Chapter 10: 5am News, Live Report

Disclaimer: Every girl can dream that they are the owners of Naruto, but in the end… we're just not.

Nor Does FurbyGirl or her beta DSA own Toyz'r'us, the Red Sox (though as Boston Fans and residents , we'd love to), 1-800-54-GIANT (which I spelled wrong and changed a little), Flealine advantage (or advantics or whatever it is) Belden Jewelers, Little Debbie or (holy crap Furby you used sooo many commercials…..) Goldfish, Fox Woods, Meow Mix, or Dr. Pepper, and I SWEAR IF THERE ARE ANY MORE REFERENCES IM GOING TO KILL YOU any other references or jingles that are in this particular story. DSA

Hinata: Good morning Konoha, this is Hyuga Hinata-chan and Uzumaki Naruto-kun with the 5 o'clock A.M. News. We have some new updates on the Sakura-chan Baby Watch. Well, after three long days of hard labor, Haruno Sakura-chan has finally given birth to her babies. The exact number is not yet known, but it's definitely more then one.

Naruto: Also the father of these babies remains a mystery but we have a pretty good idea of who it might be. We have cameramen tracking him down as we speak.

Hinata: We also have Inuzuka Kiba-kun and Akamaru-chan on the scene outside of the hospital where a big crowd has gathered awaiting the results of the birth. Kiba-kun how are things out there?

Kiba: Things are pretty wild over here Hinata, as you can see a crowd has gathered in front of the hospital and are now awaiting the news of the number of babies. Nobody is being let inside the hospital and everyone's getting pretty squeamish and anxious out here... Let's see what the crowd is thinking...

Ino: I bet Sakura has 50 babies and is in so much pain right now. There's no way she'll be able to be a kunoichi after this.

Kiba: How do you feel about Sakura getting pregnant in the first place? Are you angry? Maybe even jealous?
Ino: …Sakura Is Just A Dirty Whore And No One Would Ever Like Her, Especially Not MY Sasuke! She's A Slut And She's Greedy And Has A Gigantic Forehead! Gaaaahhhhhh! (Stomps off in fury)

Shikamaru: It's all just a gigantic pain. You know the law, each married couple is only aloud to have two children, and there's no way that she only had two. Plus she's not even married yet. Ah, what a drag…

Kakashi: Um, it's a great shock for everyone, she hid the pregnancy so well that no one saw it coming... I didn't even see it coming! I never thought Sakura would turn out like this; she seemed so responsible and would have been a great kunoichi.

Kiba: Do you think the father is a member of your squad?

Kakashi: Ha, ha, ha, no. Sakura always hated Naruto and they would never do anything that could lead to this. She did however have a big crush on Sasuke, but I'm pretty sure he hated her with a passion. Plus I know that Sasuke would never do anything so irresponsible… Though I've already been wrong about one of them…

Kiba: So can your Byakugan see pregnancy?

Neji: Most likely, yeah.

Kiba: Couldn't you have seen this coming then?

Neji: Well I don't exactly walk around using my Byakugan on everyone, it wastes chakra, and Sakura isn't really a threat so there was never a reason to use it. I guess if I did I could have seen it coming but it wouldn't really have made a difference.

Kiba: What do you say; want to look into the hospital and tell us the number of babies?

Neji: Ah...I don't think so. (runs)

Kiba: Oh come on; please man! I thought we were tight- (follows him)

TenTen: I think pregnancy is a beautiful thing but three days is a bit much. And I can't help but wonder what affect this will have on her future. It's pretty hard to be a ninja and a mother at the same time… not that I would know…

Rock Lee: Sakura! Why have you done this to me?! WHY??? (Cutting wrists)

Kiba: Well then back to you Naruto (Hides Lee from camera)

Naruto: Ooooookay… So! We have breaking news! Kabuto (growl!) has so kindly taken this video from inside the delivery room (But we still hate him!). From what we can see here, there are one, two, three…… eleven. ELEVEN?!!! Yes, Haruno Sakura-san has successfully delivered all… eleven of her babies. Damn!

Hinata: Well it looks like 5 girls 5 boys and I think that small one's a boy?

Naruto: Where?

Hinata: There, the smallest one with the red hair. I'm pretty sure that's a boy, he doesn't look like the others though. They all have pink, silver or dark brown hair, and they're bigger and don't look as depressed.

Naruto: Yeah, he kinda looks like…………… G-aa-ra? Minus the funky eye makeup though.

Hinata: …Yeah, actually... someone look into that. Anyways our camera team led by Jiraiya-sama has finally found the man that could very well be the father of these 11 children. Uchiha Sasuke-kun.

Jiraiya: (Running up the road towards Sasuke, who is walking away) Sasuke! Sasuke! So are you the father? What are your feelings about the situation? How long have you and Sakura been at it? Sasuke over here! So how was she? Huh? You must have really been into it-

Sasuke: Get Out Of My Face! (Scream. Spurt of blood. Camera goes blank)

Hinata: Well that's the last time we use him as a field reporter.

