The Death before Christmas
Chapter 3
Part 3
Cheeze is yo friend!
Note: The reason why this was so late is because last week there was a black out because of the ice storm here in Oklahoma so we had know way to work on this so sorry. But to say that we are sorry this is gonna be one long chapter.
Disclaimer: We don't own Death Note but we do own a bottle of cheezey farts.
"Alright, so some person named MisAH killed Ms.Clause?" Light asked.
"It's pronounced me-za, you jack ass! Don't you know who she is?" L asked.
"No, who?" Light asked.
"She is only the most famous child porn star in the entire world!" L said, with a slight lump in his pants. The lump started shaking.
"Woops, there goes my vibrator!" L said. Light and Larry stared at him strangely, with the 'are-you-some-freakin-queer'look, L stuck his hand in his pants, and with a happy face, pulled out his…
I-phone!
"Oh, for a second there I thought that was your I-dick!" Light said.
"?" Larry asked.
"Well, Larry, that's the safest place for my phone." L said
"" Larry said.
"Well, if I get kicked there then, it SUCKS to be me!" L answered.
"Anyway, isn't child pornography illegal?" Light asked.
"So is necrophilia, but people still do it!" L said. "She is taking pictures at the mall." L said.
"Lets…….." Light said. "Go!" L said. 5 seconds later. They jumped off the scene and arrived at the mall.
"" Larry said.
"Yeah, there are a lot of… things." Light said.
"What the hell, that wasn't even remotely funny." L said. "Hey a McDonald's! Lets eat!" He added.
"Welcome to good burger, home of the good burger, can I take your order?" the man behind the counter said.
"Uhh, yeah, I was thinking, maybe a, uh-kuph-df!" L started having a coughing fit, with spit and mucus going all over the cashier. After a few minutes, he was dripping with snot. There was a green puddle on his feet.
"Can I take your order?" He asked.
"Umm, how about… a… big… mac?" L asked.
"Sure alright. That'll be, uhh, $7.50." The guy said.
"WTF! That's way tooooo overpriced (WTF)." L yelled.
"Yeah. So, you buying it?" The man asked.
"OKAY!" L said in a high pitched voice.
5 minutes later…
"Here's your burger!" The man said, handing it to L. L walked off without paying.
"Wait a minute!" The man said, suddenly growing horns and fiery red eyes.
"HE OWES ME $7.50!!!" The man said with an evil screech.
L took a bite off the burger, and spit it into his hand. He put the piece back into the big-mac.
"You can have it, Larry. This isn't sweet." L said, handing the burger to Larry. It fell onto the floor. "Larry, use your manners!" L yelled.
"So, where is Misa?" Light asked.
"She'll be in the electronic section in an hour and a half." L said. "Come on, let's go meet Santa! He's in the beverage section." L said, running toward it. Light followed him.
"It's….. It's…. PERFECT!" Soichiro said, looking at the can of yams costume he was sewing on the lawn, naked. A message appeared below Soichiro.
"You have found a can of Yams Costume! Well… here you go… fagGOT!" The window went away. Some kid came up to the can while Soichiro was smiling. The kid punched it. A hole appeared and leaked yams. The kid ran off.
"NOOOOOoOoOoOO!" Soichiro screamed, on his knees looking at the sky.
"What you want fo' Christmas!" A Chinese Santa asked a kid, speaking really fast.
"Uhh, how about…" A kid in his lap said.
"YOU TAKE TOO LONG!" The Santa yelled, throwing the boy out the window. A Chinese kid hovered up from his chair in another store and onto Santa's lap.
"What you want fo' Christmas!?" Santa asked.
"FIRETRUCK!" The boy said immediately.
"What color?" Santa asked sweating. The camera zoomed in on the kid's mouth.
"RED!" The kid said dramatically. A person (yes a person) took a picture and then Santa threw the kid at a wall.
