Disclaimer: I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho... or A.F.I...
Warning M/MAnna Jaganshi- I think I love you!"You don't know who I am so,You cannot get close to meAnd I don't know who you are,So just leave me alone.I know you can't believeThe anxiety you're causing meAnd I know you can't believeYour fake compassion I don't need.Get away from me, You're standing too close.Keep your hands off of me.Keep away from me, Just leave me alone,who said you could touch me anyway?Don't try to rub my shouldersAnd don't try to hold my hand.Don't try to give me a fucking hug.You crawl on me as if I were your very best of friends.I don't even know your name.Get away from me, You're standing too close.Keep your hands off of me.Keep away from me, Just leave me alone,Who said you could touch me anyway?" -A.F.I "Who Said You Could Touch Me?"Hiei's POVHe's out of his mind right? After listening to his recollection I sense some familiarity. I don't like it. It brings feeling of loneliness and bitterness. I jerked away when he placed a hand on my shoulder. His closeness is bothering me all of a sudden. Before it didn't but now it does. I don't know this guy. He could be some nut job guy after me and part of his story could be true. Shuiichi...Youko Kurama... Kurama whoever the hell he is. I swatted a hand off me. I don't like this. I wish he would back off and stop those soothing words in that soft voice of his.He's not here to help he probably just needs my assistance in one of those tournaments he spoke of. No I don't trust him. He told me all of this not to help me but because he wanted me to join his team again...or Yusuke's team. I don't know this man he keeps touching me and telling me it's OK. He doesn't know what he just did to me. I wasn't expecting a grand life but I also wasn't expecting something so... utterly miserable. When he spoke of it all the feelings from the nightmares that are my memories came back. I don't need him... not after this. He shattered the stable life I managed for myself."Thank you for that lovely story, it was quite charming. I'd like some rest now so I'll lead you out," I spat at him gathering his things and throwing them out the door. "Hiei...," he began and started to place a hand on my shoulder looking quite compassionate. He just wants something, I've read about youkos and by the sound of it he's one of the worst ones. I know human nature isn't enough to completely suppress demon instincts and in his eyes I can see that. At my glare he placed his hand awkwardly at his side, it's unfitting for such a graceful creature but it is the reaction I want. He nodded and left.I know it will not be the last I see of him but I can't concern myself with that. I went over to my closet I've traded in black cloaks for leather trench coats. I yanked it down and put it on. "Hey man, where are you going? I saw that red head leave," R.J. said peering out his apartment."Are you OK?" he asked when I offered a blank stare. At the moment I don't want him around or touching me. He is in black pajama pants and a muscle shirt and his smile is fading, he's getting closer. "Don't touch me," I snarled and using the gifts I have been blessed with I blurred from his vision. I find myself in a park. I sit in a tree branch with my feet dangling glaring at the ground as if it insulted me.I tucked my hands in my pockets. Damn it. I don't want to go back to that. It's true I do have insatiable violent urges but...no... Not that. Lonely, at birth they let me plummet to my death. No companions. I survived obviously but my nightmares tell me what a bitter creature I had become. If I remember it all will I become that creature again? A morbid being that was constantly consumed by rage and bitterness that was practically incapable of feeling everything but those two emotions. It hurts physically after awhile then it dulls... to numbness yet it is still there in many instances. I closed my eyes to the bright green grass. I can smell the thick heady fresh scent of rain and I backed into the corner of the tree against the trunk. The bark is rough but welcome I guess some habits are never lost. I folded my arms across my chest but I inch my hand down to touch the dagger in my boot. Feeling it there brings a strange sense of security. As if my physical reassurance brings mental assurance on a completely different matter. The air around me cools off and I sense Cory. I don't care at this point. Do I sit here and continue with this existence while demons potentially take over the world giving me a life worse than I used to know? Or do I help and fight for this world? Do I fight for the people who have found peace or do I let them rot? Kurama... Shuiichi spoke as if it were a dire matter... me being on the team or whatever the hell it is. And to think I used to be one of the demons bent on world domination- it