A/N: Everybody, meet crack!drabble. Crack!drabble, meet … the readers I apparently wish to alienate. Whoops.
Anxious for news, Jack isolated Daniel and Vala as soon as possible after their return from Atlantis. "So, how's Sam?"
"Well, I come bearing … a message." Vala smiled, batting her eyelashes in a disturbing fashion. "Samantha actually wanted Daniel to deliver it, but he wasn't having any of it."
"Vala," Daniel said loudly, "Sam was–"
Jack's brain shut off from shock as Vala threw herself at him, kissing him enthusiastically; it took longer than it should have for him to recover and push her away.
"—joking," Daniel finished.
Jack closed his eyes, beginning a detailed contemplation of intergalactic revenge scenarios.