(A/N- I'm sure most of you have read Breaking Dawn, but if you haven't, HAVE NO FEAR! I won't include anything from it. I'm going to continue the story as it was before I read it. So, enjoy reading, and sorry for the delay- I got a new computer as a surprise and the old one's documents weren't transferred over. insert me screaming. I rewrote everything, so I hope you like it!)
"So talk," I urged him.
"I- I don't know how much I can say. Let me see Sam for a sec." He jogged off before I could reply, and I watched him consult Sam for about five minutes while Collin sat by himself on a log. I felt bad; he looked kind of hurt.
"Hey," he said when he returned.
"Go on."
"Well, you're pushy aren't you?" he grinned. "Okay. Let's see. Want to take a walk with me?" He gestured to first beach and I reluctantly stood up; I knew Quil was putting this off for as long as possible.
"Me and my friends… aren't exactly like you guys," he started.
"I figured that much."
"Right." Quil looked deep in thought for a moment until I stepped on his foot.
"So… I'll tell you what your uncle said I could. He let me tell you that you mean a lot to me, and you're really special."
I rolled my eyes. "That explains nothing. I already knew you liked me enough to follow me around. I want answers!"
He took a deep breath. "It'll be easier if you don't interrupt 'til I'm done."
"Fine. Hurry up though!"
"Okay. So, he let me say that the reason you're so special to me is part of what this whole thing's about. If it weren't for my… condition, then I probably wouldn't be so attached to you."
Nice. So I wasn't really that cool; it was his 'condition' that made him like me. This hurt, more than a little.
"So," I interrupted, even though I wasn't supposed to, "I like you this much just because, and you like me this much because of something that happened to you?"
"I told you not to talk," he scolded jokingly. "But… I don't think so. I probably wouldn't have noticed until you were older, but I think you would mean a lot to me someday, even if I was… exactly what you are." He smiled down at me.
"So, what's your condition, then? You like playing dress up with 5 year olds? You like making forts with kids? You'd rather hang out with little ones than people your own age?"
"Not all kids. Just you."
"That sounds a little creepy."
"That's why I only hang out with the others like me... Jacob, Embry, Jared, Sam. If it was anyone else, they'd probably start to talk."
No kidding. Unfortunately for me, I didn't have very many friends that understood. Which is why I told everyone, save a couple close girlfriends, that Quil was actually my cousin.
"Why do you look like a 20 year old?" I asked.
"We all age well," he replied without missing a beat.
"Why are you so warm?"
"High metabolism. It's why me and my buddies can eat non stop and not gain weight." Another smooth answer.
Hm. Riiiight.
"Why is Collin acting like an idiot towards Jackie?"
This one stumped Quil for a second.
"He doesn't want to hurt her…" he said quietly. "She means so much to him, but it might not be enough."
"What do you mean? She might not be good enough for him?!" I demanded.
"That makes it sound really bad."
"You think?!" I exclaimed, exasperated. Jacqueline and I didn't always get along, but she was my sister, and she cared so much about Collin.
"He'll end up doing what he thinks is right. Embry did, and him and Joy are fine."
"What about Leah and her fiancee, then? Or Uncle Sam and Aunt Emily? Or Jared and Kim…"
"Leah and Blake are perfect, as well as the others."
"What else can you tell me?"
"Nothing," he replied.
We walked in silence for about five minutes. Suddenly, a question popped into my head that I'd been meaning to ask for months.
"Quil, I know I mean a lot to you, but you don't love me or anything. Why don't you date? You didn't answer like 2 months ago when I asked."
"Yes I did. I said I wasn't interested in that sort of thing."
"With anyone?"
"Not yet."
Silence.
"Hey Quil?"
"Yeah."
"Are you gay?"
He stopped suddenly. "Um… I kissed you, like 2 months ago." He looked at me as if I was an idiot.
"So what? Kissing me doesn't mean you like me 'like that'. You even said you wished you didn't." That one hurt.
"I never said that."
"So you liked it?"
He looked torn. "I couldn't like it."
"Because you're gay." I didn't really believe it. I just wanted assurance that he wasn't. Well, that, and I liked joking with him.
"Claire, I…" he searched for the right words. "Just because I'm not with anyone doesn't mean I don't like women in general."
"So, by in general, you mean that if you met a really nice girl at the grocery store or something you'd ask her out?"
"No."
"Because you're-"
"Not gay!" he interrupted.
