"Now it seems I'm fading, all my dreams are not worth saving. I've done my share of waiting, and I've still got nowhere else to go."
"So I wait for you to, take me all the way. Take me all the way."
Take Me Under
The sun slowly crept over the tired city of Toronto. Headlights on cars turned off, not needing the extra light, as businesses began to open up, and the freeway began to get packed. In Toronto you can't move slowly in the early hours, but Tom Quincy wasn't going to move quickly at all for a very long time. He wasn't sure he'd move at all. Ever so slowly the apartment began to lighten up as the sun creeped through his windows. Both he and Jude were still in the same place from the night before.
He still held Jude cradled to his chest in his lap, her arms holding onto him, as his own held onto her. They had slouched back a bit to lie down, but other than that, there hadn't been much movement at all. His shirt was still discarded, as for Jude had never buttoned up her jeans because neither felt like they could move after the blow of that phone call.
Tommy hadn't slept much all night. He'd drift off, but then wake up and watch Jude sleep for an hour or so, letting it relax him. Last night was supposed to be just for him and Jude. He wanted to show her how much he had missed her, but instead he was faced with the reality that his father was going to die in two months.
Growing up his parents divorced when he was eight. His father had cheated on his mother for years, had even another kid—Kelly—who was just three years younger than Tommy, when his mother finally found out. Tommy stayed with his mom, even though he wanted to go live with his father. He just couldn't see the same man anymore after words.
Matthew would call, keep in touch, and when things started to get bad with his mother he wanted nothing more than to live with his father, but he didn't want his mother to hate him anymore than she already did. Yet still whenever Tommy was in trouble, his father helped him out.
Jude stirred in her sleep, and Tommy knew she was waking. He guessed the time to be possibly around seven, maybe a little later, and he realized it was just hours and hours deducting away from his father's life. Just three days ago everything was supposed to be fine.
"Wha' time is it?" Jude slurred out with a yawn as she stretched the best she could in his lap.
Tommy shrugged, his gaze drifted off in front of him. He felt her shift, but what broke him of his daze was her hand gently cupping the side of his face, bringing his attention to her. "How long have you been awake?"
Another shrug was given, but he also gave her a verbal response, saying, "Couple hours? I don't know."
Sympathy washed over her for him, feeling so horrible he had to be dealing with this. Most she really knew about his father is they didn't have the best relationship, but there was more there than one with his mother. She couldn't imagine what he was going through. "Baby, I'm sorry." She whispered, snuggling herself as close as she could in his arms. "I'm so sorry."
He nodded his head as his hold on her tightened. Laying his cheek atop her head he sniffed back a few tears that tried to surface. "He wants to meet you." Tommy said, breaking the quiet.
Remaining silent, Jude thought over what Tommy had just said. She'd love nothing more than to meet his father. Even after meeting his mother who was a real handful, she was glad she'd met her. It was Tommy's family, and like she'd told him before, she wanted to know everything about him.
Putting a soft smile on her face, she pulled away to look up at him. "I'd love to meet your father, Tommy." Bringing a hand forth, she wiped away at his tears that had fallen on his face.
Nodding his head, he straightened up, Jude instinctively shifted to place her feet on the ground, but remained in his lap. "I don't need to pack anything really. Do you want to run to your house while I call Tristan and find out what he's doing? What's really going on."
"Sure. I shouldn't be too long, a lot of my stuff's already here." She told him while sliding off his lap.
Tommy kept hold of one of her hands, and reached for the other as he sat up and got to his own feet. "I shouldn't be long either." He said in a low tone.
Seeing how upset he was, she leaned in and hugged him with all she could; letting him know within that single hug that she was there for him, and everything was going to be okay. And he knew that was her message. He wrapped his own arms around her and the two just stood there, as he let out a few more tears, holding onto the one thing in his life he knew wouldn't leave him.
That afternoon, they arrived at the home, where his father was residing. Tommy held Jude's hand securely as they walked up to the front desk and signed in, telling the receptionist what she needed to know before finding a seat and waiting to see his father.
"Do you think he'll like me?" Jude asked, nervously.
Tommy had to chuckle, before he leaned over and kissed her temple. "He'll love you."
"What do I say to him? I mean… It's kind of weird circumstances that we're meeting." She confessed, but Tommy still remained lighthearted about it.
"Jude, just don't look at him as a guy who's dying." He told her, and a large amount of guilt flew over her from his statement. "Look at him as my father. You're meeting my father."
Deciding to put a little optimism in the conversation herself, she nudged his shoulder and jokingly said, "Meeting your father 'ey? Got a big question you wanna ask me, Quincy?"
He smiled before giving her a quick kiss, but before he could comment a familiar face entered the waiting room and Tommy quickly came to his feet. "Tristan." He greeted, as his brother walked over and pulled Tommy into a hug.
"How you holdin' up, lil bro?" Tristan asked as their embrace broke.
Tommy nodded before saying, "Best I can be." Looking away from his brother, he held his hand out for Jude, who stood to her feet with a smile on her face.
Taking Tommy's hand, she let him pull her over to his side, before his arm wrapped around her waist. "This is my girl, Jude."
A wave of happiness washed over her as he introduced her to his family. "Hi." She greeted, holding out her hand and shaking Tristan's. He and Tommy shared a lot of the same characteristics. For Tristan looked a few years older, their hair was the same color, Tristan's a more messy look to it, other than Tommy's gelled up hair. Their eyes were different color, but their smile was the same. Tristan's face also shaped more to his mother's as Tommy's, Jude now assumed shaped like his father's.
"This is my wife, Corinne," Tristan introduced, stepping aside to show his very pregnant wife. "She's eight months right now, so Dad can meet his other grandson before he… ya know."
