i still don't own doctor who

prequel-ish companion to the first chapter of 'What the future holds'

Rose was coming out of the bathroom, determined to find the Doctor and talk to him. The man's been acting strangely around her since the...incident. Now Rose had enough, so she decided to confront him about his behaviour.

When she entered the console room, she found the alien she was searching for under the control panel in the hole. Rose smiled, shook her head, but didn't go closer. This way she could watch him, without him noticing her. The Doctor was trying to fix something that didn't need fixing, as usual. He has been doing that a lot in the last month, especially in the last three days.

Her smile suddenly changed into a frown. He really did spend a lot of time tinkering. He was always doing that when they weren't on an adventure. She tried to recall their longest conversation that took place in the past four weeks, but she couldn't remember any. The last time they did that was before their trip to the impossible planet. Before it happened.

Rose suddenly felt the urges to cry, to run to her mother, to hug him and to throw something at him, in the same time. 'Welcome to Hormone City', she thought, then remembered why she's come to the control room. To talk about the...incident —she really should stop calling it that, she mused, but she couldn't find a better name to it, not yet. She had to learn about the Doctor's opinion first. He played a huge part in it too, he had to have something to say about it. She needed to see his reaction desperately. After all, there was a consequence.

She stepped out of the shadows and made her way to him. When she reached her destination, she sat down, and swung her left leg over his workplace, resting it on the other side of the hole.

The Doctor heard the noise she made, and immediately stood up. Or at least tried, given the fact, that she blocked his way with her leg. He played with the idea of physically removing her, but he didn't act on it. He'd have to touch her to do so, and he really didn't want to do that. Not that he wouldn't enjoy the feeling, oh no. The problem was, that he'd enjoy it too much. Like the last time. He didn't trust himself; he was sure that if he gave in, that'd lead to another...incident. It wasn't that he didn't want to repeat the...incident —he really should give it an other name, he thought -, but he knew it'd make the things complicated. More complicated than they already were. The sound of Rose clearing her throat snapped him out of his musings. He turned to the left to greet his companion who was frowning at him.

"Hello, Rose. How did you sleep?" he asked with unnaturaly wide grin. After a minute he realised that it didn't have the desired effect on Rose. Her frown didn't disappear. On the contrary, it seemed to deepen. He still didn't give up, "You know, if you moved your leg, I could climb out of here, we could go to the kitchen and have a nice cuppa," he said and tried to get up again, but Rose didn't move. He tried again, "Rose? Move please."

Then, for the first time since she came in, Rose spoke. But she didn't say what the Doctor was hoping for. "That's not gonna happen."

"Why not?" he asked back, still trapped.

"Because we need to talk. And we both know that the minute I move, you'll make a run for it. Or if you don't, you'll avoid the topic, and after a while I'll feel so bad for pressuring you, that I'll drop it willingly," she answered.

"So you won't let me get up," he concluded, then looking at her face, he gave up on every hope that he'd get out of the room without admitting his deepest secrets. But he realized this in the moment he saw her first.

"Nope. But you already knew that in the minute you saw me," she told him, and the Doctor was amazed. He didn't realize that Rose could read him that good. "And now you're freaking out over the fact that I can read you," she stated smugly.

The Doctor was shocked again, the he decided to try a different tactic.

"And don't even think about using the kicked puppy expression," she warned him.

The Doctor admitted defeat, and leaned back against the panel. "What do you want to talk about?" he asked.

"You perfectly know what I want to talk about," she answered.

"Rose, I might have some psychic abilities, but I'm not a mind reader. You have to tell me what you want," he said, hoping that she'll be too embarassed to bring up the ...incident. He was wrong. He should've counted on that, because it wasn't a silly ape he was talking to. It was Rose Tyler.

"Fine. I want to talk about what happened with the Beast. About the night after that, the one you spent in my bed. You pretend it didn't happen, yet you're painfully cold and distant since then. I want to talk about the attempts you made to push me away, including the 'I was a dad once' bomb you dropped on me three days ago," she ranted, getting angrier with every word, but she didn't raise her voice. It was scarier this way, especially when the other knew that she was angry. She learned that trick from the man —well, alien- in front of her.

"Oh," was all he said.

"Yes, oh. Now start talking, because neither of us will leave this spot 'til we settled everything."

"Fine," he agreed, and started to talk. "Remember when you asked me about the Beast's words? I lied. I think it told the truth. Well, a twisted form of it. Rose...," he trailed off, and ran his fingers through his hair, trying to collect his thoughts. "The Beast knew things it shouldn't have. I think it was something like me. Sees the possibilities. And frankly, the possibility of losing you scares the hell out of me."

"Can't you see it? I mean if you have the ability, why don't you check if it told the truth?"

"I can't look into my own timeline. Or rather, I won't. The present is terrifying enough," he tried to cover up his fears with a joke.

"So you're pushing me away, because you believe that someday you'll lose me. And if we're not close, it won't hurt you so much," she realized, and spoke it aloud, more to herself than to the Doctor. When she looked into his eyes, her theory was confirmed.

