A/N: Yes I know, I suck at updating. Bust here it is, the fifth chapter of Ever Fallen In Love?. I don't have much to say but to look in the M section for the next chapter, not that it will be especially dirty, its just that I think the story as a whole is a bit too racy for a T rating.
5 – Montey Python and the HOLY SHIT!
"This is a bar." Said Rogue with her hands on her hips to her date who had been in charge of picking the venue.
"Oui." Said Remy to her statement of the obvious as the two stood outside of The Red Boot Pub.
"They serve alcohol, which means Ah can't go in." Said Rogue still with her hands firmly on her hips.
"Non," Disagreed Remy. "They serve alcohol, which means dere might be a prayer Remy'll survive this night."
Rogue sighed guiltily; it was her fault they were in this situation. "Fihne. Now where'd Sid and Nancy go?" She said scanning the block for the ausie and witch.
Halfway down the block Wanda was shaking the trunk of a tree screaming at what appeared to be its leaves.
"Get outta there you idiot!"
Then from inside the leaves a voice emerged.
"No! That squirrel is gonna get it!"
Rogue and Remy walked over to Wanda and her tree.
"uh, Wanda?" Rogue asked.
"What!?" Wanda snapped.
"What are you doing?"
"Trying to John outta the tree."
"Why's he in the tree?" Rogue said calmly, trying to keep Wanda calm.
"HE'S A FUC- Wanda stopped and took a deep breath, remembering why they were there. "I don't know a squirrel dropped an acorn on his head, and he's being stupid and taking his anger out on the poor defenseless animal."
"More like the poor defenseless animal's takin' its anger out on him," Said Remy looking up into the tree. The two girls looked up to see a blond ausie being mauled by a 16-ounce squirrel and to hear a loud crack.
The three on the ground grimaced. "Holy-
"SHIT!" Screeched Pyro as he plummeted to the ground in front of the three.
xXx
After a quick trip the emergency room and a few rabbies shots, which in the acolyte home were now routine, the four mutants headed back the Red Boot Pub.
"Wow, John, I'm impressed." Said Wanda. "It hasn't been an hour and you're already drunk of your ass. How do you do it?"
John lay back in the booth, kicked his feet up on the table and put on a thoughtful expression.
"Now, ladies," He addressed the Goths. "You must understand, it takes real perseverance to achieve such a goal."
"And a funnel" Added an equally intoxicated Remy who was hunched in the corner of the booth.
"Now come, Love" Pyro held out a hand to Wanda. "We shall dance."
Wanda starred at him blankly.
Unfazed by this rejection, John turned and grabbed Remy's hand. Remy followed him limply and the two began to waltz around the bar.
Wanda buried her face in her hands.
"What the hell was I thinking?" She muttered.
"It's not that bad, John and Remy seem to be having a good time." Said Rogue as John and Remy twirled around the room lost in each other's eyes. Wanda turned her head to glare at Rogue.
"Did yah really expect to some how bond with John?" Rogue continued.
"I don't know, I didn't think he'd be his flamboyant self out in public." Said the witch with a sigh. The two drunken lovers hovered over to the table, still waltzing to the metal being blasted on the stereo.
"Chere, yah haven't touched your drink." Was more or less what Remy meant to say as he slurred out a couple syllables to his date.
"Don't we need a designated driver?" John asked as Remy dipped him.
"We took the bus, dumbass." Muttered Wanda.
"We should have designated navigators though." Said Rogue. "Ah'd rather not have your bodies winding up in dark alley somewhere."
John and Remy parted and flopped back down in the booth.
"True," Said Remy. "But sobriety is boring." He then turned to Ausie. "So, John-boy, how shall we entertain ourselves?"
John stroked an imaginary beard for a moment then spoke. "I'm thinking… possibly…a reenactment?"
"Dramatic or comedic?"
"I'm feeling comedic."
"So you wanna be Blanche and Ah'll be Rose?"
"Oh God, not Golden Girls again, do you remember what happened last time? I couldn't sit down for a week… no I'm thinking more along the lines of… Monty Python and the Holy Grail."
"Oh god" Moaned Wanda in anticipation.
Remy immediately jumped up on the table and began yelling in a British accent. "A swallow carrying a coconut!?"
The two continued with their fun while Wnada banged her head against the tabletop. Not much later John was yelling "Ni!" at Remy, who seemed to take offense to the word seeing as he was huddled up on the floor in the feeble position.
It took a few more Ni's for Wanda crack. Suddenly a look of pure blind rage washed over the witch's face. She reached up and grabbed the collar of John's shirt and yanked him off the table.
