This chapter is going to all my friends whose hard work paid off with brilliant exam results! You're all wonderful! hugs :D
Sometimes, the words left unsaid hurt more. Just then, I could see all Light's emotions battling in his eyes; confusion, fear, anger. I knew with one sentence I had ruined the only relationship I hold dear. My one shot at happiness and I had missed, killing our friendship with four simple words.
I hadn't meant to say it. I wanted to keep my love as secret as my name, so as not to risk this. It might have meant that Light would never know my true feelings, would probably have fallen in love with some wonderful girl, a worthy partner, but at least that way I could be close. I would always be near to the man I loved, gaining comfort from his happiness without me. But then, looking into his amber eyes, I couldn't lie to him anymore.
Now I had nothing; no hope, no dream.
When he turned away, I felt truly alone. I was used to lack of company, I had always operated alone, never needing anyone else, but he had changed me, broken my defences. I had relied on him for warmth and brightness in my life; now there was only the empty, aching cold.
We hardly spoke for days, Light's icy politeness hurting more than a thousand punches. Both of us renewed our efforts in the case- anything to avoid making conversation. For me it was because of embarrassment, a deep burning shame at being so stupid as to think that he could possibly like someone like me. For Light, I suppose, it was a multitude of feelings that melded together to form the one I was most afraid of. Hatred. It was obvious in the way he sat, as though every sinew in his body was straining to get away from me and the chain binding us together; in the way he looked at me with barely veiled disgust, how he recoiled when I walked past.
The one person in the world that I truly cared for, would do anything for, would die for…and I had made him hate me.