[A/N: Whoa, sorry for such the long wait! I had to rewrite this over and over again because I couldn't get what I wanted out of it, and even now I think that it's not what I wanted, but I have to move on and make better chapters. This IS long and has A LOT of info in it. And holy h e doublehockystick this chapter was so hard to write! BE happy:-D Oh, and this is supposed to be rated a little higher because of the contents. It might be a bit disturbing…)

Chapter 5

Draco waited impatiently for (Hermione) to answer back the next day. He was checking it in-between classes and during long periods of non-stop talking from his teachers. It was making him itch.

Now that he knew that there was actually someone that was going to answer his message, he felt like he had a little something to look forward to.

"Draco, why are you so antsy?" Pansy asked him during lunch, when he was bouncing his foot and checking the Diary when he thought no one was watching.

"Me? Antsy? No, it's nothing. Nothing."

She shrugged, and looked at him seductively. "I'm sure I could help you with that, you know." She leaned in and kissed him on the lips, and had once again, an emotionless and meaningless kiss. Draco noticed long ago that he had no more feelings for Pansy, and yet he stayed with her.

After he pulled away, he looked at her, hoping she wouldn't be upset that he had ended it.

She looked longingly into his eyes again, and this time, Draco saw in her mind that he was not the only guy she kissed that morning.

Finally, after he endured the rest of his classes with anticipation, he looked inside the Diary and saw the new message.

Earn your trust? How, exactly, and what makes you think that I can trust you? I would like something from you in return, if you want my trust. I'm not that easy. Did you think I'd just let myself go at you and tell you everything, since I don't know who you are? I'm sorry, but if that if what you thought, you were very wrong.

As for which school I go to, I go to Hogwarts. Which House, I'm not sure I should tell you just yet. Write back on how we are to gain each other's trust. I would like to hear from you later this evening, as I find myself impatient to waiting.

Draco read it all through. Cockiness, he concluded, a bit of pleasure coming to him as he read the attitude in the note. He looked around. There were too many people around him, in the Common Room; too many witnesses. He'd have to wait to write back.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hermione paced the Girl's dormitory, longing for the Diary to write back. She stopped mid walk. Why was she so anxious? Was it because she was just bored and looking for something to occupy her? Or was it because the feeling of having someone out there and communication with someone else made her feel antsy? She didn't know why she was as restless as she was waiting for them to write back.

Any moment, she kept telling herself. I said I'd like to hear from them later this evening.

Minuets turned to hours up in the dormitory. She was lying on her bed, doing her Arithmacy essay, when she looked over at the open for the umpteenth time.

Her heart skipped a beat and she jumped, seeing a new entry written.

Cockiness…I like it.

Earning my trust would require a few things. You must prove that you are loyal of my time, and that you will not go on and blab this out to anyone. You have to show me that you're serious, not just a giddy schoolgirl on a power-drive.

The first thing that you need to do is tell me your deepest, darkest secret. I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours. It can't just be something that is just any old secret. It has to be a secret that haunts you and is so deep and dark and disturbing that you can barely go a day without thinking about it. Easy enough? You decide.

Answer back tonight at midnight. And when you read mine, make sure no one is around you. Not even that orange fluff all cat that likes to follow people around the castle.

Hermione stared at the page, horrified. Her deepest, darkest secret?

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Draco glanced at the clock. It was now 11:45 PM, and they were supposed to be writing back at midnight.

Expectancy bubbled in the pit of his stomach. Was he prepared to tell them his secret?

This was his chance for a fresh start. This was his chance to show somebody who he really was, and not who he lied to be. For only a second he found himself suggesting that he could cheat them out, and not tell his secret, but the real side of him overruled that. Lost in his thoughts, he was startled when the clock hit midnight and rang.

Nearly stumbling over his own feet to get the Diary from the armchair, he felt almost exhilarated as he fumbled to the page.

My secret? You want to know my secret? Why, so you can go and have a laugh at it? Is that why you want me to expose it? Do you expect me to come out and tell you who I am and what I've done regrettably?

