Disclaimer: I don't own Hannah Montana

What does happiness feel like? Really, I would like to know. How does it feel to be able to walk down the street without feel a thousands eyes scanning your body for ever imperfection? What does it feel like to eat with out feeling guilty afterwards? How does it feel to be able to look your friends straight in the eye and tell them nothing is wrong? I guess I may never find out...

"Lily you're beautiful the way you are, you don't need the fucking scale to tell you that you're pretty," I muttered to myself attempting to resist the strong temptation to throw up after eating a hot dog from Rico's.

"Shit," I mumbled as I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I was half praying to look in the mirror and see someone pretty staring back at me. But obviously as I looked at my reflection staring back at me, I knew that it was yet another prayer that had gone unanswered.

"Fuck it," I said finally giving in. I walked into my bathroom and turned on the water. I grabbed the spoon I kept under my sink and walked over to the toilet. I kneeled down and carefully inserted the spoon into my mouth and down my throat. I felt the food coming up and eventually out of my mouth. I repeated the process a few times before standing up and rinsing out my mouth with water and then popping a tic-tac in my mouth. I didn't dare look at myself in the mirror again. I didn't want to see whoever the hell was staring back at me. I slowly walked back into my bed room and then flopped onto my bed.

"Why can't I just be fucking perfect, like everyone else?" I said to myself as I ran my hands over my face and let out a loud sigh.

"Lilly?" I snapped out of my fantasies when I heard someone at my door.

"Ya?" I said sitting up on my bed. I saw my mom crack the door open.

"Miley's on the phone," My mom said as she waved the phone in front of my face. Miley? Why the hell was she calling me? You think she would have realized by now that I didn't want to talk to her and her little size 0 jeans.

"Oh, okay," I said as I took the phone from her hands. I waited to answer until she had left the room.

"Ya?" I said, obviously showing a little stubbornness in my voice.

"Hey Lils, It's Miley," I heard Miley's high pitched voice through the phone.

"I know," I said.

"Oh okay well I was wondering if you wanted to come over to my house for dinner tonight," Oh great, now little miss size 0 wanted me to come to prove to her family that she was even skinnier than everyone thought she was.

"huh?" I said a little shocked at the offer.

"Well my dad suggested it actually but I thought since we really haven't been spending much time together lately that maybe we could..."

"Sure," I said, cutting her off, I couldn't stand her high pitched squeals anymore.

"Really?" she asked.

"ya sure, I mean what the hell right?" I said trying everything I could possibly think of to get her to hang up.

"Great! So I'll see you around six, kay?" she asked.

"Kay," I said.

"See you then!" Miley said before she hung up. Ah shit, what the fuck did I just get myself into?

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I didn't know why I had said yes to Miley's dinner offer, it was a stupid mistake on my half. But, here I was standing on Miley's doorstep, nearly dying of heat from the long-sleeve shirt I was wearing with baggy sweats in an attempt to hide my figure.

"HEY!" Miley said as she answered the door and greeted me with a hugged. I quickly wriggled out of her grip. I hated people touching me.

"Well come on in," she said as she held the door open for me.

"God, what am I saying you've been here like million times before, It's just been a while," She said walking into the living room.

"Yup..." I sighed not really wanting to start a conversation.

"Well my dad is just finishing making you're favorite, Barbecued chicken pizza," She said walking over to her dad who was standing by the oven in the kitchen. Oh great. I've just enter Calorie hell.

"great," I said, faking a smile. Mr. Stewart glanced at me a few times but never did say anything. Once the pizza was ready we all sat down at the kitchen table. Jackson was there too. Dinner was rather awkward. It consisted of only Miley talking and the occasional "okay bud," from Mr.Stewart. I kept on getting weird vibes from Mr. Stewart and Jackson. Not the vibes I normally get the , "We're staring at your fat" vibes but more like "we know something" vibes. I tried to ignore the feeling as I scarfed down my two slices of pizza.

