A Link To A Female Wolf Chapter 2, a legend of zelda fanfic

I got a review saying something about this not being Mpreg. Oh-ho-ho, I assure you, it is most certainly mpreg. Not really that obvious at the start because I'm only on the second chapter, but it iiiiiiis mpreg. Bleh.

Right, more about Zelda, her servant and Poo. You'll find out who Poo is at the end of the chapter YAY! Yay for Poo!

By the way, there's a teensy amount of British humor (such as the different names for Link's trouser snake). But it barely affects the story.

"Your Highness!"

The princess turned around to see her young servant rushing towards her, clutching a piece of paper.

"Yes, Nara?"

The servant stopped running when she was close enough, and bent over to pant, her long dark brown hair cascading around her face.

"A letter from Zora's Domain, your Highness," she said breathlessly.

"Read it out for me please," said Princess Zelda, who was only mildly interested. She'd been watching a large boar trying to train some smaller boars to kick a bush that looked a bit like a wolf. She sees very strange things through her window.

"'Dear Princess Zelda," read out Nara, "'we're very sorry to say that young Link and his companion Midna will not be able to come to Hyrule Castle very soon, because of exhaustion and a broken arm. Using a Zora's finest medicine, we should be able to heal both of them in a week or so. Link's arm will still be rather weak, but no longer broken. Also…'"

Nara's voice faded away. Zelda glanced up.

"Also…?"

An immense blush appeared on Nara's face.

"Uh, it says here that Link has no sausage," stuttered the young servant. Zelda blinked.

"A what?"

"A trouser snake, Miss."

"…?"

"A piddly diddly department!!"

"Huh?"

"Link has no TESTICLES!!!" screeched Nara. Zelda widened her eyes.

'Finally, I've gotten through to the damn idiot!' thought Nara angrily to herself.

But the young princess blinked yet again.

"What are test tickles?"

…

"Look on the bright side, Link," said Midna, rather hopelessly. Link was mindlessly thumping his head on the wall of the small cave that was his new bedroom.

"There's no bright side," he said through gritted teeth. "I thought that fighting Ganon and Zant was the strangest experience ever. But having no trouser snake has taken the cake!"

"As long as you don't turn into a gay wolf, you'll be fine!" said Midna, who couldn't help adding a giggle.

But Link was too distressed to even listen to what Midna was saying. He was thinking about the message King Ralis had sent to Hyrule Castle.

"Zelda'll think I'm a freaaaaak!" he wailed, continuing to whack his head on the stone wall.

"She'll understand! I promise you!" comforted Midna.

…

"He has no damn dicky bird!"

The two young women had been going on about Link's 'situation' for over three hours.

"What's the matter with not having a pet bird?" asked Zelda, completely innocent. Nara almost collapsed in annoyance.

"Your Highness, have you ever slept with someone?" she asked eventually.

"Yes!"

"Who was it?"

"My teddy!"

"Idiot."

…

For days, Link didn't dare to go out of his little cave-bedroom. He was terrified that the Zoras might know about his 'problem'.

The only people that were allowed to visit him were the Zora doctor and Ralis.

"Link, your arm will be almost completely healed by tomorrow," grinned the doctor, as he shoved a disgustingly slippery Reekfish down Link's throat.

"How the heck does this fish help me?!" choked Link, grabbing his throat.

"I have no idea, but it works!" chuckled the doctor.

His words were true. The next day, Link could move his arm again with no pain, though it was still very stiff.

The day afterwards, the Zora doctor had to go treat a young female Zora who'd somehow manage to drown ("What kind of a Zora drowns?!"). So, it was Midna's job to give Link the Reekfish.

"Oh Liiiiiiiiiiink!" she called, grinning evilly.

Link glanced up from the book he was reading ('Hyrule: A History') to see Midna clutching a half-meter long Reekfish.

"No way!" he said, backing away. "That thing is huge!"

The little black imp cackled.

"Open wide!"

Outside the cavern were two Zora soldiers, standing guard.

What they heard was very disturbing, and mentally scarring.

"Not there! Noo!"

"Be a man, Link!"

"Get away from me, you molester!!"

Then there was a short series of cackling, and then silence.

"That was just downright creepy," said one soldier to the other.

…

Nara finally stormed out of the room, leaving a bewildered Zelda sitting on a throne.

A few minutes later, Nara returned, clutching two kittens.

"The castle's cat gave birth to a litter of kittens two months ago," she said, holding the kittens up.

"Aww, they're so adorable!" cooed the princess.

"This," said Nara, holding the first kitten up, "is a female."

"How can you tell?" asked Zelda, cocking her head to one side.

"Well, this," replied Nara, holding the other kitten up, "is a boy."

"What's that stick-thingie between his legs?"

"That, my friend, is the difference between a female and a male."

