The Death before Christmas

Chapter 4

Part 4

Disclaimer: We don't own Death Note but we do own a death star.

Last time on taoLLL…

"I didn't do it!" Misa stated.

"How do we know you didn't do it?" Light questioned.

"Because I'm a pornstar!" Misa screamed like a banshee.

"Okay…" L responded, walking out the door with Larry. Light just sat there smiling.

"Uhhh… Light?" Misa said. Light then opened his mouth, still smiling, and actual Rockin' Roll music came out which sounded like Haruka Kanata by Asian Kung-Fu Generation, there was also guys in the background saying "Soi!" In a whisper like tone. (Check profile for song)

"I think I'm having a period!" Misa exclaimed, with a weasel chewing on her face.

"Bitch!" Light screamed, walking out the door too.

"That's it we need to end this story! WHO DID IT!" L, Light, and Larry screamed.

"I did!" Somebody screamed.

"ELVIS!" L, Light, and Larry screamed. Elvis pulled the costume off revealing Arrekasu in a Team Rocket uniform. (Renodin: That's me!)

"Who are you?" L asked nonchalant, completely ignoring the narration.

"I'm me!" Arrekasu responded.

"Who's me!?" L asked.

"You!" Arrekasu answered.

"Me!?" L said.

"Yes!" Arrekasu said.

"What!?" L screamed.

"When!" Arrekasu screamed back.

"Five o'clock!" L responded/screamed.

"Ok here's my address to my Death Star!" Arrekasu said, handing a piece of paper that said. "4111 Moonsonway"

"So what's your name?" L asked.

"I am…" He began to say.

"How do me know you?" Near asked Mello.

"…Me no know… me like chocolate…" Mello stated.

"ARREKUSANDORO!... But you can call me Arrekasu" Arrekasu said, reading from a stack of papers that had words on the front of it that read script.

"Woah, that's a fancy name!" Light said.

"Yeah, faaancy!" L said with a hill billy accent, flipping his hair.

"Now… face my MIN…" Arrekasu began to say but was interrupted by L.

"Minute?" L asked

"Uhh… no… MINIONS!!!" Arrekasu said. Arrekasu hovered into the air and flew away.

"Where did he go?" L asked.

""Larry answered.

"Death Star!?" L, and Light said shocked.

"What's that?" L asked.

"Apparently it is a rip off of the Death Egg from Sonic Adventures Video games, you know, the thing Dr. Robotnic rides in!" Light stated.

"……" Larry stuttered.

"No! Star Wars is just a crappy rip off of Napoleon Dynamite, created by enslaved Hindu children who worship eye brows!" Light exclaimed.

"Well… let's go to IHOP and rent a spaceship to go after them!" L said. They ran across the street to IHOP.

"Alright, nobody move! It's time for you orphan's on a field trip to IHOP to get somewhat sexually abused!" The leader of the Belly Bangers said, the leader of a gang of fat gangstas. The Belly Bangers were obese, had long beards which they constantly rubbed for pleasure. They wore no shirts, because their bellies got to hot and sweaty. They all had the same face, head, and hair like L and Light. And they also had an imaginary Belly Banger.

"It's like looking in one of those smelly mirrors at the carnival!" Said Light, walking up to them.

"It's… It's… It's… It's… It's…" L said.

"It's… It's… It's… It's… It's… What?" Light asked.

"THE BELLY BANGERS!!!" L screamed, lifting his arms in the air and was suddenly in a chair like in Death Note episode 11 (When he heard the word Shinigami and freaked I mean he literally FREAKED OUT!)

Flashback L's POV

It was in those days… black and white… little tears and rips in the paper screen… I was in an English orphanage… I had eaten a bowl of Tuna flavored pudding and washed it down with strawberry quick…

"Ooo, ooo, is this where I come in?" Light asked walking into the flashback

"Get the hell outta here!" Flashback L said. The present time L walked onto the screen too.

"Did I really look that ugly back then?" L asked.

"You still are!" The Flashback L said. L sniffed and walked off screen, with a hair falling off his head. It left a crater in the sidewalk where it landed.

"Aww, you're sad!" Light said, going off with L. A therapist suddenly comes on screen saying.

"It's okay to feel sad." He said weirdly but then was shot in the back by the Flashback L.

