Chapter V - Burning

Everything was swimming in black, but I could hear voices, and I could feel the raindrops hitting my face. I could hear somebody yelling my name. No, they were screaming. It was Charlie, CHARLIE!

That woke me up. I sat up instantly, and an arm shot down to help me up. "Bella," a familiar deep voice said. I looked up and saw it belonged to Sam. I supported myself on it, until I'd gained my feet. I dropped next to Charlie again, who was still screaming. I couldn't stop the swell of my tears. How could I help Charlie? Only Edward could, I whipped my head around again. There was that black cloud hanging over the place where the Cullen home was. I was terrified for Charlie, but I could feel a terrible darkness creeping over me. I was losing Charlie, smoke hung over the Cullen's house. I couldn't accept the idea that I might have lost Edward. I had to concentrate on Charlie.

Sam and the rest of the Quileute's were arguing heatedly. I looked at them desperately again. "Please, please…can't you do anything?"

Sam looked back at me. Our eyes met and his face was hard, almost accusatory. His lip curled back in distaste and he clenched his teeth together. "The only thing I can do for Charlie now is to kill him."

"NO!" I bellowed. I reached both arms across Charlie, in a protective gesture.

Sam glared at me, "He didn't ask for this Bella, you can't do this to him. You heard him, he asked me to kill him."

"NO!!" I refused to accept this as an alternative. Edward was a vampire, I was going to become one. Why couldn't my Dad be one too? Then I could have my old and my new life? Why not? "He didn't understand Sam. No, he wouldn't want to die. Not if there was a chance. NO! You won't do that Sam, I won't let you." I was yelling at the top of my lungs, while sobs were ripping out of me. I was having trouble focusing, and talking. I started calling for Edward again, but the fear that he might not answer again kept my voice from having any volume. I wondered vaguely if Aurelio might be on his way back to finish Charlie off.

Sam yelled back at me, "You can't make this stop Bella, you did this. This is the result of your involvement with those, those…bloodsuckers. You endangered the lives of everyone you loved, you ran Jacob off, you've as good as killed Charlie, and you've lost the friendship of everyone in La Push."

"Sam, no!" Seth gasped out at that moment, putting his hand on Sam's arm. Sam glared at him and ripped his arm away from Seth's grasp. Seth looked horrified. Turning back to me, Sam went on, "You owe it to Charlie to let him die rather than face this life. It's the least you can do for bringing this down on everyone Bella."

Tears were gushing down my cheeks at that moment. I still shook my head no. My sobs grew stronger. I hated Sam with every fiber of my being, because I knew he was right. I'd done this, I deserved to lose everyone I loved, because I'd willingly thrown them in the path of danger, all for love. But I couldn't let them kill Charlie. I was furious and unhinged.

"NO! You can't Sam, NO! NO!" I growled at him.

"Bella, you have to" he yelled back.

"NO! NO! NO SAM!"

"LET. HIM. DIE. BELLA!"

"NO!"

In the midst of all our yelling and Charlie's unrelenting screams, it became silent. I suddenly heard a quiet voice coming from under me, "Bella."

I looked down at Charlie, confused by his quiet, "I love you, Bells, let me die." And then the fire wrenched another heart-rending screech from him.

Sam turned to the boys behind him, "Hold her." He said sternly.

I looked up, eyes wide with horror and began chanting "No, No, you can't, No!" at him. Quil and Embry grabbed me from both sides. Seth stood in front of me doing his best to keep me from seeing anything. Deep sadness was prominent in Seth's eyes, as he suddenly grabbed my head and pressed it into his chest, as young as he was, he was incredibly strong.

My cheek pressed into his warm chest, and it reminded me for just a moment of my Jacob. Then I heard Charlie's scream again, it was mingled with the sound of a wolf howling. Seth covered the ear not pressed into his chest with his hand, muffling all the sound with his skin. All I could hear was Charlie's screams, I was still struggling vainly, and then suddenly Charlie's scream was cut off and everything was quiet.

