Another One Rides the Bus
Basinga Production
Myth Labs Productions
Written by Renodin & Wolflink93
Disclaimer: We do not own Death Note but we DO own a restaurant you've never heard of.
"I'm gonna be the pirate king!" the guy on the TV said.
"Nuh-uh! No you isn't!" The TV said on a different channel as Light quickly turned to the Cosby Show. He flipped the channel again.
"How many balls can you stuff in your mouth?" The TV announcer asked. Light changed it to the Spongebob Movie.
"12." Some guy said.
"IN YOUR FACE!" Spongebob screamed.
"We interrupt this fag-bag to bring you a special announcement!" Some sexy schoolgirl said.
"SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY!" A guy shouted in a deep, raspy, voice.
"Today's Sunday!" Light said in a nasally accent.
"Come to the monster truck rally! We got popcorn, cake, and
ICE CREAM!
That's right, I said
ICE CREAM!
We don't have many monster trucks but we do have
ICE CREAM!
I scream for
ICE CREAM!" The announcer repeated over and over and over. The screen switched to some little fat kid sitting on the porch of a gas station. He had a tub of ice cream, and a spoonful of it. He was slowly pushing the huge heaping spoonful of it into his mouth, with chunks of it sticking to his face and falling off. It was replayed 6 times, on the 3rd time going in slow motion, and on the 5th time, the colors were inverted. Then, the screen went black, for about 5 seconds. Suddenly, there was a bathtub of ice cream the announcer was spinning around the screen in the tub.
"ICE CREAM!" The announcer yelled one last time. Then, finally the TV exploded.
"I GOTTA GO TO THE MONSTER TRUCK RALLY! But first, I gotta call some friends." Light said. Light goes up to his phone and picks up the banana shaped phone, presses some numbers and stands there waiting for them to answer.
In the house where Light is calling…
You can see a phone ringing with the ring tone sounding like this.
"Ditty-Ditty Ditty-Domb Ditty-Do!" The lead singer walks over to the phone and picks it up saying.
"Ditty-Ditty this is the Ditty-Ditty Ditty-Domb Ditty-Do residence."
Light's house…
"Hello Mr. Ditty-Ditty Ditty-Domb Ditty-Do would you and your Ditty-Domb gang want to hang out with me at the MONSTER TRUCK RALLY!" Light says to DDDDDD
DDDDDD house…
"There was a woman walking down the street saying Ditty-Ditty Ditty-Domb Ditty-Do!" The lead singer sang pointing at the phone.
Light's house…
"But… But… But… I love you!" Soichiro said to a dolphin, that was swimming in the bath tub full of vegetable oil. Soichiro was wearing a cheese costume. The dolphin just sat there… dead in the pool of oil.
"How could you, Soichiro!" Light's mom said, standing in the doorway in a baloney costume, shocked.
"I can explain!" Soichiro said, holding out his hand almost as if to tell her to stop. But really he was just checking the back of his hand for scratches. With a wail of distress Light's mom ran out.
"This is bull shit!" Soichiro yelled. "I get in trouble because the dolphin died a little too soon. Damn I was looking forward to those dolphin fries to." Soichiro added
Light's kitchen…
"Leave me alone, just because I have long hair doesn't make me a woman." Light said, in a nasally voice while chewing on a grape fruit. Light was putting the phone down while rapping music played. Light shook his head up and down while the music played. But stops himself when he's 1 cm away from hanging up, he immediately pulls the phone to his face and screams.
"Sekai wo bitch!" Light yelled. "Ditty-Ditty Ditty-Domb Ditty-Do!" Light added, slamming the phone… accidentally toward his face.
"Damn it! stupid twitchitus!" Light screamed making a grunt. Light then slammed the phone, the right way this time.
"Damn that sucks. Maybe L can come!" He exclaimed, pushing the randomly placed "Call for sex" button.
L heard his phone ring the theme song to his hit TV show, "L's Pleasure Time." He flipped open his phone.
"Heeeeyyyy, wassup Mr. Lesbian Dolphin?" L asked.
"Hey, L, wanna go to the MONSTER TRUCK RALLY?! They have popcorn, cake, and
ICE CREAM! I know how much you like cake and
ICE CREAM!" Light exclaimed, sounding just like the guy from the Cosby Show… I mean the Monster Truck Commercial.
