Chapter 8:The Case Of The Missing Ramen!!!

Disclaimer: I had a dream I was the owner of Naruto but then, I woke up. Pooh!

If there are any other references we will always disclaim them at the end of the story.

Naruto Screams! "The Ramen! Where Is The Ramen!?!?" Naruto shrieked in panic as he strip searched his apartment for missing noodles. "WHO TOOK MY RAMEN?!?!?!?!?!?!?"

He threw down the bed sheets and exploded out of the demolished apartment and down the street at breakneck speed. "Whoever did this will PAY!!!" He screamed murderously to the skies.

He slid to a stop in front of Sasuke's house gasping for air. The house lay quiet and all the windows had been shut and the shades were all drawn. "Sasuke, it must have been him," Naruto hissed vengefully before rushing to the back door.

Inside the Uchiha house all was dark and filled with thick smoke. Sasuke Uchiha and Kiba Inuzuka sat stretched out against a black couch that had been tipped over breathing in the smoke deeply and passing a bong back and forth. Akamaru sat in the corner with his paws over his nose choking from the smoke and the terrible smell. "Hey Akamaru, what's wrong? You look horrible, come join us and relax." Kiba said peacefully taking another puff on the bong.

Akamaru stood up and barked angrily at him then started to choke and covered his nose again. "Bummer," Kiba replied to the random outburst.

"What'd he say?" Sasuke asked taking the bong for Kiba.

"I'm not really sure, something about muffins I think," Kiba replied.

Akamaru growled at them angrily. "Whatev's" Sasuke sighed taking a puff on the bong.

CRASH!

Suddenly the back door blew out casting a ray of light onto the stoned shinobi. "AH, The Light, It BURNS!!!" Kiba cried covering his eyes and jumping behind the overturned couch.

Akamaru barked happily and rushed outside into the fresh, clean air. Sasuke shielded his eyes from the light and peered through the thinning smoke at the orange figure that stood heaving in the doorway. "Dude, I think someone just broke into your house," Kiba whispered to Sasuke peeking over the couch at the door that lay destroyed on the floor, frame and all.

"I'm aware of that," Sasuke said taking another puff on the bong he was still holding.

"Sasuke! You Ramen Whore!" The figure at the door screamed.

"Hey it's Naruto," Kiba said coming out from behind the couch and grabbing the bong from Sasuke, "Come to join us have you?"

"Sasuke! You took my ramen, I know it was you! CONFESS!!!" Naruto yelled storming into the house and grabbing Sasuke by the collar.

"Chilllax Loser, I don't know what you're talking about. Besides I don't even like ramen, why the fuck would I take yours?" Sasuke asked removing Naruto's hands from his shirt.

"Then It Was YOU!" Naruto yelled pointing an accusing finger at Kiba.

"What? I don't even know what ramen is!" Kiba replied.

"Dude, its noodles," Sasuke said turning to him.

"Oh yeah, right…" Kiba said staring at the ceiling in realization, "… but anyways I've been here for the past 2 days so it couldn't have been me."

"Then Who Was It?" Naruto cried furiously.

Sasuke and Kiba both exchanged glances. "Sakura?" Sasuke suggested.

"It's possible," Kiba agreed taking a puff on the bong peacefully.

"Gimme' that!" Naruto said snatching the bong from Kiba and taking a long drag on it then releasing the soothing smoke slowly.

"Alright, you're off the hook for now, but don't think this is over!" Naruto said tossing the bong back to Kiba and heading for the whole in the wall.

"No, no, no! You get back here and fix this door before my parents get home from work!" Sasuke shouted sternly, pointing at the broken door that lay forgotten on the floor.

"But I don't know how to fix a door!" Naruto complained turning to him.

"Well you should have thought of that before you kicked it down!" Sasuke replied angrily.

"Actually, I used a paper bomb," Naruto replied scratching his head.

"I don't care how you did it just fix it! My parents are gonna kill me if they see this!" Sasuke groaned.

"Dude, your parents are dead," Kiba whispered loudly.