I heard Seth's voice amplified against my ear, "Sam, get him out of sight."

I knew what that meant. I sank down to my knees. Seth knelt beside me, his hand on my shoulder as I curled forward in a ball, pressing my forehead into the asphalt so I wouldn't see, wouldn't feel. No sorrow equaled this, not Jacob disappearing, not having to tell him goodbye, not even Edward leaving me behind. My chest felt like it was going to rip into shreds. Everything overwhelmed me at once. The smoke of the fire behind me, Edward was gone, Charlie was gone. How was I going to keep going? What would be the point? I was screaming and sobbing in such a way that I didn't recognize myself. I felt nauseous and wasted. The rain was like a salve drenching me on the outside, and matching the drowning I felt myself succumbing to on the inside.

I felt Seth move away, I realized I must sound deranged. I didn't blame him, but realized I didn't care what they thought of me. I curled my arm over my head and gave in to my crying even more forcefully than I already had. I heard various footsteps, some moving away from me, many more moving towards me. Then I felt cold hands scoop underneath me. It jarred me, I looked up and it was Edward.

I tried to say his name, but it got strangled amidst a sob, and he merely sat down and tucked me onto his lap. He said nothing, only holding me quietly. I was sure he looked as sorrowful as I did. I didn't know though, because I couldn't look up. I couldn't see. I was blinded by sadness.

I don't know how much later it was, I had no concept of time then, but eventually I heard a voice.

"Edward, Carlisle's here, we need to get her inside, out of the rain." It was Esme.

Edward stood, and began walking. I felt him slide me across the backseat of Carlisle's car. He sat next to me, and pulled me to his lap again, squeezing me tightly to him. I tucked my head under his neck, and the car began moving.

We were only in the car for a few minutes, and then I realized we'd stopped. I looked up, and though my vision was nearly blinded by my tears, I realized we were at the Cullen's. I looked at Edward, surprised, "I thought…there was an explosion? There was smoke? I thought it was the house," I began to sob again, and tightened my grip on him, "I thought you were gone."

Edward pushed the pieces of my hair that had glued themselves to my face with my tears, "Yes, I'm afraid that was my fault. I'm also afraid I'm going to have to buy Alice another car." His lips twitched only a little.

I asked the only other thing I wanted to know as the door opened, and Edward lifted me out of the backseat, "Is everyone else alright? Was anyone hurt?"

He gave me a look of deep compassion, "Oh Bella, we're all fine of course. To worry about our family when-" he stopped, and his lips were a tight line. He shook his head and leaned it against the top of mine. "Sweet Bella."

He took me to our room then, and held me all the remaining hours of the day and into the night, which I needed to cry myself into a stupor. At some point I fell asleep, because I awoke finally. I was tucked under the blankets of our bed, and Edward was lying beside me, his cool hand on my cheek as my eyes opened. I looked at him, and he smiled.

For the first time I could remember since meeting him, it didn't make me feel happier. I only felt torment. I couldn't cry anymore. I would probably have to build a new supply of tears before that would be possible again. I pushed myself up, and Edward helped me. My throat felt raw, I cleared it a little to test whether it was working. "I think I need a shower." It worked, but I was extremely hoarse. Edward nodded, and walked out of the room, stopping as he went through the door to look back at me once intensely, before closing it behind him.

I walked into the bathroom and turned on the shower. The warm water revived me somewhat. I felt a little better. I stood long enough in the water to wrinkle my skin. Finally I stepped out, toweled off and dressed. I walked downstairs and found everyone in the living room. They'd obviously been having a family discussion. Edward came to my side and walked with me, we sat on the sofa and Edward pulled me into him, holding me together with his arms.

"Bella, I'm so sorry we weren't able to do anything for Charlie. We were dealing with Aurelio and we arrived too late to help." Carlisle said, looking at me with the greatest sadness in his eyes.

