Six years later,

Chapter 4: The past comes back

3 weeks have passed

It's the beginning of a new semester in my junior year. I know it will be different… much different. First of all, I have two new friends who I know will hang out with me… pretty much every day! Some of my old friends, not good ones, I will have to let go. Another reason why it is going to be different is cause I am going back to church, and mom expects a lot from me. I am supposed to start "a new life" and be more responsible. This isn't a bad goal, but it will be very hard, especially since I have old friends at this school just waiting to suck me back into the things I used to do before. I can't think of much else to do besides pray that this semester wont be as hard as I am imagining it to be. Well, it looks like it is time for me to get up…wish me luck!

Matt closed is journal and set it on his bedside table. He hadn't used it since before Christmas break because he had been spending the entire time with family and Jackie and Inez. It was time to start back up, especially since this semester was going to be very tough.

"Here it goes!" he sighed to himself and threw off his covers. Matt's regular routine was to wake up, journal, get out of bed, go get ready, then catch the bus. So, he took his next step and took about 5 seconds to choose an outfit and then he put it on. Unlike he used to last semester, Matt left all his goth bracelets, necklaces, and other decorations he used to wear with his apparel. "Starting fresh." He told himself. His outfit was a plain white button-up shirt, semi-baggy jeans (that he was wearing a belt with now, so they weren't falling off) and some skater shoes. Then, grabbing his backpack, he ran down he stairs and kissed his mother. She had a sweet smile on her face, once seeing that he was now wearing appropriate clothing (to her standards) and she kissed him back on the cheek.

"Hurry Matthew, your bus is here." She patted his shoulder and he ran out the door.

Matt didn't much like taking the bus. After all, he did have his license! But of course, his mother didn't have money for a car, and gas prices were getting so high, that he had to stick with the good ol' bus.

With a skip, he hopped onto the bus and the driver closed the door behind him.

"Is that Matthew?" the old fat woman sarcastically asked him once noticing his new apparel. "Well, I hope the change out outfit means you aren't going to disrupt the bus anymore." She grunted.

"No, Ma'am." He smiled politely and made his way down the aisle.

"'No ma'am?'" she laughed to herself. "Haven't heard that for a while!"

Matt walked down the aisle looking for a place to sit. Most of the bus cheered when he got on and hands went up in the air so that he would sit next to them. This is going to be tough… he smiled at each one and went to sit by himself around the middle of the bus. People he knew who were sitting in front or behind him turned to face him and started talking.

"Matty! What happened to you? Your mom make you wear all your new Christmas clothing?" one girl laughed. "Why didn't you come sit next to me?" said another. Matt almost cracked a joke about the 'Christmas clothing' but held his tongue back. After he said nothing, people started to look at him strangely and question why he was so quiet today.

"Matty," Sarah, one his ex-girlfriends, jumped over her seat and sat next to him. "Don't tell me your church-going mother is turning you into a goodie-too-shoes like you always feared… Remember, you warned me against that."

Matt groaned inside. Great, this is going to be worse than I thought… At the end of last semester, he did still like Sarah and was going to ask he rout again but he knew now she would only pull him back into the bad things he used to do before. He used to warn her about his mother turning him into a "good boy" and he would tell her to stop him from ever becoming that. Of course, now, he saw how stupid he used to be and disagreed with his old-self.

"Matty!" she exclaimed and laughed. "You aren't turning into your old church parents, are you?"

"Are you dysing my parents?" Matt finally broke out with a yell and glared at her. Sarah, a little shocked recoiled.

"I'm sorry Matty," she looked around at all the silent bus, which was watching them. "No… I'm not dysing your parents." she got up and walked over to her other seat and started whispering with her friend. Matt leaned his head back and groaned.

..:.. At school ..:..

Matt tried best he could to ignore all the old friends that came bugging him as he shoved his things into his locker. They all were all either taunting him, teasing him, or trying to convince him to go with them to play a "first-day-for-school-prank." Finally, just before it seemed he couldn't take it any loner, he heard a familiar voice behind him.

"Matt…?"

He quickly whirled around to look face-to-face at Inez. "Nezzie!" he smiled and gave her a hug.

She laughed. "Wow, are you that excited to see me?"

"Yes." He smiled in relief and got the books he needed for his first class. "I am that happy to see you." He sighed and started showing her around. People all over stopped to stare. Finally, Matt's old best friend walked up and stood right in front of the two.

"Well, aren't you going to introduce me to the new hottie?" He crossed his arms and grinned.

"Her name is Inez… Inez this is Jeremy." Matt introduced them.

"So what was with that email you sent me over Christmas break?" Jeremy frowned.

"I wrote what I wrote." Matt looked at him seriously.

"Are you telling me you are breaking up our friendship?" Jeremy raised his voice.

"What do you think I was telling you?" Matt yelled as well.

"Why?" Jeremy shoved Matt harshly with his hands. Matt twitched but didn't shove him back.

"Because I cant…" Matt searched for words. "Because I am not going to get into trouble anymore."

"What's wrong with you?" Jeremy was still yelling and shoved Matt again. Matt still stood without shoving back.

"Matt! Jeremy, stop!" Inez shouted and stood between them.

"Get out of here, kid." Jeremy shoved her harshly out of the way and she fell on the ground dropping all her books.

"Hey!" Matt raged. "You do what you want with me but leave her out of this!" he held his fist up.

"Oh, so now you want to fight?" Jeremy grabbed Matt by the collar. Matt hesitated.

"No!" he glared. The two of them stood there glaring at each other for what seemed to be a long time when Jeremy broke the silence with a harsh punch to the eye leaving Matt on the ground.

"You will regret breaking out friendship!" Jeremy shouted back as he walked off with two other friends to his class. Everyone in the halls who had been watching walked of as well.

Inez stared at Matt in horror. "Matt…" she shook her head, got up, and walked over to where he was sitting on the floor. He wasn't moving; he was just sitting there breathing hard on the ground.

"I can't do this…" he finally looked up at Inez. His eye was starting to turn black with bruising.

"Oh, Matt…" she grabbed his arm and helped him up.

"You shouldn't have seen that." he looked down and got his books.

"Who was that?" she picked up her books also.

"He was my best friend…" Matt looked off in the direction where Jeremy left.

"Best friend?" she stared at Matt in horror. "He's horrible! How could you—…"

"Inez…" he interrupted and looked up at her with a guilty face. "There's something you should know."

Inez didn't speak but stared at him and waited for him to continue.

"I…" he looked down again. "I'm not the greatest guy."

"What are you talking about?" she put her arm around him. "You are one of the nicest guys I know!"

"No, I'm not." Matt shook his head in shame and walked off to his class.

Inez watched him leave and shook her head. Ah Matt, we need to do something with you! Just then Jackie walked up.

"Having fun?" she asked cheerily. Inez looked over at Jackie with a frown still on her face. Inez was two grades ahead, so she was in all the same classes as her best friend.

"What's wrong?"

"It's Matt…" she shook her head.

"You saw him?" she smiled excitedly.

"Yeah…" Inez paused then told her friend everything that had happened.

..:.. Back at Home ..:..

It was the worst day of my life. I disgraced myself in front of the girl I like, and now she knows who I really am. I am trying to change but it just doesn't seem worth it enough. What's the use? I already did all the horrible things I've done, and I already ruined my life. It can never be fixed. God, what am I supposed to do now?

Signed, Matt Williams

Sorry, It is so short, I'll write a longer chapter next time. Read and Review, please!