"They are?" Sasuke asked turning to him.

"Yeah, your whole family is dead, except for your brother," Kiba replied.

"I have a brother?" Sasuke asked, staring into space.

"Dude you are so stoned," Kiba muttered shaking his head.

"Whatever, I have to go find Sakura and my RAMEN!!!!!!!!!!" Naruto yelled rushing off down the street again.

"That's right; I do have a brother… What's his name again?"

"How should I know…?"

As Naruto rampaged through town searching for the newly convicted kunoichi he slid to a stop in front of a drinking house when he heard familiar voices coming from inside. "I don't get it!!! I mean I can see why he doesn't like you but ME!? The most beautiful blond in Konoha?! It doesn't make sense!"

"I thought being on his squad would get me closer to him but it's no use, nothing I do works!!!"

"Oh Ladies, fear not! For there are many other men in this village that would die for your love!"

"But Why Not HIM?!"

Naruto stormed into the drinking house and up to the bar where Lee was sitting between Ino and Sakura with his arms around them. "Sakura, You Pink Robot SKANK!!!" Naruto yelled pointing an accusing finger at her.

Sakura emptied her mug in one gulp then turned around to face him. "Naruto, go away, I don't want to deal with you right now…" She slurred.

"Sakura I didn't know you were a robot," Ino said leaning heavily on the bar.

"I'm not you Pig!" Sakura snapped angrily taking a shot.

"Um, are you guys drinking?" Naruto asked approaching the bar.

"Yes, you whore!" Ino shouted.

"I am not drinking," Lee said proudly.

"Liar!" Sakura cried throwing the shot glass at him.

"But you guys are underage!" Naruto said.

"Well so are you!" Ino spat.

"But I'm not drinking," Naruto replied.

"Whatever, I don't care if we're underage! It doesn't matter anymore," Ino choked.

"They are sad because Sasuke does not like them," Lee whispered to Naruto.

"Oh come on, Sasuke's a bitch, forget about him." Naruto said angrily.

"Yes, but he is a beautiful bitch none the less," Sakura said dreamily taking a sip of the sake the bartender had cautiously just placed in front of her.

"Then what are you doing here Lee?" Naruto asked suspiciously.

"I am comforting them," Lee said dangerously, pulling Ino and Sakura closer to him.

"I see….." Naruto replied, unsure.

"Maybe it's because we cut our hair!" Ino said in panic looking at Sakura.

"SHIT, it probably is! We have to get extensions!!!" Sakura replied immediately.

"Um, he still hated you when your hair was long," Naruto reminded them.

"FUCK!!! He's right!" Ino sobbed.

"But anyways Sakura, Sasuke said YOU took my Ramen And I Want It BACK!!!" Naruto said remembering why he had come.

"Sasuke said I took it? Why does he hate me sooo?!" Sakura wailed.

"It is alright Sakura, for I still love you," Lee said trying to ease her pain.

"But still!" Sakura said leaning on his shoulder.

"So you confess! ROBOT SKANK!!!!!!!!" Naruto yelled.

"Naruto, I'm on a diet, why would I steal your ramen?" Sakura squeaked, on the verge of tears.

"Well, I don't know," Naruto mumbled.

"Exactly," Sakura hiccupped.

"Then it Was YOU Ino!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Naruto yelled angrily.

"Naruto, I don't even know where you live. For all I know you live in a dumpster in Shikamaru's back yard. Plus I HATE ramen!" Ino said angrily taking a shot.

"That is so cold," Naruto sniffed wiping a tear from his eye.

"Naruto, just leave them alone, they have suffered enough," Lee said.

"LEE! YOU TOOK IT! YOU'RE JUST TRYING TO COVER IT UP!!! I see right through you…." Naruto screeched.

"What, I have been here with them since last night. It could not have been me. Plus I am a respectable gentleman; I would not stoop so low as to stealing." Lee replied in an English accent

"THEN WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!?!?!?!?!?" Naruto wailed.

"Let's think, who do we know that eats everything in sight and is always hungry?" Ino asked.

