NOTE: Hey everybody, thank you so much for all the reviews! I really appreciate every one of them. I do have a solid direction that I am going in, but any suggestions would be helpful. Also, I'd like to hear how I'm doing, if I could improve in some way. Constructive criticism is always welcome!
P.S. This is a long chapter so get comfy. Sorry!
What If… Ch.7
"Have you seen Jacob around?" I asked Seth as I reached into the trunk of my Ferrari, heaving out my suitcase. I'd spent three days cooped up in the hospital, recovering from my minor injuries, and was glad to finally be home, new babe in arms. I was so looking forward to introducing Renesmee to her new brother and letting him see his first home. My excitement was quelled though by a very unhappy alpha male.
"Yeah…" Seth mumbled, taking the suitcase from my hand and peering at the baby curiously. Edward, who'd been tearing apart the car for a lost pacifier, popped his head out from the back seat, a brilliant smile upon his face. Seth gave him an odd stare.
"Aha!" he crowed, holding up the blue pacifier.
"Good job, Babe." I laughed. But when I turned back to Seth I became serious again. "How is he?"
Seth shrugged, looking back to me. "Grumpy as usual." He reached up with his free hand and gently caressed the little one's soft cheek. "I swear he and Leah should just"-
"Just what?"
Seth and I whipped our heads around, searching for the source of the scathing voice that so suddenly sounded. I squinted into the giant shrubs that lined the forest and gave a start as Leah herself emerged, a foul expression upon her face.
"Speak of the devil…"
"Devil is right." Seth agreed.
Leah cast him an angry glare and made her way over to inspect the newborn herself. She didn't touch him or let out any murmur of awe, uncharacteristic of any normal woman. Then again, Leah was never normal to begin with. The pack knew about the nature of the baby's conception just as well as the Cullens did, and so there was no surprise on Leah's bitter face at seeing the obvious native heritage in the baby's features. She did sneer however, and so I braced myself for whatever she decided to throw in my face.
"Looks like his father." She said with a sadistic grin, eyes turning to me and awaiting my reaction. I only looked to Edward, who'd climbed out of the car, seeing that his good mood had been extinguished within seconds of Leah's arrival. He stared at the pacifier in his hands.
We were all silent for a long moment.
"Uh…" said Seth awkwardly. "So, what's his name, then?"
I swallowed hard, avoiding Leah's devilish stare.
"J-Jacob Edward Cullen."
"How nice." Leah said, speaking in dangerously quiet tones, a mock sweetness in her voice. Her words caused the tiny hairs on the back of my neck to stand on end.
"Jay for short." Edward added as he stepped closer to me and the baby.
Seth grinned. "Cool.".
"I'm sure Jacob will be thrilled to know your son is named after him." Leah said, directing her words to Edward. "He'll be a proud uncle."
Seth's grin disappeared.
"That's enough, Leah." Edward said sternly, his calm demeanor beginning to fade. She only smiled at him and then sauntered back to the surrounding trees. I let out the breath I was holding.
"Sorry about her." Seth mumbled, watching his sister's back as she disappeared into the dense forest.
Edward sighed. "It's not your fault. Let's just get Jay settled and then we can start supper, alright?"
Seth's face brightened up at the mention of food and he hurried off into the Cullen house with a cheer. I looked down at my new son, into his dark, sparkling eyes and hoped for a better encounter with Jacob, wherever he was. He would have to show up some time and I was sure he couldn't stand to be away from the baby any longer than he had already. But I could only wait.
So much for a wonderful homecoming, I thought bitterly.
That evening, while the entire Cullen family and Seth were gathered around the fireplace in the living room, we introduced Renesmee to Baby Jay. She wasn't at all reluctant to meet the newborn and quickly took to him. She was almost two, looked to be around four or five, and so fit the part of big sister perfectly. It was a sweet introduction, ending in an adorable hug between the two children.
"If I could cry, I think I would." Esme said with a soft smile. Carlisle chuckled at his wife and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.
"Baby Jay!" Nessie squealed as the little one grabbed a soft ringlet of her hair and tugged. "You can't have my hair!"
We all laughed, only mine was half-hearted. I couldn't help but to feel that this happy picture was incomplete, as we were missing a very important figure in our family equation. Jacob should be here, I thought with a heavy sigh. I racked my brain for an excuse to leave the room and go search for that hairy mongrel.
