The Mayonnaise Theft
Part 1
Written by Wolflink93
A Basinga Productions
Disclaimer: I don't own Death Note but I do own a sack of crap.
It was 12:00 A.M. on February 2, 2008 and all was quiet except for the Yagami house hold.
"Who are you!?" The voice of Light's mom screamed.
"Get her!" A mysterious voice screamed, followed by a grunt from another person.
"Get the mayonnaise!" Mysterious voice commanded. You could hear glass bottles clang together as if somebody was rummaging through a refrigerator.
"Who are you!?" Light's mom screamed.
"That's classified." Mysterious voice said.
"Why are you here?"
"That's classified."
"Why are you after my mayonnaise?"
"That's classified."
"Do you serve refreshments?"
"She knows to much, get her!" The mysterious voice commanded running out of the Yagami house hold, followed by a big bulky man carrying Light's mom, toward the Weiner Mobile. After getting in the Weiner Mobile they started it with ketchup fumes coming out of the exhaust pipe then driving off into the sun rise.
Meanwhile a thousand miles away… I mean about 10 feet away in Light's room…
Through all the commotion Light was still sleeping.
"Can you pass the Grey Poupon?" Light mumbled in his sleep, suddenly having a happy smile on his face. Then suddenly a mysterious figured creped open the door slowly (Oh so slowly) and tip-toed next to Light's bed, holding what appeared to be a KNIFE! The figure lifted up the object and slammed it down onto Light's chest.
"I found a……… CARROT!" The figure said, repeatedly slamming what is now a carrot into Light's chest.
"What in the land of Cheese Nips are you doing, L?" Light screamed.
"I wanted to show you this cool carrot I found lying in the street." L said, while still slamming Light in the chest with the carrot.
"It is pretty cool." Light mumbled, watching the carrot slam into his chest.
"Hey did your family have one of those "conversations" again?" L asked, making air quotes on the word conversation.
"No, why?" Light asked, confused
"Because your kitchen is destroyed. I think that this would have to have been a very big "conversation"." L answered. Light hopped out of bed and ran down the stairs to the kitchen, with L stabbing him in the back with the carrot.
When they both got there they could see that the kitchen was a mess just like L said. There was a puddle of mustard on the ground, the windows in the kitchen were also broken, and for some odd reason the dishes that were sitting in sick water are on fire. L saw something out of the corner of his eye and went over to investigate.
"What the chicken poppers is this?" L said, picking up a book that had letters written on the cover that said Jewish Bible with an X over it. L then saw another object next to it and picked it up. A window appeared below L that read: Congratulations you found a box of twinkies… Well… Here you go… Fatty! L then walked back over to Light.
"Light, I didn't know you hated Jews." L said, holding up the bible. "Or that you had an inner phrat boy." L said, holding up the box of twinkies.
"Those aren't mine." Light said.
"Then whose are these?" L screamed, shaking the objects in front of Light's face.
"My next door neighbor Joe?" Light said, shrugging. When Light said that a hairy man pooped out of the garbage disposal.
"There was a woman walking down the street saying Ditty-Ditty Ditty-Domb Ditty-Do." The leader of the Ditty-Domb gang sang, while pointing at Light.
"Leave me alone! Just because I have long hair doesn't make me a woman!" Light exclaimed in a nasally voice while chewing on a grapefruit.
Mayor's office…
The sun rose slowly illuminating the mayor's office with a bright magenta. There was a figure looking out the window.
"What a beautiful sun rise." The figure said, sighing. BAM! The door to the mayor's office slammed open to reveal a man covered in ketchup.
"Mayor Chikenfeathers, the town is low on mayonnaise!" The secretary screamed. "It seems that somebody has been stealing from the town's mayonnaise factory by replacing the jar's of mayonnaise with card board cut-outs." The secretary added.
"What!?" The mayor exclaimed, while turning around. The mayor was a greasy fat guy in a chicken costume. "Our best selling condiment is mayonnaise." Mayor Chickenfeathers stated.
"I know sir this morning I had to substitute mayonnaise with ketchup. Who are we going to call?"
"The Ghost Bust… I mean the L team!"
"I'll get right on it sir." The secretary said, saluting, and then running out of the door to call the L team leaving a trail of ketchup behind.
Light's house…
"Now, tell me sir did this jar of mayonnaise have any enemies?" The po-po officer said, writing something down in his notepad. The po-po officer was talking to a grief stricken Soichiro.
"No… well… I don't knowwwwwww!" Soichiro said, sobbing like a sissy boy.
"What about your wive… Is she cheating on you, has any enemies. And also can I have her number." Soichiro's face suddenly changed from sad to angry.
"Who cares about that bitch! What about my precious mayonnaise!" Soichiro said, angrily.
"Well I thought…" The po-po said, writing something else in the notepad. Soichiro squinted his eyes and yelled.
"Get out of my site!"
"Yes sir!" The po-po said, running off leaving his notebook behind which read:
Chicken
Grease
Salt.
Light's room…
"Captain Crunch!" Light screamed.