Tommy nodded as Jude shook Corinne's hand as well. "It's nice to meet you. Both of you." As their handshake broke, Jude noticed a small boy holding onto Tristan's pant leg. "And who's this?" she asked, kneeling down to be eye level with the boy.
Clearing his throat, Tommy pointed to him and said, "That's Nicholas. My nephew." Getting down to Jude's level, he smiled at him, and gave him a small wave.
"It's Nick." Tristan warned playfully while ruffling his son's hair.
Jude smiled, as the boy stood there sucking his thumb and taking her in. "Hey, Nick." She greeted. "Wow, I see so much of him in you Tristan."
Tristan laughed, "All my boys," while throwing his fist to his chest concededly, "will take after me."
Corinne rolled her eyes. "Trust me; I'll get my girl out of you."
"You remember me, Nick?" Tommy asked, receiving a small nod from the boy.
Patting his son on the head, he nudged him toward Tommy. "Go give your uncle Tommy a hug."
Doing as he was told, the little boy wobbled over to Tommy and he didn't hesitate to scoop him up in his arms. Both Tommy and Jude rising up to stand now, Jude observed how good Tommy was with kids. It brought a smile to her face and filled her head with a lot of what their future could hold.
Looking to Corinne, Jude asked, "So that one's another boy?"
Corinne nodded with a pout. "We were told it was a girl last time, and well, Nick popped out with parts that didn't belong to a girl. I'll love him both the same, but if I have to wear him out getting me that girl, so be it." Corinne replied, leaning over to pinch her husband's cheek lovingly.
"My sperm is all men." He said proudly. "I'll only give you a boy babe."
Jude chuckled at the two as she turned her attention back to Tommy, listening to his and Nick's conversation. "Mama say you wiv far way."
Tommy nodded. "I do. But you can come over anytime you want." He told him, watching the little boy smile. "You can come play with me, and—" his head nodded toward Jude with a smile, before he looked back to Nick, "Aunt Jude, over there."
Nick looked back to his mother and asked, "And Lil browtha too?"
Jude chuckled toward him, along with Tristan and Corinne as Tommy nodded his head with his own smile, "Yes. Your little brother too."
"Tom Quincy?" came a voice from behind the group.
Both Tommy and Jude looked over their shoulders to a man with a clipboard in his hand, smiling at the group. "That's me." Tommy said, still holding onto Nick as he gave the man a nod asking for his business with him.
"Hi, I'm William. Your father can see you now." He said while turning to get ready and lead the way.
Putting his attention back on Nick, he gave him a kiss on the forehead before saying, "Uncle Tommy's gotta go bye bye right now, okay?" while handing him over to Tristan.
"Bye bye." Nick said, waving as Jude and Tommy made their way to follow after William.
"Don't hog Dad, man." Tristan called after him jokingly, as Tommy took Jude's hand and together they made their way down the hallway to meet his father.
For sure, she thought her biggest conquer would be meeting his mother. She was wrong. Never in her life had she seen someone in this state, and she'd certainly never thought when she would it'd be her first time meeting said person. Tommy and Jude had stood in the doorway, watching his father read a magazine, blocking the view of a presence in the room.
She was frozen, and wanted out. He was connected to machines that Jude had no idea of what they were. Tubes ran into his nose, an IV was hooked to his arm. She'd never seen someone this sick, and didn't want to. It only made the situation more real to her, to what was happening to Tommy. Yet, through her thoughts, Tommy cleared his throat, and got his father's attention.
Setting the magazine aside, Matthew Du Tois looked up and gave the couple a strong smile, making it seem as if he weren't even sick at all. "Tom." He said, his voice a little scratchy, but he quickly cleared his throat as Jude felt Tommy pull her further into the room.
"Hey Dad." He replied, leaning down and giving him a hug with one arm, as he still held Jude's hand securely in the other. Pulling away, he went to introduce Jude, yet his father beat him to the punch.
"And you must be the girl that makes my little boy so happy."
Jude blushed at the comment, as a smile she couldn't hold back graced her lips, "Uh, yeah." She stuttered, embarrassed by the comment, but happy nonetheless. "That's me." Looking to Tommy, she said, "It better be me."
Tommy, who had his own smile across his face from his father's comment leaned forward and quickly kissed her cheek. "This is the one Dad."
Her heart skipped a beat, for Jude figured it was just how he had worded the sentence, but calling her, 'the one…' it made her melt.
"You're all he talks about ya know?" Matt said, with a wise smile on his face.
"Dad," Tommy cut in quickly, but Matt didn't change a thing he'd said.
Jude however decided to pry, and asked, "Really? What's he say?"
"Oh, everything, dear. He goes on about your smile, your eyes. He says how the little things you do brighten his day."
Cutting in, Tommy said, "Okay Dad you're making me sound gay, c'mon."
Jude giggled, "I think it makes you sound sweet."
"And your voice." Matt cut in once again. "He talks on and on about how amazing your voice is, Jude."
Jude looked at him sweetly, before tugging him a little closer so she could wrap her arm around his back. "I lucked out with him, Mr. Du Tois. That's for sure."
"Matt, sweetheart." He corrected, "And while we on the subject of music, Tom, I'd like it more than anything if you'd perform at my service."
Tommy tensed up at the mention of the funeral. "Dad," he began, running his hand at the back of his head, "I don't know."
"Please. Just one song."
Yet Tommy still fought him. "I haven't played for a long time, Dad. I don't even know if I'd be able to. I can't."
Before Matthew could cut in again, Jude jumped between the two. "Tommy, if you can do a BoyzAttack reunion show, you can play at your father's funeral." She told him. Seeing him ready to protest, she continued on, quickly before he cut her off. "And if you can turn my third album from the mess I'd made of it, to the success it turned out to be, you can put together this song."
