"Marisol! Are you ready to paint, yeah!?" Deidara yelled with enthusiasm.
"YES!" Marisol yelled back holding up her two paintbrushes. She was dressed in her painters gear which consisted of shorts that were incredibly short and an old sports bra she didn't really care about, and a mound of blonde hair piled on top her head.
"Okay, first, Marisol you only need one paintbrush. Second, we're going to need to spread out some newspaper, yeah." Marisol thought a moment.
"Oh! You know what!? I haven't seen a newspaper but I can tear out the pages of last month's Vogue magazine and use that as a painting surface!" Marisol was super excited about this idea.
"And we can combine it with Hidan's old quarterly issue of 'Jasshin Devotee', yeah." Deidara ran off to find Hidan. Itachi was outside straining the leaves out of the pool. He had made good use of Tobi by making him sweep the leaves around the pool out into the yard. Dana had a task of her own to deal with…
"I don't know about this." Lola said weakly as she laid in the floor with her ankles up around Dana's neck. "I mean….this is almost the position I was in when it happened."
"Lola, you could barely walk down the steps, yeah."
"It's okay…I mean what's a little pain?" Lola said laughing with slight misery in her voice.
"Lola! I know you're all….smart and stuff, yeah! But you obviously don't know anything about what it takes to avoid this situation, yeah! Rule number one, you never tense your back up! Rule number two ALWAYS keep your hips flat and level even if they are airborne, yeah! Lola, I'm going to be honest with you. This isn't going to be pleasant but you are going to feel so much better, yeah!" Dana warned.
"Dana, Dana I don't know. I'm not bendy like you….Dana…..Dana oh my god what are you going to…AAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!" All that was heard next was a horrible pop. Dana left Lola whimpering on the floor and went to the freezer.
"Oh hey an ice pack, yeah!" Dana said happy to see an ice pack in the freezer. She took it out wrapped it in a towel and returned to Lola who was still whimpering in the same position that she left her. "Alright Lola, come on, yeah." Dana dragged Lola up on to the couch and shoved the ice pack between her thighs. "There! You'll feel much better in 2 or 3 hours, yeah!" Dana told her. "You want a pillow or a blanket because it looks like you may want to go back to sleep, yeah." Dana asked her
"I'll take the pillow….but this is really cold." Lola whined. Dana shoved a pillow underneath Lola.
"Okay Lola, before I leave to go paint with Marisol, I hope you've learned a valuable lesson, yeah!"
"Oh my god Dana! Get up here! Painting is like…..so fun!" Marisol yelled from the top of the stairs. Speaking of the home improvement project, Deidara currently had the book Making Decorative Wall Petitions with Roman Style Columns and Accent Molding for Morons in front of him.
"Okay, it says here in the first paragraph that even the stupidest and most uncoordinated people can do simple home improvements such as creating decorative wall petitions with Roman style columns and accent molding. We introduce in our books seven easy steps that even total retards can follow, yeah. Hey! This means Orochimaru could follow this book….so that means it's going to be like…..like a moonwalk for us, yeah!" Deidara was so excited about the project.
"A moonwalk?" Marisol asked.
"Yeah…you know like…really easy." Deidara said spreading supplies out in the master bedroom.
"Wait, you mean easy like a cakewalk, yeah!" Dana said.
"Oh that's it! I always get those walks confused, yeah." Deidara said. "Now, Dana you paint this other column. I'm going to follow step one which is……get a tape measure and plot the surface for which your decorative room enhancement will set. Hint, measure two times for accuracy, yeah." Deidara read out loud and then started digging through a box for a tape measure. Itachi had finished skimming the leaves out of the pool and he had a reward for Tobi for all his help.
"Tobi, come here this is for all your help today." Itachi walked Tobi to the refrigerator. "Here." Itachi handed him something.
"Wooooooooooooow………..what is it!?" Tobi was excited.
"It's a 98 percent fat free strawberry Dannon yogurt cup. Here's a spoon."
"Wooooooooooooow. I can't wait! I've seen these in the refrigerator and I've always wanted to try one! But I know Lola always packs them in her lunch and I've never asked her what they were, but now! Now it's my chance!" Tobi ran off with the yogurt cup.
"Come on Kakuzu! Quit being a dumb fuck!" Hidan hurried him along.
"Just wait a minute! Besides Zetsu isn't ready to leave yet!" Kakuzu said as he searched through his man purse.
"Zetsu is too ready! He's going over our grocery list! Come on just bring the whole damn man purse!" Hidan yelled at him.
"Hidan! I have to organize this before we leave!" Kakuzu insisted.
"Oh god! You are always wanting to organize that stupid ass man purse! Zetsu is ready to go and we need to get everything on this list because we are low on like everything!" Hidan was not pleased.
"Fine! But when I can't find anything in my man purse later I'm blaming you!" Kakuzu yelled. "Here let me see that list." Kakuzu continued heading toward the door where Zetsu awaited him and Hidan. Kakuzu scanned the list.
"What the hell!? Oranges are expensive this time of year!"
"Oh for god's sake! It's fucking AUGUST! They aren't expensive." Hidan rolled his eyes.
"Chocolate peanut butter chunk ice cream? Deli meat!? Those are NOT on sale this week!"
"You know what Kakuzu not everything on our list is going to be on sale! My god! It won't amount to more than five dollars! Shit Kakuzu let's just leave! Give that list back to Zetsu!" Hidan said pushing Kakuzu and his man purse toward the door. They finally managed to leave, fighting all the way out the door.
"Itachi! Shove harder, yeah!" Deidara ordered him straining.
"It won't fit! I'm telling you this hole is just too small!" Itachi was pissed.
"No it isn't! Just push it in, yeah!"
"Yes it is! It's not designed to fit in there! Oh my god! Did you even read the seven easy steps?" Itachi let go of the pillar that Marisol had painted earlier and reached for the book. "Look dumbass! You didn't even do step 4! Step 4 clearly states: resize your crown molding around the pillar so that all sides equally line up without any space. Tip: make certain pillar fits securely into the base unit before the crown molding has been placed." Itachi read from the book.
"Man, this is really hard stuff, yeah." Dana told Marisol.
"I know! That part about making sure your surface is flat? How would we have even known to check that if this book hadn't said to do that!"
"Yeah! And that cutsie little tool that we found in the leader's toolbox? Who would have thought it was used to scrape stuff with, yeah!" Dana said.
"Alright, Deidara we're going to reposition, remeasure the hole and try again." Itachi said reaching for a tape measure. "Dana, honey you and Marisol can start painting that shit that goes around the pillar." Itachi instructed.
"Okay!" Dana chirped. She had decided that she LOVED to paint and Marisol was no exception.
"Deidara, I swear you can not count, add or subtract!" Itachi yelled at him. "Look stupid! You were four inches off on all sides no wonder it won't fit!"
"The book says to remeasure, you weren't here to remeasure, yeah!" Deidara whined.
"Well learn to fucking count Deidara! God!" itachi started redoing everything Deidara had done wrong. What was the title of that book again? Did it have the word moron in it?