"Cocoa puffs!" L screamed. L and Light were both fighting over what should be the best cereal of 2008. But the argument was interrupted as the lump in L's pants started to shake. L immediately put sunglasses on and put his hand down his pants and pulled out his I-phone pressing the talk button on the touch pad.
"This is L, man how can I help you?" L said, in a cool like voice.
"Uh-huh, yup, no, yup, ohhhhhhh yeah, yes I'll take some fries with that shake. Okay, okay, uh-huh, yup, okay, bye." L said, hanging the I-phone up, and stuffing it back down into the depths of his pants. Light just stood there staring at L strangely the whole time.
"WTF was that about." Light asked.
"That was the mayor he wants us to come in to solve a case." L said. Light just looked at L even stranger.
"Okay, but lets pick up Larry on the way." Light said, jumping out of the window in his room without opening it.
Several hours later…
L, Light'n, and Larry were out side the mayor's office. They ran passed the secretary knocking him down in the process and Light kicked down the door. with his kick-the-door-down-like-an-FBI-agent powers.
"!" Larry exclaimed.
"Yes, I am Mayor Chickenfeathers." The mayor said dramatically, turning around in his chair to face them with chickens flying around behind him. "Have a seat." Chickenfeathers said gesturing to the 3 seats in front of him. The seats were covered with red velvet coverings which were also covered with chicken crap. L and Light walked over to the chairs with a happy face and sat down saying.
"Don't mind if we do." When they sat down you could an indistinct squishing noice. Larry seemed to hesitate but then walked over and sat down saying.
"?"
"Yes, Larry you are here to solve a case." Chickenfeathers said. After he said that his secretary ran in with a TV set and gave the remote to the mayor. "You see our town is now on a mayonnaise shortage."
"So." L said.
"Well, mayonnaise is where most of the money comes from for the city. Let me show you this clip so you will have a better understanding. Chickenfeathers pressed the play button as a clip started to roll on the TV screen.
TV screen…
"Bill! Bill! Bill! Bill! Bill! Bill! Bill Nye the Science Guy!" Some guys chanted. Bill Nye then appeared on the screen.
"Did you know that 80 percent of the world's economy comes from the sales of mayonnaise?" Bill asked.
Real world…
When Bill said that L, Light'n, Larry shook there heads no as if in a trance.
TV screen…
Bill started to go through a building which was having a gang war.
"You see mayonnaise used to be used as Bang! flavoring for food. But people foundBang! Other ways to use it by rubbing it all over… ALL Bang! OVER… all over there body's" Bill said, holding up a gun to shoot a guy. When he shot the guy a loud BILL! Escaped from the gun creating a powerful sound wave that was able to kill the gang member. Then the scene suddenly changed to Bill swimming in a pool full of mayonnaise doing the breast stroke.
"You see if a town's mayonnaise was well I don't know… stolen then there economy will fall with fat guys roaming the town in search for a favorable condiment. Normally they reduce themselves to blood." Bill explained. Then the scene changed to Bill taking slow and big bites of a Big Mac layered with mayonnaise and extra cheese. When he took a fifth bite the colors inverted as the big mac suddenly exploded, obscuring the camera view.
Real world…
L, Light'n, Larry just sat that there as if they just discovered the secret of the universe.
"Well that's pretty much everything in a nutshell." The mayor said.
"NUTS!" L exclaimed out of nowhere quickly covering his mouth.
"?" Larry asked.
"Yes, I want you to find the person guilty of this. You will also have someone tag along."
"Who?" Light asked.
"Chester… CHETAH!" Mayor Chickenfeathers screamed, with the lights turning red, and chickens flying every which way making PA-CAKING noises. After the mayor said that a 6 foot tall orange cheetah stepped out of the shadows, wearing sunglasses, a detective overcoat and hat, he also had spots all over his body and tail.
"Who's ready to get…" Chester began to say. "CHEEZY!" Chester finished saying, sniffing cheese crumbs in his nose.
"Isn't it kind of dangerous to eat cheese like that?" Light asked.
"Are you stepping in my corn flakes. Cause let me tell you something about stepping in someone else's corn flakes." Chester said, moving his face right in front of Light's. "It's a weird way to eat corn flakes." Chester said, dramatically.
"Well now we're all done that's done. Go L team! And save the day." The mayor said, kicking them out of the door into the streets.
"When did we become the L team?" Light asked.
"Well ever since that Ms. Clause case that we solved we've been recognized as real detectives with super skillz." L explained.
"Well, let's go solve this case bitches!" Chester screamed walking off with his overcoat blowing in the wind even though there wasn't one blowing. L, Light'n, Larry followed and that was the beginning of the long journey to gahter the Tri-force… I mean mayonnaise.
To be continued…
Wolflink93: Here you go people this again was written by me. And also I have some breaking news me and Renodin are going to do a Valentine's/ Birthday special. Cause guess what February 28th is Light's birthday. That is if you already didn't know. So be on the look out for that and also I will be writing more of this story. So, sayonara. AND REVIEW please.