"I can't make it. I'm solving a very important case."
"What kind of case?" Light asked.
"The kind where you have to have sex with this one girl to unlock the book of Giggidy."
"Isn't that just a rip off of the Muppets in Space?"
"……..Yeah…… bye…" L said. He hung up the phone and threw it into the audience. L was performing the famous play Famous Play. L was sitting behind a desk that went up to his neck so you couldn't see his body. He was wearing a detective's hat on his head.
"It's not safe here let's take it to the library. We can do it on a shelf." L said.
"No!" The girl said, running off of the stage only to fall on a pile of chimichungas.
"Where the hell did those come from?" L said, confused and angry that he wouldn't get boned. (In front of a live studio audience.) "And what the hell are chimichungas?" L added. He shrugged and walked out from behind the desk. He was wearing what appeared to be a pink, frilly, ballerina costume. He then proceeded to slowly tip toe out of the scene with his hands above his head to create a half circle. While the background music for the plum fairy played.
Light closed the phone. He looked down, and after about 5 seconds, he snapped.
"DAMN IT! ALL THESE FOOS ARE ALL TOO BUSY SUCKING BROOMS TO GO TO THE MONSTER TRUCK RALLY!" Light exclaimed. Light's mom emerged into the room.
"Sucking Brooms?" She asked. Light's sister came in.
"Brooms?" She asked. Rey's future fiancé came into the room.
"Sucking?" She asked. Misa the child porn star emerged from under Light's bed.
"Orly?" She asked in a gay voice.
"What the hell are you guys doing here?" Light asked, emphasis on the word hell. They all quickly jumped out the door.
"Yeah, that's what I thought." Light said, smirking. He unfolded the phone. He pushed the "Confession" button on his phone.
Inside the dumpster behind Reasol's all was quiet, when suddenly, the song Can't touch this started to play. Suddenly, a cell phone came out of nowhere! It flipped open.
"?" Larry said.
"Heeeyyyyyyyyyyyyy Larryyyyy!" Wanna come to the Monster truck rally with me?" Light asked.
"…" Larry explained.
"Damn, that sucks brooms. Well, I'll see you later." Light said, hanging up. Larry hung up and threw the phone down. Suddenly Misa was lying down in the dumpster.
"Give it to me straight, Larry!" Misa said. Suddenly, there was a strange noise, like that of grabbing your cheek and shaking it. A strange fluid began to flow toward Misa's face. The scene was then enlarged to show that Larry was squeezing mayo onto Misa's face.
"That… bitch… still… owes… me… 7.50!" The guy at the cash register, who worked at the cash register, screamed. When he did that, all of the fat, greasy, slobs in the room looked at him from their triple-patty-melts… with extra cheese.
"What you lookin' at?" The dude asked, poking one of the near by fat guys. He shouldn't have done that. It was a BELLY BANGER! As the Belly Banger's fat jiggled. The Belly Banger immediately put on an angry face as Heavy Metal music played.
"Belly Roll!" The Belly Banger said, pulling a glob of his fat off. He threw it at the horny guy.
"Mac Attack!" The horn guy said, pulling out a big mac, with extra cheese, from his pocket and throwing it at the fat roll. The two objects collided in mid-air and as they collided there was a big explosion that shook the world.
Wait I know how to defeat him now! The horn guy thought. He then threw one of his Macs toward the ground making a hill.
"No! My only weakness!" The Belly Banger said as he rolled down the hill toward a woman's foot locker. Somehow he was able to fit in it. The horn guy slammed the door shut once he threw a barrel of kiwis in the locker.
"You've been Mack Attacked!" The horn guy said sexily to a guy who was passing by, who just gave him a strange look in return.
"What now? Do I go to the Monster Truck Rally by myself?" Light asked himself.
"Sure, why not?" Paul McCartney said as he just so happened to be in Light's closet.
"All right, it's a date!" Light yelled.
"With who?" Paul asked.
"uhhh…. My imaginary friend." Larry said.
"No, he's in the dumpster behind Reasol's having fun with Misa." Paul said.
"That's my future girlfriend!" Light exclaimed.