"So Jackson, how have you been?" I asked in an attempt to break the awkwardness. Jackson glanced up but didn't reply.

"Jackson?" I asked again as I took another bite of my pizza. He didn't even glance up at me, all he did was mess with a piece of chicken that sat on his plate. I glanced over at Robby Ray who was wiping his mouth with a napkin.

"Miles why don't you go up and finish your homework?" He said as he set down his paper napkin on his plate.

"But Dad, Lily's..." she started but Mr. Stewart cut her off.

"Miles," he said sternly. Miley gave her dad a confused look but then nodded and left the room. Once she was out of sight I stood from my seat and began to walk away form the table.

"Well, since Miley's gone I should probably be go..." Mr. Stewart cut me off.

"Lily sit down," he said sternly as he too stood from the table.

"Okay..." I said awkwardly as I walked back over to the table. Jackson didn't look up at me. He was still staring at that one piece of Chicken on his plate. Mr. Stewart didn't say anything for a few seconds as he leaned on both his hands that were resting on the back of a chair. He looked down at the ground and shook his head a few times before looking up at me.

"Lily,why are you doing this to yourself?" he said in that 'concerned parent' tone of voice.

"Doing what?" I said, letting out a nervous giggle.

"I think you know damn well what I'm talking about," He said looking at me. I stayed silent unsure about what to say. I looked over at Jackson who almost looked like he was crying. Oh shit.

"Jackson told me..." Mr. Stewart started but there was no way I was letting him finish that sentence I already knew what he was going to say.

"Oh my God," I said as I laughed nervously and put my head in my hands.

"Lily you need to get help," Mr. Stewart said as he slid into the chair next to me and attempted to place a hand on my back. But, I immediately shook it off.

"Look, you're not my father," I told him as I pulled away from his touch.

"I know I'm not but I could be the only person who can stop you from killing yourself!" He said, his voice now getting a bit louder. I rolled my eyes. Like father like son.

"Okay, I know that all skinny people must think that big old Lily Truscott is going to kill herself but..." I didn't get to finish the sentence.

"But what?" Mr. Stewart said, "Eventually what you're doing to yourself will kill you and there is no doubt in my mind about that..."

"No it won't, God, none of you people will ever understand will you?" I said.

"of us people?" Mr. Stewart said sternly.

"Never mind," I said, rolling my eyes.

"No please Lily, I would like to know who we are," He said.

"You know, you skinny people, the ones that don't have fat rolls hanging over you're jeans, you guys that aren't walking around with size 12 jeans and who think every single girl who would die to be thin is some mental case who will kill herself," I said. Why the hell am I still sitting here? The door is right there. I can make a run for it. But I didn't. I stayed glued to my seat. Something held me there.

"Dammit Lily, your ninety-eight pounds, you don't have fat rolls you don't even have fat you're a walking skeleton," Jackson yelled, still not looking up from that once piece of chicken. Okay, maybe what he said about me dying and all that shit had some truth in it but this was a flat out fucking lie. I knew damn well that I was not skinny.

I was silent. I didn't know what to say.

What if everything they were saying was true? What if I really was killing myself? What if I do need help?

"Lily you are beautiful the way you are, you don't need a scale to tell you that you are beautiful," Everyone kept on saying that I was fine the way I am, and, I'm starting to believe it.

A/N: hmm... now for some reason I'm craving BBQ chicken pizza... (yumm)

Anywho... I know another pretty bad update but I'm trying. Sorry it took so long, I'm staying in VA with my dad for a few weeks for a family reunion (fun stuff) But anyways this weekend I was pretty busy with seeing old friends and stuff like that so that's why, but now that I'm settled in I should update pretty soon.

And I would like to give a special thanks to "Wish I was With Travis" for this chapter and even though I didn't exactly use her scene, it inspired me and I did steal a few of her lines ; )

Thanks for reading and please review! They are greatly appreciated!

Next Chapter: Has Lily changed? Or has this whole experience made her worse?