L, Light, and Larry went up to the Santa line and shoved everyone out of the way. Larry pushed a kid out of the way, but to everyone else the kid just fell.
"Yo, Santa be-YATCH!" Light screamed at Santa, in his lap. L and Larry surrounded the Santa.
"We gonna hang 'round here, k?" L asked.
1 hour later…
"And then when I was six I said my first words! My mom thinks it was trousers, but I think it was tweezers! And then, when I was eight I got potty trained! But, I still wet the bed!" Light told the Santa.
"Who doesn't?" The Santa asked.
"LIGHT! It's been an hour! We have thirty minutes before Misa leaves!" L said.
"Hey, Santa man! We gotta go visit a child porn star! C-ya!" Light said. L, Light and Larry fell flat on their faces. They were cardboard decoys!!!
"Phew, that was close!" Light said. They were all swinging on pipes on the ceiling with grappling hooks. Light, however, was holding his grappling hook backwards by the blade, cutting his hand, and fell to the ground. After standing back up and swearing at the rope, they walked to the electronics store to meet their suspect, Misa.
"K, are we ready?" Light asked.
"" Larry said.
"Of course, you are, but what about L?" Light said.
"I got the leftover sleep powder from when we took out Rey. I have a pocket knife and my handy-dandy notebook!" L said.
"Yep, and I got my nun-chucks, pistol, and my windwaker!" Light exclaimed. "Let's go in!" Light added. Even though the door was open, they busted through the window of the outlet. Dozens of acne-ridden teens inside the store stared at them. Light looked around, and spotted two ninjas guarding a door.
"That must be where Misa is!" L said. They approached the door.
"We need to see Misa!" Light screamed in their faces.
"Ummm, ya, I don't speak English. Uhhh… boku wa nihondo…" The left ninja said.
"But… we speak English, and we live in Japan." L said.
"No, you live in Jamerica, Japanese America!" The right ninja said.
"Then you should speak English!" Light said.
"I told you, boku wa nihondo!" The left ninja said.
"But…" Light said.
"BOKA WA NIHONDO!!!" The right ninja yelled. The screen blended with a new street background, and the FF7 battle music played. Light's speedbar filled up. He selected ITEM from his… phone… He used his WINDWAKER. He screamed out loud: "LEFT C, EMPTY, RIGHT C, EMPTY!" After screaming the… code, 'A window popped up as he moved the windwaker around in a very gay way (That rhymes). The window read: You conducted the command melody! Light put away the windwaker, and began moving his index finger back and forth, saying "Cle-FAIRY!" Over and over. All of the nerds were under Light's control! One of them dropped his PEPSI-COLA can.
"Hey, you dropped your subliminal message!" L warned the nerd.
Using his mind, Light made the nerds approach the ninjas the nerds bumped into the ninjas, and fell down…. Dead…
"Woahh! Those kids are really getting on my ass!" The left ninja said.
L's turn…
"I'll confuse you with my hit T.V. show, L's Pleasure Hour!!!" L said. He pulled a fifty inch plasma-flat screen T.V. from his pants.
"Do you have to put everything in there?" Light asked.
"YESSSA! I keep everything in my man land area!" L said.
"So now you have an amusement park down there?" Light asked, L ignored him and put the T.V. on channel…. 6,000,000,000,000. The T.V. began playing L's Pleasure Hour! A narrator appeared and spoke in a… gay, freaking voice. (check profile to see what it sounds like)
"It's L's Pleasure time!" Starring L and his new friend, the wall!" He said. The audience clapped so damn hard. Everything went quiet, All you could hear was the sound of a BAM and L was grunting happily. After one hour of this, the camera zoomed in on L. He was sitting in a chair, hitting a wall with his fist.
"Alright, that was L's Pleasure Time! Screw you, and good bye!" The narrator said, flipping everybody off. The T.V. exploded. The ninjas lost 5 HP, and became confused. The ninjas had! 7000 HP left.
