EVERYBODY READ MY MEMOS!!!!

Incest. That's what it was. And between two guys, no less. I don't even know why I let it go on as far as it did, but I think it was because it made "Zaera feel good." And that was the only thing, really, that was holding us together. Like the peanut butter between two slices of bread.

The other Arrancar knew, of course. And Aizen and the other two men as well. But nobody commented on it, at least, not to Zaera's face. I say Zaera's, because I wasn't too concerned about the remarks being made. As far as I cared, they could all go to Hell. It wasn't a big deal to me. But if someone dared to even mention something bad about our "relationship," Zaera would impregnate them with Gabriel and effectively kill them. So, as a result, Aizen commanded all the Arrancar/Espada to stop making comments about it, so that there wouldn't be any more losses in his "Army."

Barragan was pretty much indignant over the whole thing: "It don't seem right for two guys to be in a relationship! Where do the parts go? It just don't make no sense." And his Fraccion weren't much better...

Halibel was being Halibel and kept quiet, staying out of the whole thing. Her Fraccion were also quiet, except for Apache, who made an offhanded remark, "Zaera's so ugly that he can't get anyone but his brother to be in a relationship with him" that earned her a slap from Halibel and a very infuriated Zaera, who I had to forcibly restrain to stop him from harming Apache in any way, shape, or form. And even then, I'm not quite sure he didn't hurt her...

Stark was being Stark. He was way too lazy to comment on the whole thing, and Lilinette was shoving her hand down his throat and was consequently too busy to remark on the whole affair.

Ulquiorra just plainly didn't care, one way or the other. Although he did say that "it's garbage" or something along those lines. But then again, he calls everything but his romance novels and Grimmjow trash/garbage.

Nnoitra was all, "Isn't your relationship like the one where if you have babies, they'll be retarded?" And another infuriated Zaera incident occurred...I actually thought that remark was pretty funny. Tesla tried to defend Nnoitra, and, well, let's just say that Tesla's eye was missed and mourned by one person: Tesla.

Grimmjow, under Ulquiorra's influence, did not say anything. His Fraccion, which I was a part of, pretty much joked around about it. Not seriously, though.

Zommari didn't give a shit.

Zaera's Fraccion were very supportive of the whole thing.

Aaroniero Arrurerie was all, "That's nice?" for lack of wanting to be cursed with Zaera's wrath.

Yammy said nothing at all.

And Aizen, Gin, and Tousen were all, "Yeah, whatever makes you feel happy and blah blah blah."

So, all in all, it really didn't matter whether or not we were in a relationship. Of course, that doesn't mean I had any right to let it go as far as it did.

We started out slowly, unsurely, because hell if I knew what was going on and Zaera was the only one reading Ulquiorra's romance novels. I don't really know who was supposed to be the "boy" and the "girl" in the relationship, but looking back now, it seems as though Zaera was in control of it, because, frankly, I didn't want to be in control of this twisted thing that we called a "relationship."

It was one-sided, at least from my perspective. I didn't love Zaera like that. I loved him like a brother and nothing more. But Zaera, well, he was pretty much taking it to a whole new level there.

Of course, he began to suspect something. Began to suspect that I didn't return his affections, even though I said those three words constantly in order to make it seem like a proper relationship. So one night, when he was about fifteen and I was, what? twenty-eight even though I still looked like I was freaking thirteen? the shit hit the fan.

Now, Zaera's not a very pretty person when he's angry. And God, he wasn't JUST angry, he was angry AND sad. Double whammy. And maybe that's why I was guilted into letting him do what he did to me.

For all those of you who thought I let Zaera rape me in that above paragraph, God, you're sick.

No. He put these little bacteria thingies inside of me that were apparently camera type things that attached to my cells so that he could observe the things I did. I remember it as clear as if it were day:

"You don't love me, do you?" he asked.
"What d'you mean, I don't love you?" I asked, not looking up from my magazine.
"You don't love me." This time it wasn't a question, it was a statement.
"Sure I do."

"Look me in the eye and say that."

I couldn't do it. I just freaking couldn't. And for the life of me, I really don't know why. But that got Zaera mad like you will never believe. And he cried.