Wanda, Love, we're right in the middle of a scene!" The Ausie complained. Wanda turned to look at John with death in her eyes.
"OK!" Said Rogue jumping up from her seat with an uneasy smile. "Ah think maybeh y'all have had enough for tonight, now let's get outta here before Wanda has an aneurysm." She hopped over to Remy who was lying on the floor still. When she attempted to get him up he merely grunted and rolled over.
Wanda had little trouble. She continued on her way towards the door with John in tow.
"Oi! Let's sing the lumberjack song!" He yelled across the room to Remy. "I'm a lumberjack and I'm ok! I sleep all night and I work all day!" A swift kick to the stomach shut him up.
Rogue continued to heave Remy out the front door after Wanda and John. She stopped on the sidewalk outside to catch her breath. The second she let go of his wrist Remy leapt to his feet.
"Ah want ice cream!" He proclaimed before running off down the street. Rogue groaned and went after him.
John was still suffering from having the wind knocked out of him but his ears had perked up a bit at the mention of ice cream. Wanda glared at him.
"Move and die."
xXx
Somewhere a block away Rogue was cursing under breath as she sprinted after Remy, she was not wearing the bra for this. She reached down to adjust the wire, as it was riding up, only to look up a second later find an empty street, absent of any hyperactive drunken Cajuns.
"Rembrandt Jean Lebeau! Yah get yah're ass out here right now!" She screeched as she began ducking to check under every parked car and checking every alley.
Not far ahead red eyes lit up the darkness behind an SUV.
Rogue ambled cautiously through the dark. Suddenly two rough hands grabbed her shoulders from behind.
"WI! Piggy back!" Squealed Remy as he attempted straddle Rogue. Rogue, caught by surprise, fell flat on the ground under his weight.
"ugh! Damnit Cajun!"
Still sitting on her back Remy bent over to kiss Rogue's head.
"Oui, mon amour?" He asked innocently.
Rogue reached back and grabbed Remy's face to push him off of her. He wiggled; trying to remove her hand and fell over on his side in the process. Rogue sat up and brushed some dirt off of her and the looked over at Remy. He looked up at her innocently, fluttered his eyelashes and then reached over and grabbed a dandelion that had been growing out of a crack in the sidewalk, offering it up as token of peace. Rogue smirked and took the flower. She stood up and offered a hand to Remy.
"C'mon, get up."
Remy grumbled a little but got up, stumbled a little, and was caught by Rogue whole led him back to Wanda and an injured John and the four stumbled back to the Acolyte home.
xXx
After reaching the Alcolyte's home Wanda set John down on the couch while Rogue lugged Remy up the stairs. Wanda collapsed in a chair and looked over to find John smirking at her.
"Shouldn't you be puking your brains out or something?" She asked bitterly.
"I have a high tolerance for alcohol." He said before spouting off the alphabet backwards.
"You're sober!?" Wanda asked sitting up straight in her seat, a scowl only beginning to form." The smirk on John's face grew a little. "Why the hell did I just carry you ten blocks!?"
"I just about to ask you the same question."
Steam was bursting from Wanda's ears. She hopped up from her seat and pounced at John, who squealed and jetted off across the room. Books began flying off shelves in his direction.
A copy of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire flew through the air and nailed him in the back of the head. He hit the ground with a thud. Wanda stomped over to him and glowered down at him.
She pulled a fist back ready to release it when she was interrupted by her victim.
"I don't get why you're so mad at me." John started, only moderately terrifies of the fist hovering in the air. "You can't say that you weren't at least mildly amused by the evening."
Wanda stopped, she smallest smile could be seen at the corner of her mouth.
"I can't believe you reenacted The Holy Grail in a crowed bar…and you were sober."
xXx
After overcoming the difficulty of carrying a nearly passed out Remy up a set stairs, Rogue dropped him on his bed. She had just turned to leave when a hand grabbed her wrist and yanked her back onto the bed, on top of Remy.
"Stay," Remy muttered, his eyes still shut. Rogue fidgeted in his arms.
"I can't," She said trying to wiggle out of his grip. He looked up at her with lusty red eyes and pulled her in closer. "Remy, stop." She said pushing him away. "Ah'm gonna hurt you."
"Ah don't care."
Rogue finally wiggled completely of his arms and looked at him. "Ah do." They stared at each other for a second before Rogue stood up and marched out of the room. She jogged down the stairs and out the door, past two naked mutants rolling around naked on the floor of the living room.
A/N: To any readers, who have not scene the cultural gem that is Montey Python and the Holy Grail, get you ass to Blockbuster, or Broadway for the musical version Spamalot.
Once again the story will be found under M after the next chapter update.