Larry's turn…
"The left ninja screamed as a small hole appeared in his gut and blood oozed out. Doing 2500 damage. Larry had used his Imaginary Knife!" Light narrated.
"Woooahhh, this is getting graphic!" L said. Light and L were in a glass… box above the… stands (WTF where'd they come from?)
"And it looks like Larry has one more move! And… TOUCHDOWN! HE KILLED THE LEFT NINJA!
"What level are you?" The right ninja asked.
"." Larry said.
"How did you get that strong? Smoken' sink water?" The ninja asked.
"Uhhh… ohhh, yeah!" A voice inside Light's room groaned. His mom went to the door and knocked.
"Uhh, Light, what are you doing?" She asked, wearing a cheese outfit. The noise stopped. She opened the door, and saw…
"Soichiro?! What the hell are you doing in Light's room?!" She asked shocked.
"I'm trying to make the pop burst out of the bottle! And it's… orgasmically fun!" Soichiro said, hitting a PEPSI-COLA bottle on Light's wall in his room. Soon, the soda exploded all over them.
"Hey… your subliminal message exploded!" The mom said, looking at her lettuce covered husband.
"I'll take the chicken!" Matsuda said to the cashier.
Team L's turn is over… Team ninja starts…
"Ummmm… death… attack…" The last ninja said. He pointed at L, Light, and Larry, and they just sort of… poofed out of the store.
Dododo dooo do-do-do-ddd (FF7 victory theme.) The ninja claimed victory!
"Ugh, if we want to see Misa, we have to get some training." Light said sadly.
"" Larry suggested.
"How much does the E&G Mortal Combat training cost?" L asked.
"" Larry answered.
"Five whole dollars?!" L and Light said, shocked. Though it took a while, they were able to stea… I mean, beg for the money from a six year old. And Light was the only one who got a black eye! They went to the E&G Mortal Combat Training outlet in the mall and paid their entry fees. Light was getting training by Elvis, and L was getting training from… G-man.
1 hour… and several boo-boos later…
"Alright, Light, you should be able to fight those ninjas and meet the child porn star, Misa. I have taught you in the skills of air guitar, and burning fingers! Go kick some assss…aulting ninjas! Thank ya, thank ya very much!" Elvis said, kicking Light out.
"K, L! Tym tu goe shoot da nimgas with yo' knew I-Gun! It bee da upgraded vershan uf you I-Phone." G-man said, throwing L out.
"?" Larry asked.
"Yes, Larry…" Light said, dramatically.
"We're ready…" L added, dramatically. They all pimp walked (except L, who was 'mowin' da lawn') to the electronics store while the theme from the A-team played. The window was still broken, so they kick down the door. There was still only one ninja.
"So, you faggots have returned? And you brought three kids with you?" The ninja asked, looking at a bundle of sticks next to him.
"Let's do this thang!" Light said, moving his head in a circle. "But first, let me put on my Tu-Tu!" He added dramatically. Everyone paused for a minute as Light held up a tu-tu. He giggled in a low pitch as he slipped into it.
"Time to die!" The ninja said, making weird hand signs.
"You cannot stand up to my AIR GUITAR!!!" Light screamed, making weird hand signs too and then pulling out nothing. He acted like he was playing a guitar, and made horrible, tone-deaf, phony guitar noises (check profile.) It went a little something like this! (Kalsejf dsfkljas sdkljf asdf.)
"Nooo… no… you… you… can… not…" The ninja said as he fell down to the ground, twitching and drooling, and mas… I mean… more drooling.
"Se kai wo, bitch!" Light said.
"Ya know, you should get a better catchphrase." L said.
"I know!" Light said like a sexy schoolgirl.
"I hope I'm not being forward but do you mind if I chew on your butt?" Gyaretto asked a sexy little schoolgirl.
"I'm too sexy for you!" The school girl said in a idiotic low pitched manly voice.