"So that's a dicky bird!" said Zelda happily.

Half an hour later, Nara had graphically explained the difference between a girl and a boy.

"So," said Zelda slowly, "Link turns into a girl when he's in wolf form?"

"Yes," said Nara, relieved that Zelda finally understood.

"Phwoar, that's weeeeird!"

…

At last, Link's arm was healed. It was still very weak, but he was finally capable of using his sword again.

"Thank GOD!" he said gleefully. The doctor smiled at him.

"Now then, about your little problem…"

Link's grin disappeared off his face quicker than the speed of light.

Before the doctor could continue, Link had already grabbed Midna's arm and rushed out of the room.

…

Transformed into a wolf, Link swam through the domain and almost catapulted himself off the waterfall.

"Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaliiiiiiiiiiiiiis!" he yelled, before disappearing down the cliff.

Ralis, who'd been sitting on his icy throne, merely blinked.

"What the hell?"

…

Link gracefully swam across the vast Lake Lanayru, happy to be free from the Reekfish-crazed Zoras.

Still in his wolf form, he had Midna riding on his back.

As they climbed out of the lake, Midna spoke.

"Link, what if the doctor had something really important to say?"

Link simply snorted.

"Those Reekfish-addicts only care about their… err, Reekfish!"

'…Link, your comebacks are really crap."

The day continued, and by nightfall, they were on the outskirts of Hyrule Castle Town.

The castle shone in the moonlight, and the tall city gates towered over both Midna and Link.

Glancing up at the castle, Link said, "The lights are off in the castle. There's no point in going in there."

Midna yawned and stretched in mid-air.

"Might as well sleep out here 'till tomorrow," she said, sitting down. "Why exactly are we here, anyway?"

"Princess Zelda's wedding; I've told you about ten times already!" sighed Link, as he sat down. He'd decided to stay in his wolf form until daybreak. "After all, it's your nephew she's marrying."

"I always expected you to marry her, not my nephew!" laughed Midna.

When Midna returned to Hyrule a few months after the War of Twilight, she brought along some of her family.

Her nephew's name was Ren. He was eighteen years old, and was very handsome (for a Twili). He was heir to the throne once Midna retired (which won't be for at least three hundred years).

Midna separated from her family to go visit Link in Ordon, while the rest of her family travelled to Hyrule Castle to meet with the Princess.

Zelda and Ren were very smitten with each other, and soon fell in love.

"A Twili marrying a human?" said Midna outloud. "So weird."

Midna had been called from Ordon, and so had Link, to attend to the wedding. Zelda refused to have her wedding without her saviour and her Twili best friend.

"Let's hope those dang pigs don't find us!" said Midna, before falling asleep on the soft fur of Link's body.

Link gazed up to the stars, thinking about the past few days. He then looked down at his lower body.

How the hell didn't he notice that he peed in a different way when he was a wolf?!

…

"Ilia?"

The brown-haired girl looked up to see her father.

"Oh, hello, Dad!" she greeted.

They were standing outside Ordon's only store. Ilia had just been there to buy some groceries.

"Ilia, someone's come to see you."

Bo, Ilia's father, led his daughter to the lake of the great spirit Ordona.

A magnificent horse stood in the spring, calmly drinking the fresh water. Her long white mane and tail got wet, but she didn't seem to notice.

"Epona!" squealed Ilia, rushing towards the horse. Epona looked up, and immediately pricked up her ears.

She neighed in joy, and happily let Ilia stroke her mane.

"Long time no see, my sweet horse," said Ilia softly. The horse neighed again.

"Oh, I do wish Link was here to translate for me!" said Ilia, sadly. She then widened her eyes.

"Where's Link?!"

Epona imitated looking around, and then falling over and neighing.

"Are you saying that you lost Link and then you got hurt?!"

Epona shook her head. She pretended to look around again, and then flopped over to the ground with a bored expression.

"Oh, you lost Link and you got bored so you came here?"

The horse nodded vigorously.

…

'What a great nap,' thought Midna, as she stretched. She opened her eyes.

The sun had just about started to dawn, and the birds were happily chirping.

Midna smirked. She powered up an energy ball, and shot a bird down.

"Breakfast!" she chortled. She'd never eaten a bird before, but she was bored of eating grass.

Not sure how to actually eat a bird, she simply swallowed it whole.

Burping up a couple of feathers, she turned around to wake up Link.

But he wasn't there.

'Where the hell has that prat gone off to now?" she asked to herself, standing up.

As if an answer to a question, a loud wail came out of the bushes.

"Ayeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

A black and silver blur rushed past Midna, followed by three other black blurs.

"Miiiiidnaaaaaaaaa! Heeeeelp meeeeeeeeeee!"

Midna recognized the pleading voice as Link's.