His head bowed, and she knew her words were getting to him. "I'm not the only one with a great voice in here Tommy. Everything I've learned, if you hadn't taught me, you made it better. You can do this."
And she'd got to him. Matt smiled toward Jude knowing her words had changed his son's mind, and it was clarified when Tommy looked to his father and said, "One song. For you, Dad."
"Thank you, Tom." He said graciously. "Now, get out of here, I want to talk to Jude before your brother and sister show up."
Tommy nodded before giving Jude a quick kiss on the top of her head. "Don't let him fill your head with lies Jude." He joked before disappearing out of the room.
Watching him walk away, she turned her head back to his father as he motioned for her to take a seat. Doing as she was told, she sat down in the chair before Matthew let her know some things about Tommy.
"I'm sure you know, my son loves you very much." He began, Jude nodding to affirm she knew. "He does, Jude. Honestly, he talked about you, about how much in love he was, and it really fills my heart for him knowing that I'm not going to die before seeing he's taken care of."
She felt a well of emotions bubble up within her at his words, but kept her composure professional for him. "Tristan and Kelly both have families, and Tom was seriously the one kid I was most worried for."
"He's a good person, Matt. Such a good person." She told him, feeling the need to let his father know so.
Matthew nodded in response, before replying, "Because of you, dear. I don't want you to change a thing you're doing. Love him with all the love you have for him, and don't stop. Promise to take care of my boy for me."
The seriousness was evident in his tone, and Jude nodded her head at his request. "I promise. I will. I wouldn't be able to do anything but that."
Their conversation had consisted of how Jude wanted things to go with Tommy. Their future and such, and things about Tommy's life that he'd probably tried to pry out of Tommy and was unsuccessful. Either way, it wasn't an uncomfortable greeting, and she was glad that even though Matt Du Tois wouldn't be in the world much longer, he was in her life for the time being.
A week had passed, where they spent most of the time at Matt's home. Kelly had a family dinner at her home one night, in which Matt actually was able to leave the home for the time being to attend. It was as if Jude had been in the middle of Tommy's family reunion and she was more than excited that she was meeting his brother and sister and their families.
On their way back from dinner, Jude and Tommy giggled over nothing in particular as they walked up to their hotel room. "Nick looks just like Tristan, I can't believe it." Jude said as the two walked through the door into their room. "And little Lucy… She was so adorable."
Tommy smiled as he heard her ramble while helping her remove her coat. "I might have a few baby pictures of Tristan I can show you when we get home."
Having her coat fully removed, she turned to face him, excited he was offering to share something from his past like this. "I'd like that." She said with a smile before standing on her tip toes and pecking his lips.
The small kiss made a smile rush across his features. "I can't promise I can find them," he began, watching her pull out a pair of his boxers to sleep in, and slip into them while keeping her dress on. "But if I do, I'll let ya see how much that kid looks like Tristan."
Jude turned her back to him, and Tommy didn't have to be asked to unzip the back of her dress. "Can I see some of your baby pictures?" she asked as he finished pulling the zipper down, leaving her in his boxers and a white spaghetti strap tank. Turning to face him, she stepped out of her dress that had pooled at her ankles and gave him a pout face. "Please."
He smirked while unbuttoning his dress shirt, "Those I'm not sure I have any."
She laughed, while picking up her dress and straightening it out over the back of a chair. "You're so full of it, Quincy."
"I don't." he continued on, tossing his unbuttoned shirt to the side, leaving himself in just his pants before quickly wrapping his arms around her waist from behind.
Jude let out a yelp of surprise as her feet left the ground and Tommy slammed her down on the bed behind them, quickly jumping atop her, one knee on each side of her hips and hovering over her. Her laughter had filled the as his hands were placed one each side of her head, trapping her in place. "'Callin' me a liar, Girl?"
"Never!" she squealed with certainty before he nuzzled his nose on her neck and she instantly began to squirm out of his grasp. "You remember wh-what happened last time you d-did this."
At those warning words, he stopped and lightly bit her neck, grazing the skin with his teeth, before pulling back to look at her; her smile brightening the whole room. "I've got you in check Quincy."
He chuckled before rolling from atop her and laying on his side. Jude remained on her back as she looked up to him smiling down to her, and she could tell his mind was racing with some sort of thoughts. "Whatcha thinkin' 'bout, Tommy Q?"
Shrugging he broke eye contact while moving some stray hairs from her face. "What do you think about kids?" he asked calmly, finding her eyes as he ran his fingers through her hair, playing with the ends with his fingertips.
Surprising herself, his question didn't actually come from left field for her. She didn't tense, she didn't catch her breath, she took it as any ordinary question, and it thrilled Tommy more than he could imagine that she didn't get scared. "I want to be a Mom someday, if that's your question. I want kids."
His smile grew on his face as once again he looked away before asking, "How many?" and like before as the question rolled off his tongue, he'd looked back up to see her reaction.
This time her eye contact broke as she put thought into the question, but found his eyes staring into hers as she answered, "Four."
"Two girls, and two boys?" he asked, this time keeping his eyes on hers. Her response was a simple nod before Tommy said, "Me too."
Jude shifted a bit, as she laid on her own side, and continued to gaze up to him. "What are their names?"
In thought, he glanced away, before a name came to mind, and he looked back to her saying, "Ryan. For a boy."
She smiled at the name, grinning like Christmas morning before confessing, "I like that name."
Leaning forward, Tommy pressed a kiss on her forehead before asking, "What about you? For a boy."
It didn't take her as long as Tommy, as names ran through her mind before saying, "Conner." Her smile grew seeing Tommy's positive reaction. "I've always loved that name."