L was taking a break from his 'case' and walking down the overly crowded, favorite hangout among teens, the alley behind Reasol's. L heard something in the dumpster. The dumpster was shaking, and rattling.
"What da hell…?" L said, licking a lollipop. He put his ear up to the dumpster to listen. There was a loud beating noise, like that of beating your palm on a desk. Suddenly it stopped.
"No, get away from me!" The voice of Misa said inside the dumpster.
"!!" Larry screamed, in a horny accent.
"Translation; Get back here, I ain't done with you!" A gay translator said, from below the dumpster. L slowly opened the lid, with a loud creaking noise. His mouth gaped.
"Larry?! What the hell are you doing here, in the place you were conceived?" L asked. Larry and Misa were fighting over a Big Mac and it was in both of their mouths.
"Come on, Larry, dump that hoe and lets go!" L said, Larry stepped out and they both joined arms and skipped off.
"Well, I gotta get some change and skido!" Light said. "Well it costs 25 cents to get on, and 30 cents to get off. So I need… 55 cents!" Light exclaimed, running out the door.
"He is soooooo smart!" Paul said, hiding in a coat pocket.
"You...need a loan... for 55 cents..." The broker said, looking down at a piece of paper neatly filled out by Light for a loan. "For what would you need this 55 cents for?" He said quirking an eyebrow.
"To get on the bus." Light replied simply.
"To where?" The man said.
"Monster Truck Rally..." Light answered. There was a moment of silence as they both stared at each other...
"...okay..."The man said, pulling out two coins. One was a quarter and the other was a quarickle. Which is a quarter and a nickle combined to make thirty cents.
"Sweet!" Light exclaimed, taking the money and leaving. After the kid left the man sighed.
"Good luck kid you're going to need it."
Light was now standing at a bus stop, waiting for the bus. There was also a guy next to him dressed in a business suit, also waiting. The man kept looking at his watch as if he were in a hurry.
"Come on, come on, come on." The man said, as if he were trying to urge the bus to get there sooner. Then the bus pulled up as if his planned worked.
"Ah." The man said relieved. He then stepped on the bus ,with Light right behind him, depositing a quarter into the slot thingy. Light then went to a seat and sat down next to a guy, who also had a suit on except he had a moustache. The other guy then came in and sat down in the first seat. Then the bus took off with a start. The guy next to Light decided to introduce himself.
"Hello, my name is Captain Larry." The guy said, holding out a hand for Light to shake.
"My name is Light. And I also have an imaginary friend named Larry." Light said, shoving trash from his coat pocket into the man's hand.
"That's a firm peice of trash you got there, sonny." Captain Larry said, squeezing the trash.
"Yeah made it meself." Light proudly said, as the bus stopped. The guy from earlier stood up from the first seat, and went up to the bus driver, digging through his pockets. When the man got to the bus driver, he groaned.
"30 cents please." The bus driver said, looking over toward the man.
"I left my change at home." The guy said.
The bus driver faced forward, and closed the bus doors. "...Then I guess you're going to be late for work." He said, driving off. The guy had a surprised look on his face.
"I was suppose to be given a promotion today..." The guy said, holding his thumb. "But... now... I'll... never... get... PROMOTED!!" The man screamed, squeezing his thumb causing blood to come out of his chest. The blood sprayed everywhere, even in the bus driver's face. But he kept his eyes on the road and didn't flinch. There was now blood everywhere. But, nobody paid any attention. All the bus driver did was get a cloth from out of his pocket, and wiped the blood away. And said as the man died
"Another one bites the dust." The busdriver said, still driving.
"What the hell was up with that?" Light asked the man.
"Oh, we get thems all the time." Captain Larry said.
"Oh..." Light said, looking forward. But then all of a sudden there was an earthquake! Though the bus driver kept on driving, smashing a few cars here and there. Then all of a sudden the quarickle in Light's pants fell out and landed on the floor.
"Opps dropped me 30 cents." Light said, slowly picking it up. But, was stopped when 15 kids tackled it. The kids were biting and punching each other in the facem, to get the coin so they could get off the bus. A kid took the coin and ran up to the bus driver, as he was opening the doors. The kid then gave the coin to the bus driver, and ran off the bus screaming.
"I'm freeeeee!!"