Naruto: Well I'm surprised he actually found Sasuke. Knowing Jiraiya he'd probably just run off to sneak a peak at-

Hinata: ANYWAYS! The news is out about the number of children, but as the law states, each married couple is only allowed two children. Considering Sakura-chan is unmarried and the father is unknown the Hokage-dono is now in a secret meeting with the council… that isn't really a secret anymore… to decide what to do with the children. And we'll be right back after a message from our sponsors…

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Naruto: Man I love that commercial!

Hinata: Well yeah, you did make it.

Naruto: True that sista!

Hinata: Naruto-kun you are so white.

Naruto: Looks at camera and notices they're on air And we're back (Sits down) with The Konoha Morning News at 5. During the commercial break we had Asuma-sensei take over Jiraiya's job.

Asuma: So Gaara, have you heard the news of Sakura's children?

Gaara: Yeah, what of it?

Asuma: Well it has been said that one of the children has a strong resemblance to yourself, what do you have to say about this?

Gaara: I have nothing to say.

Asuma: Well you must have something you want to say.

Gaara: No I don't.

Asuma: Are you the father then?

Gaara: No…

Asuma: Are you sure?

Gaara: Yes….

Asuma: Really?

Gaara: Yes….

Asuma: Really REALLY?

Gaara: Sand Coffin! (Scream. Spurts of blood and sand. Camera goes blank)

Naruto: ………….. Well it looks like we'll be needing yet another reporter.

Hinata: Indeed, while we get on that we'll go back to you Kiba-kun. How are things in front of the hospital going?

Kiba: Hinata, the crowd is in shock out here. 11 babies are quiet a lot and people are anxious to know who the father is and how Sakura is fairing. We are now awaiting the Hokage's announcement on what is to be done with the children.

Naruto: Indeed the Hokage seems to be taking his sweet old ass time making a decision on this. But now we have our back-up reporter, Kurenai-sensei, on the move to scout out the possible fathers.

Hinata: Yes, but we are having trouble finding them. It seems that they have gone into hiding, but we'll smoke them out sooner or later.

(Gaara and Sasuke are hiding in a tree.)

Sasuke: So, you hiding from the news station too?

Gaara: Yep.

Sasuke: So…. You want to go get a pizza after this?

Gaara: Sure.

Sasuke: Yep… pizza.

Gaara: ……………So are you the father?

Sasuke: No! Are you?

Gaara: No!

Kurenai: (Walking down the street towards the tree) Well they have to be around here somewhere. Find Them!

CrewMember: Yes ma'am!

Sasuke: (standing up) Time to go.

Gaara: Yep. (They both jump off into the trees)

Naruto: ………

Hinata: ………

Naruto: So… how 'bout them Red Sox?

Hinata: 56 wins, huh?

Naruto: Yep…

Hinata: Jeez, there is nothing new on this story, there's no sign of Gaara-kun or Sasuke-kun and the Hokage-dono is still in the secret meeting with the council. Now what?

Naruto: Let's see if we can get a camera-crew into the hospital to interview Sakura, that should kill some time. (Presses button) Bob, get us a camera-crew into the hospital and make it snappy.

Hinata: (Yawning) We should also do some DNA testing to find out who the actual father is.

Naruto: Yeah probably. (Resting head on table, while Hinata spins around in her spinney chair)

Naruto: ……….(Looking at camera) Are we on air?

Cameraman: Yes.

Naruto: Oh crap! (Sits up) Hello folks! We still aren't able to find Sasuke or Gaara but we're gonna see if we can do some DNA testing to find out who the true father is.

Hinata: And we also have Kabuto-kun (Growl!) inside the hospital who will now be interviewing Sakura-chan. Kabuto-kun.

Kabuto: Thanks Hinata. So Sakura, how are you doing after three days of labor?

Sakura: (Holding a pink haired baby girl) I'm so tired and still in pain but it's not as bad as it was before. It's been hard but I'm glad its over and that I have such beautiful children.

Kabuto: The question of who the father is has remained unanswered, could you tell us who it is?

Sakura: Actually I'm not sure who the father is either. I wish I knew but I'm as clueless as you guys are.

Kabuto: Could it be Sasuke or possibly even Gaara?

Sakura: I would like it to be Sasuke and I'm not quiet sure how I'd feel if it was Gaara, but I guess it's possible it could be one of them.

Kabuto: I'm sure you are well aware of the law that each family is only aloud to have two children. What do you think will happen to your 11 babies because of this?

Sakura: Well I hope that I will be able to keep at least 3 or 4 of them even though I am unmarried. I'm not sure what they'll do with the others but I hope whatever the council decides it will be for the best.

Kabuto: Thank you very much for your time Sakura, we'll let you rest now. Back to you Naruto.

Naruto: … Hey Hinata, you think Kabuto is the father?

Hinata: Why would you say that?

Naruto: I just got this weird feeling that it could be him and the babies with the silver hair kinda look like him.

Hinata: Either him or Kakashi-sensei.