I laughed.
"Whatever, Claire," he laughed along with me.
"Never?" I pressed. "No matter when, no matter who, if you liked a girl you wouldn't want to be with her?"
"Not never," he corrected. "Just for the time being."
I narrowed my eyes, trying to see how I could get as much information as I could out of him. "Until when?"
"A few years."
Aha! "So if in a few years you were at the grocery store and met someone you'd ask her out?" I smiled in victory.
"No!" What the hell? He was totally contradicting himself. "No, I wouldn't. Just… can we drop this, Claire? I don't want to discuss my love life with you."
"Me neither, anymore. You're making my brain hurt."
"Good! Now, I have to work-" he glanced at Seth, Jared, and Paul running into the thick forest- "but I'll be back tomorrow."
"Tomorrow? But it's only 3 or 4!" He couldn't possibly work all night…
"I can fall asleep whenever I want. Don't worry, I'm not lacking in the sleep department. I just do it at odd hours."
"So you'll see me tomorrow?"
"Sure. See you then. Maybe we can grab breakfast, then go see Embry, Joy, and Nadina?"
"Sounds good to me," I smiled warmly.
"I'm glad. See you, Claire," he said as he jogged after his friends.
2222222222
I walked back into the house, wiping my sandy feet on the welcome mat. No one was home; I plopped on the couch.
"Ow!" I heard someone squeal from under me.
"What the hell? Jackie, what are you doing all slumped over like that?" I quickly moved to the other side of the couch.
"I'm…" she sighed. "sad."
"About…"
She glared at me.
"Oh. Collin. Right." I understood how she must be upset. I was lusting over Mulva for like 6 months before he even noticed I existed.
"I've liked him for longer than I've let on. A little before I turned sixteen. And now I'm seventeen and a half. You know how depressing that is, Claire?"
I patted her hand. "Quil told me he's super upset about it," I informed her of mine and Quil's conversation earlier.
"Well." she said after I'd finished. "That's dumb."
I choked out a laugh at her conclusion. "Yeah. So my plan is you just, I don't know, jump him or something."
It was her turn to laugh. "When the moment's right, I guess. I've been dreaming about it so long that I'm super nervous about it all."
"Calm down. You'll be fine! Just have a conversation with him." I urged.
"You think?" she sounded unsure.
"Yes. But wait! Get dressed into something nice. But something that's also easily removed." I yelped as she slapped my arm.
"Shut up. Now, come help me find an outfit!" she ran upstairs and I followed, almost as excited as she was.
"Alright, so either the yellow sundress or the skirt and tank top," she decided after we'd sifted through piles of clothes.
"I'd go with the sundress," I said. "Yellow looks awesome on you. Sexy but innocent at the same time."
"I'm not trying to look innocent! I'm trying to make myself seem mature!"
"You will. Don't worry about it! Change fast!"
She did, and after ten minutes of fussing with her appearance, she looked out the window. Collin was still sitting on the log, thinking.
"Go get 'em, tiger." I encouraged.
She took a few deep breaths, slipped on some high heeled sandals, and ran out beside him. I crouched below the window; I didn't want them to see me. But I could hear. If I listened hard enough, I could make out most of their conversation.
"Hey," she greeted.
"Hello."
Silence.
"I'm sorry," he said. "I'm so, so sorry."
"For what?" she asked.
"Being an idiot. Leading you on."
I heard quiet for a while, followed by a sniffle. "That's all it was? Just leading me on? Not meaning for it to go anywhere?" my sister's voice broke. My fists clenched.
"I wish," I thought I heard him mutter.
"I don't understand you. I really don't."
"I wish you could, Jackie, I wish you could. I want to explain everything to you, so you could understand my dilemma. But I can only tell you after I've made my decision, and then there'd be no point."
"So you're not sure about how you feel about me?"
"I am one hundred percent sure."
"Then why, Collin? If you're sure, why are you hurting me?" I could hear tears in her voice. It took everything I had to stay silent and not throw something out the window at him.
"I don't want to hurt you."
"Then stop. I don't know what your intentions are, but it only hurts more when you lead me on then stop. If you don't want anything to do with me, fine, but if that's the case then I don't think we should be close anymore."
"Nothing to do with you? You think I want nothing to do with you?" His voice was filled with pain. "There is nothing I want less than that in the world. Which is why I'm scared."
"Don't be scared," she whispered.