His nod showed his liking to the name as well as he reached between them and grabbed her hand, entwining their fingers. "What do you like for a girl?"
Having a different reaction than when he'd asked for a boy's name, her face showed one of uncertainty as she bit her bottom lip, thinking of a name. "Hmm," she said, while looking into his face, seeing patience and humor and out of no where a name struck. Thinking it over, she decided on voicing it, liking the name herself. "Riley."
Tommy's eyebrows rose and his head nodded. "I like that name. It's pretty." He said, and Jude smiled.
"It is." She agreed, squeezing his hand a little, before feeling him bring her hand up to his lips and kissing her knuckles. "What about you? What would you name your girl?"
"I actually put thought into that one." He said with a smirk, hiding back a chuckle. "I wanted it to have to do with music, and thought Melody for a name, but it didn't really click ya know?"
Jude nodded, thinking over the name. It would be cute, but… Not really her style of a name. "Yeah. So what'd you come up with then?"
"Melanie."
Jude let the name run through her head, at the similarity in sound, but difference as well. Melody would be more of a themed name, as to where this wasn't. Finding Tommy's eyes, she smiled brightly, while nodding. "I love it."
His grip on her hand tightened a bit as he drew in a breath. Giving her a cocky smile, he asked, "But," the one word changing his tone, and catching Jude's attention for what else he had to say. "The real question here isn't their first name."
She pursed her lips together, smiling before asking, "What is the real question, Mr. Quincy?"
"The real question," he said, shifting a bit before catching her complete attention. "is what their last name is."
She had known that was what he was going to ask, and the big grin on her face showed she did. However, instead of flat out answering, she decided to play with his head a bit. Placing a finger on her chin, she looked up in thought before admitting, "Well, ya see, Speid asked me if Karma ever got to be too much if he could knock me up so he'd have a valid reason to divorce… Conner Speiderman…" she said leaving his eyes to think it over. "S'kinda got a ring to it."
He lightly chuckled at how cute she looked, and sounded saying such ridiculous things to him. "That right?" he asked, both having eye contact and not planning on losing it. Jude nodded assuredly, trying to hold back the grin at bay, but his next words wouldn't allow her to do so. "Hell would freeze over," he announced, as Jude let her giggles out. He shifted in his seat and pushed her back onto her back while hovering over her once more, "if any of your kids had a name other than mine."
Shaking her head back and forth, she threw her arms around his neck and pulled his lips down to hers. "I don't want my kids to have any other name." she confessed, kissing him once again.
Tommy moved his lips from her mouth and started peppering kisses across her jaw line, on her nose, her forehead. "And all my kids," he said, continuing to place kisses where ever his lips landed, "better not have feminine characteristics from anyone else than you."
His lips caught the corner of her mouth, and Jude pulled his lips closer and kissed him, her lips lingering for longer than just a couple of seconds. In that kiss she showed him all the joy she held over the subject, just plain how happy he'd made her. Also she was ecstatic for the mood he was in now. His father's illness had given her a depressed Tommy the past week, and she was just happy to see him smile again.
Pulling away from the kiss, Tommy looked down to her briefly as they both stabled their breath before he connected their lips once more. Not hesitating to open her mouth with his own, let the kiss deepen, along with their current mood.
Definitely progressing, Jude's hands traveled up his back, her fingertips running over his muscles, feeling them move beneath them as Tommy kept his own hands busy as well. One traveled down the curves of her body, tracing over her shoulder, and running down the curve from her waist and hips, before grabbing hold of her thigh. She responded instantly as he pulled her leg up, and her legs spread open, allowing himself to settle between them.
Tommy broke the kiss as Jude grinded her hips against his own. A groan escaped his lips as he huffed out a groggy, "Take your clothes off." And his lips connected to her neck, kissing a small trail up behind her ear and sucking on the sensitive skin. Her head barely nodded at his demand, before her hands moved from running over his back and quickly to the waist band of his boxers. Grabbing the elastic band to both his boxers and her own panties, she slid them down as far as her arms could reach, before feeling Tommy's hand drag them down the rest of the way.
Her head was thrown back as she felt Tommy already place his fingers inside her, already pleasuring her, and removing her tank would have to wait. Her hands gripped the bed sheets, fisting them in her hands before she felt Tommy pull his mouth from her neck and connect to her lips. His fingers had abandoned their previous duty as well, and Jude took that as her cue to rid Tommy of his own pants.
Reaching between their bodies she unbuttoned his jeans and thanked God, he wasn't wearing a belt. Her hands were slightly unsteady as she unzipped the pants, but she succeeded in the task, and Tommy quickly shook himself out of them. As he worked on getting his boxers off as well, Jude caught sight of their duffel bag, and although she assumed she knew the answer, she saw no harm in asking still.
"Are we…" she breathed out before feeling Tommy's erection against her inner thigh. Closing her eyes she got her train of thought back before asking again, "Are we using a…"
Tommy, who had been pulling her shirt up and placing kisses up her stomach as he did so, shook his head. "No." he said as Jude sat up a bit and raised her arms for him to discard the tank. "No condom."
Jude nodded her head as well, a smile spreading across her features as she reached a hand at the back of his head, "Okay," she breathed out before pulling his lips onto hers. Lying back down, she used her free hand and took hold of his erection and placed it at her entrance.
His train of thought was lost as she had her hand wrapped around him, softly stroking him before he entered her. With his face dug into the crook of her neck, he groaned before pulling his face up, and kissing her passionately while smoothly entering her. Her small cry of pleasure was muffled against his lips, and before either knew it, they found a steady rhythm, but Tommy's goal wasn't just to find ecstasy. He wanted to get her pregnant. He wanted to have her carry his child.
