Chapter 3 - Agonizing Perplexities of Reality
As I stood out there in front of the somewhat intimidating house, I felt like a child again. The memories just came to me all at once almost pulling me under. I stood waiting outside, rather unsure of what to do. I knew he was coming to the windows so I quickly ducked behind the towering trees. I peeked through the papery leaves, but to my great disappointment, the man who threw the curtains back was not my beloved Charlie. Instantly, I felt a deep void. I sank to the ground wrapping my arms around my knees, and just sitting there for a bit.
It was no man who appeared at the window; it was a boy who looked deeply distressed. He had dark russet hair with dark eyes all of which looked appallingly familiar. Something about the boy made me groan with disgust and hatred. I didn't trust him; I didn't trust him at all. I was surprised by the strong emotion I held for the boy. Suddenly, I heard Charlie's voice calling to the boy.
"Jacob," Charlie's weary voice called. "Is that you?"
It was a relief to hear his voice; I allowed a deep sigh to escape my heavy chest, dropping my whirling head down to my chest. What he meant by that, I had no idea. I leaped to my feet in a heartbeat with happiness. I pushed through the leaves and continued to peer through. I saw Jacob; he was beckoning Charlie to the window.
"Close the curtains!" Charlie grumbled, waving his arms in the air in attempts to fight back the sun's beams.
I caught a clear look of his face – tired, wrinkled eyes, messy hair, and bloodshot eyes; he looked like he had suffered months of sleepless nights. I am positive he is still dressed in his uniform; how could he work looking like that? It was a terrible sight; I was extremely disheartened by what I saw. Even suicide wouldn't be able to cure me from this guilt.
"I'm so sorry, Charlie," I whispered to the wind.
"Nature has its own healing powers, Charlie," Jacob said, practically sputtering the words out.
Both Charlie and I were surprised at the violent tone of the tall, troubled boy. I looked at Jacob, he was in extreme frustration, you could tell by the lines engraved on his forehead – that probably was a time bomb ticking. Even with his head down, I could see the searing glare beneath those dark brows. As I was furtively examining him when he suddenly popped-up his head with his lips pulled back above his seething teeth; his eyes, wild and wandering, were seeking-out for something or someone out here. I released the leaves letting the branches swing back and forth. I had just given him a clue that I was there. Something in me wanted him to find me so I could hurt him. This was the first time I had felt deep enmity.
For some reason I felt paranoid that Jacob knew I was here, and he knew what I was. It was like a needle in my flesh, I knew. I couldn't leave though, despite the danger that awaited me here. It was not only that my heart was too heavy to leave just yet, but I didn't trust Jacob, and I certainly wouldn't leave him alone with Charlie. I decided I would hide around and watch.
"I have to go, Charlie," Jacob blurted. "I think you should stay with Billy and me for awhile." Charlie chuckled, but I even I knew it was forced.
"There's no need for that, besides, I'm old enough to take care of myself," Charlie replied. Jacob frowned in response; he probably knew how stubborn Charlie was.
"Fine, I'll check on you later," and with that, Jacob left. I saw him drove off in his old Volkswagen car, I have no idea which one it was.
"I must've been giving the poor boy a hard time." I heard Charlie murmur to himself. "I give everyone a hard time, first Renee, and then Bell–" And then he shook his head unable to continue in the direction of his sentence.
I couldn't tolerate Charlie blaming himself of what was my fault. It wasn't fair, it wasn't fair at all. It wasn't his fault at all. How could he possibly blame himself for something that had nothing at all to do with him? I really wanted to tell him the truth so badly. There was just too much burden to bear here. Lies or the absence of truth was left to fill the questions just to protect lives. It finally came down to the question, was it more important to protect them, or to let them choose for themselves? Were their feelings more important, or were their lives more important? What would they have wanted? And I think I knew exactly what it was and it was an answer I was unwilling to hear.
There was no way on earth, or hell, that I would let Charlie choose his own destruction. No way, but I knew that eventually I would tell him the truth. I had to, it was only fair. Better than if he found out from that Jacob, I thought to myself.
I went closer to the house, practically spying inside from outside of the window. Charlie was watching TV. I looked at the TV screen, it was a cooking show. Since when Charlie watches cooking shows, I wondered. I sniffed around; there was a funny fuzzy smell that was extremely discomforting. It felt like the radar had just detected something and the alarm was going off like a siren. I was afraid to go inside the house, far too afraid of what I was incapable of.
Suddenly I heard a rustle, and there it was that smell again. I turned around; I saw a large silhouette moving in the dark. I jumped on the roof, attempting to gain a better view. I heard a thud on the roof, several seconds later. I looked around, and there it was, a huge furry wolf with its teeth ready to rip out my guts. I shuddered, because my gut told me this was no normal wolf, it could kill me. It started sniffing me, and then sneezed dramatically. I had no idea whether it was exaggerating or not.
"Hey!" I protested. "I don't smell bad, you smell bad." I scrunched my nose.