"Seth?" I asked over the light chatter of my family. "Could you help me in the kitchen for a sec?"
"Sure can."
He and I walked into the kitchen, me feigning a casual air about myself, but I sensed a knowing pair of eyes boring into the back of my head as I made my way out of the room.
"Let's go outside." I mumbled once we'd made it out of the family's sight, grabbing Seth's arm and practically dragging him out the sliding glass doors.
"What's up?"
"I need you to phase and tell me where the heck Jacob is."
We stopped at the very edge of the forest and I spoke in a harsh whisper, careful of the vampires in the house who all possessed super-sonic hearing ability. Seth huffed and leaned up against an old tree.
"He won't come." He said flatly.
"Then I'll go to him."
I trudged through the dense undergrowth as I made my way deeper and deeper into the darkening forest. I'd been walking for over half an hour, heading in the direction of La Push, and on my way to see Jacob in a far off clearing. I'd tripped four times and only fallen twice, so I was proud of myself. I was doing pretty well considering that I'd just been through labor without any kind of pain killer. Seth had opted to carry me on his back but I'd refused, knowing the way already and wanting to speak with Jake alone. So I braved the forest alone, praying Jacob hadn't moved from his spot where, according to Seth, he was sleeping. Hopefully it was a long nap.
Not ten seconds after my second tumble, I clumsily fell into the clearing with a grunt of pain, having landed on a jagged branch that lay rotting at the forest floor. I mentally added a tally to the number of falls, bumping the amount to three. Jacob, thank goodness, was still there and curled up in a huge ball of fur, snoring loudly in the center of the clearing. The last few rays of the setting sun flickered over his russet fur, giving him a twinkling glow. He looked so peaceful that I hated to wake him, but I did anyway.
"Jake." I said softly, inching ever closer to the dozing wolf. "Wake up."
He heaved a sigh, still asleep.
When I got to him I gently nudged his cold, wet nose and giggled as his nostrils flared, sniffing me unconsciously. His eyes flew open and, startled by my closeness, he leapt back with a yelp and sent me flying backward a few yards. I landed on my back with a muffled thud.
"Umph!" I gasped as the wind was knocked from my lungs. After a moment, he hurried forward, having finally recognized who I was, and began sniffing me up and down for any injury. He whimpered his apologies.
I laughed. "Jake, please!" His nose tickled. "I'm okay, honest."
He sat back on his haunches and cocked his head to the side, ears up and alert, and peered at me. He looked like a cute puppy, only ten times the normal size.
I sighed and stood up, brushing the dirt from my jeans. "I want to talk to you." I said.
He snorted and then yawned, making it obvious that he was ignoring my statement.
I glared. "Now."
He growled deep in his throat and stuck out his hind leg awkwardly, showing me that he was lacking a pair of pants. Of course, I thought.
"Wear a leaf for all I care! We need to talk, and I mean now." I put my balled up fists on my hips to emphasize the seriousness of the matter. He growled again and then proceeded to phase, right there in front of me; no sign of shame on his haggard face. I looked away quickly.
"Alright," he said. "Talk."
"You're naked."
"So? You've seen it before."
"So you're making this awkward. Now find a leaf or flower or something!" I stomped my foot stupidly.
"Jeez," he mumbled, striding over to a random fern and picking off a large frond. "You sure are demanding tonight, Bella."
"Sorry."
I had become quite flushed and ashamed of myself in that instant, for when he'd turned to retrieve the frond, I'd stolen a glimpse of his naked form and took pleasure in what I saw. My cheeks were burning red as I remembered our moment together at his home so many months ago. It had been so, so wonderful…
Quickly, I focused my gaze on a patch of wildflowers that happened to be growing near to where my feet were planted, hoping Jacob hadn't seen me blush. I felt dirty for picturing us together, guilty because I had a husband and shouldn't have taken such delight in the memory. I was angry as well because, after all the effort I'd put into forgetting that particular moment in my life, Jacob decided to reveal himself to me again and ruin what little I'd accomplished. I'd even bet he did it on purpose.