makes the whole story ludicrous. I sighed not surprised when Cory came up onto the branch I am on. He caught me in a park like this on many occasions. I can't get up the energy to glare at him, to tell him to fuck off. For a long time he didn't speak he merely sat that there. But soon he broke the silence."It seems I know you well," he said offering a lazy smile."It seems you know my tendencies well. You know nothing about me," I replied. I left the part about me not knowing much about myself out. He nodded and didn't speak again even as it rain flattening his hair to his head. Well as long as I have some stalker ex- lovers I'll never be alone. I think this with an amused smile which Cory doesn't note because he isn't facing me he is staring straight ahead his legs dangling from the branch. We didn't speak again even as it reached four AM. I love this time, the fresh smell brought me out of my numbness. This is a charming time of day where nature is just waking up. Everything is so fresh and so cool. Calm, the birds start their daily high pitched song. It seems like nature is awakening. I closed my eyes and feel the cool breeze on my skin. I need to stay up through this more often. It seems like at exactly four the birds start chirping. I jump down from my perch but Cory doesn't follow. For this I am grateful. I reluctantly head back to my apartment my calm feeling slowly distorting to an unsettling feeling in my stomach. I feel sick. I'm heading back to an illusion. I want to run away and go somewhere else... away from all of it but I manage not to. I walked up the stairs of the shabby building and head to my apartment which is impeccably neat but shabby as well. I walk to my room and after undressing I settle in the bed in the corner against the wall folding my legs up making myself as small as possible. Yes... old habits are hard to get rid of. I get no wakeup call from R.J. but I know he is awake. Through the thin walls I can hear his television. An audience chants and cheers and a muffled host's voice penetrated in through the walls. I grab something to eat and plop on the worn couch. It isn't new just reupholstered. I play the message on the answering machine. Kurama... or Shuiichi...whatever his name is called and of course Cory called as well. Kurama's message is calm, his tone warm and soft as he informs that he will call back. Cory's tone is warm, excited and tired as he asks if we can meet. According to his message he reached an epiphany last night.It doesn't matter if I meet him or not he'll come by if I don't. His arranged meeting time has past so I know he'll be knocking here any minute. However I make no move to avoid him. I shouldn't have to leave my home because of him. But this isn't your home, you don't have one. That thought sent a pang to my gut. No I made this my home. I can keep it. I don't have to go back to that completely I enjoy having my own my place. I love the outdoors, I love a good adventure. I love a warm summer day in the forest, working out but I love having a place that I can call my own to return. I know I didn't have that before. Cory knocked on my door and I frowned. Stalker. Would the cops be able to stop him? I opened the door and let him in. He wasted no time he immediately started speaking. "Last night I realized I can't force you to be with me and I can't force you to love me. And if you do you'll come to me. I apologize Hiei, I'd like to be friends," he said extending his hand."You can't have your things back those were gifts," I said while shaking the cool hand. Fire and ice. Warmth on warmth. Ice on ice. That had been interesting, I am able to lower my temperature so it had been interesting having sex while we were both cool, even more interesting when I was hot and he cold, interesting when he raised his temperature to a human level as did I. He laughed heartily and shook his head."What would I do with that stuff? It's too little for me and not my style, and I'm rich remember? I can afford it. Even though I still wish you would have accepted to share a nicer apartment in the building I own with R.J. The offer still stands. I'd give it to you cheap, it's fully furnished with brand new things you don't need anything but food, clothes, decorations, and toiletries" he said. "I'll run it over with him," I said truthfully. Initially I wanted my own place to prove I could handle myself on my own, to show independence but I also know to be independent it won't hurt to take a few bargains. It would probably be easier if I go back to that spirit detective business. It would definitely be cheaper if I had to split bills. And Cory is a very generous person I know he'll probably buy us food and he'll probably pay rent in advance. I know him, he will do something along those linesI may be able to deal with what Kurama told me with more ease than I thought. Cory told me to call him then he left wearing a bright smile. I convinced R.J. to move in with me after refusing to tell him about last night. I called Cory and he insisted that I move in that night but I refused. I reluctantly called Kurama."Hiei is that ou? How have you been? I can't believe it," a voice asked cheerfully, whoever it is sounds tired and is breathing heavily."You're not Kurama," I commented. He laughed loudly and I pulled the phone away from me but it did nothing to dull the sound. Kurama answered out of breath as well sounding quite surprised.