"What if I end up hurting you? You said yourself you'd rather not be close than me lead you on-"
"But it wouldn't be just leading me on if we were together. Leading me on gets me no where. I can't have you that way; but I would rather actually be with you and lose you than never have you at all."
"This!" I heard him exclaim. "This is why! When you talk to me like this, touch my face like this. It makes me crazy. And there's a chance that one day, it won't drive me crazy anymore. I'll want something else," he choked.
"Then it's okay. I'm fine with you leaving me one day, as long as I get to be with you for a while. And you'll be fine with leaving me, too, if you're the one doing the leaving. So it's settled."
"It's not settled. I can't be with you when I know there's a chance, it doesn't matter how slim, of me hurting you. I couldn't bear it."
"But if you leave, then you obviously would be able to." Jacqueline's voice was thick with confusion.
"But not now. Until that day, if it happens, I'd be thinking about how sad you'd be when it did. And I don't want to be constantly worrying about it."
"Then don't worry! Aren't I enough to keep you happy?"
"You're more than enough. Which is exactly why I worry."
"Listen. I'm not gonna lie: You've lost me throughout this entire conversation, many times. I know there's something strange going on, something you can't tell me. But I don't care about any of that. I don't care that you could fall in love easily one day with someone else and forget about me. I don't care that our time together may not last. I… I… I love you and I want to be with you!"
I heard a wild gasp and decided I probably didn't want to hear anymore. I crept silently through the back door (in case the lovebirds wanted the house…shudder) and walked toward my aunt Emily's house.
"Hey, honey," she greeted as I walked inside. "Hungry?"
"Starved," I replied. "I didn't eat lunch, thanks to Nadina wanting to come out so badly."
She laughed. "Well, I'm making dinner for Max and Sam right now. Would you like to join us? Where's your mother?"
"I think she headed over to…" I backtracked to wonder where she'd gone off to. "I don't know, actually. Last time I saw her was when we got back from the hospital."
"Oh, I remember. She went to Seattle- remember how your father couldn't get time off this weekend?"
"Right," I remembered. "But then why didn't she bring Jackie and me…" I trailed off as I saw the look Emily gave me.
"Oh. OH." I tried not to vomit. "Gross, Auntie! That is just sick!"
"Well, adults need their time alone too, you know…"
"Stop! Stop! I do not want to know!" I covered my ears as Emily giggled.
"So, any new gossip?" She asked as she popped some chicken into the oven.
"Umm…" I wasn't going to tell her without Jackie's permission, but I couldn't help myself. "Jackie and Collin are going out!"
Emily looked at me wide-eyed. "Really! Well, that's… that's something!"
"I don't know the details." Okay, maybe I did. "I don't know their official status. But they were kissing."
"Collin and Jacqueline, huh? I should have known she'd end up with one of the-" she stopped short. "The forest protectors. They are the most good looking people in La Push…" she looked dreamily out the window.
Hmm. So Emily was in on the secret too. "How many people know?"
She looked innocently at a pot of gravy while she stirred. "Know what, dear?"
"Oh, don't play stupid. That dumb secret everyone knows about the 'forest protectors'. Everyone except me, apparently."
She sighed. "I probably shouldn't say this. But… okay. You can't repeat this to anyone!"
I promised.
"Okay. Your parents, me, Max, Joy, Blake, Kim, Billy, and… well, and all of the boys' families." she looked guilty at the floor.
"What? What? So just because I'm not related to one of those stupid people I can't know? That's a load of crap." I cried. "Wait. So you're saying even-"
"Jackie knows too, now, I'm sure. Or will soon."
"That. Is. So. UNFAIR!" Why did everyone get to know?
"Quil said I was special to him. Does that count?" Emily looked surprised and returned to her gravy stirring.
"What else did he say?" she asked nonchalantly, though I knew she was actually curious.
"That I meant a lot to him. Enough that he'd rather hang out with me than actual interesting people."
She looked at me. "That's all?"
I nodded.
"He's telling you as much as he can… as much as Sam's letting him."
"I know. I'll have to put up with him, I guess."
She laughed. "It's up to you if you want to find out one day."
"What do you mean?"
"That's all I can say. Try to figure it out yourself," she replied, and I set the table for dinner.
(Next chapter will be her getting ready for her sixteenth birthday. Sorry for more non QuilxClaire stuff. I needed to jam it full of info so chapter 6 will make sense. Review, pwetty pweeze. J )