3
No place is like home, Lex reasons, finding himself inside the same room of his mansion where death has almost taken him. He examines the furniture, caresses the walls, assesses freely the large, luxurious space like it was a ritual for resuming and restabilising his ownership of everything which surrounds him.
It's there he has one epiphany he has been dancing around since he awoke in his hospital bed, with a strange dream on his mind. Until today he has struggled to understand its meaning, but now the realization comes so simple, easy and completely unannounced.
Since he came to Smallville, Lex has fought with teeth and nails his so called destiny.
He doesn't believe in a fixated fate, but in the power of free will. For Lex history is just the play in motion of action and reaction, cause and consequence, even if sometimes they intertwined on so subtle level than even the most attentive observer could miss them.
So he has tried and tried hard, to be a good man. Although he has had so little experience with doing the right choices than the wrong ones were often confused with the former until it was too late. At first, he has thought Clark could teach him, to somehow rub on him some of his fairy dust and make him less of a Luthor and more of a real person.
Lex realizes now his quest was hopeless from the beginning: with Clark like role model he has never stood a chance. The younger man is always been just too decent, too genuine for not letting Lex came failing in every unwanted, spontaneous comparison. And there was not- there is not- nothing Lex accepts less favourably than being second best.
The more Clark is around, with his shining examples of goodness and candour, the more Lex realizes how much more familiar he is with his darkness. The more Lex has seen Clark being generous, the more he has been reminded of how necessary cruelty can be.
It's so clear now: Lex could still try to be a good man, the man Lana would marry even penniless, but because of their opposite backgrounds, he would never be as proficient at that as Clark.
At last, Lex Luthor is no victim, no sheep. He is not to exist without knowing excellence. Someday, he will conquer the world and he will force it to forget a man called Lionel Luthor even existed.
Probably his means won't be always politically-correct.
But he won't do anything of this because he surrenders to a mightier destiny. He will do because this is his active choice : exploiting his talent, reigning in Hell over serving in Heaven… this is what he knows how do right.
And if he can' t rise to meet the Clark's trust, he will deserve all of his distrust.
He can have failed to gain the Lionel's respect, but he will manage to feed his disappointment, his bitterness until they will grow into an intensely painful hatred.
As for Lana… Lex knows he loves her, not just because he's in love with her and his infatuation blinds him to her faults ( this was the way he loved Helen, and those who came before her) but because of how untarnished and yet broken, frail and yet strong she is. He loves everything about her and this is the only kind of love he doesn't know any defence from.
Lana Lang is a 'want', not a 'need'. Loving her is his choice, not his addiction : it is something he enjoys more than anything and the single most liberating emotion he ever felt . He won't cease.
Lex also knows love, like truth, is rarely pure and never simple.
He is not used to love, and this means he doesn't depend on the Lana 's capacity to return his feelings : her rejection can sting , but it would not end him.
Perhaps her heart will never long for him, but he will pursue her until he possesses her body, plagues her mind and haunts her soul.
Hours later, Lionel finds his son before the fireplace, sipping a strong flavoured licorice liquor. The older Luthor is about opening his mouth and commenting this particular pick, already prepared to turn the conversation upon how Lex should be resting or should not have left the Clinic at all. Something stops him, and Lionel doesn't immediately realize it is the expression of the Lex' s eyes while the youngest Luthor acknowledges him with an elegant nod.
That expression is new, blank but mocking at the same time; Lionel doesn't understand it all, but it sends chills along his spine.
From the first time she has seen him, there are two concepts Lana Lang has associated with Lex Luthor: control and sexuality. The memory is so clear, magnified by her ten-years-old impressionable imagination : his head gleaming above the pool's blue water, bent to a girl's tanned breasts, whose hands were gripping the tile and whose deep moans were echoing around loudly . Little Lana had squealed, her eyes wide and round like saucers still unable to stray from the couple, feeling horrified, scared yet oddly fascinated . Lex had lifted his shining bald head and turned toward the intruding sound' source: he had licked his lips, without a glimmer of self-consciousness or shame, and then he had smirked to her with a wet, red mouth, his piercing gaze swiftly changing from surprised to amused.
Today Lana doesn't considers Lex in a sexual way, at least not more than any other hetero woman does, but her first impression of him surfaces in her mind occasionally. This is the thing with first impressions, she thinks, they have a natural tendency to survive, specially if their nature is rather ambiguous .
Lana contemplates this to distract herself from changing her attire for the third time before visiting Lex. At last she vetoed a too revealing shirt and a too conservative pullover in favour of a cherry red camisole on cream-colored knee-length skirt.
She has read about his dismissal from the private Metropolis clinic on the Daily Planet, mildly irritated to know that Clhoe was informed firsthand and had not told to her .
Just deciding to visit him in Smallville has taken a lot of her nerve, although her mind was set on it from the beginning….she is been alone so at long, even when Clark was right there with her, and she had not realized until very recently the consistency of her connection to Lex .
In her life he is been the subtext, a subtle and weightless influence difficult to detect until everything went to hell and Lana realized he wasn't there and it was startling because she came to expect his presence, in spite of their changing circumstances.
She doesn't want to lose him as well.
Her perky roommate doesn't suspect about the Lana's disposition to make up with young resentful billionaires of dubious moral standards. Choe wouldn't understand it at all, and probably would reduce this to the necessity of protecting the Clark's secret. Lana is tired of it.
Whole Smallville thinks she is fragile, utterly depressed over her break-up with Clark - too many people want to shelter her and to take care of her like if she was some tender, flurry puppy needy of constant petting . Nobody seems to notice she has outgrown this stereotype and she would be ready to leave it completely behind if only everyone allowed it.
Of course, she is sad about Clark- but she is sadder when she looks around and notices about how bland her life is without him. In her nineteen years of life, she should have built something more than her relationship with Clark Kent… she should have a right to something more than the drama always gravitating around him.
Lex sees it .
Lana knocks on his door and her hands are not trembling.