"I look like an idiot." Jacob complained, looking down at himself as he held the frond over his groin. He did look fairly humorous and so awkward and uncomfortable that, at any other moment, I would have laughed aloud. But I was too befuddled by the flustering memories to laugh. "Don't make me wear this, Bella. Please."
But I couldn't help but laugh at that. He was begging.
"Hold on." I said as I lay down in the tall grass that covered the clearing from one end to the other, my face turned up toward the purple dusk sky.
"Is that an open invitation?" he said. I could hear the grin in his voice. I didn't like what he said to me at all but still, it was good to hear Jake laugh and know that he still possessed enough spirit to jest me.
"No. I can't see you now if you lay down. Come over here and we'll watch the stars come out."
"Whatever." He said dejectedly. With a grunt, Jacob lay down next to me, letting air escape his lungs forcefully. The warmth of his body next to mine caused goose bumps to cover my skin which had become rather chilled in the night air. I tried to ignore the fact that he was naked.
"Why won't you come see Jay?" I asked, tired of beating around the bush.
"Jay, huh?" he mumbled. I watched as he twirled the fern frond in his long fingers.
"Yeah, short for Jacob Edward."
"How nice." He said, repeating the words that Leah had earlier spoken, but with less bitterness. Jacob sounded defeated.
I sighed, trembling. "Come see him."
"He isn't mine."
"Then come see Renesmee. I know you miss her, and she won't shut up about you. She's worried…"
"What are you telling her?" he asked, his voice more lively as he talked about his imprint.
"That you're on a hunting trip." I began, turning on my side and resting my head on my upturned elbow. I determinedly kept my eyes on Jacob's weary face. "She knows you've been gone hunting too long. She thinks you've forgotten about her…"
Jake sat up and sighed, dropping his face into one hand, unconsciously allowing the other to clench around the poor fern frond. I didn't move.
"Bella, I…" he tried as his voice became thick with uncharacteristic emotion. I did sit up then, not caring what parts of Jacob I saw, and patted his strong back with my small hand.
"Tell me, Jake." I pressed as tears began to brim my own eyes.
"I want to see Renesmee," he began, his face still concealed. "I miss her so much but to see that little boy again will kill me."
I let tears roll down my cheeks as he spoke his melancholy words, wishing I knew what it was that he needed to hear, what I needed to say to make him feel better. Finding none, I wrapped my arms around his trim waist to lend what little comfort I could. He reached an arm across my shoulders then, revealing his tear streaked face to me. He was pitiful, I thought sadly. This big, burly wolf-man was absolutely broken and all because of my selfishness.
I tore my brain apart, searching for any possible solution to the problem at hand. This was too much for Jacob to bare and I had to find a way to fix it. But what could be done? Jake wasn't my husband, we couldn't raise the child as a couple, and that's what I wanted for Jay: a stable, two-parent home. I didn't want to pass him back and forth like a child of divorced parents because I knew from experience how difficult it was. Nor did I want Jay to be raised by everyone in the Cullen family, like a foster child; he needed a sturdy set of parents whom he could confide in, trust and love as his own. What was I to do?
The roller coaster that was my mind began to slow as it approached a more favorable idea, better for Jay than any other I'd come up with. I allowed my thoughts to dance around the new idea, pick it for flaws and weigh it against the every other solution. Renesmee, I thought slowly. She'll be grown in what? Four years?
"Bella?" Jacob said suddenly, startling me from my thoughts. I looked up at him, noticing that the tears had ceased to drop from his sweet eyes.
"Hmm?"
"Nessie knows I love her, right?" he asked as he wiped his nose on the back of his strong arm.
"Of course she does."
He nodded and sniffed. "I'm going to try," he began. "I'll come see her and Jay…"
I couldn't help but smile at Jacob's bravado. "You are the bravest and strongest person I know and not just physically." I encouraged, feeling very proud of my best friend. "We'll work this out. I promise we will."
"How're we going to do that?"
"I've got a few ideas…" I offered, reaching up and scratching his shaggy head.
He groaned in pleasure. "Sure, sure."
"So uh… What did your dad say when he saw the baby?" Jacob asked as we strolled through the dark forest hand in hand. He wasn't naked anymore for, being so close to La Push, he'd phased and run down to his house to fetch a pair of faded jeans. When he'd returned, we began our trek back to the Cullen's.