Unless you give me one good reason why I should tell you, it's going to stay a secret of mine.

Draco squinted at it. This was not what he had expected.

He sat lazily down in the chair and took out his quill to write back.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Hermione squeezed her eyes tight, telling herself that she could just abandon the Diary now before she even had to tell them her secrets. She was getting worked up over nothing, her conscience kept assuring her. They haven't even answered back yet, she thought, and I'm already fretting over a stupid secret.

Moments passed by while she was waiting and it was now far passed one in the morning. What was taking them so long?

She looked at the page, her eyes now glued to the writing that she had long awaited.

A reason? I'll tell you the reason. It's because I've got a damn good feeling that you have got no clue who I am and so you have no idea that I've spent the last six years lying to myself and everyone around me, therefore you might just be the only person who wouldn't be expecting me to be somebody, and quite frankly, it's obvious that both of us have nothing to loose by trusting each other.

Hermione stared blankly at the parchment. Was that reason really what she was looking for? She thought about it a little more. They were right- she had no clue who they were and, as much as she didn't want to accept it, they both had nothing to loose.

She took out her writing utensil and began writing on the next page what she had rehearsed in her mind.

Okay. I'll tell you my secret. But I swear on Merlin's soul, if I hear it anywhere around this school, I WILL track you down and CURSE YOU INTO OBLIVIOUN. Do I make myself clear? I hope so. This has never left my mind, and I do think that you've proven you're point and reason.

I didn't always want to be the person I am. There was a point where the insults were so hurtful that it tore through me and it came to the spot where I decided that I didn't want myself to be who I am. Sometimes I think that I was possessed; I can hardly remember what happened when I just snapped and what I was thinking and what I was doing. I was trying to rid myself of my blood, because I was unhappy with what it was. (Pathetic, right?) It went on like that for a while. Nobody noticed, nobody even considered that I'd be the girl that was running off to bathrooms to slice open my skin. And that, my friend, is my deepest, darkest, uttermost-disturbing secret.

Hermione wiped the tears from falling down her cheeks. She could have lied and told him something else, but she was tired of lies. She wanted to cleanse her conscience. She looked over the parchment again, and was distracted by the wet spots on the paper and she hoped that they would not seep through to the other Diary.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Draco lay on the floor in front of the fire, staring at what he had just read. He understood it. He knew what they were talking about. It was bewildering to him to know that someone would possibly do that to themselves.

Time lapsed a bit further, and he finally brought himself to sit up and grab a quill to carry on their agreement. He couldn't believe what he was doing.

He was going to tell some random, anonymous person his innermost secret, but yet he had nearly any idea if he would tell the truth. Part of him gasped for an outlet, some type of escape for him to release what he was feeling. He needed to get it off his chest; he needed to tell some living soul. The other part of him wanted him to throw that Diary in the fire, forget about it and never let anyone know anything about him.

It was a battle within his mind, and it was starting to annoy him.

Fairly exasperated, Draco put his pen to the parchment and began writing for his escape.

Very good. I'm sorry, though, for what you've been through. I suppose what I'm about to tell you will most likely come off as a bit frightening, and for that I'm sorry also. But I'm a man of my word, and it is only to our agreement that I tell you my secret as well. (Mind you, I have sources that could let me know if any of this leaks beyond these yellow pages.)

It is tradition and mandatory that all men in my family to become Death Eaters. I will become of age in nearly six months, therefore I have to get the Dark Mark and I have to follow in my father's footsteps. But that's not the worst part, as bad as that seems. The worst part of it is that I don't want to do it. I have always bragged about being of age and moving on to bigger and better things, but the truth is that I'm terrified of whatever those bigger and better things are. I'm constantly thinking that someone's following me, watching everything I do. I can't say what I really want to, because if I did, I'd be killed and my name would be shame. I'm never happy anymore- just terrified. That's my secret.

So? Comments? Please? I'll give you a cookie!