"Shit!" Light exclaimed watching the kid run down the sidewalk. Light then started to panic as the bus was nearing the monster truck rally.
"What the hell am I going to do!" Light said, holding his head in his hands. "Wait, that's it!" Light yelled, looking over toward Captain Larry.
"Do you have 30 cents that you could spare?" Light asked.
"Nope only got enough for meself." Captain Larry answered.
"Darn it! I'll never make it to the Family preview night ice cream social! I mean monster truck rally if I don't get 30 cents!" Light yelled, pulling at his hair. "Wait that's it again!" Light exclaimed, looking over at Captain Larry.
"Hey, do you have a cell phone?" Light asked the man.
"Yes."
"Can I borrow it for a sec?" Light asked politely.
"Sure." Captain Larry said, taking out a razor. "Oh, wait sorry wrong item. Heh heh that's for shaving." Captain Larry said, putting his razor back. "Okay here it is..." He said, pulling out a cricket. "Darn it... that's not it either." Captain Larry said, putting the bug back inside his pocket. "Here we go my... I-Phone!" Captain Larry said, handing it to Light.
"Sweet!" Light exclaimed, grabbing the phone from his clutches. Light then looked at the screen. "Damn it... no bars." Light stated.
"Oh, then you can use my emergency phone." Captain Larry said, pulling out a can with a string attached to it, that leaded outside the bus for miles and miles and miles.
"Thank you." Light said, taking the can, and dialing the only person who he knew could help him.
L was now back at the theater solving the 'case'. Larry was also there but he was sitting down in the front row watching. Which looked to be the only seat not filled to the blind eye. When all of a sudden a can with string attached to it started rattling, as if there were a penny inside it and someone was shaking it, on a desk near the stage.
"Hold on a second folks." L said, jumping off stage to answer it. "Hello?"
Yeah I would like to order one double large peperonii pizza with extra onions please. A guy on the other line said.
"You have the wrong can." L said.
You mean this isn't Pizza Hut? The guy asked, confused.
"Exactly." L said, hanging up the phone. Just as L was about to walk away the can rattled again. L then picked up the can.
"Hello?" L greeted.
Is this L? A voice said, from over the can.
"Light? What the hell do you want?" L asked, confused.
I can't get off the bus I need you to help me bust out. Light said. Right now I'm using someones can, so make it fast before we make it to the monster truck rally. Light said
"We'll be there!" L said, hanging up with action spy music playing. Then L ripped off his ballerina costume to reveal he had a tuxedo on. Also in the empty seat in the front of the row, you could hear the sound of clothes being ripped off. The can rattled again, with L answering it.
"Hello, you have just won a millon dollars, we'll just need your name and address so we can send it to you." A woman on the other line said cheerfuly.
"I can't right now. I need to help my friend bust out of a bus, by getting him 30 cents." L explained, hanging up.
"You ready Larry!?" L said coolly.
"." Larry said.
"Good, then let's roll!" L commanded, getting into a barrel labeled "L's Barrel" and rolling away, followed by another barrel labeled "Larry's Barrel".
Soichiro, Soichiro's wife, and Light's sister were all sitting at the table eating lunch. When Light's sister went to reach for the pepper, she accidently bumped into her glass of milk, spilling it.
"Well, no use crying over spilled milk." Light's sister said, getting up to get some towels. When she came back she saw that Soichiro was breathing heavily, with an angry look on his face.
"Don't... you... ever... talk... about... milk... that way!" Soichiro yelled, standing up throwing bacon grease in her face.
It now shows L and Larry, still in the barrels, rolling towards the bus Light was on. Then all of a sudden police sirens were going off.
"Crap! It's the fuzz..." L said, with balls of fuzz following them with sirens on top of them. "Come on Larry let's use the Backwash manuever!" L said, pouring Drain-o out of a hole in the barrel, with Larry doing the same.
"!" Larry yelled.
"No, I don't know where the hell this Drain-o came from!" L yelled back. As the Drain-o hit the fuzz, you could faintly hear a man's voice saying "Drain-ooooooo" in a low pitch voice. The fuzz then started to spin out of a control and hit a wall, causing it to explode.
"Larry, how the hell are we going to dodge that!" L exclaimed.
"?"