"Tommy," left her mouth, mixed within her breath, as he continued to thrust within her, and as he felt his own release coming soon, he reached between them and began pleasuring her with his fingers to bring her to her own climax. From his actions, more whimpers and moans left her mouth as her fingers dug into the muscles of his back, while her own arched.
Heavy pants left his lips and his mind was foggy. "I'm coming," he breathed out, continuing to thrust and feel Jude tighten around him. "I'm…"
"Tommy…" she cried, her back arching as her leg wrapped around him, pushing him further into her. "Tommy, I'm… I'm come…"
"Ugh." He groaned as Jude came and with a final thrust, Tommy was brought to his own release, shooting into her, before he collapsed, his head lying on his chest above her heart. Their breathing was heavy as they laid their, exhausted and lost within the bliss of their lovemaking.
Her arms were wrapped around his back as she held him to her chest as she ran her fingers through his hair, moist with sweat, but she didn't care. Still inside her, Tommy found the strength to push himself up and placed a kiss on her shoulder before pulling out and looking down to her. "Think that was a boy or a girl?" he asked with a conceited grin.
Gently pushing him to lie on his back, Jude snuggled into the pocket of his shoulder. "I don't know." She told him. Her arm draped across his chest as her legs tangled amongst his own. She felt him pull the sheet up and over them, and his arm wrap securely around her waist. "What do you want it to be?" she asked him.
Feeling his lips kiss the top of her head in her hair, his hand self consciously drew small circles on her hip bone beneath the sheet. "A girl."
Her heart beat increased at his confession, for she was sure he'd have said a boy. Before she could comment however, Tommy continued. "I want to hold our baby girl and promise her so many things. How no guy will ever be good enough. How I'll put the fear of God into anyone who thinks about breaking her heart."
"You gonna be the Dad that's cleanin' his rifle when she brings her boyfriend home for the first time?" she joked, and heard him chuckle.
He chuckled once again before saying, "I'll let him know I'm not afraid to go back to jail."
Jude playfully swatted him on the chest, before tilting her head up and showing him her smile, "I love you." She told him, because no other words were needed at that moment.
He kissed her forehead. "I love you, too, Girl."
And no more words were shared before Tommy reached over and flicked off the nightstand lamp, and the couple drifted off to sleep.
Ringing sounds from a telephone entered the couples' ears and neither felt the energy to move. "S'that the phone?" Jude slurred out, as she shifted in Tommy's arms, digging her head further into the pocket of his shoulder.
She could feel him nod his head as he mumbled out his own, "Uh huh. I think so."
"Wha' time is it?" she asked.
Tommy reached up and wiped at his eyes to rid himself of the sleep as he read, "One-twenty," and fumbled for the phone.
Feeling him reach for the phone, she slipped out of his hold and rolled onto her side, finding a pillow to get back to sleep. "Who would call this late?"
"Maybe someone complained from you screaming earlier." He answered before picking up the phone from the nightstand, for it seemed the ringing wasn't going to stop.
"Ha, ha." He heard through a yawn, for she didn't have enough energy to reply with anything else.
Clearing his throat he answered, "Hello?"
Jude was still get settled in her new sleeping position as he had answered, hoping it was a wrong number or a quick phone call, because she would rather have been sleeping in his arms. When he remained silent, she rolled back over, and placed her chin on his shoulder, somewhat spooning him as she tried to pick up on who he was speaking to.
"I'll… I'll talk to you in the morning." He said dismissing himself from the phone call. "In the morning." His voice was firmer that time as he reached out and set the phone on the cradle, hanging up the call. Leaning a bit more forward he reached for the phone cord and unplugged it, not wanting anymore phone calls coming through to the room.
Jude knew something was wrong, she could feel it. Sitting up, she allowed him to roll back over, but didn't hesitate to start asking questions. "Who was that?" she asked, seeing his face blank, "Tommy?" Her hand went to hold onto his cheek, and she felt his skin had broken out into a cold sweat. "Tommy?" she asked again.
"It was Kelly." He said, his voice distant, as his eyes stared off. "My Dad just died, twenty minutes ago."
She drew in a breath of surprise, as his eyes found hers and answered the question she was going to ask, "He had a heart attack. I don't have details, I didn't want any."
Jude shook her head as she held onto his face, "It's okay." She whispered as a tear left his eye.
A moment's silence passed before Tommy choked on his tears, and let all the walls he'd been holding up, down. "He's dead." He whispered, and Jude quickly threw her arms around him, pulling him into her embrace, and thankful he had allowed her to do so.
"I'm so sorry Tommy." She whispered to him, as she held him to her. And neither knew how late they had stayed up as he broke down. It was as if everything had finally crashed down on him and it was all real. His father's illness, the intensity of the illness, the fact that he was going to be killed, and that fact that he was dead now.
The following three days were a blur. Jude and Tommy had barely left the hotel room. He'd stayed in writing and preparing the song for his father to play at the service. She was definitely impressed, for while she watched him put together the song, he wrote in the percussion, the acoustic chords which consisted of most the song. There were piano portions, and even an electric solo. It wasn't over produced, even though the song was fine with just with the acoustic lining.
When she tried to put together her album she'd attempted all what Tommy had been doing, but it had sounded so wrong. It made her realize just how talented he was, and how lucky she was to have him in her life. Even though within those days he had been moody, she knew it was because he was grieving. He would try and push her away, but in the next second he'd allow her to give him the comfort he needed.
Plans for the service were put together by Matt's wife and Kelly for the most part. Tristan stopped by the hotel room a few times and kept Jude updated for Tommy didn't want to see anyone. He was too enthralled within the song. Time had both flew by and dragged on, but the gloomy day of Matthew Du Tois' service had finally arrived, and Jude prayed with all she had that Tommy was going to be okay.