"That detective business you were going on about, you can call me when you need me for that...but other that don't call. I really don't know you anymore I don't want to know you. I'll stay where I am, I'll be ready for that," I said in as polite a tone I could manage. I don't want a guilty conscience and I can keep balance. I can learn about my past despite how it seems and I can keep my present life. I'll let things work itself out but I will not go back to that. "Oh," he said, he sounds stunned so I give him another moment but he doesn't speak so I tell him I have to go. As I tend the bar R.J. came over smirking. He has that smirk on, the smirk he wears when he has done something I do not like."What?" I demanded."That red head just came in actually dragged in by a group of people who want to see you. I know they want to see you because they were yelling your name and arguing about coming in," he said then broke out into hysterical laughter. He leaned on the counter and tears filled his eyes. I grimaced and scrubbed an invisible spot he took a seat and laughed loudly slapping his knee. I rolled my eyes at him. I ducked under the bar table and pretended to be doing something but instead I just took a glass and poured myself a few shots. The burning calmed down and I finished filling two orders while R.J. laughed. It's time for a break but I drag him to the bathroom."What are we doing?" he asked sobering."Avoiding.""It must be bad because you don't avoid," he said. He sat up on the seat and we nodded politely at customers but I sense tow familiar energies coming closer. Kurama and that Yusuke guy I met. I've been strong all my life according to Kurama I'm allowed to have a few moments where I don't deal with it. I grabbed R.J. and pulled him into the stall with me. "I sense Hiei," Yusuke muttered and R.J. immediately let out a lustful sounding moan. I glared up at him and he shrugged so I let out my own moan. He snickered at the humor then remembered he was acting and mumbled that tickles Hiei. There is a short scuffle outside and Kurama hisses lets go while Yusuke insists on staying but Kurama wins. R.J. let out a loud laugh and sank to the floor in hysterics which gave me more room so I plopped on the toilet chuckling but not nearly as amused as he is. I know I'll have to see them sooner or later, I'd just rather that it be later. "I have to tell my girlfriend this. She'll think it's hilarious," he laughed some more and leaned against the door seeming tired. He stared up at the false bright lights and the tiled ceiling. I stared down at the dusty floor he is sitting on and I frowned at the lingering smell of piss in the air. "Ten more minutes of this," I said."I'm actually comfortable," he said closing his eyes. It is I'm used to small spaces. I'm used to the two of us resting after playing tricks on people or just relaxing in the strangest places. I shrugged my agreement and the ten minutes passed quickly. Before we left we washed our hands then we tried to look a little disheveled which was easy. I head back to the bar and he began walking around the tables. I don't see Kurama and whoever else he brought with him that's good hopefully R.J. led them somewhere away from here. As I busy myself with other customers and orders my paranoia fades quickly. I enjoy working at the bar it keeps me busy and the music in the background makes everything go by faster. That is why I'm a little surprised when Yusuke is my next customer. "What would you like?" I asked ignoring his warm greeting."Hiei... why are you avoiding us we're your friends," he said and I frowned. I don't want to be your friend. I don't want anything to do with you. "I'm sorry sir but if you're not going to order please return to your seat or let the young lady ahead of you while you make your decision," I said curtly. He stomped out of sight. I must make new friends, some that aren't stalker types.A few moments passed and a small young woman walked up to the bar. She smiled graciously and seated herself at a bar stool. I walked over and served her a root beer float which she drank smiling. I stared into red eyes... so much like mine. How does she not know? She's no fool. She knows I am her brother. But she must understand my predicament."Hi... Yukina," I said matching her soft cheerful