A/N: Hey all! I'm feeling much better. I did get a little more sleep to those who asked (Or yelled at me XD) Anyway, this chapter is a little longer. And now the story is starting to get some more body. And I have an idea of where I'm going with this now... so, yeah... it's going to be easy after this.

Damn Meds...

Disclaimer: I don't own this book. I'm just a crazed author on heavy pain medication.

I woke with a start.

I was breathing heavily, sweat was pouring down my body. I took a quick inventory of my room. I was still at the ward. I was still considered a maniac.

The nightmare, or what was hopefully a nightmare, was utterly heart wrenching. So what else was new? None of my dreams were ever happy anymore.

So, why did this one terrify me above them all?

Because it was of Edward. About his plans he told me some lifetime ago, about what would happen if I had died.

I had never met the Volturi, and frankly, I really don't think that it's on my top ten lists of things to do before I died. It would probably be on the list of things to do to die. But that's not what scared me.

It was seeing him die.

The closest reference I had was when I had seen the picture of Carlisle in Italy standing with the leaders of the Volturi. Apparently, just seeing them gave me enough terror to visualize them. I watched as they tore him apart, limb by limb. I imagined his face, contorted in agonizing pain, and felt my heart burn in a new way entirely. Then, I watched as his face relaxed and his eyes closed, looking as if he was in a perfect slumber. Finally, as the fires consumed the face, I saw a figure turn towards me, with blood red eyes.

How much anguish can a heart take before it dies?

The door opened and Susan walked in. "Is everything alright in here?" She asked, taking a quick look around the room before looking at me.

I tried to compose myself as best as I could before I answered, "Yes." It sounded stiff.

Susan glanced around the room once more before she shook her head, "It's time for breakfast." She said.

We went through the morning routine. We left my room and walked to the bathroom where I washed up under the supervision of our nurse. There were no bathrooms in our rooms, due to the fact that a girl tried to drown herself in her toilet, and we were never alone with other patients.

I hurried through the morning routine and was able to grab some warm food before everyone else. I quickly sat down at a table and, after she made sure I was alright, Susan left for the nurse's station.

"Hey, B" a voice called out, I turned to see another one of the patients, a girl by the name of Beth, sit next to me, "Heard you had McKinley yesterday. Did ya punch him?" She sat next to me, as close as they would allow us, about a foot.

"No," I responded, looking down toward the meal. I was amazed. Was its someone's birthday? It wasn't often they served eggs. Usually oatmeal. Plain oatmeal. If you were lucky, they had spices.

I watched as Beth's nurse, Kathy, turn around and walk away. Quickly, Beth ties up her long black hair and twisted it into a bun with no hair tie. "Bummer," I heard her mumble as she grabbed her fork and shoveled a mouthful of eggs in.

I followed suit, taking a few pieces of egg and placing them in my mouth. It felt good to have something of substance go into my stomach.

"Hey you two." I heard a clamor of a tray in front of me and my head shot up. "Did ya hear? Butch got him in solitary confinement." A tall, blond haired girl with a bob-cut looked at me. It was Kelly.

I shuttered.

Beth shot up. "Are you joking? What happened?" She said, eyes widening.

Kelly looked around at her nurse who was glaring at her. All Kelly did was stick out her tongue. Her nurse walked away quietly, looking like some diva who had just been shown up.

"I hate that brat. When I get Linda back, I'll be happy. I'll take her over Courtney any day." She said, and then leaned in, "I heard he tried to hang himself."

My eyes widened.

Beth must have too because Kelly started laughing, "You two look like deer caught in the middle of the road."

Beth's voice went down to a whisper, "Why?"

Kelly shrugged then lowered her voice, "I dunno. I asked him before when he came to me for the meds. I told him it would be a few days and he told he wanted it done yesterday. He must have been desperate."

We were all quiet for a bit, letting our eggs get cold.

Butch had been here for a little less then I had. Apparently, he had a bad anger management case that no therapist could help. It was no help that his fiancée ran off with another man and that his parents thought he was a lost cause. I truly felt sorry for the guy. I knew what he was feeling, but I was scared to do it. All of us were. Even Kelly was close. She once said the truest words I had ever heard in this prison.

"You want to die, but you're afraid. You want to die, but you're afraid of death itself."

Then she had joked about it being her reason for being here. She had depression, although you could never tell. Heavy medication hides a lot. The doctors don't want to let her go because they don't know how she'll act in the real world with the medication. Sometimes I heard her screaming in the night when I can't sleep. No one on the wing can.

But we know the real reason.

A few weeks after Kelly had come in and started her medication, a new person was found dead in the wing across from us. She apparently had an overdose of some medication, but they couldn't figure out what it was. They passed it off as a sever allergic reaction. And that night started the screaming.

Kelly was giving away some of her meds. She told me in a very subtle way that she had found holes in her room and hid some of her meds. I asked her why they didn't give her a shot instead. She smirked and told me that she has a thing about needles. We were similar.

"That's so sad." I whispered, staring blankly at my food.

"Yeah," Beth said, "I'd be crazy if I went to SC."

I couldn't stand that room. Yes, I had been in it once, because I threw such a huge tantrum that my nurse couldn't control me. She put me in there without the straightjacket and left me in there for god-knows how many hours.

It was pure hell. And that's sugar coating it.

Memories flooded in. The good, the bad – everything. I was hysterical when they finally let me out. I spent the better part of the week to myself, never saying a word.

My mind went in circles at the table, almost feeling as if I was back at the first day of school, first seeing the Cullen's. My eyes set on the most beautiful one there. Edward.

For once, my heart lurched in excitement instead of agony.

It was these memories that kept me going, that kept me living.

But, even they were growing scarce.

I inwardly chuckled. Kelly was right all those years ago.

I wanted to die, to leave it all. The pain, the heart ache. I was the Juliet, but Romeo had run away, not from banishment, but because he no longer found Juliet appealing, he didn't need her, he didn't want her. I didn't want to suffer. I had no reason to exist after Edward had left. Even Renee and Charlie. They hadn't seen me in almost eight months. I'd probably make theirlives a lot better if I did die.

But, I feared death.

People joke about where their going after they die. People say that they are going to paradise. Other already damn themselves with hell. But I didn't know. I wanted to say there was something, but I was scared. What if it was all darkness? Like the room Butch was in? Would every memory that I hated come to me? Or would all the good?

I need to feel safe, needed. That someone needed me. That there was actually a purpose in my life.

I had been here one year without that feeling of security and I would not go another year without it.

I promised myself that, then and there.

I felt a hand nudge my shoulder. "Hey, Bella. Do you want seconds?" I looked to see Beth looking at me.

"No thank you." I replied.

I heard her say that she was going to get more. I heard a guard walk up near her and escort her to the line.

This was my chance.

I saw it this way: I'd give myself one week. That would be enough to decide.

I'd give my till my nineteenth birthday, exactly one week from today.

"Hey, Kelly," I spoke up, looking at Kelly. She looked at me with a puzzled look on her face.

"Yeah," She said, "You need something?"

"Yeah, I think I need your help"

A/N: Well, that's it for now. I've got to take some antibiotics and see the doctor tomorrow.

FoF