"GAH!" Gyaretto yelled, walking, and writing something in a black notebook. (Dum-Dum Duuuuum!)
"Let's proceed!" L said. They pimp walked into the room.
"OeOe!" Michael Jackson screamed.
The next room had a stone floor, walls, and three staircases illuminated by torches.
"Woah… there IS a dungeon in the employee's only bathroom!" L said.
"Yeah, it's like, so, like, ghetto!" Light said. A person dressed in a golden robe appeared in front of them.
"If yeast infection… I mean… If ye wish to rendezvous with Lady Misa then thou must each pass the…" He said.
"THE TRIALS!" He added dramatically. He pushed each one down a different staircase.
Light's Trial…
"WTF man? WTF was that for?" Light asked as a man came up to him.
"Time to get crunchy! WHEN IN MILK!" Captain Crunch, the enemy said!
The Pokemon Gym Battle music started playing in the background. Each one had zero pokemon!
Captain Crunch wielded his large Spoon of Doom! Light wielded his Wii Nunchucks.
"You will suffer greatly!" Light yelled, hitting CC with his nunchucks.
0 Damage!
"Pi…kaaaa…CHUUU!" CC yelled smacking Light with his spoon.
12 Damage! Light: 38 HP, CC: 50 HP
Damn my game controller don't seem to harm him. Maybe… yesss… Light thought, grabbing a pistol from Duck Hunt and pelted CC with bullets!
"BaAaAaAaAaAaAm!" Light made sound effects.
0 Damage.
"Milk Urine!" CC yelled, shooting urine with milk out of a water gun.
2 Damage!
Light: 36 HP CC: 50HP
"Wait… I, still have a sticky thong from Rey's house!" Light said. He took it out of his pants.
"Sticky Thong Strike!" Light yelled flinging it at CC.
40 Damage!
"Ohhhh, crap, of crunchy crap, now I'm confused!" CC yelled. He attempted to use Tackle, but he hurt himself in confusion!
13 Damage!
CC fainted!
Light gained 400 exp!
Light looked in front of him, and a door opened. He walked through.
L looked around the room he was currently in. A strange being fell from the sky!
"I'm Gannondorf! And you're gonna die!" Gannondorf, the king of Evil said. He floated into the air and laughed maniacally and homo sexually.
"I already know how to beat you!" L said happily. Gannondorf conjured an energy ball and blasted it toward L. L hit it back to G-dog, G-dog hit it back, L hit it back, G-dog hit it back, L hit it back. G-dog was smacked in the face by the energy ball! While he was stunned, L launched a gumball out of his I-Gun! It hit G-dog, making him vulnerable! He ran over to G-dog and pulled out his pocket knife and slashed G-dog repeatedly until he was dead, or was he?
"Haha! Loser!" L taunted. The corpse began to shake. KABOOM! There was an explosion of while light, and Gannondorf became Gannon!
"Oh, sh…" L began to say.
"…ip." Said L.
"Like, ROAR!" The huge monster that was Gannon roared. Gannon swung his two huge swords, but L hopped over them. L shot gumballs repeatedly from his I-Gun! They stunned Gannon, and he hit his tail with his pocket knife!
"Wow… that was easier than I thought it would be." L said, proceeding to the next room.
Light and L appeared in the same room, which was a glass box over a football field. They gave each other the Will Smith hi-five. They grabbed the microphones, turned in their chairs and faced the cameras.
"Hey, homos, I amYagami Light!"
"And I am L!"
"We're here tonight to watch Larry, our imaginary friend, fight to the death!" Light said.
"And here he comes now, onto the stadium!" L exclaimed. (camera zooms in onto empty football field)
"And the crowd goes wild!" Light said. (camera zooms in onto empty football stands. All that can be heard is the wind.)
"Wow, here comes…" Light began to say. (camera zooms in on Soichiro bathing in his sink filled with vegetable oil)
"… Here comes Larry's enemy! Another imaginary friend, the immortal Gary!" Light screamed, with his mole popping.