tone."Hello Hiei, I just wanted to see you with my own eyes. Though you never speak much I consider you close to me, like family," she said. She knows. It's obvious there are some intelligent people around She didn't demand my attention just my company. After an hour or so and only a few spoken words she returned to the group. I can still sense the group when my shift ends. I start to put on my coat and slip out the back door but it's time for me to face them. I think I have been with R.J. too long his bad habits are rubbing off on me. Many times he doesn't deal with his problems; he avoids them. I'm learning to do that too and it disgusts me. I do slip my coat on but instead I head over to the table they are occupying. What do I say to them? I don't know them and if at one point I did I doubt I really know them. I have many acquaintances who call themselves friends but I don't really know them."Hey the shrimp actually came over!" a loud voice said. It grated on my nerves and I frowned at the orange haired young man. I remember he is Kuwabara from Kurama's descriptions. "Shut up," I said. R.J. appeared at my side wearing a mischievous smile. He always has something planned, and since I refuse to pry into his thoughts I never know what that is. It makes me a little weary, especially after that bathroom stunt. It sure as hell worked but I didn't like it. "Don't you need to call your girlfriend or go away?" I asked and he rolled his eyes. He didn't budge he just introduced himself to everyone. The overly cheerful Botan, the annoying Kuwabara, Yusuke the detective, Kurama the fox, Shizuru the calm one, and of course Yukina."So...who are you to Hiei?" Yusuke asked with a sneer."Roommates," I interrupted before a word could come out of the strange young man I live with. He raised his hands in defeat offering me a charming smile. I smile sarcastically at him and wipe it from my face a second later. R.J. shrugged it off and put his hands in his pockets nodding politely to a person who just so happened to walk by. He nodded at another woman at a table who is alone and after she said something he wandered off to talk to her. I can never figure him out. I gazed back at the table they are all speaking of nonsense things, things which I generally don't concern myself with. To have so many adventures and trips to other worlds you would think they would have something more fascinating to say than 'nice weather'. "You haven't changed much, other than the whole job thing you're still relatively the same," Shizuru said lighting a cigarette. The whole group is making me uncomfortable. I prefer to come to terms with my past on my own. I'd like to remember everything on my own and I do not need them to shove memories and painful feelings at me."I have to go now... I'm moving to a new apartment we need to pack," I said and departed abruptly. R.J. followed a few seconds later pulling a portable CD player out of his small bag. I walked slightly ahead of him as always listening to him sing the rather obscene lyrics I have learned to enjoy. He made a comment to me occasionally catching up then slowing down to change CDs or examine whatever he found fascinating then running up until he was a reasonably caught up with me. He sometimes stopped to examine a flower, a car, a building, a store, maybe to talk to someone, anything really. Innocent are his impulses to look at the world around him but brutal in his analysis of them."Life is weird. When we're born we depend on everyone for everything. We start to gain memory, sight, control of our limbs, the ability to feed ourselves but as we grow older it's like we're regressing...well humans anyway. We go back to depending on everyone we lose our teeth again, the ability to walk even our memories in most cases. I'm sure there are a few old fucks around who can do a thing or two but overall it's that way. And one of these days I'm going to be like that," he commented laughing a little. I think he would drive himself mad if he didn't have such a sense of humor. His honesty is his observations can be hurtful and depressing but he can always find a way to lighten that up. "Stop thinking so much," I said over my shoulder. He laughed and grabbed onto a tree branch we walked under and he began to swing from it. He let out strange noises and people walking by stared. He nodded and said hello here and there. I leapt into the branch he chose to hang on and people stared. He swung himself up and sat next to me. He's incredibly agile and strong for a human. Come to think of it he could probably harness his spirit energy. I watched as he flicked a lighter on and off. On second thought suppose his energies involve fire. He's already a pyromaniac as it is- more than I am.End of that chapter... I just don't know what else to add right now. Please review if you like, or if you have any comments.