Naruto: That's kinda creepy… Kinda really creepy……

Hinata: Well anyway, our camera crew, now led by the beautiful Kurenai-sensei (fwa!), has finally located our two run-away father candidates.

(Sasuke and Gaara are sitting in a tree surrounded by the camera crew)

Kurenai: Come on guys, just come down for one second.

Sasuke: No, go away you hag! We are NOT the fathers!

Kurenai: Well if you're both so certain that you're not, I'm sure you wouldn't mind giving us a blood sample to prove it.

Sasuke: Fine we will.

Gaara: Good luck getting one from me though, it won't be easy with my sand and all. Believe me, it's hard enough being emo when you can't even cut yourself.

Kurenai: I'm sure we'll find a way, just come on down.

Naruto: Well now, it looks like we're finally getting somewhere.

Hinata: Indeed it does, and we'll announce the test results right after this commercial break.

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Hinata: And we're back with the Konoha News at 5. Well after some difficulty with getting Gaara's blood…

(Gaara is strapped to a medical table)

Kurenai: Nothings working, the sand keeps getting in the way. (Stabbing at Gaara with knife)

Kakashi: I guess we'll just have to use chidori.

Gaara: No, not that, please!

(Scream)

Hinata: … we finally got the results from the DNA testing.

Naruto: Due to suspicions we've tested both Sasuke Uchiha and Gaara of the Desert and the results are (opens envelope and removes results)… negative… both of them.

Hinata: Well it seems that both Sasuke-kun and Gaara-kun are not the fathers of Sakura-chan's children. And we're back to square one. Looks like we'll need to do more testing.

Naruto: Okay, we're gonna go to a commercial break while we do more testing and we'll have the results when we come back.

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Naruto: And we're back with The Konoha 5 O'clock News and the results are in for the DNA testing… and we'll find out who the father is right after this commercial break!

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Hinata: All right we're back for real now and here are the results of the test. (struggles to open envelope)

Naruto: Um, well while she's trying to open that I guess I'll fill you in on the details of the testing. Since the two men that we thought were the fathers weren't we had to go back and test all the genin that were acquainted with Sakura and Kabuto and Kakashi-sensei because some of the children look like them and Kabuto's just a bitch. So if Hinata ever opens that envelope we'll find out who it is!

Hinata: (Struggling with envelope) I've almost got it Naruto-kun hold on.

Five minutes later…

Naruto: No you don't, give me that! (snatches the envelope from Hinata and opens it) And the father is…………………(Drum Roll)……………………… Rock Lee?

Hinata: What? (Grabs paper from Naruto and reads it over) Yeah, Rock Lee-kun is the father.

Naruto: How did that happen?

Hinata: I have no clue.

Naruto: They must have been really drunk…

Hinata: Well, as a big shocker to all of us, it turns out that Rock Lee-kun is the father of 11 children. Kiba-kun is now on the scene outside of the hospital with him. Kiba-kun.

Kiba: Thank you Hinata. So Rock Lee, it turns out that you are the father of Sakura's eleven children, how does it feel?

Rock Lee: (awestruck with tears in his eyes) I…I…I do not know what to say. I feel wonderful! And confused, very confused… but Happy! It is all just happening so quickly.

Kiba: Well congratulations man. Eleven is indeed a lot. But now we shall see if his position as father is a blessing, or a curse!

Hinata: Thank you Kiba-kun. And now it seems that the Hokage-dono is finally out of council and will announce the decision the village has made regarding what shall be done with the children.

Hokage: As you all know the law states that each married couple can only have two children per family. But Sakura is neither married nor of age to begin a family and has had eleven children. However eleven children and three days of hard labor are more then any girl of 13 should go through. So considering she knew the consequences and what she was getting herself into but went through with it anyways, we shall allow her to keep two children of her choice and the rest shall be eliminated at once. As to her position as a kunoichi of the village, she may continue her training as a genin if she is able to support and provide a healthy environment for the children. If she fails to be able to continue both her training and provide for the children, they shall be taken away from her immediately or she must resign her position as a ninja of the village and live as a full time mother. This is the will of the council and the village, so shall it be!

Gaara: (Standing in front of Sakura at the hospital, smiling and holding a scythe) Pick two we're killing nine.

Sakura: Nine? How about just eight?

Gaara: No Nine! Point and choose which ones shall live.

Sakura: Fine, those two. (Points to a baby girl with silver hair and baby boy with pink hair)

Gaara: Okay! (lifts scythe to slaughter the rest. Camera goes blank)

Hinata: And so the Sakura-chan Baby Watch comes to a close. In the end Sakura-chan was aloud to keep two of her children, a baby girl Satomi-chan, and a baby boy Shingo-kun.

Naruto: Sakura and Lee were not forced to be married because of the situation (thankfully) and both carried on as genin of the village. And so this is the end of the 5 O'clock AM News for today, I'm Naruto Uzumaki…

Hinata: And I'm Hyuga Hinata-chan, see you next time! (Smile)

(End Credits)