"I'm sorry," he said, and hung his head. He didn't want to see the disappointment. But he had to look back at her when she cupped his face and forced him to look up.

"You're an idiot," she said with a sad smile, then after her words sunk in, she continued, "You said it. The Beast only saw the possibilities, not the facts. Or maybe it did lie to me. Didn't you think about that?"

"I didn't. I'm sorry," he said. It was a lie, but he really didn't want her to know that he believed the monster. He hoped that his confession would be enough for Rose, and tried to get up again. But he was wrong again.

"Next time you're having idiotic thoughts, just come to me instead of closing off," she said, then added when she saw the Doctor's movements, "I'm still not finished with you."

"Rose," whined the Doctor, he really didn't want to have this conversation.

"Don't Rose me. I want to know why you act like we didn't...you know. Or better, why did you came into my room if you knew that you'd regret it in the morning."

The answer came out as a whisper. "I wasn't thinking. I just wanted to know..really know that you're alright, that's why I went to your room. Then one thing just lead to an other. I'm sorry, if I hurt you, but I just didn't know how to act after..it. I didn't want to make you feel not wanted," he said, but Rose didn't answer. She was just loking at him with those big, adoring, deep brown eyes.

He held her gaze for a while, but then he broke it, and admitted defeat. Again.

"Okay, maybe that's not the whole truth. I wanted to go to you, because I wanted comfort. I wanted to know that you're ok, because I needed it. I needed you to be okay, because I would've gone crazy with worry if I had to wait for you to wake up. But I really didn't go in to...do that. But I don't regret it, and I just can't imagine, that maybe you don't regret it either," he rambled, again looking at the sonic screwdriver in his hand, rather at Rose's face.

This way he totally missed the little smile that crept on her face.

"And now I don't know how to behave around you. Should I be the same I was before the...er...incident, or should I keep distance or..," he continued, but was cut off by Rose's finger on his lips.

"We'll see what happens. I think I can deal with anything you throw at me. Except the cold shoulder. Do anything, just not that again. You made me feel like you wanted me to go, just didn't have the guts to drop me off."

"I already said that, but I can repeat if you want me to. I'd never do that to you."

"I know, but..," she trailed off, then suddenly changed the topic, sounding strangely cheery. "Tell me about your children!"

"What?" he asked back, a little shocked by her change of mood.

"Tell. Me. About. Your. Children," she repeated slowly, like she was talking to a child.

"I heard you, but why? And what's with the moodswings?"

"Dunno. I'd just like to hear about them. You don't have to... I'm sorry if it angers you or something," she mumbled, now sounding like a child waiting for a punishment.

The Doctor shook his head. "No, it's okay. I'd tell you about them if I could, but I can't. I didn't know either of them, just my granddaughter, Susan."

"How?" she asked back, now sounding curious.

"Time is not linear, Rose. One day, when I was still in my first body, two elders came to see me. They handed me a thirteen years old girl, saying that she was my granddaughter, then left."

"Wow. That's...," she trailed off, not knowing what to say.

"Yeah, I know. Susan didn't share a lot of things with me either, it would've change the —her- timeline. The only thing she said was that her father -my eldest- and aunts and uncles were born when I was in my tenth body."

"This one."

"Yeah. But it's not gonna happen," he stated.

"Why not?"

"Because I can only have children with another Time Lord. Well, Lady. You see, I'm already a half-blood. And my genes are a little too strange. They tested me, back on Gallifrey, then told me the results. I'm only compatible with gallifreyans," he said in a rush. Rose sensed that it was a sensitive topic for him.

"Are you sure that you can't have them?" she asked. There was something she didn't tell him, but he didn't call her on that. Yet.

"Yeah. The Time War practically erased them from existence," he said, then attempted to break free again. This time her leg didn't stop him, he touched her to move the limb out of the way. Rose couldn't help but notice that his fingers lingered on her longer that it was necessary.

She smiled, then summoned up her courage and grabbed his tie. She dragged his face close to hers and kissed him softly. When she pulled back, he was blushing. He opened and closed his mouth for several times, but no sound came out.

She took pity on him and dropped the topic of his past. It hurt him too much now. She decided to bring it up again later, maybe after their trip to the Powell Estate. "So, what about that cuppa?"

"Right," he started to say, but his voice was oddly high. He cleared his throat and tried again. "Right, I'll go to the kitchen to get the kettle," he said, but didn't move.

"Okay," answered Rose, but even after that, he was still frozen to his place. "Doctor?"

"What?..Oh, okay. I'm going.." This time he actually stood up and started to walk toward the kitchen.

After three steps he turned back, crouched down to her level and kissed her. Then he stood up again, and practically fled the control room.

Rose smiled again and brought her hand to the spot where he kissed her. She moved her other hand to craddle her belly.

After she was sure that he was gone and couldn't hear her, she whispered to the only person who could hear her.

"You see, Baby, sometimes even Daddy is wrong."

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