What If… Ch.6
Edward and I stood at either side of Bella's shoulders, giving her words of encouragement to ease her through labor. She was huffing up a storm, writhing in pain on the hospital bed. Nurses in green scrubs scurried around frantically, adjusting the array of knobs on the monitors and checking stats. The doctor had yet to arrive, and so we were all an anxious group as we waited impatiently.
"Don't push yet, hon." The elderly midwife instructed in a nurturing tone. Bella's eyes rolled with anguish and sweat began to bead on her forehead.
"It hurts!" she gasped, her slender hands gripping the side rails like a vice. "I need an epidural…"
"It's too late for that, sugar." The matron continued. "Dr. Goss will be here in just a few minutes and then it will soon be over."
Bella let out a tortured sob.
"Darling I know it hurts," Edward soothed, causing me to gag. "But you can do this."
"Ha!" Bella said, a new determination in her voice. "This is nothing compared to Renesmee."
"That a girl." I encouraged. I reached up and smoothed her frazzled hair out of her face.
The moment Bella had uttered the words "my water just broke' I'd leapt into action. I had always prided myself on being able to handle emergency situations, and I'd followed through this time as well. Without hesitation, I'd cradled Bella in my arms, ignoring the warm liquid that covered her, and ran to put her in the super-fast Ferrari. On our way to the hospital I had dialed up Edward, telling him to get his bloodsucking rear end out of the forest –where he'd been hunting- and hurry to the hospital. I had almost not called, the urge to share the moment with Bella alone overwhelming my good judgment. But I knew that would be wrong of me to do. He was to be the father, it was his wife in labor, and so he needed to be informed. But I sure hated to do it.
I had carried her through the automatic doors into the ER, calling for help, and was immediately swarmed by a green blur of nurses who, without warning, took Bella from my arms and carried her off. I went straight to the main desk and asked for Carlisle, who was on call that afternoon, but had unfortunately been in trauma with a motor vehicle accident victim.
"Well, when he gets out let him know his daughter-in-law is here, alright?" I said and then rushed off to find out where the heck they had taken Bella.
I was really surprised at how quickly Bella had progressed dilation-wise. I'd seen television shows and movies where some women had to wait hours or even days to reach the needed circumference, and if it's on television it must be true, right? Maybe Bella was just an exception or something. The reasons for now allowing her an epi-duramax- thingy sounded a little fishy to me, but I had never trusted medical folks in the first place. I just wished they could do something for her pain.
The doctor arrived then, bustling in, looking intimidating and all business. He pulled on a pair of rubber gloves with haste and lifted up Bella's gown, peering up under it without so much as a 'Hello, I'm your doctor'. I didn't like that, or the fact that he was poking around down there under her gown.
"Who are you?" Edward snapped at the man, apparently just as agitated as I was about his intrusion into Bella's very personal space.
"The doctor." He said distractedly.
"Good to know." I mumbled. Bella grabbed my hand and squeezed as another torturous wave of a contraction rippled through her poor body.
The so-called doctor glanced up at Edward and me, catching the change in voices and just then realizing there were two men in the room, both acting in the father's position.
"Which one of you is the father?" he asked, eyes glancing from me to Edward suspiciously.
"I am." Edward announced. The doctor looked to me, taking in my tattered jeans and t-shirt, my bare feet.
"And you are…?"
"My son-in-law." Edward said, voice strong as if her were daring the doctor to object. The man took Edward's words to be sarcasm, and so furrowed his brow angrily.
"No one but immediate family"-
"He stays." Edward said flatly, closing the subject. I'd have to thank him for it later.
The doctor returned to his examination of Bella, an annoyed expression upon his lined face.
"I tried to get Carlisle…" I mumbled to Edward. He nodded his understanding, already hearing my thoughts before I spoke.
Bella was in labor for only a little over an hour, enduring such pain that I will never understand, nor ever wanted to. She had practically squeezed the life out of mine and Edward's hands –if Edward had had life that is- and screamed her head off at some points during the process. I had watched as the nurses and midwife coached and soothed Bella as she worked, awed by their knowledge and understanding, touched by their womanly companionship as they all worked as a team to bring the precious baby into the world. It was an absolutely amazing process, save for all the blood, and a true wonder to witness. And toward the end, when the doctor spoke, my heart leapt with excitement.