"Tommy, the car's here." Jude announced as she let go of the curtain and drew her attention to him finishing buttoning his shirt.
He gave a small nod as he finished the current button and moved to the remaining two, keeping an eye on his actions through the mirror. Seconds later Jude appeared with his own reflection, gently linking arms with him and resting her cheek on the side of his shoulder. Tommy fumbled with the final button and she could see the worry, the sadness eating away at him. Once the button was successfully buttoned, Jude moved in front of him and wrapped her arms around him, and he didn't wait to place his own around her, accepting the comfort she was giving.
"I love you." She told him as her head rested on his chest, letting him know she was there for him.
Tommy kissed the top of her head and held her closer, running his hands up and down her back and just wanting to keep that moment of her and him, no problems, nothing.
A knock on the door interrupted their peace and Tommy let out a sigh, knowing it was time to let go. Both released their hold. "We gotta go." She told him while slowly getting out of his arms and reaching for her jacket.
Making her way to the door, she heard him call her name and felt Tommy grab her hand as he quickly closed the space between them. Looking over her shoulder, she saw him give a sad smile.
"I love you too." He told her and she swore those simple words, just letting her know what she already did made her lose balance—almost. Stepping into him she held his hand and placed another on his chest before leaning up and softly kissing him.
Pulling away, he helped her with her coat as they made their way out the door to say goodbye to Matthew Allen Du Tois.
At the service, Tommy's step mother was on stage, Alicia and she was holding herself together better than a lot would have given her credit for. She'd been a mess throughout the entire funeral, but as she spoke about the man she loved, she had let tears fall down, but kept herself together. Maybe it was her way of closure, no one knew. But she surely was more put together than Tommy was.
Having the program staring up at him, seeing his name next put a shot of nerves through his body. Turning his head he looked about the crowd at all the faces he knew and didn't know. A sweat formed on his forehead and never in his life did he ever get stage fright. What was going on with him, he didn't know.
Jude's hand still rested on his thigh, her thumb gently stroking his leg, and the small action put him a little bit as ease, but just a little. "I can't… I can't go up there." He said, his voice shaky.
His voice turned her attention on him, although through the whole service she had definitely kept her eyes on him more than anyone's. The hand resting on his thigh, quickly moved up to his chin as she forced him to look at her, "Tommy, it's okay."
"It's not." He whispered out, his voice rough, and breaking her heart little by little. "I wanted to do this for him."
"You can." She told him. Looking into his tear filled eyes she brought his forehead to rest on hers, "You're strong—definitely strong enough for this."
"Then come up with me." He asked, pulling his forehead from hers and staring straight into her eyes.
She paused for a moment, seeing all the bottled up hurt in his eyes, before nodding her head. She already played the song with him, knew what he had drawn out, even wondered why he didn't get a backup band for the guitar solo he'd wrote into it, or someone to cover the piano. There was no way she would turn him down when he needed her. No way.
Alicia had dismissed herself, and it was now Tommy's turn for the stage, "You ready now then, babe?" she asked, and his appearance screamed he wasn't, but he nodded his head anyway.
"Lets go." He said, his voice still rough as he took her hand, linked their fingers and made their way down the aisle, and up to the stage.
He didn't introduce himself as he came up, and Jude took that as her own cue to stay silent as well. She followed behind him, and as he took a guitar, before she went over to the keyboard. Tommy grabbed a stool and passed it over to her, but didn't give her any eye contact as he did so. Just turned to grab the other vacant stool and set it before the microphone.
Half the people he didn't know, and even though his relationship with his father wasn't the best, he had to do this for him. Looking over his shoulder he saw Jude give him a comforting smile and knowing she was ready to go, he put his mouth by the mic and simply said, "This is for my father."
Tommy began strumming away, Jude joining him, using the drum effects on the keyboard to hit the snare and bass as he softly started to sing. "There's no one in town I know. You gave us someplace to go. I never said thank you for that. Thought I might get one more chance."
His eyes found Corinne's who was crying as Tristan kept his arms around her. One hand set on her stomach and it broke Tommy's heart knowing they were so excited that the baby was going to be born before his father's passing. So they thought.
"What would you think of me now? So lucky so strong, so proud. I never said thank you for that. Now I'll never have a chance."
Jude began to play the piano as Tommy softly cut into the chorus, his voice not rising at all, just the tempo of the song. "May angels lead you in. Hear you me, my friend. On sleepless roads the sleepless go, may angels lead you in."
He continued to play his original chords as Jude played a small solo on the piano, matching the tune of the chorus, as it transitioned between the chorus and verse. "So what would you think of me, now?" Leaning up to the mic, singing into the background, Jude joined him, "So lucky so strong, so proud."
"I never said thank you for that." Tommy sang, alone, as he felt the tears building up, "Now I'll never have a chance."
Again, Jude joined him, singing quieter than she had before, almost as if her voice was a background hymn, "May angels lead you in. Hear you me, my friends. On sleepless roads the sleepless go. May angels lead you in."
Only music played for a moment, before Jude softly sang, "May angels lead you in."
Two music counts passed, and Tommy leaned up to his own mic singing, "May angels lead you in."
Jude's soft voice once again sang, "May angels lead you in." before reaching to her side and grabbing an electric guitar. Before they both sang, "May angels lead you in." as Jude broke into a nice, gentle guitar solo while he continued to play the repetitious chords.
Once her solo ended, Tommy changed the chords and gently strummed the bottom stings, the sound coming out almost as Christmas bells. Jude took her seat once again at the piano, as he sang in a quieter voice, a voice showing more emotion than he'd have wanted to, "And if you were with me tonight. I'd sing to you just one more time. A song for the heart so big. God wouldn't let it live."