"No, I won't do a barrel roll! Do you know how much of a lame joke you just made?" L said.
"..." Larry sadly said.
"Oh, I'm sorry Larry. Here let me give you a hug." L said, running into Larry with the barrel, causing them both to smash open.
"Okay... maybe I shouldn't have done that..." L said, looking forward to see where the bus was. But, it was no where in site. "I guess will have to cut them off." L said. Larry then suddenly pulled out scissors and cut off the pimple on L's face. "No not that! The bus! We need to get ahead so we can ambush it." L explained, slapping the scissors down on the ground.
"!" Larry yelled cheerfuly.
"Yeah, Larry! Lettttttt's goooooooo!" L yelled cheerfuly, making a pose.
"?" Larry asked.
"Why do I keep reapeting everything you're saying?" L responded.
"." Larry said.
"So, the readers can understand what the hell you're saying. After all you are imaginary." L simply stated.
"..." Larry said.
"Shut up! And let's go!" L screamed, in frustration. "We'll worry later about your bleeding arm later!" L added, walking off followed by a bloody trail following him.
Back on the bus...
"Come on, guys where are you." L muttered, looking at a clock on the bus ,that said 24 minutes until they arrive at the monster truck ralley.
"This reminds of the show 24!" Captain Larry said, for no apparent reason.
On top of a building... 22 minutes remaining...
"Okay, Larry we have 22 minutes until the ice cream social... I mean monster truck rally... So, here's the plan. First, we're going to jump off this roof and do a barrel roll into the bus... Then we're going to get in there and give Light this quarickle." L explained, showing Larry the coin.
"That way before he makes it to the monster truck rally. He'll be able to get off. But, then we'll need to make a quick escape before the bus driver notices we're on the bus. So, he doesn't make us stay on too... Got it?" Larry said. With Larry apparently nodding.
On the bus... 20 minutes remaining...
"Um, Captain Larry, who's that fat guy?" Light asked, pointing to a fat guy with no shirt on, sitting in the back seat, with a badge pinned to his skin that said "Bus guard."
"Oh, that's an ex-belly banger." Captain Larry answered. "He was kicked out just because he was too fat." Captain Larry stated.
"A belly banger? There pretty strong. Me, L, and Larry were not able to take them down."
"That's a belly banger for ya. Only a few have the power to defeat them. Though I hear on the streets that the Belly Bangers and The Ditty-Domb Gang, are having a gang war." Captain Larry stated. "I hear it's getting pretty sticky out there." Captain Larry added. Then all of a sudden a blob of fat fell from the Belly Bangers' belly, and started sucking up the gum out from under his seat. He then picked it back up and put it back in his belly. It sent a shiver down Light's spinal cord.
Light then turned to look out the window. He then saw someting. He squinted his eyes to get a better look.
"Is that L... and Larry!?" Light said in surprise.
On the roof... 18 minutes later...
"Ready Larry!" L said, seeing the bus coming their way. Larry nodded. "3...2...1... Jump!" L commanded jumping off the building. Doing a barrel roll, followed by Larry.
"!" Larry exclaimed.
"Yeah, we are going to make it!" L yelled back. Just as they were about to go through the two holes, convientely placed on top of the bus, that were both in the shape of L and Larry's body. The Belly Banger jumped out with heavy metal music playing.
"Belly!" The Belly Banger yelled, with the sound of a gun cocking, followed by the Belly Banger's fat rippling. "Cannon!" The Belly Banger thrusted forward, with a blob of fat shooting out of his belly button, heading straight toward L and Larry.
"Larry! Evasive manuevers!" L commanded, with L sticking out his hands like an airplane, then leaning to the right, making airplane noises, followed by Larry.
"!" Larry yelled.
"We can't use the barrel roll under these conditions. I'm going to need to stun him. So, that way we can dive bomb into the holes that coincidentally are in the shape of us." L yelled over the wind. The Belly Banger was about to reload, until L stopped him by throwing a red spear.
"Licorash Spear!" L yelled, as it hit the Belly Banger, temporarily stunning him. This gave L and Larry the chance to dive bomb into the bus.
Inside the bus... 14 minutes remaining...
"I need to go." Light said.
"Go in the bucket." A guy next to him said, handing him a bucket covered in grafitti.