I chuckled. "Well…" I began. "Both he and Billy came in at the same time to see Jay and well, let's just say they quite confused."
Jacob laughed heartily. "I'd have loved to seen the looks on their faces. Did they ask questions?"
"Charlie learned a long time ago that you just don't ask questions of the Cullens. You know that, but I knew he and Billy wanted to. I guess Charlie noticed how calm Edward was, about the baby's looks and all, and so he must have figured if Edward was okay with it then he should be too."
Jake shook his head with a grin. "And Billy?"
"Charlie leaned over to him and was like 'I know from experience. Just don't ask'. And then Billy goes 'Alright. I don't even think I want to know.'" I laughed.
"I love a smooth get-away." He chuckled. "No questions asked."
I smiled and glanced up at the many stars that speckled the dark night sky. "It is uncanny how much Jay looks like you, and him being so young and all. I don't think there's an ounce of me in him."
"Of course there is." Jake said as he lifted me over a fallen tree. "He's got your fat head."
I punched him in the shoulder, only succeeding to bruise my knuckles and make him laugh harder. I couldn't be angry because he was beginning to act himself again. I figured that by my letting him know that I was keen on fixing the situation we'd all found ourselves in, allowed him to relax a little and ease up for a change. He must really trust me, I thought with worry. I just hoped I could deliver.
When we'd arrived back at the Cullen house and mounted the stairs, Jacob hesitated at the top, looking down at his big feet nervously.
"Come on…" I urged. He bit his bottom lip. "You can do this." The words I'd spoken, a repeat of what he'd said to me back at the hospital, caused him to smile and he sighed, remembering.
He scratched his head. "Listen, I'm no pansy or anything but…If I see him I might start to- well, you know…"
"I'll let you see him in private." I suggested, touching his arm reassuringly. "Go down the hall to the study and I'll bring him to you."
He nodded and we went inside.
I couldn't help the tears that sprung up in my eyes as I placed the warm baby boy in Jacob's big arms. He took the child gently as I instructed him to support its head, and cuddled Jay to his bare chest. There was something about seeing a strong, hardened man being tender and loving with a baby that amazed me beyond words. Seeing Jacob's eyes light up, to know that the baby was melting his bitter heart, elicited an unexplainable feeling of peace and a knowledge that sooner or later, everything was going to turn out for the better and that the pieces in this strange family puzzle would eventually fall into place and fit. Reassurance filled my heart and I allowed the tears to stream down my cheeks.
Jacob looked up at me from his seat on a footrest, eyes dry and bright. "Why are you crying?"
I chuckled. "This picture is so perfect. You and Baby Jay… Just perfect."
"We would make a great family." He said, giving me a meaningful glance. I saw a familiar fire begin to burn in his eyes and so I quickly sought out a way to extinguish it. "You and me… our baby."
I sighed.
"What?"
"Let's not get into this again, Jake. And stop ruining the moment."
"Sorry." He whispered, gazing back down into Jay's dark eyes and smiling wanly.
Of a sudden, the door to the study burst open, ricocheting off the back wall, and a very excited little girl came bounding in. Her direction: Jacob.
"Careful Renesmee!" I said as she ran over to Jake and wrapped her arms around his neck. He nuzzled his cheek into her soft curls and laughed at her exuberance.
"Jakey, where have you been?" she demanded, squeezing tighter. Jacob coughed, trying to get air.
"Uh…hunting." He choked.
"For so long?"
"It was a very elusive deer."
"Cougar!" I coughed, my fist coming up to cover my mouth.
"Er-cougar I mean."
Renesmee glared at him and then smiled down at the baby boy. I giggled at her expressions.
"Do you like Jay?" she asked.
Jacob winked. "I love him." Renesmee smiled and reached over to pat the child's wisps of black hair.
"He can be ours." She said happily.
Jacob swallowed hard. "Sure, sure."
My daughter's light statement sent the wheels in my brain turning as I contemplated what she'd just said. I added her words to my earlier thoughts, the ones pertaining to Renesmee rapid growth and mental ability. I had a plan cooking, but it needed to be sorted out, organized and discussed. I had made a promise to both Edward and Jacob that I would find a way to resolve the turmoil that lay in their hearts, and as my mind worked, I slowly began to see the first glimpse of a solution.