Rooney Rep

"Oh Sirius!" Clarice cried

"Oh Clarice!"Sirius copied

"I'm so sorry about the whole Steph thing. I truly didn't mean for that to happen and I want you to know that you'll always be first in my heart" Sirius said with passion

" Oh that's okay! I must admit I was a bit worried but now I'm over it! Soo what'd you say? Ready for passionate but safe sex babe?" Clarice said, with the horniness running though her like adrenalin.

"Well speaking of which, i bought you a birthday present!" Sirius said running to his drawer

"Is it a banana condom? My favourite?" Clarice asked eagerly

" No Clarice it's not you slut!"

"Don't you dare call me slut! We're over, just give me the present and I'm out of here!"

"ok bye" Sirius said, lol-ling to himself

"You bastard!!" said Clarice with tears dropping from her eyes making a puddle on the ground

"Clarice I'm only joking! You take things to seriously!"

"Yeah I guess I do... Well? Where's my present huh?

"Oh right! I almost forgot" Sirius said pulling out a rectangle box which was wrapped.

"Should I open it here Sirius or should I wait until I get home?"

"No open it here, I don't advise you take it home, with your dad and all.

"Oh My God! This is soo admormaly cool. It's a sex game decider. So you roll the dice and then it tells you what base you should start of with etc!"

"Yeah! You should bring Steph along one day and she can play along!"

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST FUCKING SAY!"

"you heard me? Sirius said followed by a shrug

"DO YOU WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH MY SISTER!?

"yes ok fine I'm not going to lie to you on your birthday, but also I want to have sex with you more, you know because she's still in school and shit.

"So what else have you been lying to me about, because you're not going to lie to me on my birthday are you?" Clarice asked curiously.

"God Clarice you're so difficult! Fine ask me a question and I'll answer truthfully" Sirius said promising.

"When you said that your dog had a beauty competition the next day, and we couldn't have sex loudly in case we wreck its sleep time, was that actually true? Clarice asked

"No Clarice. I'm sorry! I admit he didn't have a beauty contest. I just said that because I was embarrassed of what he was actually going to do the following day. The following day he was entered in the 'most ugly dogs lived' in the Women's Weekly, and I didn't want him to but I got money so I guess it was worth it" Sirius said embarrassed

"You're so fucking immature you wanker.

Well guess what, I've slept with 5 guys since we've been dating, and each and every one of them has bought me a banana flavoured condom" Clarice said angrily

"so if you touch my sister you fucking cunt, ill show you the end of my gun!" Clarice said angrily

Just as Clarice said that, Sirius ran to the bathroom, and pulled a gun out. Pointed it to his head and said

"I love you steph"

And shot himself dead.

Clarice was bewildered. She was being sarcastic! What a fucking loser she thought. But at the same time was distraught. When she thought back to all the good things that he'd done for her she got really sad and wanted to have sex with him again.

So she went to the corpse and had loud and passionate and unsafe sex with Sirius Black who committed suicide on the 2nd of February, 2008.

R.I.P. SIRIUS BLACK.

THE END

- please review, thanks sluts