Disclaimer: I don't own the Instant Star characters.
A/N: Sadie and Kwest eloped just about a week before my story started. If in italics it means a character is thinking.
Chapter 2: Homecomings Aren't So Bittersweet
The plane landed in Toronto and Jude dreaded getting off it. She didn't think she could handle facing everyone again, not like this. She really wished she had a drink right now. Facing this would be so much easier if she were drunk.
"Come on you, time to go," Tierney said pulling on Jude's arm.
"I can't do this Tierney. I just can't," The voice spoke. Jude had a true look of terror in her eyes.
"Yes you can Jude. I know you can. Where is the Jude Harrison who faced down everything life threw at her and then some? She was fearless."
"Yeah and she died in that crash. I told you that already. My way of coping was music Tierney. Don't you get it? Without music I have nothing. I am nothing. And there isn't anything I can do about it."
"Get you scrawny ass up now. I'm sick and tired of your crap," Tierney yelled. She knew she shouldn't get so mad at Jude, but she just couldn't help it. She hated watching her friend get so out of control.
Jude finally stood up and walked off the plane behind Tierney. There was no fighting that woman, she could kick her ass and then some. "So where are we staying? You didn't mention that to me," The voice said.
"Well, I knew you would be mad. I talked to your family and they said we could stay at the house. They said since technically you bought it from them so they could keep it so it was rightfully yours anyways," Tierney sighed, hoping Jude wouldn't kill her for this.
"Are you crazy? I can't live there. And I bought it so Sadie would have a place to live. That's where her and Kwest are going to live."
"Actually, they plan to live at Kwest's when they return from their honeymoon. I checked it out with everyone before I made my decision. And I think you need something from your past. Something that might make you feel like part of the world again," Tierney smiled at her. "It will be fine. I promise. You'll see."
Jude couldn't see this ever being fine. Her old house would just remind her even more of everything she lost. They got all their luggage and loaded it on to a cart and headed outside. Tierney had ordered a car before getting on the plane and it was all ready and waiting for them when they got outside. She quickly loaded everything into the car. Jude climbed into the passenger side and waited for Tierney. Tierney climbed in and tried to talk to Jude, but Jude just continued to look out the window in silence. Knowing it was best not to press the issue Tierney stayed quiet for the rest of the car ride.
They pulled into Jude's driveway a little while later. Jude sighed heavily and got out of the car. She didn't even bother to help Tierney with the luggage. She just headed straight to the front door, found the hidden key and went inside. Jude knew her parents always kept alcohol in the house. She quickly walked into the kitchen, grabbed the first bottle she found, and started downing it before Tierney could stop her.
"Jude no," Tierney yelled walking into the kitchen after setting everything down in the living room. "You need to stop this." She tried to take it from Jude, but Jude took off running and made it to her room before Tierney could catch her. She quickly locked the door and slid down to the ground. "Jude open this door right now. I mean it. You can't keep doing this to yourself. It's not good for you."
"Leave me alone. You dragged me here against my will. I'm going to drink if I want to drink damn it," The voice said through the door. Jude could hear her still standing outside her door and waited to be yelled at some more. After several minutes of silence Jude heard Tierney's footsteps walk away and down the stairs. It seemed she had given up, for now anyways. Jude sighed and took another big swig of her alcohol. Completely oblivious to what Tierney had planned.
Several hours later Jude laid sprawled across her floor, empty bottle in hand, wishing she had grabbed a second bottle. She wasn't drunk enough yet. She could still feel and it hurt. Jude heard footsteps approaching her door and sighed heavily. She knew Tierney would be back. She wasn't stupid enough to believe she would give up. She just didn't realize that Tierney wouldn't be alone.
"Jude Harrison open up this door immediately or I'm breaking it down," A male voice said from outside her door. Jude recognized it immediately and felt her heart drop to her feet. She carefully stood up and walked to the door, truly not ready to face the man that stood behind it. She slowly unlocked the door and opened it, staring into the face of a man she never planned on seeing again. She was really wishing she were drunk now. Tears threatened to escape her eyes, but she somehow managed to keep them in. Jude gave Tierney a look that said 'if looks could kill'.
"What? Did you think I was going to let yourself stay locked in there drinking? And being all self-pity like? I don't think so," Tierney said to Jude. "So I went out and found me someone I knew could talk some sense into you. I'll just leave you two alone." With that said Tierney turned around and heading back downstairs leaving Jude alone with him.
"Going to invite me in or what," He asked her. She moved out of his way and he entered the room. She slowly closed the door and turned around to face him. She was so not ready for this. What was Tierney thinking? Was she trying to kill her? "Your friend came to me sounding really worried about you. I didn't think you would want to see me, but she insisted and now I see why." He pointed to the empty bottle of alcohol on the floor. "You drink that by yourself?"
Jude shook her head yes. She didn't want him here. He was the last person she wanted here. She didn't want him to know about her lack of voice. He would never look at her the same way.
"So you just going to stand there like a fish out of water," He asked looking at her. He could tell by her face that she was upset, but he didn't know why. "Why aren't you saying anything Jude? Talk to me. We're still friends aren't we?"
Those words all but crushed her. She wished more then anything that she could talk to him. Scream at him. Anything would be better then nothing. But most of all she wanted to sing to him. The same lyrics that had been running through her head for months popped up. She drank to try and drown them out, but now, here with him, it was all she could think about.
'I can't see,
I can't feel,
I can't breathe,
I'm not real,
Don't you know you're my everything?
I can't see,
I can't feel,
I can't breathe,
I can't heal,
Don't you know my whole world is crumbling?'