The wolf grunted in disapproval. Those dark brown eyes, and that russet fur, I immediately recognized him, it was Jacob Black. He was a werewolf? This was getting way more bizarre, but I guess I knew all along.
"Jacob Black," I said, introducing him for himself.
He couldn't speak in his wolf form; he groaned in response.
"Stay away from Charlie, or you'll be sorry," I ordered pointing fingers at him.
He rose, clawing paws in the air; he roared a little too loud for Charlie to ignore, I knew any moment Charlie would come out.
"I mean it."
Jacob got tired of being in his wolf form, he eventually abandoned it. Clearly, he was underestimating me.
"Why do I have to stay away from Charlie?" he questioned incredulously. "I'm not the bloodsucker."
"So you knew all along."
"You bet I did, otherwise I wouldn't have driven home only to run back here."
"You think I would hurt Charlie?" The possibility of that thought hurt me.
"Wouldn't you know better?"
I kept silent, he knew I was guilty and would be.
"How many lives have you already taken? Do you even want to kill your own father? Wait, what am I talking about, you're not even human. You don't have feelings."
I couldn't take it, all his words were so true, but they were so painful to hear it from him – an enemy who would be of less harm to Charlie than me. But there was on this he was wrong about, vampires did have feelings, at least I knew I did.
"How would you know?" I spitted. "How dare you tell me what I do and don't have?"
As we argued, we were basically just walking side facing side in a circle, eying each other like a target.
"Do you?" He looked at me, pretending to be amazed at the possibility.
"It wasn't my choice. You're a werewolf, aren't you equally dangerous?"
He snorted, and rolled his eyes.
"You should leave," he finally said; his eyes serious.
"You've got to be out of your mind if you think I'm even taking a step away from here."
"Well then I'm going to have to make you."
He looked so confident that he would kill me. Back in his wolf form, Jacob growled ferociously at me; his eyes fixed on me and mine gave him no less attention.
I knew I could beat him, I knew what steps he was going to take. Somehow, I could read him like an open book. He was smart, but volatile. It wasn't that hard to take him down. He jumped with his large jaws and his sharp teeth reaching for my neck. I grabbed him with my granite arms, but he was a bit stronger. He pushed me over the edge of the roof; I pulled him down with me. As we fell, I heard a thrashing sound on the roof. I heard the door swing open; Charlie, I thought.
"Who's there?" Charlie demanded in his officer tone.
Both Jacob and I kept silent and made no movement; we were careful not to kick off the broken ceramic roof pieces off the edge as Charlie analyzed the scene. I saw Charlie walk around the corner, to where I could almost touch him. I could see the worry in Jacob's eyes. I saw the blood flow; it wasn't like I was unaware of Charlie's beating heart, pumping blood into his veins, but I knew enough to resist. It seemed like so close; we were only milliseconds apart. I turned away, holding my breath. But still I felt the saliva in my mouth pour causing a dry ache in my throat. The smoldering voices were putting me under a spell. I could imagine just leaning further down, reaching for him. My other half was screaming, and crying. The beast was rising, I felt weak, like I had no strength left to fight.
Give in, give in. The voices were saying. Jacob put his face next to mine, giving me a warning. I felt like ripping out my hair. But I finally got a grip on myself, my hands were tightened into fists bringing bulging knuckles to the surface; I could feel the rest of my body start to tense. Charlie, unable to find anything finally went back into the house. Jacob got up – I sat up, allowing myself to breathe.
"You're no longer human, Bella," Jacob said as he returned to his human form; I could see the grief in his eyes as he said this. "Everyone thinks you're dead, it's probably better that way. You're not the Bella I once knew. Just do everyone a favor and leave."
I knew Jacob was right; I made no response to his painful speech. I jumped off, gracefully landing on my two feet. I grabbed my suitcase behind the tree which Charlie had not seen, and left without turning my head to look back. I had to leave; the goodbyes were already said when I died. I knew Jacob wouldn't harm Charlie after what I'd seen.
That night I spent a place at some crappy motel. The place was a rundown, beaten structure that had no kitchen, just a brown bed with blank, white sheets, and an old bulky TV set. I sat at the edge of the bed, thinking to myself. I switched on the TV, not really interested. I left it on, not really paying attention to what program it was. The blank walls had nothing but a mirror that hung on the outside of the bathroom, right above the sink. The carpets covered the floor like a cemetery burying all the decayed memories with dust turning into nothing.
I realized I was famished; relishing my thoughts on blood was really appetizing. I realized had I been more careful, I might not have been as tempted as I was today. I stared out the only window from my room – from that ratty three-story motel. There were no stars in the sky, it was so dark and foggy; the luminous moon was hiding. Probably a good night to hunt, I thought to myself. I looked out down the window; there was no one on the streets. I jumped out of the window and decided to look for a good place to hunt deep in the forest.
I followed the trail that led deeper and deeper into the forest. Making marks on the trees, I hoped to be able to find my way back. The forest was silent except for the crunching from beneath my feet. I walked farther and farther into the forest, making my way through various, and different trees. The air was thick and foggy much to my distaste. I walked further, hoping to find some animal tired of its life; if only.