"Ummmmmm--" Light was about to say something, until he saw L and Larry jump from the roof into the bus. Followed by the Belly Banger.
"I won't let you get away." The Belly Banger said, rolling towards them.
"Light! Evasive manuever XXX ROCK BAND!!" L yelled, looking over toward Light. Light nodded pulling a guitar out of nowhere. L then pulleout a microphone, with Larry on saxophone. Before the Belly Banger could reach them. Light hit him with a guitar to get him away.
"We need our singing space asshole!" Light screamed, with the bus driver not caring and still letting people on.
"1, 2, 3, 4!" L yelled, starting to sing.
"Riding in the bus down the boulevard. And the place was pretty packed. Yeah! Couldn't find a seat so I had to stand. Witht the perverts in the back." L sang, with a lot more people getting on the bus, then the people in the back sudenly put a seductive look on their face, holding up a porn magizine.
"It was smelling like a locker room. There was junk all over the floor. We're already packed in like sardines so we're stopping to pick up more." The bus then stopped again letting more people on, making the Belly Banger sweat for some reason.
"Another one rides the bus! Another one rides the bus! Another comes on and another comes on! Another one rides the bus. Hey he's gonna sit by you." L sang, talking to an old lady, and shaking her when he said the last part. Showing a man behind him who was going to sit there. Who had a mole on the whole left side of his face. "Another one rides the bus!"
"There's a suitcase poking me in the ribs. Theres an elbow in my ear. There's a smelly old bum sitting right next to me, hasn't showered in a year." A suitcase suddenly flew toward the belly banger hitting him in the head. Then an elbow hit him in the ear causing his ear to go red. Then the stench of an old bum, wafted through his nostrils, causing him to regirgitate. Then all of a sudden Light started to do a guitar solo followed by Larry doing his solo.
"I think I'm missing a contact lens. I think my wallets gone. And I think this bus is stopping again to let a couple more freaks get on look out!" L sang.
"I'm missing a contact lens, and my wallets gone. And why is the bus stopping this isn't a bus stop!" The belly banger yelled.
"Another one rides the bus ow. Another one rides the bus hey hey. Another one rides the bus hey-y-y-y-y-yyyyyy!!" L sang.
"The window doesn't open and the fan is broke. And my face is turning a blue (Yeah) I haven't been in a crowd like this. Since I went to see the Who. Well I should have gotten off a couple miles ago. But I couldn't get to the door. There isn't any room for me to breath. And now we're gonna pick up more yeaaaah!" L sang, with the Belly banger chocking.
"Darn it, my only weakness... tight... spaces..." The Belly Banger managed to squeeze out as he died. Followed by Light doing his guitar solo. And Larry suddenly on drums ended it on a loud BAM!
As the song ended the bus driver still didn't notice the fight that was going on. L then took this chance and gave Light the 30 cents.
"Here it is! Now let's go to the monster truck ralley!" L exclaimed.
"!" Larry screamed.
"But, there isn't enough money for you guys to get off." Light stated.
"Yes, there is... I stole the belly banger's wallet." L said proudly. Light then turned towards the dead body.
"Sekai wo bitch!" Light said to the dead corpse.
At the monster truck ralley... 0 minutes remaining...
L, Light'n, Larry, were now at the rally in line to get their ice cream, but when they got there.
"Sorry, we're out of ice cream." The guy at the couter said. Light had a horrified look on his face.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" L screamed to the sky.
"I knew I should've took the air train." Light muttered.
"..." Larry suggested.
"No, I will not do a barrel roll." Light said angrily. "I'm going home." He added, walking away. Larry hesitated but followed suit. L though stayed behind, still screaming...
Wolflink93: Well that's that. This took me forever to type as I had typed most of this. Now to explain the Family preview night thing. You see it's a thing me and Renodin had to do in band. I was able to make it funny when I said how it sounded like some kind of nerd convention. "How could you go to the Family preview night ice cream soical with out meeeeeee!" You have to say in a nasally voice. So, that's why I put that in there. And that's the end of this chapter. And since Renodin isn't with me right now. Replacing him will be Light.
Light: So, on that note. Please review. Or be tortured to death by the greatest band in the world Ice Screaming. Also this has been the longest chapter ever written for this story