I couldn't talk about that subject yet, so I asked about the only other thing I could think of, "I'm sorry," my voice sounded stale, haunted, even to my ears. "I haven't asked what happened with Aurelio."

Carlisle made a sound that seemed to convey that I had more important things to consider, and then answered, "Edward chased him back here, we all fought against him, he was outnumbered completely. We cornered him in the garage and he tried to escape in Alice's Porsche. I'm afraid that was an unwise choice for him. Edward exploded the gas tank, and well – Alice will be needing a new car apparently."

"I'm glad none of you were hurt, we felt the explosion, and I saw the smoke. I thought the house had blown up, and that - " I couldn't continue because I suddenly found it hard to breathe, and Jasper frowned at me.

"You thought we'd been destroyed, didn't you Bella?" Jasper asked me.

Edward was trying to help me calm down and breathe normally again. I nodded in answer to Jasper, still not able to breathe quite right.

Edward kissed my head softly.

"I'm sorry to have to remind you so soon Bella, " Carlisle looked as though he'd rather talk about anything else. "Would you prefer that we handle everything for Charlie, or did you want to take care of everything yourself?"

It began crashing down on me again; I sat forward and held my center again. It was so strange to feel this way with Edward sitting right next to me. The only other time I'd felt like this was when he'd left. I was so grateful to have him here with me this time. I took several gasping breaths; Edward curled protectively around me as I tried to regain control. Finally I could speak again.

"I don't think I can do it. I'll answer any questions you have, but I don't think I can make the actual arrangements. Would that be okay?" I felt so weak, but I just knew that facing the details would be more than I could handle.

Esme walked over to me and took one of my hands from around my waist, and held it in hers, "Of course Bella honey, we'll help in any way we can." I smiled at them, my new family, my only family in Forks now. I hoped that my smile conveyed my gratitude, but I could already feel the pain beginning to drag on me again. I looked at Edward, "I think I need to go for a walk." He stood up and we walked out the door.

He stepped outside and looked at me, "Would you like to go to our meadow?"

"Sure."

I was lost in thought, and Edward lifted my chin up. He gently touched his lips to mine, and then pulled back to look down at me.

"Are you sure you'd like to go to our meadow?" he smiled a little, but I could see worry was creasing his brow.

I hadn't really heard the question the first time, now I looked into his eyes for a moment, and as usual my thoughts became tangled. I smiled and replied a little more attentively, "Yes, I think that would be nice. I'm sorry."

He frowned deeply and said, "You have nothing to be sorry for Isabella." He walked me to the garage and we got into the Volvo. We drove out to the end of the road he'd taken me to before. I smiled a little as I remembered him saying, "I said there was a trail at the end, I didn't say we were taking it." Then I also remembered him asking if Charlie knew I was with him, and sadness ground down on me again.

Edward pulled me out of the car, and then drew me onto his back as he had so many times before. Within minutes we'd entered our meadow again.

We lay there for a long time; I grieved while he held me close to him. I looked at him, "I thought I had lost you both. It was too much Edward - I don't know how to go on without you. I don't know how I'm going to make it through this, but I do know that I will, because you're here."

He cupped my face in his hand, "I love you Bella, and I'll always be here. I made you my wife so I could keep you with me, always by my side, selfish creature that I am." He gave me the lopsided grin that I loved so much.

"What will happen after the – " I couldn't actually bring myself to say funeral. It hurt too much, as though saying it out loud would make it too real.

"We're probably going to leave. Carlisle and Esme are trying to find places with climates similar to Forks, you and I will probably go to Hanover. I want you to start school this year."

Normally this would have lead to an argument, I'd have proposed Juneau, because I was still adamant about him changing me, and he'd have tried to convince me to go to Hanover and go to school for a year first. This time I just looked at him. He nodded and let it go.

"Oh Edward, I can't believe he's gone." I nuzzled into his chest, trying to bury and lose myself in his scent.