As I was staring up at the sky long enough, I realized I could see the stars despite the fog and the clouds. I tried to name them to the best I could. There it was the brilliant North Star, and the others. I walked on, no longer looking down. I followed the North Star in marvel wondering where it would lead me. Of course, gradually I didn't think it really would lead me anywhere, but right now my mind was just so caught up. I felt the cool breeze caress my face; it reminded me of my mother when she sang me to sleep. I was just about close to where the North Star had stopped.
Suddenly, I felt my hunger bring me back to the bleak present, as the scent of wild animals reached my nostrils. I looked around and there it was; its brown eyes glowing in the dark. It was about five foot six, and probably weighed an approximate weight of 200lbs. The black bear, I was could feel my throat, teeth aching to sink into its abundant source of blood. I felt the beast in me come alive, and ready to kill. Greedily, I ran forward, thrusting my weight on the tips of my toes, but before I knew it, I fell forward face down. I had tripped over something on the ground. The bear was in terror, it leaped on me, placing its weight on my lower torso; its arms clawing at me. The angry bear opened its jaws ready to close them on me. I would push him off, if I had my arms. Even though, I knew I wouldn't die or get hurt by a bear, I was still affright.
Suddenly a being came crashing into the bear bringing him to the ground. I got angry as I realized it was another vampire, stealing my food.
I looked at the thief; he walked tall as he heading towards me, there was an air of confidence and boredom I felt in him, like he knew it all. He had lustrous, delicate bronze hair that fell gently all around, and some were partially in his gleaming, topaz eyes. There was a somber aura in the way he walked. As he got closer, I saw the confused look in his eyes; soon it was replaced by a bold twisted smile.
"Hmmm," was all he said; he stared at me longer, I saw his explicit expression change from sarcastic to confused, and suddenly he became quite frustrated.
"What?" I asked.
"Interesting," he finally said; then he realized he was talking to me. "I'm Edward Cullen."
"Bella Sw-," I almost said my last name. "I mean Bella Lovett." I looked away, afraid of his intelligent eyes. I felt embarrassed, and waited for him to make fun of my hunting skills, but he didn't.
He smiled briefly, I almost fell on my knees; I had never seen such a beautiful smile in my life. But soon, his expression returned to a faint frustration – you could barely see the creases on his pale forehead.
"Well, it's nice to meet you, Bella. Perhaps you would like to meet my family later."
"Well, er. Perhaps, I will."
"Do you need help with the bear?" He was suppressing a smile now; I felt red with humiliation not that vampires were capable of blushing.
"No thanks." I walked away and ran after the bear.
After I had felt I had enough of feeding, I searched for my way back. I saw no more of Edward, but I knew he was still around. I didn't want to rely on him for my way back as well. I looked at the trees; I couldn't find my markings anywhere. Left and right; the paths all looked the same.
"Shoot!" I muttered; I had forgotten to make markings as soon as I started following the North Star. It didn't even bring me anywhere except to a clumsy accident with a bear and a fine humiliation in front of a beautiful vampire; I knew it was all bogus.
I decided I would turn right. I walked on, not knowing where I was. As I continued to walk, I heard sounds of booming laughter. I walked closer, hoping there was someone there. It didn't sound like Edward and that comforted me.
"Hello?" I called out to where the laughter was coming from. "Is anybody there?"
"Over here Bella," I immediately recognized Edward's voice.
As I walked closer, I noticed there were two three silhouettes. I stepped out from the darkness, making an ordinary entrance. There was a brawny guy, the one with all the booming laughter, and then next to him was a charming, tall vampire with lustrous blond hair. At the far end, I noticed a petite figure standing; her beauty was as equal to the others. Her short, jet black hair pointing in every direction and small features made her seem like a magical being.
"Hi Bella," she said, coming forward towards me. "I'm Alice, Edward's sister, and that's Jasper and Emmett." She pointed at the blond and then the brawny one.
"Hi everybody," I said shyly. "I've kind of lost my way do you think you could show me the way back?"
I saw the surprised looks on their faces; however, Edward's held a tiny smirk.
"I have a better idea, why don't you come over to our place?" Alice was practically dancing as she said this.
Clarifications: So as you can see, nothing happens yet to Charlie. This is only the beginning, so you'll have to wait if it were to come. In this chapter, Bella meets up with Jacob, Edward and all the other famous characters that aren't mine, sadly. But anyway, my favorite part was the North Star. It is kind of dumb, yeah I know. But I think it's funny how Bella was meant to find Edward when she followed the North Star, because if you know the Bible account that Jesus was born beneath the North Star and that the three kings of orient went looking for Him, they had to follow the North Star. Jesus is a gift to the world, and my idea of Edward and Bella, is that they are both gifts for each other. I'm actually really bad at writing conversations, but I'm still working on it, so feel free to comment, and criticize. I would really appreciate if you guys could tell me how I can improve.