The music had picked up to a much higher tempo as he began to sing the chorus once again, as he fought back tears from the last line, "May angels lead you in. Hear you me, my friends. On sleepless roads the sleepless go, may angels lead you in." His voice not the low, soft tune it had been the entire song, but stronger now, sang, "May angels lead you in. Hear you me, my friends. On sle—eple—ss roads, the sleepless go, may an—gels lead you in."
Jude noticed his voice cracking on the notes he had held, and it almost brought her to tears as she sang her final line. "On sleepless roads, the sleepless go."
"May angels lead you in." he sang, the music cutting as did his line, before he felt tears finally roll down his cheeks.
Applauses were heard throughout the crowd—the crowd to which contained a lot more tears than it had before Tommy sang his song. Before he could think, Jude was by his side, taking his hand with hers. She wiped at her tears before he noticed them, needing to be strong for him, but he noticed the stains on her cheeks. Discarding the guitar, he set it aside, keeping his hold on her hand, before heading off the stage.
"That was beautiful Tommy." She told him, instantly feeling his grip on her hand tighten as they stepped down the few steps off the pop up stage.
He opened his mouth as his breath quickened. Shaking it off, he tried to speak again, his voice very shaky, telling her, "I want to go home now."
Jude nodded, "Okay. We'll get our stuff together, and I'll book a flight." His eyes still didn't find hers, for he only silently answered with nods of his head. "Do you want to say goodbye to anyone?"
"No. I just wanna get out of here." He said once again, as they got to the back of the service and walked out the door. Their goodbye to his father, over now.
Jude was scared. She'd never dealt with losing someone before, never anyone close for the matter. Both her parents were still alive, all her immediate family. Sure, she'd lost Patsy, but even still, she'd known Patsy a year. Tommy had Matt in his life for twenty eight years. She couldn't even imagine losing her own father.
Needless to say, Tommy had barely spoken two words since they left the service. Jude was thankful in the hotel room he'd let her hold him when he couldn't hold the tears back any longer. Not happy to see him that upset, she was ecstatic she was able to wrap him up in her arms. Whisper how it's all going to be okay, that his father was out of his pain. He'd told her he loved her and thank you, but after words, she was surprised when any word came from his mouth.
The flight home, unlike his last flight didn't have any delays, and it was just nine o clock that night when the walked through the door to his apartment. Funny to think he didn't expect to be home this soon. He was told two months, and his father died within the eight days he was there.
As he stood in the entry hall he overlooked the apartment and was frozen. If Jude hadn't taken his duffel from his shoulder to break his thoughts, he'd probably stayed there all night. "C'mon, Tom." She said, setting his bag on her shoulder with her own, the weight alone almost making her topple over, but she stood strong. Taking his arm, she lead him to his bedroom. "Lets go to bed babe."
Tommy nodded his head and he let Jude lead him to his room. He felt lifeless. It was like his soul had been sucked out of him. Using the duffel bags to her advantage, Jude pushed open the door, and slid them off her shoulders, before bringing Tommy to the bed and sitting him on the edge. Crouching down before him, her hands gently held his face, and brought his gaze to hers.
He was so lost, she could see it. She could see the hurt as tears pooled at the bottom of his eyes. "I'm so sorry, baby. I wish I could take the hurt away, I wish I could."
Tommy brought his hand up and held it over hers as he leaned into her touch and not much time passed before she got up and pulled him to his feet. "Lets go to sleep Tommy."
At her words he realized just how tired he was. He nodded his head and undressed as Jude helped him in bed before grabbing her own pair of clothes to change into. Once his head hit the pillow, she saw the sleep quickly creep up on him. Leaning down, she placed her lips on his forehead as his hand took hold of hers. "I'm gonna grab a quick shower, okay, babe?"
He nodded as his eyes drooped close and gave her hand a quick squeeze. Holding his hand for just a while longer, she took in the moment at how peaceful he looked when she knew inside he was a wreck. Sighing, she let go of his hand and walked over to his bathroom, not wasting anytime to turn on the water and strip down. Once inside the shower, however, as the hot water poured down on her back, Jude let out every emotion she had been feeling.
Her sobs were muffled by the water, but not enough. She was lost too. No where near as lost as Tommy, but she didn't know what to do for him. He was closing up, she knew it, and just telling him on repeat that 'it's going to be okay' won't help. Jude doubted herself at her duties of being the one there for him, even shed tears that Matthew had passed.
Fears passed through her mind that she wouldn't be able to save him, and she'd lose him too. She was scared when the day came and her actions to help would just disappoint him. She wouldn't be able to handle that. Never.
From his bedroom, Tommy heard the muffled cries from his bathroom. Instantly he knew they weren't cries of trouble, that she wasn't hurt, but they were cries nonetheless and he was out of bed without hesitance. Not wanting to alarm her though, he paused at the door for a moment, but going in like he intended was put to a halt. On the other side of the door, he heard Jude speaking. To whom, he didn't know? But he turned his ear toward the door and listened.
Inside the shower, Jude placed her hands on the wall before her, steadying herself, as she had a small breakdown. She started speaking her thoughts aloud, to no one for she knew she was alone. She wasn't speaking to God, she wasn't speaking to herself, she was just hoping for some kind of answer.
"How do I help him?" she cried, "I don't know how to save him from this, I've never lost a father, I've never been in this position before. He's… He's drifting away from me, and I can't stop it. I don't want him to change. I don't want him to not be my Tommy anymore, please."