She powered up an energy ball, and shot down the wolves that were chasing Link, one by one. The bird she'd eaten (which had been a large bald eagle…) had given her a lot of energy, so after hitting the wolves, she transported them using her powers to a nearby tree.

She hurried towards Link, who was flat out on the ground.

"Link?! Are you alright?!"

"I tried to tell them that I was a boy…" panted Link, "but they didn't believe me!"

"Huh?"

"They tried to 'play' with me, Midna! I AM NOT A TOY!"

Midna snorted with laughter. Link shot a glare at her.

"It isn't funny!" he hissed.

"No, it isn't," said Midna. "It's HILARIOUS!"

Midna continued to cackle, even when Link had changed into his human form.

"Midna, shut the hell up before I stuff my fist down your throat."

"That would be really painful, because a Twili's throat is filled with acid that can burn through anything…"

…

"Princess Zelda! Link and Midna have arrived!"

Nara rushed towards the princess and pointed through the window. Zelda, who'd been reading a magazine, immediately sprang up.

"Prepare a feast for tonight!" she said happily. "Tomorrow, Ren and I can finally be married!"

"I'm afraid that Sir Ren is currently out studying the creatures of Hyrule, and will not return until this Friday," replied Nara. Zelda slumped in her throne.

Ren was fascinated by the different types of animals in the great land of Hyrule. He already had gotten himself a pet Keese and three riding-boars.

"I understand," sighed Zelda. "But still, prepare a feast for Link and his companion. Ren and I shall postpone our wedding until the weekend."

"As you wish, your Highness," replied Nara, curtsying before hurrying out of the room to alert the kitchen staff.

"What the hell do wolves eat?!" asked the head chef once Nara had explained. She shrugged.

"I dunno. Meat? Oh, I saw some wild boars outside; one of them was huge…"

…

The handsome young man was bombarded by the townsfolk when he and the little imp wandered into Castle Town.

"You saved our town!"

"You stopped Ganon!"

"OH MY GOD YOU'RE HOT!"

While Link was being crushed by a few dozens of crazed teenage girls, the remaining townsfolk turned to Midna.

"What the heck is this?"

"It looks like the raccoon my cat dragged in this morning."

"I'm not a dead animal!" said Midna, outraged. "I'm the Twilight Princess!"

"Never heard of you."

"I'm the aunt of your future King!" screeched Midna.

"Oh, Sir Ren? Blimey, you're related?!"

"Bit of a midget, aren't you?"

"That's it!" yelled Midna, rising to the air. A black haze appeared in her hands.

"No Midna!"

Link, who'd managed to escape from the girls, jumped up and grabbed Midna's leg, dragging her back down.

"You'll use up too much of your power," he hissed into her ear. "Plus, shooting energy balls at innocent members of the crowd will certainly get you arrested."

Midna scowled as she was being led through the castle gates, away from the townsfolk.

"Can I at least change back to my normal form?" asked Midna. "I don't want my nephew seeing me in an imp form!"

"Fine," said Link. "But no energy balls."

"Oh Linky," smirked Midna, as she rose up to the sky, "why would I lie to you?"

A moment later, an elegant creature stood beside Link. Her long red hair swirled around her pale face. She'd decided to abandon her black headdress, and simply wear a small black tiara with a glinting blue stone.

She wore the traditional Twili Royal Family outfit, a long black dress with bright swirls.

"Nice," commented Link. Midna looked down at him.

"Ah, feels good to be taller than you!" she grinned.

…

The feast was a strange experience for Link.

His plate had been piled high with three dead boars…

…complete with fur and tusks.

"So, Zelda, when's the wedding?" asked Midna, who was happily drinking some wine, to make Link (who was drinking pig's blood) jealous.

"In three days, on Saturday," replied the young princess, giggling like a little girl.

"I have nothing to wear!" whailed Midna. "I forgot all my stuff back in the Twilight Realm, and I don't have enough power to go there on my own! Damn my family, returning to the Twili Realm without me to make wedding arrangements!!!"

"Don't worry," comforted Zelda. "I'll get the best tailor to make a gown for you."

"I'll wear a potato sack," said Link grumpily, who was feeling left out.

"Link, you're the best man, stop moaning," said Midna unfairly. "You'll wear your tunic!"

"I haven't washed it in three weeks!"

Both Twilight Princess and Princess of Hyrule spat out their drinks.

"Didn't need to know that!!"

"Argh, the mental image!!"

…

In the corner of the dining area, Nara and a fellow servant were hastily whispering to each other.

"Nara, I don't think Link will like the bed we made for him in his bedroom!" said a girl with long fair hair.

"Why not?"

"Well, he didn't eat the boars we gave him, so that means he isn't a proper wolf!"

"Oh, God! What kind of bed is it?!"

