocked an eyebrow. Lupin got too easily annoyed.
"Like a girl, you mean? Like the bitch you are?" Snape fired back. Lupin threw his hands up in frustration, but forced himself not to hit Snape. I am not a bitch, he thought.
"I always thought you were, Lupin. You might say you're not, but I think we all know you are."
Shut your mouth, I just can't take it! ()
"I will not 'shut my mouth', Lupin. A grown man such as yourself should be able to handle such insults."
Argh! I give up! You win, Snape.
"As always, Lupin."
Lupin stalked out of the room, head held high, gritting his teeth.
000
The bedsheets were a mess, his clothes were all across the floor. He tossed and turned, haunted by the memory of Harry's funeral.
-Flashback-
Girls were in floods of tears. Ron and Hermione stood quietly together, holding each other, Ron stroking Hermione's hair and kissing her on the forehead. The Weasley twins had turned up in jackets of black dragonskin, and even they were seen shedding a tear or two. Neville Longbottom had his arm around Ginny Weasley, who was sobbing hard, unable to stop.
Lupin sat at the edge of the lake, holding Raff on his lap. (A/N: Raff is one of the twins.)
Seems like just yesterday/You were a part of me ()
But now you're gone, he thought, starting to well up slightly. And I can't bring you back. Tears fell freely now. He felt a hand on his arm and looked up. Hermione was standing there, red-eyed, trying to smile weakly.
"You look like you need someone, Professor," she said solemnly.
"Call me Remus, Hermione. We're all the same now." Without warning, she sat down and pulled him into a hug. He lost all control, clinging to her, sobbing, his face hidden from view.
Between sobs he said, "I don't know if-if I can go on, Hermione. I loved him so much and now-now he's gone."
-End flashback-
Madam Pomfrey's words echoed in his mind as he fell into an uneasy sleep.
"She's gone."
000
He awoke hours later in a cold sweat, his grey-streaked hair dripping wet. He wanted to turn to Harry for a cuddle, like he did every time he had a nightmare. Then he remembered.
Without you all I'm going to be is...incomplete ()
-Flashback-
He had just grabbed Harry around the chest; Sirius had just fallen through the veil in the Ministry of Magic. Harry was fighting tooth and nail to escape his grip. No matter how hard Harry fought, however, he couldn't move.
Lupin felt like screaming at Harry. He didn't want to lose Harry as well as Sirius. Even when he couldn't hold Harry around the chest any more, he tried to hold his arm. Anything to prevent another death.
He couldn't bear to look at the arch, at the veil. It hurt him too much.
-End flashback-
I hope you can hear me, I remember it clearly. ()
He got up and went to the bathroom to fetch a towel for his hair. Returning to his bedroom, he rubbed his hair vigorously, trying to get rid of the sweat.
Throwing himself onto his bed, now thankfully dry, pillow included, he attempted to go back to sleep. It didn't come to him. Memories ran through his mind, just him and Harry together.
-Flashback-
It was the end of a particularly difficult Defence Against the Dark Arts lesson, about non-verbal spells. Harry had stayed behind to ask him something after telling Ron and Hermione to go on to dinner. They left eventually, after Harry had assured them many times he'd be right behind them.
"Um, Professor, I was just wondering..."
"What is it, Harry? Is something bothering you?"
"I was just wondering...what it would be like to kiss you."
And before Lupin could protest, or say anything at all for that matter, Harry had put his hands on the older man's shoulders and pressed his lips to Lupin's. It was a tentative, gentle, explorative kiss. Instinctively, Lupin wrapped his arms around the younger man's waist, holding him close. He slid one hand into Harry's hair, letting out a soft moan, eyes closed, just enjoying it.
Suddenly, Harry broke the kiss. Lupin moaned, craving the close contact. Harry laughed.
"Professor, I have to go to dinner. Ron and Hermione will be wondering where I've got to." And with that, he picked up his bag and departed, leaving Lupin standing there, thoroughly annoyed with Harry.
-End flashback-
He felt marginally better now. He hugged his pillow to him, imagining it was Harry. Sitting up and conjuring up a mug of hot chocolate, he sipped slowly. Looking around his bedroom, he was ashamed of himself for making such a mess. And all because of Harry, he thought, smiling to himself. Putting the mug down on his bedside table, he waved his wand, muttered a spell and the mess tidied itself.
He looked at his watch: twenty to eight. Right then, breakfast in twenty minutes, I need to make myself look a bit more presentable. He visited the bathroom again, pulled on his robes over a tatty brown jumper and cords which were slightly frayed at the hems and which he had never got around to mending. Then he put on his shoes and socks.
As he was tying his laces, he looked at his alarm clock. Five to eight. He picked up Mirabelle and Raff, and hurried down to the Great Hall, nearly knocking into Snape on the way.
"Sorry," he mumbled, not even looking to see who he was apologising to, and went on his way.
000
After breakfast, which left him covered in baby food, he went back to his quarters to prepare for his lessons that day. He changed his jumper, and then checked his timetable. He groaned inwardly. Slytherin and Gryffindor second-years, what fun, he thought sarcastically.
Gathering together his books and depositing his children in their nursery with a couple of house-elves, he departed for his classroom.
A/N: Well, that was a long chapter! 1,294 words! Feedback please! Here is a list of the songs I used in this chapter:
() Since U Been Gone – Kelly Clarkson
() Behind These Hazel Eyes – Kelly Clarkson
() Incomplete – Backstreet Boys
() Slipped Away – Avril Lavigne