I was walking down a dark alley, when the owner of the orphanage gave me my "happy pills"… after he left… a rainbow… appeared out of a dumpster behind Reasol's… I tried to climb it… when I fell in… the dumpster…

"Get out of trash-a-Canada home of the waffle burger and home of the garbage!" Soichiro said moving his head and arms in a slow, gay fashion.

I stepped out of the can struggling to get over the side, but ended up hurting my crouch when I fell out.

"Ow, my phone!" L said, a bulge in his pants shaking and making high pitch noises. I reached into my pants and pulled out my homephone… it's cord was plugged about 100 feet away, in the orphanage, I refused to answer it, and threw it… at the wall… but still plugged into… the other wall… it flung back… and hit my face… breaking the phone… my precious, beautiful, face… and that was my FIRST mistake…

"But wait, you said he was ugly!" Light said.

"I'm beautiful… but in an ugly way…" L said shaking his fist in the air.

Soichiro dropped the book he was holding.

"What's wrong?" his wife asked with concern.

"I feel… like… someone is talking… about my trash-a-Canada in England…" Soichiro said, looking down.

Anyway… I walked… back… to my… room so… I sat down… then… the Belly… Bangers… busted in…

We were on a pirate ship… the leader… he pulled out a knife… and a bottle of chocolate sauce! He poured it on my face… showing no mercy… then he thrust down the knife… into a jar… of peanut butter! He rubbed it all over

ALL OVER

All over my face… and then…

THEN…

Then… he licked it off!

Then things got bad… they turned me over…

We were at a carnival… and they were all on Merry go Rounds, and their fat was jiggling

JIGGLING

Jiggling the whole time. They came down… took off my shirt… and shaved

SHAVED

Shaved my back with… THEIR TEETH!

Then… they got a magic… marker… and wrote the letters… BB… on my… diiiiiiiiimples… then they sexily said in my ear…

"You've been Belly Banged!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I yelled… I was scared… for life…

End Flashback

"See!" L said nonchalant lifting his shirt over his head to show Light his back. There was a tooth embedded in his back next to his right shoulder blade, and their was also a face growing that said in a tiny voice "Help me!"

"Cool! It's a talking face!" Light exclaimed, pointing at it.

"A lot of faces talk. Light. L said.

"Yeah, but this one's on your back!" Light said, poking it's eyes.

"Hey, let's kill the Belly Bangers!" Light added.

"DATA DRAIN!" L yelled sticking out his I-phone and pointing it at the Belly Bangers. He shook it.

"Dang it! I-phones can do everything… except Data Drain. YOU'VE BETRAYED ME, APPLE INC." L yelled, throwing an apple at a wall. Apple juice went all over

ALL OVER

All over the wall!

Larry's turn…

"!" Larry yelled, charging. One of the Belly Bangers' fat jiggled.

Light's turn…

"Moon Tiara Strike!" Light yelled, suddenly having a tiara on his head. He threw it at a Belly Banger. It bounced off his belly and came back, hitting Light in the face.

"Sit on them!" The chief Belly Banger commanded.

"Don't let them get away!" Another said.

"Hey, I found my penis!" One in the back yelled in a sing-song voice. They all ran… or wobbled… whichever floats your boat… toward the three heroes and tackled

TACKLED

Tackled them.

"Let's get this over with…" Light said.

6 minutes later…

"You've… been belly banged!" The chief said.

"Autobots, roll out!" The chief added. Literally rolling out the door, with exhaust coming out of their butts.

Degraded, Light, L, and Larry walked to the counter.

"Can we rent a spaceship?" Light asked.

"Sure." Joey Wheeler said from behind the counter, with a new york accent.

The three dramatically pimp walked to the space ship garage. Luke Skywalker was climbing up a ladder to their spaceship! They ran over and shook the ladder, causing Luke to fall and break his leg.

"Shut up and get in the van! And don't ask questions!" Light yelled, in a black-fat-guy-at-McDonalds voice.

"Why should I?" Luke asked in the voice of Pierce Bronsan.

"There's candy involved!" Light said, with L's eyes widening behind him.

"Oh, boy, KAH-NDAY!" Luke said happily, they shoved him into a car ship and slammed the door. The Belly Bangers were inside, waiting.