"You," Sakura said harshly.

"No, Choji!" Ino replied taking a swig of sake.

"The Slut!" Naruto cried rushing out of the bar.

"Now ladies, where were we?" Lee asked stroking Sakura's bottom.

"Must Find My RAMEN!!!!!!!!!" Naruto wailed outside.

Naruto ran through the forest with blood wrath in his eyes. "Choji! The Slut! Eaten All My Ramen! He Shall SUFFER!!!" he shrieked scaring away all the animals near by.

A furious cry erupted from the distance causing a flock of birds to fly away in a panic. "CHOJI!!!" Naruto yelled running at full speed towards the sound.

He slid to a stop in a clearing where Choji was rolling around on the ground in circles like an idiot. "Choji! It Was YOU! You Ate My Ramen You Fat Food SLUT!!!" Naruto screamed at him but Choji seemed not to notice.

Looking closer Naruto noticed that Choji was completely bald and his face was red with anger. "You Won't Get Away! I'll crush you with my HUMAN BOULDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The fat shinobi shrieked, his voice cracking terribly.

"What the fuck?" Naruto mumbled staring at him, a bit freaked out.

"Amazing, isn't it?" Shikamaru said casually coming out of the bushes twirling a pair of scissors through his fingers. "He's so mad he forgot to use his expansion jutsu first, which makes this even more worth it."

"Wait, you shaved him?" Naruto asked in surprise.

"Yep, he's been buggin' me for the past 24 hours, so I shaved him. Hence the reaction," Shikamaru smirked proudly.

"I guess he got what was coming to him," Naruto said.

"THERE YOU ARE!" Choji screamed looking up then rolling clumsily towards them.

Naruto and Shikamaru both stepped to the side easily avoiding his attempted attack.

"So what has he eaten since he's been with you?" Naruto asked remembering why he had come in the first place.

"Well lets see, some chicken, barbecue pork, short ribs, 25 bags of chips, teddy grams, beans, cheese, a turkey wrap, some Jello, leachy nuts, more chips, cat food, acorns, chocolate cookies, vanilla cookies, strawberry cookies, muffins, tuna, mashed potatoes, ham salad sandwich, some crap he found on the ground…" Shikamaru said counting them out on his fingers.

"Any ramen?" Naruto asked interrupting him.

"Nope, no ramen," Shikamaru replied after a moment of thought.

"Damn, I could have sworn he'd take it. Hey! Maybe it was YOU! You Stole Me RAMEN!" Naruto cried pointing a deadly finger at him.

"Steal your ramen? Nah, too much work, I'd just be a pain to do. Plus I'd much rather watch this," Shikamaru said watching as Choji rolled into a giant tree, smashing his head on it.

"True that," Naruto agreed convinced of his innocence. "Then it was YOU POTTER!!! Magical Hoe!!!" Naruto yelled whirling around and pointing at the black haired wizard.

"What? I don't even belong in this anime! I'm not even anime! I'm supposed to be a wizard with raging hormones and major issues. Everything I Know Is A Lie!!!!!!" Potter wailed as tears poured from his eyes.

"Wow, that sucks," Naruto said.

"You have no idea! I'm always angry and I don't know WHY!!!! But now that you know my life story I cannot allow you to live, SO DIE BITCHES! ALOHOMORA!" Harry cried pointing his wand at Naruto.

"But you didn't tell us anything! And isn't that an unlocking spell?" Shikamaru asked.

"Indeed it is young Skywalker! And Now I, Harry Potter, have successfully unlocked your virginity and now… it is mine HAHAHA! So long my good fellows! Magic Awaits ME! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!" Harry laughed skipping away in his black robe.

"Hey Shikamaru?" Naruto asked.

"Yeah," Shikamaru replied.

"What's a virginity?" Naruto asked watching the wizard disappear into the trees.

"Idiot," Shikamaru sighed.

"Shikamaru!!!!! I'll crush You!" Choji growled as he stumbled to his feet, a large lump forming on his naked head.

"Psh, my ass you will!" Shikamaru replied.