And as her silent prayer went on, he felt his own heart crush even more. He'd been afraid of exactly this. Placing a small knock on the door before opening it, Jude had stopped talking, and through the shower curtain he saw her shadow straighten up and wipe at her face. Probably to rid the evidence of the tears. Although still in his t-shirt and boxers, he pulled the curtain back, and saw the sadness on her face. "Girl, what's wrong?"
She shook her head, and tears pooled out once again, for she didn't have enough time to pull herself together yet. "Tommy you're supposed to be getting rest."
He shook his own head and stepped inside the shower with her, not even caring to rid himself of his clothes, before pulling her against his chest. "I heard you crying." He told her, as he wrapped his arms around her, feeling Jude herself cling to him. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing," she lied, "I'm just sad. About your father, I'm sad for you."
His throat tightened, the pain still at a high intensity to hear of his father's death. "You can cry, Jude." He told her, feeling his own tears sting his eyes, thankful to be standing beneath the water, so he could be strong for her. "I can hold onto you, just like you hold onto me."
And the two stood there, with not many more words passing through. Her head rested on his shoulder as he laid his own atop of hers, running his hand in a soothing matter up and down her back. The water soon began to get cold, and Tommy carefully got her out of the shower, and wrapped a towel around her before stripping himself from his wet clothes. Grabbing a towel for himself, he held it together with one hand, while placing his other on the small of her back, ushering her into their bedroom.
Jude had pulled herself together enough during the time Tommy had held her, and she gathered them both something to sleep in. Tommy on the other hand let his mind wander from the words she had been crying before he joined her in the shower. Right now, he'd have to put it off. Right now, he'd have to forget all about it, and get some sleep. He desperately needed sleep.
The rolls had once again been switched, for Jude felt the desperate need to make sure he was okay and take care of him, she took his hand and pulled him to the bed. He wanted to fight her off, be a big boy and take care of himself, but after the emotional drain in the shower, he had no energy to do so. Instead he got into bed and pulled her into his arms. Soft 'I love you's' weren't whispered, no more conversation had followed; the couple just closed their eyes and let themselves drift off to sleep.
Jude awoke the next morning alone, Tommy's side of the bed completely vacant. As her senses came more to play, she noticed how bright the room was, and wondered just how late she had slept, but to her surprise as she checked the clock it was only eight-thirty. Stretching for a moment, she let out a yawn, before slipping out of bed to find Tommy. The bathroom had been vacant, so she ventured off down the hall and found him seated on the couch.
Sitting on the middle cushion, he let his body sink into the back as his hands fidgeted restlessly in his lap. "Babe, it's eight-thirty, why're you awake?" she asked, rubbing sleep from her eyes as she walked over and sat next to him.
He gave a quick shake of his head, muttering a quiet, "Dunno. Couldn't sleep."
However, his short answer told her he was lying and she called his crap. Taking hold of one of his hands, "What's wrong Tommy?" she asked, her voice calm, but it was exactly what he didn't want.
"Stop." He told her, taking his hand out of her grasp.
"Tom? Baby—"
"Jude," he stressed, "Just stop. I don't need you to watch over me like I'm a broken record." For a moment, he sat there, keeping his eyes away from Jude's, but he couldn't sit still, and he quickly jumped to his feet. "Maybe we shouldn't do this right now."
Her eyes crinkled in confusion as she stared up to him, his side facing her, and his eyes avoiding her. "Shouldn't do what, exactly?"
"This!" he yelled back, turning his body to face hers and throwing his arms to his side. "Me and you, Jude! With everything going on," his voice began to calm down, as he found her eyes, "it's probably better to take some time until this passes."
"What do you mean Tommy? Break up, take a break?" she asked him, the nervousness showing in her voice, as it was outlined with a bit of anger. "Don't distance yourself on me. Not now."
"I have to!" he shouted, "We broke up over my mother before Jude. And that woman can't stand me!" Tommy announced, "I actually had a decent relationship with my father, and I don't want you interfering again to do what happened last time."
Standing up, his words not only hit a soar spot for her, but struck a match. "Interfering?" she asked, "I'm helping you, Tommy. I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing for you—"
"And I don't want you to!" he cut her off, "Don't you get it? We just… Let me get my head straight. Let me get over this, and if we're okay, we'll pretend it never happened."
Jude shook her head furiously. "No. That's not how this works. We don't separate for a couple of days at a time when things get rough, and this 'if we're okay' bullshit, no! You break up with me, and that's what it is. You don't tell me to give you time, while I waste my own if in the end you don't want me anymore!"
Running his fingers through his hair, "That's not what I mean."
"But it's exactly what you said, Tommy!" she shouted back. "So here," in a calmer tone, Jude offered, "I'll leave. Like you want me to. And I'm going to live me life, a single girl, doing what I normally do, and if you get your stuff together before I move on…"
He watched her bite her bottom lip, holding back the tears she didn't want to let loose. "If I haven't moved on," she cried, "maybe we can go back to how things were before this."
Tommy watched her furiously wipe at her tears and he felt the urge to go hold her as she cried but he couldn't. "I'm doing this to not push you away."
That earned a laugh from her as she shook her head, and gave her departing words, "Too late." She said as she moved to go back to the bedroom. "That's exactly what you just did." And there was nothing more he could do or say other than collapse back onto the couch as she collected her things from his room, which didn't take long.
Her stuff was probably gathered within a good ten minutes, and as he sat alone in his living room, his eyes never left her leaving form as she carried her bags of clothes that had been collected over the months she'd been here, and walk out his front door.
And he was alone. More alone than he could ever imagine. When she'd left for London, he didn't ever want to experience that feeling of lonesomeness like he had when she was away. But now it was back, and hurt even more to know that it was only there because of what he had asked of her.
x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x:X:x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x
"Push me under, pull me farther. Take me all the way. Take me all the way."