"We got candy… IN SAUCE FORM!" The captain said. From the ouside, you could hear a sexy schoolgirl screaming and the windows of the ship suddenly covered in chocolate sauce.

"I hear a sexy schoolgirl!" Light exclaimed, zipping down his pant zippers, and jumping head first out of the ship. When he hit the ground he started doing the worm towards the car.

"It's not a sexy girl… IT'S A SEXY MAN!" Light exclaimed, moving his head forward and back saying. "Giggity Giggity-Goo!" (He is not gay you fags! He's just going through a want phase.)

The trio climbed into their sausage-ketchup powered spaceship they rented, with Lord of the Rings music playing in the background. You know, the part where they're climbing the big snowy mountain. They closed the door behind them.

The inside was empty except for an arcade machine with the game Asteroids.

"That must be the control panel!" L exclaimed. He ran over to it.

"Anyone got a quarter?" He asked. Larry handed on to him. "Thanks." L said. He popped it into the coin slot.

A big gothic font A appeared on the screen.

"Welcome to Asteroids, game of the future!" A computerized voice said. The copyright date was 1960.

6 hours later…

"This is so intense! My score is already 7,000,000!" L said, eyes bloodshot.

"That says 7. Those zeros are just spots you're seeing, because you haven't blinked since you started." Light pointed out. The lights went red along with L's pupils.

"This is just a game? No… they lie… it burns us…" L thought.

"FINISH HIM!" The game screamed as there was only one asteroid left. L controlled the triangle ship and chased the final asteroid. He flew to the bottom of the screen.

"Limit break!" L screamed as he charged a huge laser in the triangle.

"EXODIA, OBLITERATE!" L yelled throwing 5 pieces of plastic with pictures on them at the screen. A huge laser blasted from the triangle, destroying the asteroid. Different color lights flashed from the screen. Everyone's pupils widened as they stared at the screen. They all fell down, having a seizure. Suddenly a disco ball sprouts out of the ceiling. Music came from the walls, playing… You know that Tom Jones song that Carlton always listen to on the Fresh Prince of Bel-air? Well, that's what came out of the wall!

"It's not unusual to have fun at any time!" Light sand along while having a seizure. After they stood back up from their little "episode", They walked over to the machine.

"Are we on the Death Star?" Light asked.

"No," L said. "But we got pancakes!" He exclaimed, pulling a plate of pancakes out of the coin slot. "It's our reward for getting 7 points!" He added.

"Sweeeeet!" Light said. He pulled a bottle of syrup out of his bra. "Let's eat!" Light said.

4 minutes later…

"Go! Go! Go! Go!" L cheered, moving his fist up and down.

"!" Larry cheered.

Light was pouring milk on his pancake covered hair, eating it with a spoon.

"So, how do we get to the Death Star?" Light asked.

"Oh that's easy!" L said, kicking the arcade machine out of the way. "We use the control panel!" He added, pointing at a computer that was behind the arcade machine.

"How do we operate the queer machine?" Light asked. Larry walked over to it and pressed random buttons and moving random joy dicks… I mean joy sticks.

2 seconds later…

"Is this the Death Star?" Light asked.

"Let's see… Nope, this is 4112 Moonson way. We need to go across the street." L explained, flying the ship away from the starfox. They flew about 10 feet away from it and arrived at the Death Star. It was made out of Belgium Waffles

BELGIUM WAFFLES

Belgium Waffles, and it was dripping syrup.

"AFTER IT!" Light screamed, spitting a tooth at the control panel. (The song like an angry woman from the Grimm Adventures of Billy & Mandy.) They chased that ship. They chased that ship like an angry woman! That ship flew off like an angry woman! Light bit his nails in fear like an angry woman! L sucked that pickle with pleasure like an angry woman! (Still singing: L looked around for the voice and slowly put the pickle down.) Larry pushed the buttons down like an angry woman! He twisted the joystick round'n round like an angry woman! Yeah… like an angry woman…

They chased it for a good, oh, I don't know, about 2 hours. They flew over some planet , over a few galaxies. As they flew, the Death Star dropped syrup on one of the planets, engulfing it in it's sweet maple goodness. But, the heavenly taste was too heavy for the planet! It sank, and fell to the sun, burning up. A narrator suddenly appeared.

"There may be more syrup in your water than you think. That's why you need the Brita Pitcher." He said.

