(something very compelling)
. … .
Sirius Black is
Sirius Black is just a man who rarely swears.
Sirius Black is
Sirius Black is just a teenager whose own mother is threatening to kick him out
Sirius Black is
Sirius Black is just a boy who is very very very afraid of the outside world
Sirius Black is Sirius Black is Sirius Black
(like his soul and his mind and his—no. not even close)
. … .
Sirius Black is just a man who rarely swears, but—
Wait… let's rewind.
The House of Black is purepurepure, and looks down upon those whose blood is tainted with that of Muggles. The House of Black is purepurepure, and looks down upon those who aren't in the house of Slytherin, except—
Except that Sirius Black is not in Slytherin.
Sirius Black is in Gryffindor, and he hates his family hates his past hates his life because of course he is sixteen years old and rejects/refutes/refuses his family's pure-blood elitism and scorns/loathes/abhors the Dark Arts (the dark arts, sirius, the dark arts, we need to learn them and win, sirius, and—REGULUS, THIS IS FUCKING IDIOTIC.)
Sirius Black is purepurepure and so is his friend, his friend, his best fucking friend, James, James is purepurepure but he likes Lily, he adores and loves and wants Lily with a passion that Sirius Black will never know, because he is Black (like his soul and his mind and his—no.) But James can help, he can save and he can and will and does hold everything he loves close to him, closer than is really even possible but James manages it because he is— (he is everything Sirius will never be).
. … .
It first happens when his mother's infernal screaming is aimed at Kreacher, that unpleasant ungrateful unforgiving creature that will/won't never/ever love and it would be so much better if she just stops, because silence is golden and blissful and completely and utterly heavenly, never mind that there is no such thing as heaven (wizards don't believe in things like god or heaven or life after death—that's all an impossibility and just plain illogical but if the Muggles can believe it then it's good enough for Sirius.
So there.)
But his mother's bad moods are contagious and sooner or later everyone in the dark grim disgusting house at Number 12 Grimmauld Place is trapped under the relentless shower of a dark grim disgusting rain cloud at Number 12 Grimmauld Place. His brother blew up a potion and his mother's spells on the cutting board and knives backfired quite spontaneously and Sirius is just feeling the (crushing) weight and (unreal) pressure and (unpleasant) wetness of the (imaginary) raincloud. He feels absolutely nothing as he looks out the stained window (Kreacher isn't good with cleaning windows he is too short to reach), feels even more nothing when he gets up, packs a trunk, and leaves.
The door closes with a subtle thump behind him.