"They're staring each other down…" L said expectantly.
"OMG, what a blow!" Light yelled.
"Eww…" L said.
"No, you perv! Larry just punched that guy in his subliminal message!" Light said.
"Ooo, that's gotta hurt!" L said.
"And now… Gary is chewing off his ear!" Light said.
"Ohh, the humanity!" L said.
"Holy sweet mother of American Idol! Look at Larry rip those nipples! Look at allll the blood!
"Oh, that is so fake!" L said.
"Gary just gave Larry a colonic irrigation!" Light exclaimed.
"Gary is… ewwww!" Light said, shaking his head in a circular motion.
"Larry is giving Gary a disectime!" L yelled.
"A humanoid figure of fire has appeared where Gary was!" Light narrated in a very sexy voice, flipping his hair back.
"I think Larry has claimed victory!" L said, flipping his hair too.
The door opened and shut as if someone came in.
"Yeeeeeaahhh Larry!" Light said, giving him the manly mid-air chest bump. If you couldn't see Larry, it'd look oh so wrong. The golden sage appeared.
"You're the punk who pushed us" L said
"!" Larry said. Everyone gasped.
"Larry watch your language!" Light said.
"Thou may now meet Misa." The sage said. Everyone cheered, and L had a lump in his pants.
"First, I need to store my I-Gun in a more appropriate spot." L said, pulling it out of his pants, removing the lump.
"IN YOUR MOUTH!" The sage yelled. Everyone stared at him for a minute, and he pushed them into a hole.
They ended up back into the electronic store, facing the two ninjas who were alive again.
"W…" Light said.
"T…" L said.
"…" Larry said. The ninjas got into a combat stance and pointed at another door.
"THAT is where Misa is! You went into the bathroom!" The left ninja said, some kid walked up to them and said! "Wah-Wahh-Wahhhh!"
KNOCK-KNOCK-KNOCK! Soichiro and Light's mothers ears perked up! They were both dressed up like cereal bowls.
"It's me! I'm a Giddian!" The man at the door said.
That man must be a salesman… Soichiro thought.
"Quickly, HIDE!" Soichiro yelled in a nasally voice. They both jumped behind the couch. Their cereal bowls broke and milk and cereal went everywhere
"Sniff… milk…. Sniff…Everywhere…" Soichiro said, rubbing the soggy cereal alllll over his nude body.
"I know you're in there!" The giddian said at the door, in a low pitched-idiot like voice. Soichiro and his wife were in their house, crying over the milk, and rubbing the cereal allllllll over eachother. The giddian and his camera crew(wtf?) busted down the door and went inside.
"Everyone! Get this on film! This is hot!" The giddian said.
"Yeah! We could post this on cerealfetish One of the camera men said.
L, Light, and Larry walked over to the room where Misa was. They tried to do the pimp walk, but after their battles, they were just too tired. It looked more like they were drunk and had to pee. They opened the door and walked through a hallway. After they shut the door behind them, they could hear a pipe organ playing the Super Mario Brothers theme, so evil and maniacally. To their left, they saw a door that said: Misa's...uhhh...room...yeah, room...
They kicked down the door and ran inside, spotting Misa eating tuna from a can.
"Why did you kill Ms. Claus?" Light asked, screaming and spitting in her face.
"Oh, that wasn't me." Misa said. The camera zoomed in on L, Light's, and Larry's shocked faces. The screen faded.
TO BE CONTINUED...CHECK ON CHRISTMAS DAY FOR FINAL EPISODE OF THE DEATH BEFORE CHRISTMAS...
Wolflink93: Well here you go nerds we posted It happy! Well I have made an amv for our fanfic death paper check profile for the link to my video so there you go nerds this is our biggest chapter ever made it is 3400 words!…… Everybody do the cow dance moo moo moo moooOoOoO.