The next thing I remember is waking on the hood of Donald Trump's Mercedes. And that pretty much meant that our sorry arses belonged to L.
We dragged ourselves up to Wammy's, where loud Metallica and the sounds of Misa's agitated shrieking could be heard, even with all of the doors and windows shut. Nothing new there.
When we walked in, Misa was furiously beating on L's bedroom door and wailing, "RAITO, I KNOW YOU'RE IN THRERE!!!!1!!!!11" Suddenly, Light emerged from the room, clad in, well, nothing. L was soon to follow.
"WHERE HAVE YOU TWO BEEN?!" the latter exclaimed.
"...snogging on the hood of Donald Trump's Mercedes," Mello supplied.
"I told you!" Light smirked, and L handed him an American dollar.
"That is so totally gross," Misa muttered, before storming off.
"Anyway... I HAVE BEEN WORRIED SICK ABOUT YOU TWO! THERE IS A 34.89% CHANCE THAT YOU WERE NOT ON THE HOOD OF THE DONALD'S CAR DOING INAPPROPRIATE THINGS! I THOUGHT SOMETHING BAD HAD HAPPENED!"
"Jeez, Ryuzaki, give them a break..." Light mumbled.
"DON'T YOU STICK UP FOR THEM!"
L then attempted to sissy slap me across the face, which was just so hurtful that I took off walking. I'm sorry, but as a wimpy gamer child, I can't run very fast.
We got to the park in about an hour and proceeded to ride the dog/walrus-unicorn-like animals. I was too frightened to ride the unicorn one though. Then the guys that jumped me appeared on their Carpet Sliders. I was deeply shaken like Morale in Jamestown. They got off their Carpet Sliders and walked up to us.
Well, actually, it was more like staggering, because they were quite obviously wasted.
"ITS THE GUY WITH THE JAM!!" shout-whispered Mello.
"OMG!" I was deeply shaken... again.
Suddenly, just as mentioned guy with jam stains began to approach us, Mello had an epiphany.
"Bloody hell! THAT'S BEYOND BIRTHDAY!"
"...Beyond what?"
"Beyond Birthday, arsehole."
"Don't call me an arsehole!"
"I'll call you whatever I want! You're my manwhore!"
"Maybe I don't want to be your manwhore!"
"WHAT?! That's bullshit, Matt! You and I both know that you cannot resist me!"
That was true.
I guess the Beyond Birthday guy got sick of us yelling, and finally exclaimed, "BLEEEEHHH I'M SCARY!", which made me leap into Mello's arms all over again.
"See?! I was right!"
Beyond Birthday commanded his unicorn to start drowning me in the fountain of lemonade, ripping me from Mello's arms. Me and my wimpy gamer body were no match for the two of them, and before I knew it, Mello whipped out Light's Death Note and began beating Beyond Birthday with it.
"That's not how you use it, you fool!" Beyond Birthday told him. "You're supposed to write my name in it!"
"Oh."
So, Mello produced a pen from thin air and wrote down Beyond Birthday. The man in question died from cardiac arrest fourty seconds later, and the unicorn fled, leaving us in awkward silence. I was still sitting in the fountain.
"So... what do we do now?" I finally asked, watching Mello poke BB's body with a stick.
"In times like this... we.... we must... find Near," he managed. The fact that he was having to turn to get help from Near shook him up more than the fact that he actually killed someone.