Shino was frolicking gaily through the forest chasing a bright blue butterfly. "Hehe, pretty…" He muttered to himself as he followed it silently.

The butterfly flew into a clearing where 3 people were standing. "Oh, it's Shikamaru, Choji, and Naruto," Shino said adjusting his glasses.

Choji was obviously pissed off and bald for some odd reason. He reached out and crushed the blue butterfly in his hand and threw it to the ground, gritting his teeth at Shikamaru.

Shino stopped dead in his tracks. His jaw dropped as he stared in horror at the butterfly's corpse laying crushed in the dirt. "CINDY!!!" He shrieked in a high pitched scream.

Shikamaru, Choji and Naruto all looked over at the wailing Shino just noticing he was there. Suddenly thousands of bugs flew out of his pants and attacked Choji covering his entire fat body and bringing him to the ground.

Choji screamed in pain as Naruto and Shikamaru jumped into each others arms. "I think I just shit myself," Naruto whispered in fear.

After a few moments Choji stopped moving under the pile of insects and they soon retreated back to Shino. All that remained of Choji was a fat bleached white skeleton.

Naruto and Shikamaru stared at the pile of bones in horror, shaking with fear. Shino walked up to the remains and carefully picked up the dead blue butterfly. "Cindy," He mumbled as he cradled it in his arms.

"Uh-um, Shino?" Naruto squeaked.

"WHAT!" Shino snapped angrily.

"Um, ha-have you seen my ramen by any chance?" Naruto asked nervously huddling closer to Shikamaru, who was still staring at Choji's bare skeleton.

"No," Shino replied coldly before turning and heading off into the woods.

His bugs swarmed into a clump forming a hand, which gave them the finger, and then headed off after Shino.

"That was close," Shikamaru said shaking.

"Way too close," Naruto agreed.

"Asuma's gonna kill me," Shikamaru sighed.

"Most likely," Naruto replied.

"Why are you still holding me?" Shikamaru asked staring at Naruto.

"I'm not sure," Naruto replied letting go of Shikamaru slowly.

"All right then, shall we go?" Shikamaru asked.

"Yeah, I still need to find my RAMEN!" Naruto cried before they both headed back towards the village leaving Choji's bones behind in the dust.

"So who have you questioned so far?" Shikamaru asked as he and Naruto walked through town.

"Let's see, Sasuke, Kiba, Sakura, Ino, Lee, Choji, you, Potter, and Shino so far, and I doubt it was Hinata, she's way to nice and shy to steal ramen. Only Foul Bastards do that!" Naruto cried angrily.

"Alright, so that's all of your squad, all of my squad, and all of Kiba's squad, which leaves one squad uncovered," Shikamaru said dramatically.

"Who? Which one? Who?!" Naruto asked eagerly bouncing up and down.

"The rest of Lee's squad, Neji and that girl," Shikamaru replied narrowing his eyes.

"Neji… he's probably at his house, doing something… stupid," Naruto said stroking his chin in thought.

"Alright then, let's go," Shikamaru said turning around and heading for the Hyuga household.

"RAMEN!!!" Naruto cried running ahead.

"Spaz," Shikamaru sighed.

Hinata was walking down town following an angry Akamaru. He had rushed up to her only moments before and tugged on her pants indicating that he wanted her to follow him. Where is he taking me? Hinata though curiously. "Are you taking me to Kiba-kun, is he okay?" She asked the small dog.

Akamaru just growled and kept walking ahead. Suddenly a large dust cloud raced down the road towards them. "RAMEN!!!" A voice wailed.

"Naruto-kun?" Hinata wondered, squinting her eyes to see the figure leading the cloud.

"RAMEN!!! …Hi Hinata… RAMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The shinobi cried as he rushed past her down the road.

"Um… hello Naruto-kun," Hinata whispered shyly watching him go.

Suddenly Shikamaru appeared beside her. "Hey Hinata, do you know where your cousin Neji is by any chance?" He asked calmly.