"A hollow tree trunk."

After hitting her workmate, Nara rushed through the doors up to the bedroom chambers.

…

The next two days passed in a strange blur. Zelda pestered Midna to do girly things with her.

"Painting each others nails isn't my idea of fun…" said Midna, but it was hopeless, because Zelda had already dragged her away.

Link was left to do whatever he wanted to. He mainly trained with his sword outside, in the Castle gardens or in the field outside the town.

Late in the afternoon of Friday, Link had found a partner to train with.

A boar. A rather large one, actually. But Link was too idiotic to recognize it as the one that almost killed him.

The boar, who was eager to practice with the young swordsman, used his tusks as a weapon.

"Squeaaaal!"

Link had almost cut the boar, but the boat had managed to escape just in time.

After an hour or so, Link and his new piggy companion sat down for a breather.

The boar squeaked and grunted, trying to talk with Link.

"Hmm. Be right back!"

Link sprang to his feet and hurried across the castle gardens and into the room that was occupied by Midna.

"Hey, Midna, could you transform me into a wolf for a moment?"

"Uh, sure."

Midna had returned to her imp form, to hide from Zelda and her girly games for a while.

Link soon morphed into his wolf form, and once again ran out into the garden.

"I'm back," he greeted, as he approached the pig. The boar immediately started to claw the ground.

"Oh, wait! I'm Link, the swordsman. I can turn into wolves, see?" said Link hurriedly. The boar stopped clawing the ground.

"Huh?"

"Pretty cool, eh?" grinned Link, flicking his furry tail.

"But you're the wolf I saw the other day! The one that we trampled!"

"Holy Twili, that was you?!" said Link. "You broke my damn arm!"

"I apologize! If I'd know you were the great Link, I would never have harmed you!" said the boar, bowing.

"How the heck do you know about me?"

"Many of those beasts that Ganon sent here used us as weapons," said the boar sadly. "My whole family was killed, and the boars were almost extinct. But then a man clad in green heroically saved us all!"

The wolf and boar continued to chat companionably. The boar's name was...

"Poo?!" screeched Link, laughing manically. The boar hastily shook his head.

"No, no, you didn't give me a chance to finish! My name is P-O-O-;"

But the wolf had already started howling with laughter, tears in his eyes.

"My name isn't Poo!" said the boar, but he eventually gave up. They went back to chatting.

"I live here, in the Castle grounds," said P-o-o-something. "That Twili man gave me and the remaining boars in my pack a home. Some of the boars are being used as riding-boars."

"Really?" said Link, still in his wolf form. "That means we can continue to practice with each other!"

"But that Twili man… there's something odd about him."

"He's related to Midna!" laughed Link. "Of course he's weird!"

"Midna?"

"Oh, she's the imp that was with me, when you tried to kill us," said Link, cheerfully enough.

"She was the one that killed my only remaining relative, my brother."

"Oh… uh…"

"Don't worry," said Poo, grinning. "My brother was a prat! He tried to drown a fish!"

…

"Midna? Where aaaaare yoooooou?"

Princess Zelda wandered through the castle, searching for her Twili best friend.

"Miiiiiiiiiiidnaaaaaaaa!"

Midna tried to stay quiet when Zelda entered the little room she was hiding in. Midna was hiding in the shadow of a chair.

"Midna, if you won't play with me, I'll tell Ren that you're a horrible coward!"

Midna immediately shot out of her hiding place.

"No! When I die, Ren is gonna be taking my place! And if he tells the whole Twili world that I was a coward...!"

She shuddered. Zelda grinned evilly.

"Time for dressing up!!"

…

That night, after supper (Link was happy to see his plate was piled high with normal food), Midna went to visit Link, but she was in her imp form.

And hiding in the shadows…

Link was snoring gently on his bed, dreaming about his hometown.

Midna revealed herself, and crept up to Link's bedside.

She sneakily stretched out her red ponytail, and grabbed the slumbering boy with it.

"Wha?!"

Midna held him high in the air, scowling.

"That's for leaving me for two hours with Princess Crazy-Pants!"

Random ending for the chapter, but oh well. Yay, we all know who Poo is! You'll find out what his full name is later on, but I'm sticking with Poo for now. Poo and Link YAY. Oh yeah, I just adore using the side-characters (such as Nara and the Zoras) to comment about Link. So fun. My favourite part of this chapter was when Link catapulted himself off the waterfall, leaving Ralis looking confused! Oh, I am so very funny (not). Sorry about the drastic change in Princess Zelda. I hate serious characters, so I've suddenly changed her from a wise young woman to a crazy teenager. YAY! Oh, I REALLY enjoyed writing about Nara explaining the facts of life to her using kittens xD

Now then. Review the fanfiction, or I shall send my hormone-crazed pet fish after you.