"There's the head." the doctor announced. Edward and I both leaned forward in haste to see the very first glimpse of the child. The top of its head was crowned with a mess of fine black hair…
Edward hissed at me then, having just realized I was looking with him. I glared into his golden eyes and returned to my position at Bella's left shoulder, caressing her sweat soaked locks. It's nothing I haven't seen before, I thought at Edward sadistically, and he hissed again. I smirked.
"Just a few more pushes, hon." The midwife said for motivation, trying to keep Bella's spirits up.
"That's right," I whispered into her warm ear. "You've got this, Bella. We're almost there."
Edward shot me a sharp look, and then returned to his position on Bella's right. It was apparent that he didn't appreciate the pronoun I'd used, and I took pleasure in that.
With one last heave, Bella ejected the newborn from her womb, sending with it a torrent of water splashing onto the floor. Geez, childbirth was so messy, I thought fleetingly and then looked up to see the baby, but the nurses held it out of my sight. Then the midwife rushed over to Bella and shooed Edward and I away. I was reluctant to move –I didn't want to leave Bella's side- but the determination in the old bat could prove risky to my health, and so I hurried over to where the nurses were cleaning the baby, Edward at my heels.
"I don't hear crying!" Bella said breathlessly, straining to sit up in her hospital bed. I glanced over at her, watching as she struggled to be free of the now overbearing matron who was meticulously checking Bella over for damage. She was right; the baby wasn't crying and according to the television shows I'd seen, that wasn't a good sign. I was instantly nervous, trying my hardest to see over the heads of the crowd of nurses surrounding the child. Edward was just as harried as I was, but of course he tried to hide it.
"Dr. Goss!" the midwife screeched suddenly. Edward and I snapped our heads towards the old woman, sensing the panic in her voice. "She's bleeding out!"
"I'm coming." Goss said, sounding aggravatingly unconcerned.
Now Edward and I rushed back over to Bella, both of us searching frantically for some way to lend some assistance. But again we were ushered away from Bella, and her being in such a frightened state. I was beginning to get angry with the medical folks, pushing me to and fro, not allowing me to check on my Bella when she so obviously needed comfort.
The doctor sauntered over and began to snoop around Bella's most private of areas again and after a moment, casually agreed with the worried midwife. I really wanted to punch his lights out.
"Take her to trauma." Goss said, peeling off his bloody gloves and grabbing the phone that was mounted on the wall.
"Trauma!?" I said weakly. "Oh God, no." I felt my knees begin to tremble as a wave of worry swept throughout my body. Why did there have to be complications?
"Can I go in with her?" Edward asked Goss as the nurses quickly wheeled her out the door. He was no longer hiding his worries.
"No one but the medical staff is allowed"-
"Oh shut up you ass!" I barked, stepping up closer and allowing him to experience my full height. "If he wants to go then he'll go."
"And I'll call security." Goss threatened.
"Let it go, Jacob." Edward said begrudgingly. I became instantly frustrated by his lack of fight. How could he just give up like that?
"The baby." He said simply, hearing my thoughts and knowing my worries.
"There's a waiting room," Goss huffed, looking from me to Edward. "Go there if you want." Then he left.
"Is it alright?" I asked Edward, my mind reeling as my thoughts jumped from Bella to baby, Bella to baby… He closed his eyes as he listened into the minds of all the nurses. I tried to peer at the child again, but was unable to catch a glimpse.
"They're trying to remove the liquid from his lungs." Edward said, his eyes still shut tightly.
"H-his?" I stammered. Edward smiled and then opened his eyes to look at me.
"She was wrong again." He chuckled.
A boy. Wow, a boy! My mind, so filled with worry only seconds before, now reeled with an unexplainable happiness. My heart was close to busting with pride. How awesome could a little boy be, I wondered. You could take him fishing and hunting, play football or catch, teach him honor and pride… The possibilities were endless. I couldn't explain it, but I knew in my heart that that little boy would be strong and able, a true chip off the old block. I absolutely couldn't wait to tell Billy that he was a – a…
Uncle? Certainly not a grandfather… The little high that I had so suddenly experienced came crashing down unexpectedly as I suddenly remembered that the bouncing baby boy over there wasn't mine to enjoy, but Edward's. My heart actually, physically hurt.