She knew she was going to cry, but she was fighting it with all the strength she had left. He was here, in her bedroom, looking at her with that look he saved just for her and she didn't know if she could handle this. Tommy, her Tommy, was standing there in front of her. All she wanted to do was jump into his arm and cry out all the pain she was feeling from these past few months.
"Girl, talk to me, please," He sighed taking a step near her. She took a step back. He could tell she was trying not to cry and it broke his heart. Even though she had ripped his heart from his chest when she decided they couldn't marry and she was going alone, he still loved her. He didn't think he would ever stop loving her. She was the love of his life, his soul mate, and there was nothing he could do to change that.
She couldn't do it. She just couldn't bring herself to use her device to talk to him. Her heart felt like it was breaking all over again. She loved him so much, but he reminded her of everything she had lost and she didn't think she could take it. Just being in the same room with him was tearing her apart bit by bit. She felt like she couldn't breathe. Jude knew if he didn't leave soon she was going to crumble in front of him.
"Jude please, talk to me. I can see that you're upset. And that your scared, but you don't have to be. It hurt a lot when you walked away from us, but I still care about you," He sighed. He was saying this against his better judgment, but he needed her to open up to him. "I will never stop caring about you. Please let me help you."
That was her last straw. Jude couldn't hold it in any longer. Tears starting flowing down her cheeks as she collapsed to her knees. She hated that she was crying in front of someone, especially when that someone was her Tommy, but she couldn't hold it in any longer.
Tommy saw her going down and ran to her side. He tried to pull her into a hug but she pulled away from him, wrapping her arms around herself. It hurt his heart more then words could say not just to see her so broken, but to have her pull away from him. "Jude, I am so sorry. I wasn't trying to upset you more. I'm trying to help. Just let me help you," He sighed, knowing he would cry soon too if he wasn't careful.
Jude just shook her head at him. She was hoping he would just get annoyed with her and leave. She didn't want him knowing she no longer had a voice. She also didn't want him around. It hurt way too much. Most of all she wanted a drink. Something to numb the pain she was feeling.
"Jude damn it talk to me. I am not leaving until you talk to me," He yelled, getting to his feet, strolling over to her bed, and sitting down.
Jude knew he wasn't going to leave unless she said something. As soon as she had enough control over her crying she stood up and strolled over to where she had set her device down. She could feel his eyes on her. She picked up the device and walked over to him, stopping a couple feet in front of him. She truly didn't want to do this, but he wouldn't leave and her heart couldn't take him being here anymore. "I can't talk to you because I no longer have a voice," Her device said to him.
Tommy's eyes shot up instantly at the sound of the device's voice. He watched as Jude slowly removed the scarf she had been wearing and gasped at the scar on her neck. "What happened? What do you mean you have no voice," He cried. Trying very hard to keep himself composed.
"I was in a car accident in England. I was driving along a back road and lost control of my car and slammed into a tree. I crushed my larynx or something and they did a surgery on it, but they're just not sure whether or not I will ever get my voice back," The voice said.
"Jude, girl, why didn't you say anything? Why didn't you let anyone know," He asked. He was in complete shock. Music meant everything to Jude. This had to have utterly crushed her. No wonder she was drinking. Her voice was like honey and now it was gone. His beautiful, wonderful Jude was broken and they didn't know if it could be fixed? How could this have happened? She deserved the world, not this.
"I didn't want anyone to know. I'm not the Jude everyone knew before. That Jude died months ago. Now I want you to leave Tommy."
"Jude, no, let me help you. You need people around that care about you now more then ever," He said standing up. She backed away from him shaking her head.
"No, what I need is to be left in peace. You being here reminds me of everything I have lost. So if you really care as you claim you do you will leave now and never come back."
"You don't mean it. There's no way you could truly want me to go girl," He sighed. "I know you chose to leave me and I'll admit it killed me. But I also see the look in your eyes that you used to give me. I know you still care. And against my better judgment, considering you ripped my heart out; I still care about you."
"I don't care about you Tommy. I stopped long ago," The voice said. She prayed she could keep a straight face as she lied to the love of her life. "That's why I left you and that's why I didn't let you to know I was injured. Now, for the sake of my piece of mind, I need you to leave and never come back. I can't be a part of the music world anymore and it's a lot easier to deal with and handle if I don't have to see your face. You are nothing to me anymore Tommy. Now go." She could see the pain those words had caused him, but stayed strong and didn't let him see she cared. She could swear she saw tears in his eyes as he turned and stormed out of her room. She quickly shut and locked the door before falling to the ground sobbing. She hated to hurt him, but she knew he never would have left any other way. And him being around her just reminded her more and more of what that accident had done to her. Her voice was gone and with it her soul had died.
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Well that's all for now folks, thanks for reading and thank you to those you did review, it means a lot. Will update again as soon as I can, I do work this week, but I should still be able to write, I get several hours to myself everyday.
On a side note the lyrics are solely mine and I would appreciate no one using them for any other story. I actually wrote them about some I care about. They just fit so well in my story I had to use them.
Jess - Thank you so much! My first reviewer. It means a lot to me. Thanks on the plot comment. I know it's sad about her voice, but everything is so overdone, I wanted something new, different. And it makes for a good story. I hope I updated soon enough for you.
pnkt644 - Yep, I'm sure this is my first Instant Star fan fiction. I'm so glad you like it so much. And I am very glad to have you interested! Thanks for the review.
JENJEN87 - It's awesome to hear that you can already tell this is going to be good. I'm trying. I hope you liked this new chapter. Thank you very much for the awesome review.
oh little j - Thank you so much! I hope you like the reactions so far. There are many more to come. I'm hoping to keep everyone in suspense. It's what I live for. Hope I updated soon enough for you as well. I tried.