Misa was still at the mall, eating tuna out of a can.

"Yeah, do it slower. That's right, slower, yeah, stick it in your nose!" The cameraman said.

"Who are you?" Misa asked in between bites.

"Yo mamma, who are you?" The guy asked.

"……" Misa paused. "I… am…" She said, raising her head dramatically.

"A CHILD PORNSTAR!" She yelled. The extreme pressure from her yell dramatically and slowly pushed the cameraman and all the objects in the room out the door.

"This isn't a Christmas story anymore!" L exclaimed. It's just random crap put together on a paper with Elmer's glue with some back ground music… that the people can't even hear!" L complained…. Like an angry woman.
"The Death Star… it's heading… toward… the wall of the universe!" Light said.

"FULL FUCKING SPEED!" L yelled pointing out the window. They chased after the Death Star until it smashed into the Universe Wall. The three valiant heroes parked their ship on the rubble ignoring the "NO PARKING" sign.

"Alright, son-uv-ah-bitch, Arrekasu, come on out and show us your balls!" L screamed, waving his arms in circles above his head.

"Balls?" Light asked.

"I mean to come out and be a real man in PMS, not a coward!" L said.

Light sneezed out of no where.

"What the hell was that?" L asked.

"I gots da snniffies!" Light said.

"So who's gonna fight me?" Arrekasu asked.

"L?" Gyaretto said.

"No."

"Light?"

"No!"

"Larry?"

"Nope!"

"Tickle-me-elmo?"

"Nah, maybe tomorrow."

"Yugi?"

"No."

"Seto Kaiba?"

"Nah."

"Shugo?"

"Oh it's on now!" Arrekasu screamed.

7 and a half minutes later…

L, Light'n, Larry was standing in the spot they arrived in, they waited… like an angry woman. Before long, a platform arose from the rubble.

"It was Gyaretto and Arrekasu with Pokemon battle music playing. They had their fist up about to do fisticuffs.

"Hey, I thunk we wuz gonna fight him!" L said.

"Well, I was gonna fight Shugo… but he is at home playing World of Warhack." Arrekasu said.

"So I popped up and decided to punch him out!" Gyaretto said.

5 hours later…

The two idiots were still standing there. The rock-n-roll band playing the Pokemon battle music was dying. Only 2 remained. The music was incredibly Largo.

"Spirit gun!" Arrekasu yelled, putting his hand in the shape of a gun. A blue ball of poorly animated energy blasted from his finger tip. It grew smaller as it flew, until it was nothing! It missed! Gyaretto shrugged.

"FIST OF THE NOSE HAIR!" Gyaretto yelled, with hair shooting out of his eyeballs. The extreme-burning hot hair punched Arrekasu in the face, Arrekasu fell over onto his back.

"Sekai wo, bitch!" Gyaretto said, shaking his head back and fourth.

"Hey, that is my catchphrase!" Light yelled.

"Shut up!" Gyaretto yelled flying away into space.

"Well… let's go home…" L said.

"Wait… L… I… am… your…" Arrekasu started to say, pow pow pow pow pow! L shot the man to death with his I-Gun.

"I was going to say your father!" Arrekasu yelled, writhing in agony on the ground.

"Oh, I thought you were going to say my Michael Jackson!" L said. A narrator appeared on the screen.

"Life comes at you fast. That's why you need space ship insurance." The narrator said, fading into the world of the unknown.

So, the mystery of who killed Mr. Burns… I mean… Who killed Ms. Claus is solved, by L, Light'n, Larry!

So, for Christmas, L was given a bottle of Gatorade. Light was given a bucket of water, but his parents had to sell the bucket for gas money. Larry got nothing, as usual. Someday, he will get his revenge!

Wolflink93: I'm here so to say sorry for being so late on this chapter I, myself, and me have wrote bonus content for The Death before Christmas. It's called Dear Santa it is a story of when Light tries to make a letter to santa.

Renodin: Yeah and since it is past Christmas this wasn't really much of a Christmas story. Well Merry late Holidays and New years.

Wolflink93: On to the bonus content! And also… REVIEW! Please. There I said it. happy. Also don't forget to check out my amv Colors of the Death note the link is in my profile. Also check out our poll. Based on our stories who's your favorite character? Vote now in my profiel.