"Um, probably training with TenTen… in the forest," Hinata said softly avoiding eye contact.

"Man, we were just there, what a drag… Hey AIRHEAD! He's In The Forest Training!" Shikamaru shouted to Naruto.

Naruto slid to a stop and looked around, Forest, forest, where's the forest? He thought before rushing off again in a different direction.

"Thanks Hinata, see ya," Shikamaru said before heading off after Naruto.

I wonder why they're looking for him, Hinata thought watching them go. Akamaru barked bringing her back to reality and they headed off again.

Neji and TenTen lay in the forest eating each other faces off behind a bush. Everyone thought they were out "training" together but they were really just hooking up the whole time. Neji had worked his hand up TenTen's shirt and had almost reached her bra when someone cleared his throat behind them.

Ah, fuck me! Neji thought in misery as he jumped off TenTen and turned around expecting to find Gai-Sensei standing there.

But it was much worse. It was Naruto and Shikamaru standing there, staring down at them. Fuck me sideways! Neji thought wanting to cut himself.

TenTen sat next to him turning bright red and wishing she was invisible. "What do you want?" Neji finally asked trying to act natural.

"I was just wondering, have either of you seen my ramen-y goodness? It's gone missing," Naruto asked calmly.

Neji and TenTen exchanged glances. "No," TenTen said totally thrown off by his question.

Naruto looked them over and stared at them in turn. Finally he took a deep breath and opened his mouth to speak. "Okay." He said then turned and walked away.

Shikamaru turned to follow him. "Training, my ass," Neji heard him mumble.

"That was so awkward!" TenTen cried covering her face when the two were out of ear shot.

"Ramen-y goodness, what the hell?" Neji muttered in disgust

"Next time, use your Byakugan so we can see if anyone's coming," TenTen said behind her hands.

"Yeah, should have thought of that before," Neji mumbled scratching his head.

"Someone kill me!" TenTen cried to the heavens.

"We still need to find my RAMEN!!!!" Naruto cried randomly in the distance.

Idiot, Neji thought hitting himself in the forehead.

"Naruto are you sure you didn't eat the ramen?" Shikamaru asked as the two walked out of the woods.

"Wow, I never thought of that. And now that you bring it up… maybe I did… did I?" Naruto replied, now deep in thought.

"I should've known, what a drag," Shikamaru sighed.

"I guess I could always just buy more, but that wouldn't be as fun." Naruto thought aloud.

"Remind me again why I hang out with you?" Shikamaru asked.

"I really don't know," Naruto replied.

"Jeez, well I'm off," Shikamaru said shaking his head and walking off.

"Alright, see you later," Naruto said waving to him as he left, "Now what should I do? …… I know! I'll go sucker Iruka-sensei into buying me more!"

With that Naruto skipped off down the road to find his former sensei and force him to buy more ramen-y goodness.

Hinata finally arrived home after bitching out Kiba when she found him and Sasuke stoned off their rockers at the Uchiha house. "So immature," Hinata growled, "Wait until I tell Kurenai-sensei."

She walked into her room and reached under her bed where 5 packages of ramen lay hidden. "At least I have this ramen!" She said smirking, "And Naruto-kun will never know."

THE END

Review!! Please? We really love good reviews- no flaming, we know it was weird, but that's why this is a fanfic! Right? Right!

Okay: Other disclaimers!!!: We don't own Harry Potter, J.K Rowling does, and we don't own Star Wars, Hellsing (or it might have been Trinity Blood, Furby handles that stuff, not me) or this cartoon that we found but for some reason I can't remember the website name! But it goes like this: Orochimaru: Dude, I just had, like, a realization.

Itachi: I'm going to regret this, but what?

Orochimaru: It would be so cool if I was, like, a ninja! No-like, like a snake ninja and I could hiss and shit! That would be awesome!

Itachi: You're stoned off your rocker, aren't you?

Orochimaru: Yeah...

So I can't remember where that's from, but its awesome and I'm going to try to cite it as soon as I can. Anyway, I'll update with the next chapter soon! DSA and FurbyGirl

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