And when those nurses had finally removed the water from his tiny lungs, and I heard a glorious cry emit from the little creature, I had tears brim in my eyes. They were tears of pure joy and pride, but mixed with the sorrowful tears of longing and heartache. I realized I couldn't have that little boy and he would never call me daddy…
My chin began to quiver, so I put my hand up to steady it. My world was crushing down on me yet again, and I felt a sense of hopelessness descend upon my heart. I glanced over at Edward, who'd made his way over to stand at my side, and I outright coveted his new-father status. He put an unexpected arm around my shoulders, standing on his tip toes, and gave me a knowing glance full of pity.
Damn it! With all the excitement I'd let the filter in my brain slack on it's job, the job of catching any trace of a memory about Bella and our time together or any iota of a thought about the baby. In my haste, I'd completely let my guard down and betrayed my most private thoughts.
I quickly shrugged away from Edward's icy embrace, a brooding mood beginning to settle in.
"Jacob…" he said softly.
"Don't" I mumbled back. I didn't want pity from him.
He sighed.
I could've made an attempt to reign in my thoughts, think of nothing but football or cars, but I knew it would've been impossible to take my mind away from what was transpiring in the here and now. A new baby, a new life to celebrate… It was a 'joyous occasion', but I couldn't really enjoy it. I let my mind run free, think whatever it was I wanted to think and allowing Edward to hear. I knew he was listening, but I just didn't care anymore. It didn't matter.
"Alright!" One of the nurses cooed, picking up the now bundled up baby in her arms and walking over to Edward and me. As she made her way, she lifted him up so we could see his little face, and what I saw in those bright eyes took my breath away. That was my face looking out at me. However squished and purple it was, there was no mistaking the startling resemblance the baby and I shared. He had my brow, my nose, my dark eyes and hair; he was me made over. His skin, still a little purplish, was dark but not as dark as my own, and the shape of his face was rounder, much like Bella's. He had her shape of lips too, very full and sinewy; or maybe he was just a little chunky. Bella had said she'd gained over thirty pounds, and the kid was surely enough a whopper.
The nurse drew nearer and held the boy out as she came to us. Edward and I both stretched our arms out to receive the child, but it was Edward's arms she placed him in, nonchalantly bypassing me without so much as a glance, giving my son to another man. I watched as Edward held him close, pressing his cool cheek to the baby's head and cooing soft words into his little ear. With sadness, I saw the child shiver at Edward's cold touch, and then decided that I'd had enough.
Battling the urge to touch the sweet babe, I stalked out of the hospital room, desperate for air that the building had so suddenly seemed to run out of. I stopped at the main desk again, seeing Carlisle behind it and talking with someone on the phone. He hung up almost immediately after he saw me and then smiled happily.
"Bella's doing just fine." He assured me, I guess taking my worn appearance as worry instead of heartache.
I nodded.
"I'd just finished up with the accident victim when Goss brought her in." He continued. "She'll have to stay for a few days to heal, but other than that she's good to go."
Despite the deep, gushing hole in my already broken heart and the foul mood I was in, I couldn't help but smile at hearing the news that Bella was alright. I was relieved and so I sighed heavily, letting out a few gusts of nervous energy.
"That's good to hear." I mumbled. "I guess I'll see you around." I moved toward the swinging doors that opened to the waiting room.
"Wait, how's the baby?"
I ignored him and walked through the doors to find the waiting area packed with the rest of the Cullens, Charlie, and my own father Billy, who still knew nothing about my involvement in Bella's pregnancy. Neither did Charlie for that matter. Boy, were they in for a surprise when they saw him…
"Is it a girl?" Rosalie asked excitedly as I neared the section they were occupying. They thought I was coming toward them but I was headed for the exit which they happened to be seated near.
"How's Bella?"
"How much did it weigh?"
"Where're the cigars?"
"When can we see them?"
"What's her name?"
I ignored all of their questions just as silently as I'd ignored Carlisle's, and busted through the automatic doors. I knew they were casting me confused looks, but I really didn't give a damn. As soon as I'd crossed the street and entered the edge of the forest I phased, not caring that I'd destroyed another shirt and jeans, not caring about anything anymore.