"Y-you h-HATE me!" he accused me.
"I don't hate you!" I said, putting down my magazine and going over to him to try and comfort him.
"YOU'RE LYING!"

Now, that was probably one of the worst things I could have done at that time. Zaera was stronger than me at that point, and could have easily killed me a hundred times over. But he didn't. Instead, after a few minutes of cooling down, in which the silence was so thick you could cut it with a butter knife, he said, calmly, "Come with me, Aniki (Brother for those of you who are Japanese-deprived.)."

"Where to?"
"You'll see."

He took me to his lab, which I had visited many times, and he injected me with this liquid which he said was full of bacteria things that would record my every move and record the actions of others around me.

"What for?" I asked him. The shot hadn't hurt, exactly, but seriously. If I was being infected with bacteria, I really wanted to know why. He looked at me in this odd sort of way, and I repeated the question.

"Why are you doing this?"
"I just like watching over you." That was it. I didn't question it, but maybe I should have. Maybe I should have.

I think it was at that point that our relationship took on a much more drastic, and painful, turn. For both of us.

Zaera was on something, I was sure of it. I just didn't know what, and I had no proof of anything. His Fraccion were as silent as the grave. But he HAD to be taking something.

Once again, he developed anorexia. And this time, no amount of coaxing could make him stop it. He was stronger than me, so the force feeding option was out of the way, too. As if to make things even worse, he developed fetishism. He had a hair fetish. My hair, specifically, and he always needed to be playing with it whenever we were alone. He hallucinated. He had insomnia. He had every type of freaking problem, and there was nothing I could do to help him with it. Because, as far as he was concerned, I didn't love him. So he was only trying to "keep me close" as best he knew how.

He had made a small plastic doll of me, and one of himself. One day, he was "playing" with them. They had a conversation. It wasn't the doll playing that made me concerned, it was what the conversation was:

Mini-Zaera: "Why don't you love me?"
Mini-Forte: "What do you mean? Of course I love you!"
Mini-Zaera: "I really want you to love me, Aniki...maybe I should show you how much I love you?"

The rest of the conversation was lost. My eyes were glued on what exactly he was doing with the dolls. Well, his doll, specifically. He had opened it up, and those little organs on the inside, yeah, he fished them out and laid them on the floor in front of him.

"Zaera," I said in a warning tone, "whatever you're doing, stop it."

He didn't listen. Maybe he had a right to.

He picked up the one labeled stomach, or something like that, and crushed it between his fingers. Blood spurted out of his mouth and stained the white carpet. He picked up another one, I didn't get a chance to read the label this time, before it was smashed mercilessly. It was self-injury, to the extreme.

I grabbed his wrist. "Zaera, stop this."

"But maybe, Aniki," he whispered, "maybe if I'm all broken inside, I'll be more perfect on the outside. Then you'll love me more." And he continued smashing organs with his other, free, hand. I grabbed that one too.

"Zaera. I. Said. STOP."

He looked up at me, his mouth painted vermilion with the stains of his own blood. I carefully placed all of his organs (the ones that weren't smashed, at least) back into the doll's body, grabbed my doll, and locked them both up. Zaera might have been stronger than me, but I knew this was a gesture he wasn't going to go against. His whisper was so quiet that I almost didn't hear it.

"But Aniki," he breathed, a rustle in the wind, "I'm just showing you how much I love you. The ultimate."
"What ultimate?" I snapped back.
"Sacrifice," he whispered. "I would do anything for you, Aniki, anything you wanted me to do."
"Then stop doing things like this, Zaera."

"But...I can't."
"What do you mean you can't stop?"
"I can't stop. My blood...all for you, Forte. All of this," he indicated the stained carpet, "for you. All of this...I...I need to give it to you."

He felt like he was indebted to me, that he needed to give his life for me. He was so needy. So very needy. And I couldn't help but comply. With his insane wishes, his disturbing fantasies, whatever he wanted. Why? I was stupid then.

But it was those words, "I can't stop", that alerted me to the fact that my brother had some serious mental issues.

But, in spite of all that, I still couldn't bring myself to push him away and just say "No."